Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Five

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

So much was going through my mind but there was no way I was going to be extorted by a deads woman’s parents. Hell no! I had better things to worry about like my soon to be ex wife! People often say that loving someone is a strength, it’s like seeing the face of God but that is so not true because often it’s a weakness. How often do you get told after breaking up with someone that you are better off without that person and note, from the very same people that told you that. That’s the bullshit reality of life. Yes we need companionship and someone to love and be with it but at times being alone is better. That’s the fear is it not? The fear of being alone coupled with that of finding someone new to replace her. I think that’s the difference between us men and women. Women don’t know when to let go but men with our selfishness we pack up and leave. I had played a part in this which I must acknowledge but this woman deserved nothing from me after I was done with her. Why was I still playing nice though? I could not bring myself to deal with her without emotion.

I took the day off and no one really questioned it because of the pending funeral. I wanted to relax and breathe. Khanyi called about two hours after she left and said she had to run to Jhb last minute as one of their planned concerts was falling apart. She will be back tomorrow. She called me when she landed as well with her hotel phone because her meeting was going to be a late one. I did not want to stay in the house all day so I decided to go through my phone and see whom I could have dinner with. It was not easy. When you are married you have few friends that are genuinely yours and not shared by you and your wife. I found someone.

Yolanda and I found ourselves having a late lunch at the V&AWaterfront. With Khanyi gone at least I could breathe a little and go out. She was the only one I knew who was not attached to my wife nor my friends. She was not entirely sure though that this was a good idea but she came nonetheless.

“I was surprised when you called me because you did not seem too happy with me yesterday when I took down the facts of your case!”

She said as soon as she was seated. She was right I was unhappy with her but that was not the end of the world.

“O come on really? That’s not even an issue!”

I said deflecting.
“I hope you won’t be like other men that find a new girlfriend when they go through a divorce!”

She said calmly. What was she talking about now?

“Why do you say that?”

Was she trying to warn me not to hit on her which I was not to be honest.

“No I am just saying that it’s pretty disgusting that on the one hand you have a woman crying at home fighting to get you back and on the other you are busy selling a new girl dreams. Finish what you started before you pursue a new thing. It’s only fair for all involved!”

You see the problem with divorce that is worth highlighting is that it can take ages. That’s just the reality of the legal system and also the fact that with Asthandile for example who was dragging this process it could be forever. Her advice therefore though not without foundation at time would be self punishment. My wife is the one who had led us to this and for a long time to come I will be punished by society for this. If you tell a woman when you meet her for the first time that you are going through a divorce she will probably walk away because no one in their right minds wants someone with that much baggage. If you lie about it or don’t mention it, when it eventually comes up it becomes that you lied to her and the foundation of your relationship is based on a lie. That’s probably worse than the first one but either way you lose.

“I am not pursuing someone at the moment. I am just tired. I want to be happy and to laugh again. You know, to be human! The last few months have been all about anger and revenge and I cannot do that anymore. I need peace in my life!”

I told her. She smiled and said that I was a wiser man than I looked and we both laughed. She put me at ease. I had no reason why to pretend with her. I missed that in a person.

“Is there something that’s going on between Khanyi and you?”

She asked me.

“Of course not. She is a friend and at times I am not even sure about that friendship. She is temperamental so I tend to keep my distance!”

I said confidently. That was not a lie though.

“I am glad to hear that because I would not want to get on her bad side. I won’t even tell my sister we went out otherwise it could be drama!”

I could see what she was doing. She was asking me not to tell Khanyi we went out. She was not exactly being subtle. I had a good time and just before we left I got a message on my phone.

“I know you said I am cheap but I did not leave the house for you to take Yolanda out! Come on Mxolisi! You are going through a divorce and already you are out! She is too young for you! Stay away from her!”

My first instinct was to look behind me. How the hell did she know I was here? I had not told anyone and I am certain Yolanda had not either! I kept a straight face as I walked her to her car. We were not parked to far apart so after she left I was in mine in a minute or two. My phone was connected to the car phone so when it rang I answered through the car as I was driving now. It was a private number.

“Mxolisi how could you?”

It was Asthandile! What did she want?

“I can’t believe you would go stay with Asthandile at a time like this? Are you fucking her too like you did Lindiwe? Are you? She is my friend Mxolisi how can you be so cruel?”

She asked me. Honestly though, I really did not care! I told her that I did not have to answer to her anymore and hung up. It was a 20 minute drive to her place. When I got there I was whistling because I had had such a good day. No time for negative people in my life. I walked out the car with a bounce in my step. As soon as I walked in the house, out of nowhere stepped out a crying Asthandile with a baseball bat!

“Say what you said on the phone again!”

Before I could even answer she swung the bat so hard…

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Good day Mike
I must say I love your books, all of them.
I am a young women who s born again Christian, I am independed. Now, last year in October I met a guy, very handsome. I must admit that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him, we started off very well talking at least 3hours a day- as we are in a long distance relationship. But throughout the weeks I have fallen out of love with him. I think he’s not what m looking for, like we not cut from the same cloth. I thought I could handle the fact that he’s not born again but I think I need a man who has authority and he doesn’t have. Another thing is that he lacks ambition, he seems content with his job and he earns way less than I do. Which horrifies me because that makes him to be insecure. I don’t want disrespect him yet mina I don’t think we on the same level/ (guys don’t get me wrong, m not in a relationship for money but I believe that a man of the house is the provider. And it’s one thing if he was pushing himself to achieve more or just dream of it ke). Am I a horrible person for that, could I be losing my husband whom God has sent for me?
Thank you all as you respond to advice

38 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Five

  1. Thanks Mike for a great read. @ unknown I am a silent reader, but your story sounds like my best friend’s. I just have one or two questions or for you, have you fallen out of love with this guy because he is not ambitious? Or you just don’t love him at all? Well if its the latter then I say just end the relationship, but if it’s because of the way he his then try to encourage him. Ask him about his future plans and how he is planning to build his emporer. Be the Proverb 31 woman for him, if that also fails is then that you can just end the relationship knowing you have tried. I think its better than just giving up without doing anything. Good luck.

  2. Heee madoda, is this Asthandile woman for real now. This Mxo is surrounded by weird women. And please book Asthandile into a psychiatric hospital.
    QnA sisi nothing beats talking. Communicate how you feel to this guy I full agree that if he’s not ambitious you should leave him but not before telling him how you feel first. Find out his plans and what hes dreams are for the future.

  3. That moment when a baseball bat connects with skin and skull….. Ouch!!!

    Thanks Mikeesto, happy Monday team, new week, endless posibilities.

    Unknown, your relationship seems to have too many things that suggest you shouldn’t be together… Like what do you have in common with this guy? You’re born again, his not. You’re loaded, his broke. You’re Vuyo the big dreamer, his that dude with a 2series beema(walks). So because ya’ll aren’t compatible, I say go out there and find the Rich and Powerful man you seek.

    Making it look like you don’t care about money and just want ambition and authority won’t change the fact that you still won’t date a jobless hustler tryiner make a buck with no luck. Be proud of what you are and what you seek. Your ad should go like:
    ” Single Born Again Christian, very successful is seeking a companion, must be wealthy and have a high position, a Pastor would be ideal. Must earn atleast 250K pm ” oh and don’t forget to add that you you aren’t virgin, or are you? 🙂


  4. As always our daily dose…thanks bra mike ““Say what you said on the phone again!” Yooooooh lol this women will panel beat mxo like no ones business lool jst made my day

  5. I feel sorry for Mxolisi his wife is mental unstable
    Q Cc u must never settle for less go for the person of your dreams @ zoko pls stop being harshly. no one is pure in front of the lord

  6. Thanx Mike again. The call from JHB could have been faked (tele conference with someone in JBH) and if that’s true, ya he is dealing with crooks way above him. His cellphone may have a SpyApp, if so he should quit his plans as he is on a loosing streak (maybe throw away the phone). Of course it was stupid of him to think that Astha will take his divorce threats lying down.

    in life we make sacrifices, again that does not mean sacrifice all of yourself. When going out of your Christian circle you should say that you are sacrificing for something worthwhile; in your case it was great looks and hope that you will not forsake your beliefs. Is it worthwhile?

    Salary differences is an important issue that our daughters and sisters will have to deal with. After women empowerment, it is not all men who will be matching your salary level of six or seven digits. So take a decision that you are going to fish where all women are fishing (yes even that unemployed girl next door is vying for the same rich guy as you) if you cant stand his small salary. Unfortunately, you may find yourself having to “package him” if you want him, i.e. train him to be ambitious and improve himself though he may not be as good as you; but it will be difficult on distance relationship.

    Husband sent by God? Reminds me of Puff Johnson! Remember that as you grow older and climb in the corporate ladder, your marketability is decreasing. You dont want to find yourself having to choose between the bad and very bad option. But you also dont want to take any trash in fear of time bomb.
    So weigh your risks careful before you act considering if you are willing to help him advance and to respect him or going back to the sea for fishing.

  7. Asthandile is something else!

    QnA: I suggest that you leave this guy and pray about it, if he his your God given partner God will reveal that unto you and give you the grace to accept this guy as he is, staying with this guy if he was not meant for might cause you to end up slacking on your Christian race because a man is the head of the house so what if he decides that you must not go to church after he has married you; you’ll have to submit as the bible says in Ephesians 5:22-23.

    I know being single even as a born again lady becomes boring but it is better to wait upon the Lord for “The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. ~~ Proverbs 10:22”. Also read the book “Waiting and Dating” by Myles Munroe.

  8. Asthandile didn’t think this through, she’s now the aggressor, Mxolisi now has an additional reason to add to his Summons….I hope there are cameras, really who does that? These women are making me mad

  9. @Bhejane, well said man and again dear born again if u really luv that guy nothing matters in luv, question is thou, did u fall in luv with him for his looks or because u truly luv him? ask urself that 1st and besides the ambition, the brokenness and not being born again does he make you happy? not everything in life is about money because u can get urself a powerful rich man or a rich pastor like Jackzorro say but find no happiness choose ur path and u should remember 1nc u did there wont be turning back

  10. I don’t trust Yolanda…hell I don’t even trust her sister (Mam’fundisi) Anyone on Astha or Khanyi’s circle aren’t loyal!

  11. I wonder if she would kill him.

    Q-A you are right my dear, there is nothing wrong in what you saying that is just how it is _ he will be insecure and think that you think you better… no ambition and drive is a killer.

    you are just normal

  12. Good one!! Tx
    WOW Jackzorro you never cease to amaze me… Lol oh well… Bhejane n Spykos.. I’m with yal on that. Yes unknown needs to talk to the dude… Or just join the club and wait for your own Boas/Adam… As I usually call them. But just don’t hurt the guy or anything like that cz maybe, just maybe the guy is a Paul-like man… Knows how it feels to be in need and how how it feels to have more, so he is content with what he has now and he is happy… That what counts really.

  13. Q&A: A Christian cannot be equally yoked with unbeliever. It’s that simple. If his really the one for you, you wouldn’t have to worry about spiritual matters. In fact, you should be worrying about smaller issues. There’s no need to pray or fast about it. It’s written and it’d that simple.

  14. QnA inkinga yakho uyazishadisa ungakocelwa ukushada, does a relationship always have to start on the peak of wanting a husband? Sometimes you need to loosen up and go with the flow…on some hubby tip after 3 months? This makes me question you, not the guy…

  15. asithandile usathane uqobo lwakhe!! she was crying according to her sister, now she’s fighting. Oh my God.. Memories eish am loving it

    QnA @nana well said!! lol! Oct-Feb It been 4 months dating this dude mara already you are measuring his ambition and so on..

    A relationships is about building one another’s weakness.. I dont think the guy deserve to be dump because his not ambitious enough. It only been 4 months dating this guy.. yes you might get a rich, ambitious, born again guy or perhaps a pastor like Jackzorro said mara you dont get HAPPINESS. Give this guy a break maan.. if you truly love him, you will love him for what he has not the things he doesnt have.. I believe LOVE CONQUER EVERYTHING. If you said you are not happy with this guy, I would advice you that leave a guy. mara ambition, haai you can fix it over time.

    yes money can play a big role when u are married or a long term committed relationship, mara dating a guy for 4 months NOOOO!!
    Im sorry if my comment sound harsh, it just your timing is wrong to complain.

  16. QnA i hv dated a guy who was unemployed, he was insecure. So i knw hw u feel. N 3months its a short time to get married but i think by dat time u already know wr de relationship is going, ders no use really in going wit de flow, knowing u r nt happy…. y dragg it fr long. We cn judge u all we like bt we all want different things inlife.

  17. EISH! OUCH! EISAN! Mxolisi is in a heap of sh*t & is slowly sinking as if in quick sand. Every move he makes there is there is danger lurking around the corner.
    He must be careful of all the women in his life right now. How did Khanyi know that he was out dining with Yolanda if Yolanda is not the one that told her or told someone else? Who was Khanyi talking to the other night on the phone? Could it be Yolanda’s sister or Yolanda herself????
    All these women want him & maybe they conspired to get rid of Lindiwe. Khanyi was fixing her car the other day.
    Run Mxolisi, run (run Forrest run)! Get away from there.

    Q & A: U can work on love but u cant work on money. If its not there its not there & sooner or later it will affect ur relationship. The long distance relationship is not helping much. I think you grow more fond of a person when they are around and u share the special moments togather not the promise that we will share them. Its one of the reasons I think that people cheat on their partners when they are far away.

  18. Dear Unknown
    Shiya daar ubhuti, if roles were turned he wouldn’t think twice! Women tend to make a mistake of settling for less in name of a ‘Wedding Day’ I call it a Wedding day coz they don’t dream about the marriage just their Wedding day! Do not settle nor talk to him about being ambitious if he is happy where he is! Uzothi uyamakha azibone esengcono akushiye! Move on, get yourself a Man of your calibre!!!

  19. Its my 1st time commenting I’ve always been a silent follower ngeke Jackzorro usungehlule kaz wathathwaph tjo straight talker. The things azishoyo!! ai zizokumangaza

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