I wanted to beat her up for that stupid statement. I always found it crazy when siblings beat each other up at our age but to be honest stupidity has no age. My mother was suffering because of her and she did not even see it. As long as she got things her way that was all that mattered to her. How cruel is that? If she had died my mother would probably have blamed herself for life if not me. It’s like this, my mother loved my sister more because her dad had deserted her only because he died whilst my father he upped and left. In African culture parents raise you to be able to take care of them someday but my mother had worked a good portion of her life so she didn’t give a fuck if one day I would refuse to take care of her. She had a pension to look forward to and working in the private sector means that she was earning a lot for a sister with her experience. She was both a midwife and a surgical nurse meaning she was making a pretty penny. Her only flaw in life was that she had given birth to a delinquent and a child she did not want. I held my breathe and just stared at my sister. She was expecting a response and much as I did not want to indulge her statement had irritated me so much I had to say something. Guess I fell for it.
“Judith you can’t say such things. We were both worried about you!”
I said using all my might to keep my anger down. My mother would freak out if I scared her precious daughter that’s for sure. I had to watch what I say and besides who was I going to beat up pregnant like this? Come on now Faith be realistic.
“I don’t do it for fun ok. I was obviously kidding when I said that. I am not like you. You are intelligent, skinny and have a man that actually love you enough to want to make a baby with you and what do I have? All the guys just want to fuck me and some even want to share me and pass me around amongst their friends. All I have to look forward to in life is for mum to take care of me. You guys don’t know! Yes I fucked up when I was younger but I have tried. I tried to upgrade my matric so many times they even changed syllabuses on me. It just didn’t work. I applied to all these stores and even they wouldn’t hire me! What am I supposed to do then?”
She said sitting in the corner of the room crying. That burst of emotion had been quite unexpected but it’s a start. My sister expected to get a decent job when she had more tattoes than Rezzy Badass! Yeah listen to the name and see exactly why no decent manager would employ such in the formal sector. She should go do music videos or something. She couldn’t even hide them because she had a spider web on her hand. She was my sister but I wouldn’t hire her either. She had a nose ring, not even the tiny stud but a hoop on her nose as though she was a cow! Her ears had three studs each so you tell me who would take her seriously. She looked like she was on drugs, crap I forgot, she was! People have this tendency of saying the world is against them without taking time to look at why the world does not see them. She was forever the victim in her eyes but not one moment did she see why. Stupid girl!
“You need to change things about your self if you hope for people to take you seriously Judith…”
I said calmly. I know how defensive she gets when it comes to being told what to do but we were here already so I guess I had to.
“It’s a free country though, people have to love me the way I am. It’s what Mandela died for right!”
That line though. Nope. People don’t have to love you the way you are because the reverse of that coin is that people are entitled to love what they want so if a tattoes Maori like my sister walks in its their choice whether to like her or not. If I am a boss, for my company I will choose who I think fits in best. The ones rejected clearly I did not like. Done.
Thank heavens my mother came into the room saving me from this tedious conversation. She said she was so glad to see her two babies together like this, happy and safe. This woman was delusional. We were far from happy and she could not even see that even after one of her children had tried and failed for the upteenth time to kill herself. She suggested that later that day she should take us shopping because we needed an outing. I immediately to tried to protest but she gave me a look that said I must not even think it. I did not have much of a choice in the matter. Overcompensating was her forte.
I decided to go and bath. When I came back out I found an sms from Aurelia which said I should log on to instagram to see Mudenda’s pictures. I was not sure why but obviously I did so immediately. He was out at Kong on the pictures, a night spot in Johannesburg. There were. Lots of bottles of champagne and all these girls in short dresses next to them.
One picture took my attention though and I am certain that this is why Aurelia said I should look at them. Mudenda was sitting on one of those club couches with a girl sitting on his lap. I could not see her face as though the picture looked as though they were posing for an embrace. That dress though, I used to have a similar dress to it but someone borrowed it before I got pregnant an never brought it back. I scrolled down to the comments that’s when I saw it, one of the girls who commented on it said,
“It was hella fun to meet you @MeladiR, you are one crazy bitch lol”
That dress was mine and the girl on his laps was my friend!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading mine. I am 24 and broke up with my boyfriend in October last year. We dated for 8years, since high school and we had a miscarriage once. When we broke up it was really because the relationship had run its course. We were both different people and the fights were constant. I don’t know if he ever cheated but at the end walking away was really the best choice for us.
Last week I bumped into him walking with a girl in the mall holding hands. I know there is no time plan in moving on but it hurt so bad. He said hi and introduced her but when I walked away I left the mall and went to my car to cry. I thought I was over him but all the memories are just flooding back. I don’t think I want him back but I can’t focus now.
Please advise on how to forget about him. Please.