Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Eight

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

There is nothing that evokes fear more than a fire because all of us have been burnt at some point. It hurts and we know what it does so when someone cries fire we know what we are on about. It is not child’s play and normally it happens in Joe Slovo Informal Settlement which is actually not too far away from here. Fire is something you really see in the surbubs but regardless we all stir. Now it was in my home. First there is panic then there is action. When you are in a neighborhood or estate and scream that you are being robbed or raped even, no one comes. Black people are not curious like that! We don’t want to get involved nor be seen as part of the problem. Scream fire on the other hand and see how quickly we jump to his or her aid. Why? Simple, we don’t want the fire to spread to our own homes because most likely we are not insured meaning we will lose absolutely everything. I screamed as loud as I can that fire and true to what I had said people immediately started coming out. The security at the gate called the fire department. This fire really was possessed by Lindiwe’s ghost because most of the ‘white’ neighbours came out with fire extinguishers to fight but failed. The black neighbours (inclusive of Coloreds) we had hosepipes but the flame would not die. Eventually the fire department came but it was too late. In fifteen minutes the house was down. It was over.

I looked at the mess that I was certain Asthandile had done. This is bad. This is really bad. I sat down on the side skirt of the road. You cry. The tears just come. It was not even my home yet I was this devastated. Everyone just looks at you because they don’t know what to do. There were so many people around us but I had never felt so alone in my life. People were staring at me as though I had shit my pants. I did not not know anyone here because I was a guest myself. The fire department group leader on site came to me.

“I understand you were in the house! That was a close one!”

He said. Close? That’s wrong. The house was gone and there was nothing more to it.

“What caused this?”

I asked with a hoarse whisper.

“Come with me!”

He said as he pulled me up from my ground sit. It was painful walking through the shell that was the house. He walked me to some exposed wires in the garage.

“It was most likely an electrical fire sir! The wires am looking at suggest that but obviously a fire investigator will say more!”

He said,

“One thing is certain though, you were very lucky because your garage was open meaning the fire went out as opposed to being inward. If that was not the case you would have been trapped inside and most certainly dead!”

I swallowed spit, scratched my head and sat down! He tapped me on the shoulder then walked away. Fuck, it was about to rain!

I had lost my car but insurance am sure would cover it but Khanyi, poor her, she had lost everything and now I had to call her!

Where do I even start?

I had been on the phone with and hung up when I smelled the fire. Funny enough she had not called back when I did. She picked up almost immediately and said,

“Sorry I didn’t call back, I was about to but I got another call and blah blah”

She said. She was obviously cheerful so what ever phone call she had received it had put her in the right spirit,

“Khanyi I have some bad news…”

I said when she kept quiet,

“What’s wrong?”

She asked,

“I ddont know how. To say this but the house, your house, burnt down!”

She paused then she went totally quiet I thought she had hung up,


I said.

“I am still here! Was Asthandile there today!”

She asked very calmly.

“Yes but the fireman said that it…”

I responded trying to explain but she hung up. I think there was about to be a showdown. Had I just thrown Asthandile under the bus. Why would she think she would do something like that though. Fire is not something we play with as black people. It’s not us! Ten minutes later I got my response. My phone rang, it was Asthandile.

“What the fuck Mxolisi firstly how do you burn a house down then secondly how do you then blame me for it? Is that really how low you think of me? I can’t believe you would think that low of me!”

She said before she hung up the phone. I was not even given a chance to speak.

Where was I going to sleep tonight but more importantly, must I tell the police and investigators my suspicions?

This could mean jail for Asthandile and for a long time at that!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear MiKe

I’m a fan of your work , I’ve been meaning to send you this for the longest time,I just didn’t know what to write and how to write it,I was raped years ago and this is how it happened,
” NO , don’t hurt me, No please don’t please, I promise I won’t tell anyone if u let me go , please don’t do it”

I kept screaming and screaming hoping he might let me go , hoping he might feel sorry for me , hoping he might stop tearing my panty, he just tore it off at once , I remember him spreading my legs wide open with one hand and covering my mouth with the other..I couldn’t control the tears , I couldn’t breath properly, he pulled down his jean he wasn’t wearing any underwear I guess he planned what he was doing to me .He told me to shut up, he said he’ll be gentle he said he won’t hurt me, he said it will hurt a lot less if I stopped screaming , he tried getting it in and failed at 1st attempt, I couldn’t breath he kept forcing it in, blood on the floor was all I saw, ” you hurting me” I said, but I guess he knew that already , “uyangilimata” I said, he had a huge smile on his face I guess he was proud of himself. “Sengiyacedza” (I’m almost done) he said , I wasn’t crying no more, I had no more tears, I cried all my tears, I couldn’t feel my legs , blood is all I saw and his face, he had blood on his hands, my blood, my innocence in his cruel hands,. “Sengicedzile,hamba ekhayikini” (I’m done you can go home now) my cousin said, Yes that’s right, my cousin is the monster I hate with every cell in my body, they say “time heals all” well they lied, I was raped when I was 8 I’m 23 now and it feels like it happened yesterday. “Forgive him” I was told but how do u forgive someone who will forever be in your mind, how do u forgive a man who is the reason why u’ll spend your entire life looking over your shoulder?? Where do u even start??

I prayed about it , went to therapy about it nothing worked, I’ve been living with it , I’ll still live with it till my grave,

“What did I do wrong? What sin did I commit ?did I have ” abuse me ” written all over my forehead??”

I’ve asked myself such questions for the longest time until I realized that, I did nothing, my only crime was being born a female , my only crime was being Born in South Africa where cases get thrown out of court cos “lack of evidence” , …

69 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Eight

  1. I memoirs ngathi seyithanda uku rounder endaweni ey1 nje.

    @ QnA waze wayiphula inhliziyo yami ekseni. I am sorry dat u had to deal with such. Phephisa ntombendala

  2. Q&A… That I believe is the worst crime against any women… Call me up and we can kill him 2gether right after we torture him… Have u watched spit on my grave… We will do worse thing to dat mofo!!!

  3. Mxolisi is in deep Kaka yhooo!Asthandile is a real psyco ‘Period’. QnA I feel your pain sisi is so sad( teary eyes) imagining the scene….kazi yindoda kabani leyo presently cos for sure he continued with his life like nothing happened.

  4. This chapter was short mara thanks Team

    Tjo Q&A your letter has saddened me beyond words. I am sorry that you had to go through that experience. May you never stop praying; know that God is ALWAYS with you whether you’re experiencing good or bad in life. No one deserves to go through that, NO ONE. It really angers me that some men think they have the right to someone else’s body to do with it as they please. I know the bible says we must forgive for we have been forgiven and that there is healing in forgiving but sometimes you just ask how do you forgive such?

  5. no comment_ Astha is damn danger_

    *Tears* im speechless…… dear Lord _ Help us…. *hands in face* Father help us.. We need you. I just dont know what to say… Abuse is abuse……….all strenght has been drained from my body _Such cruellty and no remorse and then you want to be respected and called a MAN……………. Help to forgive for we are prisoners in our own lifes. We cant carry on like this Sorry doesnt even begin to shed the pain away…….. how do you find Peace ? How do you survive with pain for so long…………………………We leave it all in your hands *crying*

  6. Can feel your pain lil cc, it happened to me not so long ago, but after everything I told myself that Im not gonna be his victim but I AM A SURVIVOR and its true that’s what I am….
    They will say its get better with time but believe me u it does not.
    The bustard is behind bars, he got life sentence but he still haunts mu dreams.
    Kunzima ukuba umuntu wesifazane emhlabeni

  7. QnA I would poison his food no lie. Why should you carry such weight while he walks around like boss? Often it is said that is thicker than water but sometimes we need water to quinch our thirst. And ur family needs water!

  8. QnA I would poison his food no lie. Why should you carry such weight while he walks around like boss? Often it is said that blood is thicker than water but sometimes we need water to quinch our thirst. And ur family needs water!

  9. QnA I feel for you but I get the distinct feeling that your looking for a pity party, if you are im sorry girl but you aint gone get it from me. I was also raped and I have a child to show for it but you don’t hear me screaming murder. as victims of rape we have a choice to either stay victims or become victors, nobody deserves the pain and anger and what not of being raped or abused but if you say why you then who on earth was it supposed to be? if you cant handle the pain what makes you think somebody else will?

    stop feeling sorry for yourself and choose to forgive coz if you don’t you will always and forever feel the way you are now, I know other people will think im an arse for writing this but girl no matter what advice we give you positive or not… the end of the day its all about what you will choose to do. if throwing tantrums that sound rehearsed and feeling sorry for yourself works for you then fine go for it!

    1. @Believing Heart….You so right in what you saying in that she needs to get over this ordeal and believe me she wants to. We all deal with anger and pain differently and we heal differently. Maybe her healing starts here by speaking out, listening to other people stories. She could have been a coward and taken the easy way out and killed herself (like a lot of women had done in the past cause the pain was too much to handle) but she chose to speak out and I believe this is a cry for help no matter how long ago this was. So I just think you were being a little bit insensitive…….

    2. You are correct about one thing though believing heart… you are being unreasonable. You have your way of dealing with whatever happened to you and DO NOT impose it on someone else. He way of dealing with it may be seeking advice from us and “pity party” as you put it!!!

      How dare you insult a person who is trying to share their pain. I don’t care what you say but this little girl did not deserve to be raped just you didn’t deserve to be raped. But she sure as well doesn’t deserve to have to listen/read your crappy answer just because you are also bitter since you were a victim of the same crime. You should be ashamed of yourself for even writing this response, firstly because you are a woman and secondly because you know the scar that is left with you after this gruesome violation!!!


    3. @believing heart…..nana we don’t all deal with pain the same way. What works for you might not necessarily work for me. I might not be as strong as you are so give the girl a break.

  10. Thanks Mike.

    Today’s letter though.. Ndisula inyembezi… My daughter is 5years old and I’m thinking if… Oh f*ck nkosi yam. We are living in a time of hell. Qina sisi, qina mntanabantu, uncedo lwakho lovela kophezulu.

    The vivid memory that never fades from the victim. Its heartbreaking. #Devastated


  11. Q&A….. A lot of us women can related to what you going through and yes we feel your pain. I was raped at the age of 6 I’m 38 and it still haunts me to this day, I still smell the bastard and still see his smile when he did that. No amount of therapy, prayer etc. can take away what you going through. Sweetheart you might not know this now but you strong you have made it thus far by the Grace of God, he is the only one that can carry you through this ordeal.

    HATE is a strong word I know but that’s how we feel towards these bastards. And I’m asking you God for all us women that got hurt by these animals strengthen us, give us back our will to carry on as you did so far. And help us to protect our loved once against this evil. Amen

  12. But then this letter *crying* left my heart sore and broken in all places so I can’t even imagine the pain you must be feeling! Sorry nana, phephisa kakhulu. Yoh this country!!! Where your crime is being born a woman! Nxa!

  13. Thnx mikoo…tht letter really touched me though…God is watching u n de fact tht u cud ryt n post ur letter thts a sign of healing, I’m so sorry dear

  14. A to Q
    what a sad and painful story to tell but my dear, Healing is a move you have to make yourself. The only way to overcome this torture is to start by forgiving- forgive yourself, the culprit and allow yourself the privilege to live again. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone to die. What you went through is devastating but it shouldn`t do that to death, now gather yourself, and tell yourself that you will not allow him to steal the little that is left of your life but you will live, and build a future for yourself. Live in such a way that the devil will be so ashamed to try and remind you that you were once raped. The reason why you can`t move on is becoz you chose to hold on to the memory. It is well sweetie. If you have the courage and boldness, approach him as much as it hurts and tell it to his face that you forgive him and then walk away, now his conscience will convict him until death. Be strong my love, do not give up on God, trust Him still, He will give you strength to do this.

  15. It seems almost as if 80% of girls and women have been raped or been through a sexual abuse of some sort, it is really ecruciating to know that those are the statitics we live under in this country. I believe no parent has ever raised or given birth to a rapist but what went wrong with the men who commit these horrifying deeds? what snapped in their minds? As a single parent of a boy myself I shutter to think my son would be capable of such cruelty, but is my teachings going to be sufficient to mould him into a decent man one day? Should we now as mothers doubt ourselves in our utmost abilities to raise and mould our young sons? God only knows….

    I pray that one day Change, a Breakthrough or some Devine Intervention comes and that time be soon because we can’t continue living like this. It is disturbing to our Souls mainly as wemen and daudgters, our future looks very uncertain and cheap. Ubom bethu bebentshontsho ndijongile nje, sakuyibeleka ikrwempa xaku nje………….

  16. QnA go back to God and ask Him those question,ask Him if it was a crime to be born in SA ,ask Him if you were written rape in the face,And dare Him to answer you bcs you need His help,ask Him how he expect you to forget ,ask Him for a way forward bcs going to Him must benefit you more than coming to us,talk to God like he was there at the scene and He saw it all…..go back with Him back to that day…..Jehovah listens and He will do something ,show Him your bleeding heart… Him all your bruises(emotional,physically,psychologically,spiritually),you can’t go to God as you are and come back as you are……we all crying bcs it’s the worst that can happen to anyone but our help won’t benefit you ….God is the only one Who can reach the soul

  17. nice one mikey

    A2Q what you went through is really bad but South Africa is not the only country that follows their constitution, in every country you need some form of evidence to prosecute, ASIYEKELENI UKU BLAMER I SOuth africa nalakungamelang

  18. My sister. It makes me the two of us. I hate ever been born a female and a South African. OR yet a human being. I donno what I can say to you…I cant say trust in whatever…But I hope you find peace and learn to love yourself regardless.

  19. Thanks Mike for the lovely stories.. I’m addicted!!!!
    I really feel for you and understand what u are going through.. A friend and I at the age of 5 were molested by her older brother he would touch us and rub his penis against our vaginas and made it seem like a game until I got an infection and my mom took me to the doctor and I was too scared to say what happened and they put it down to me wiping the wrong way… At 18 I was raped on the 3rd of September and I blamed myself for years but at 29 now only I realise that it had nothing to do with me but the sick men that needed to fulfill some sick desire within themselves. For a while I thought it was what I was wearing when i got raped but a hoodie and jeans and takkies are not that enticing… I now have 2 beautiful boys one born on the 3rd of September mind you. I decided that the best thing I can do to help myself is to make sure that I groom my boys to be real men that understand the worth of a woman. The sad part is that u now have a lovely man who loves me unconditionally but might leave me because i have an unhealthy and sordid view on sex. So this now shows that u don’t only scar someone physically with rape but mentally as well and it messes up any chance of you having a healthy sexual relationship going forward. So back to the point it will never go away you just have to find a way of dealing with it to make life easier for yourself….

  20. Am I insensitive for suggesting Mike to come up with another book about rape? I say this because you touch on many problems and issues that many experience. Divorce, cheating, sugar daddies and babies, marriage, corruption and so on.

    I am a rape victim. Some days I say I’m a rape survivor some days I say victim because not everyday is the same. I don’t mind sharing my experience thoughts and feelings for you to come up with a concept Mike and like we say time and time again that many are willing to share their stories. It helps talking
    Thanks Mike

  21. My Sister just got a baby daughter and everytime my cousin takes her away from our eyes i become scared because he tried to rape im scared he might try to do it again….

  22. QnA: I am so saddened by what you went through. Everyday we hear horrific stories and often I ask myself who to blame. Government for its lack of conviction on what exactly to do with rapists or us the society for allowing government to do that. A lot of people have suggested castration since we do not want the death penalty back. We can force the government’s hand on this one if we can make a petition on this. I don’t know how but I do not this, I don’t want a daughter in this country

  23. Yoooo this letter has just made me cry sooo much…..i am sorry sthandwa, hoping you will heal one day 🙁
    This monster will die painfully

  24. Q & A , most of us have been raped by people close to us people we look up to protect us , there was a time where i felt sorry for myself , crying myself to sleep, couldnt let any man near me including being left alone with my father endlini, i became depressed and i was admitted for depression adn severe stress in my life , he walked like a boss while i let him control my life by hating him but one day as i was listening to Lira’s song “heart of a child” i realised im not doing myself a favour by hating and holding on to pain i started to let go and i forgave him and myself for not living my life over the years , i can safely say i stopped being a victim and i started being a victor and it killed on why i was happy everytime he sees me , my smile destroyed him because he enjoyed seeing me in tears , i prayed for him more than i prayed for myself then one day news came that he committed suicide and he left a not saying “KHANYISILE mntase ungixolele ive done you wrong and took away your innocence but you stood strong and showed me my stupidity in more ways than one and i cant take it anymore ” i cried then because i alwats wanted him to admit that he did me wrong but everytime he would say i deserved it ……. so girl stop being a victim take charge of your life and live your life dont deprive yourself of anything yes he took your innocence and you begged but what has changed over the years? nothing ….learn to let go of it and move on Rape is real and it hurts us more than anyone can imagine and no one understands that pain if they hadnt gone through it but we have to move on from it please do and forgive and read the bible there are verses there for healing and give all to God

  25. Q&A Sorry my sister, just hang in there. and as for “Believing Heart” your comment was uncalled for, if you have nothing nice to say shut the F up. how can someone rehearse rape ordeal. you need help to get over yourself coz you are so angry. Just bcoz it was easy for you to deal with it doesnt mean everyone will also get over it easily.

  26. There’s always hope my sister, i can feel your pain and i say try to find it in your heart to forgive even though it is not easy as said. You dreams were shuttered and u r broken and hurting. If it was possible i’d say runaway, but where r u gonna go? u wish u cud cry, but who’s gonna litsen to your story? be strong, have courage to talk about and it’ll reduce the heavy burden on ur shoulders. good luck

  27. QnA: May God give you peace and strength to overcome this challange. God is close to the brokenhearted and he will heal the scars and wipe ur tears away. Prayer is the way to go. When u draw near to God He draws near to u. I pray that u will be comforted and find peace in ur heart.
    God says in 2 Chronicles 20:15 the battle is not urs, but mine. Asinawo amadla thina bt trust God to fight for u. and also please read Psalms 27.
    Stay Blessed

  28. OMG!! The things I would do to him 🙂 I can see it in my head, I’d drug him, tie him up in my room, yoiyoh, undreSs him aba naked,then start. I’d find the bluntest knife around, that one that cnt even slice a tomato, yes that one, a razor, pherefere. (Chillies), hot water and sugar, and what ever object I cut find, I’d cut him into pieces if it makes me heal, I wouldn’t him him either after torturing him I’d let him go just so I could haunt him while am in jail 😀

    1. Yo KGALADI so many times i wanted to hurt him *my brother that is* but i wouldnt stoop to that level for some unknown reason or maybe becuase he was my blood brother so many times i bought ALEPHIRIMI , told myself that tonight is tonight he will die i will poison his food but i thought of the pain he brought into our family the pain he put our parents through including me and my other siblings i wanted to die , i was ready to go to jail but i thought of my brighter future , he lost his the day he took my innocence he lost his the moment he lost his humanity towards me , people came to know what he really is ……. but he made it simpler for me he died by his own hand

  29. Q&A Pray and keep stepping.Your story is one that many relate to yet deal with in various saddens me to think that we live in such a cruel society.Do yourself a favor and just allow God to guide you and help you find your source of strength.No one said it would be easy but it shall be worth it.My prayers extend to you.

  30. Q&A u did nothing wrong my dear, no sin in ds world can be punished by rape… The love of God is so broad and that is the only love u can find rest in. I have 2 friends who have been raped and one was raped twice… With one the rapist was sentence 2 more tha 1500 years last week. What I have learned from my friends is that there is no cure for such pain but finding rest in God and talking about it has helped them so much. Your innocence stolen @ such a young age looks like the last phase punishment but only God can remove the guilt and take you through the whole thing. And yes even though is after 15years God cares and He is the best comfort of them all… He has u on His shoulder. Find rest in Him sis He won’t disappoint you

  31. Tjo I understand that rape is rape mara to a child I think it’s a million times worse hle! To lose your innocence and childhood in such a cruel way it’s heartbreaking!

  32. Thank you Mike and Team. As for Asthandile I can not put up with her psychotic behaviour anymore .

    A2Q – I think its time our constitution be reviewed now, especially with our free country that lament with rapists. This villains will stop at continue with their cruel and evil deeds than be castrated. when South Africa declared citizens to be free most men made women part of ‘free’ yet the free part was free from oppression ,and not to harass women sexualy. sisi what u went through is every womans fear, it is so sad that u and other women had to go through these horrific path especially when u were child with no power to retaliate. Everything starts to be better when u forgive ,and letting go of the heavy burden You have been carrying all this years. U are stronger than what you give ur self credit for. U never stop , u continue with life no matter how that creature did to you. sometimes its better to count ur blessings and put effort in what makes you happy than being sad for as long as u breath. Hope u find peace one day….

    Ma AFrika Borwa is this how we imagine our country to be, go tsietsa ba ba sa tlhaloganyeng ,go ikgola, bogolo segolo madi(money) le thobalano. Goa swabisa e le ruri…

  33. @beliving heart you are so cruel, reallu u are the worst kind of human being!! U shud really be ashamed at ur comment n spit at it as its a shameful thing to say…n worst of all u knw the pain first hand yet here u are walking the moral highground.. So jst coz wena u dealt with this differently gives u the right t say that nonsense? Have u any idea the state this poor young woman ws in when she wrote this..iys a cry for help,n its ppl like u who contribute to ppl’s suicides,u purely lack symphathy ! I pity your daughter, you are a cold person . U should thnk before u open your mouth/typ next tym

  34. Q&A I cannot imagine what u went through. Remember that your circumstances do not need to define you. We are all spiritual beings in a human shell, what u went through was a Human experience, do not let it break your spirit that is the one thing that you can control. Out of 7 billion people in this world there is only 1 you and no one else is like you, why is that? I don’t think you were created to wallow in self pity and suffer. Your existence is to walk this journey called Life and find your purpose, and those who make it use these human experiences to reflect, learn and grow from them, your body is just a vessel (even identical twins are different in personalities). With every experience use that to pave your way to a better version of yourself- spiritually, that’s what we should all strive for. So don’t ask why me, ask how it adds to your purpose in life. Take back control, let it not derail you from living.

    I don’t mean to sound preachy, there are tons of great men and women who each have a story to tell, and who did not let those circumstances deter them from living, because they realised their value and took charge of their lives. We only have one shot at this thing called Life, dont let another human being rob you of it.

  35. Our daily dose as always thanks bra…..poor mxolisi he was not given a chance to praat 4 himself nci nci nci this is really bad …ay bra mike kodwa ” People were staring at me as though I had shit my pants ” kwaaaa

  36. believing heart!!!! the less I say about u the better,

    this is a very sad letter, I came close to being raped and I still thank God for it. I don’t know how I would have dealt with it. my cousin was not so lucky. she was raped when she was 5 by her mother’s boyfriend, gang raped by the neighbour and his friends at 10 and lastly by uncle’s friend at 16. she’s 29 and she still remembers all of it as if it was yesterday. we deal with things differently and rape is the worst thing to deal with…..

  37. This letter made me sob uncontrollably,I’ve never been raped but I feel your pain.I fear for our kids,they are not safe be it at home or the streets.I pray God have mercy on us and protect them

  38. Yho Q&A!!! You just made me realise gore kea tepa, the little things I complain about when people have gone through so much worse in life!!!

    Can’t say I know what you are going through, I have not been molested myself but I have been affected through people close to me that have been.

    Well my 2 cents worth: I once saw a show about the psyche of a rapist, exploring the mind and thoughts of rapists. These people are twisted individuals, and the most common factor that most of them brought up was the power and control they have over the woman than the actual sexual satisfaction itself. Their ultimate high comes from the after effects that they know the victims will suffer from, the lifelong trauma and fear that they have caused, knowing that they will forever have a hold over the victim one way or another. So you see, your rapist didn’t just rape you once but continues to rape you on a daily basis, and by you holding on to the hatred and letting this affect your life and your happiness. you continue to give them that power over you, you continue to let them violate every aspect of your life, you continue to let them rob you of the success and happiness you deserve, you continue to give them their high with these things. You need to get your control back away from this scum, I know it is way easier said than done and it will not take overnight, but now you have your power back from him, don’t let him mentally enslave you, don’t let him continue to rape you and your future prospects, cut off the strings that tie you to this bastard, you deserve it, you deserve to be freed from his slavery but then you need to realise the power is in your hands. You survived his vicious act, you are here today, sound very articulate, so all is definitely not lost. I am not saying forgive and forget, that doesn’t work for everyone, but find what works for you, do whatever it takes to free yourself from this! Some people find it easier to bury this deep and pretend like it didn’t happen, some find it easier to seek revenge and cause harm to the perpetrator, some find it easier to forgive and let go, some talk about it, some write about it or some to leave it all to God. Whatever you will find works best for you, you must do, with the ultimate goal of cutting off all strings that attach you to this monster, with the goal of working towards your happiness. Please don’t let him destroy that too! You have the power now, might not realise it but you actually do! Find a way to use it for you now!

  39. eish 2day’s story though, its so painful i can just imagine the pain. i know its not easy all you have to do is put faith into god.

  40. @Believing heart,the fact that you were able to write such about me says a lot about how bitter you still are, Yes I was raped , but am I victim? No I’m not, I wrote this letter cos I wanted to share what happened once & for all, was young,I couldn’t put it in writting but I can now and Mike gave us the platform to share our stories.I’m living life to the fullest, I have control over my life, Do I hate the guy who did this to me ? Nope, in my world he is as good as dead.I’m a praying woman and my faith carried me &it will continue to do so

  41. Mxolisi needs help,this guy is just something else. Asthandile belongs in jail Mxolisi.
    QnA. I only read the first 2 lines. God, why there’s so much evil in the world? How can we ever fix this,what can we do to stop this? Is it ever gonna end? Planet earth is cursed.

  42. Beautifully written chapter…

    Q&A…touching indeed sadly I have too experienced such odeals,twice exactly. Rapist are a stain on the existence of humanity, because the scars we are left with are not only physical but also emotional. To anyone else it could sound as if its been ages but your innocence was ripped off of you by someone you trusted. We are all different and we take different times to heal some of us never do in any case but we flow with a flow not for a “pity party” but because our emotions hav been stained our brains twisted our hearts broken and our lives changed forever. I respect you for reliving the whole odeal it shows courage and strength its your way of healing going about things so I find it very insignificant fr someone else who has also gone through such to judge and point fingers. Take your lifetime to heal darling its your life only you know wat it feels like inside we hav been tainted as well but we deal with it differently. You’re adored for your braveness and courage to share en empower us.

  43. I jsut want to put this on record. I want to aplaud the following people for their advices: Tebogo Thelma, Khanyo, SueN, Evoguen Cat & Tsaluuur. I am still praying for the communities where we will all live in the present and not in the past as there were able to give advice as a wayforward and not dwell so much in the past.

    For all the rape survivours, please do not see what happened to you as a curse or something bad, see it as a chance to live your live again to the fullest and an opportunity to start all over because i believe that you were born a concourer long before you were in your mother’s womb. Should have God not wanted you then in this World, he would have terminated with the rest of the sperms that did not make it.

    Out of millions of sperms that penetrated, only you survived and that should say something to you. Hold your heads high, women of God, wipe your tears from your faces, walk tall and find your purpose in life and live it to the fullest, until then trust God, no matter what happens to you, you are still loved by him.

    It is not a curse to be a woman, you have a very right to be in this world.

  44. Q&A Bathong sesi are u just contend torturing yourself in the name of Love, kick this moron out of ur flat, if he complains about u not ironing his stupid pants properly, y cant he iron them himself, akere he has 2 able hands mos..Please my fellows don’t bring problems whose solutions are obvious here

  45. Mxo report the crime else, they will think you may be the one who caused.

    this letter . put me there with you every step of the way and its the worst pain ever. I am so sorry

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