Rumblings – Chapter Twenty One

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

I am a girl and I will tell you this, having girlfriends is a nightmare. We are not like men in all honesty. We talk about each other behind our backs and when we are pushed can throw each other under the bus. So many girls can tell you that they prefer to have male friends than female friends and this not because they are misguided or like dick, no! It’s because a girl you call your friend or sister can one day turn and you and go after your man. How many girls do you know whom were so close once upon a time that are not friends anymore? So many! The problem is, your man know this. If you have a fight with your girlfriend and you stop talking to each other, the day your man goes to a party with his boys shit is bound to happen. We are vindictive and want to drive into your heart so as to cut you down to size. Yes, when you have something your friend dows not, the moment you do something she does not like she will see it as you being proud. That is girl friendship for you and there is one thing that girls do, we hardly ever forget if you cross us even if we smile and say I forgive you my sister. That is the truth behind girl world. It’s pretentious and the more friends you have the more likely it will happen that one of them will do something unforgivable. Jealousy, envy and vindictive are all words I can throw in when it comes to why not as a girl keep female friends.

I looked at that picture again to make sure that this had to be some mistake but really there was no doubt. That was my dress and that was my friend. The corpse of our relationship was not even a week old and already the vulture were circling on my man. My first thought was to comment on the picture but that would just make me petty and looking in from the outside. I copied the picture and saved it. All the pictures there were in together, one was with him touching her on the ass even. It was so blatant. There are parts of your body which your man should never touch another girl and for me these are ass, booty, honeypot and face. It’s pretty simple and your friend should know better. I was angry. I was seething. One does not become an angry baby mama simply because he broke up with you but because of his actions afterwards. That’s what people don’t get. They think being a baby mama is a disease that came from the devil when the devil is that person you now call your man. He is the one who put this baby in me, abandoned that baby and me to go find a new princess to tell lies to. That’s how it feels when the shoe is on your feet. Mudenda however had crossed a line. Zama was one thing, she was that one friend you knew that even if she got married she will probably cheat on her husband because she was a sexual libertarian whereas Meladi was that sneaky calculated friend. She was going to date him that much I am certain of. I had it in mind to tell her off but what for, not now.

My sister came into my room and asked me what was wrong. I needed someone to talk to. I did not tell her that Mudenda and I had broken up rather that he was cheating. She immediately said she knew some people who could beat him for me and took out her phone to show me pictures of these thuggish looking guys. When she was going through her phone it was quite disturbing how many pictures of herself she had in the nude. They were so many. Eventually I asked her what she would do if her phone ever gets stolen because they would definitely end up being distributed. She laughed and said then she will become a pornstar and the next Khanyi Mbau! See what I have to deal with! This girl was as stupid as a brick. I told her that I did not need her thugs for now but some day I will call in the favor. She then did something I did not expect. My sister hugged me and said,

“I love you little sister!”

And stood up and left my room. She was just too confusing and confused this girl, kind of scary too!

I called Aurelia finally. She was driving and she said she will pull into the garage and call me back. In five minutes we were on the phone. The first thing she said to me was,

“I never like telling you what to do in your relationships but I don’t think you should stay with him. I know you love him but he is going to be a terrible father and will be abusive in one way or the other if you do!”

This was harder than I thought! Mara why did God put women’s tears so close to the surface because already I was crying.

“Even if I don’t love him what about our baby? What do I do now?”

I asked her.

“You will make a plan and I will help you.”

She offered. I did not know what to do though. This was too much for one person to take. This baby was coming into a cursed world.

“I still can’t believe that he is cheating with two of my closest friends and he is having a baby with me!”

I said with a sigh!

“This is why I say don’t get pregnant before you are married!”

A voice said behind me! I turned to see my mother standing in the doorway.

From bad to worse!

****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Readers
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Thank You

Mike Maphoto

Good Day Mike,

First of all I would like to thank you so much for this blog, it has been such a blessing… Keep up the good work.

I am a 24 year old girl, degreed and have a good Job and have no child. I have been dating this guy, 27 yrs old, educated and successful but He has a child. He has now proposed to me (I said yes) but lately I have been having doubts since people around me make me feel like I am settling since he has a child and I would not be able to deal with the baby momma drama. I have not met his baby momma and their child yet since something always comes up when we have to go see the baby together. The baby momma has been sending him msgs saying she wants him back so they can be a family, he told me this and we laughed about it.

I have no problem with his child since he told me he had a child the day we met and before we started dating. My mom and sis has welcomed his and the have no problem with his child.

But somehow when those around me, friends and colleagues talk about guys with children and baby momma drama I always get cold feet. I love this guy with all my heart and He treat me like GOLD. He is patient with me, very supportive and caring.

How does one do it though? Should I listen to my heart and marry this guy or should I listen to society and find a man with no child and who will love me and treat me like he does?

Please help, my lobola is very near….

36 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter Twenty One

  1. Faith girl I say go with your heart and marry the guy. No relationship comes smooth with no buggage so I guess this is the buggage that comes with yours handle it calmly and with patients! You might want to end things and never find this kinda love ever again so I say hold on

  2. Thank you team!

    Faith – you sound like you have a serious bout of cold feet. This is your relationship, why are you listening to people outside of it? Have you had baby mama drama? Did your man do something to make you doubt him? Not all baby mamas have drama. I say your friends and colleagues are jealous – why are they, all of a sudden (now that he has proposed) concerned about baby mama drama when they did not say anything while you were dating this guy/before he proposed? Are you willing to throw away what sounds like a good, loving and caring guy coz he has a baby mama whom you have not even met and has not given you any drama? You really need to thing long and hard about that and while you are at it ask him to meet the baby and baby mama and see for yourself before you make rush decisions you will regret for the rest of your life

  3. dumelang bana ba ntlo ya Rre Maphoto.

    Faith – u are going to marry this man, what you decide now is what you going to live with.
    -if you love him and he lets walk, drink and sleep on a gold bed grab it girl.- what makes -you think a man w/out a child is better.
    -your frieds are waiting for that oportunity to take ur man once you leave him.
    -dont be an idiot baby, do what a girl gotta do.
    -*remember do not plan for a wedding, rather plan for marriage – this are 2 different things.
    my two thebe from BW.


  4. Thank Mike…. sad for Faith

    Q/A: marriage isn’t something you get into with doubts. Address all ur fears before lobola and I suggest that you go for marriage coaching before anything. Some things are avoidable when discovered early.
    All the best and I wish you a successful marriage ahead


  5. Faith not everything is the same. yes most baby mamas like drama but its not all of them, so why wud u wanna leave your man for something you only heard people talk about and never experienced???

  6. Faith… Listen to your heart and marrY the guy..after all where are you gonna find a guy with no baby mama in dis day and age..what You do need to do though first is lay some solid and firm ground rules when it comes to the baby mama…they are afterall very sneaky needy women who can’t let go!

  7. Q2A Faith, go with your heart. If your family is right behind you its all the better because they will give you advise and support on how to deal with the baby mamma should more drama come your way.

  8. Follow your heart. Forget society. However, i think you have a little doubt too hence you are asking for advice. How long have you been together? Why have you still not met the baby momma and the child? Thats a bit puzzling as you would want to know what youre getting yourself into. You dont want surprises when it is too late to turn back the clock. Wht have you still not met them? She (baby momma) needs to know that after marriage or even lobola even whatever matters to do with the child go through you and no longer him as youre now his wife. When you go for family gatherings kohabo guy dose baby momma never come with the child?

  9. Faith sisi, go with what your heart wants, that man loves you. at least he told you about his baby mama. he wants to marry you, not hs baby mama. your friends are probably saying those things coz of jealousy.

    not all baby mamas have drama.

  10. Q n A, make sure u marry him out of community of property. That’s all that came to mind when I read ur problem. Never trust a man

  11. I say listen to your heart, u love the guy and he adores you, so ignore society. If u dump him they gonna be like she dumped a good man jus coz he had a bby?? society always talk,that’s what they are there for. The rest u and ur man will figure out together

  12. But wht relationsip u guys are talking abt the guy shows no respect to Faith and another thing how do u fight for some1 who doesn’t want u I’m confused mina

  13. 1st step is to meet the child and baby mama and set out some rules if after that u still hav doubts then bricka ka lenyalo

  14. Faith-remember that not all baby mamaz are dramatic even if they are you might just be able to handle that drama very well. People always have something to say or reasons to go against your decisions. You got a good man if you leave him because of society it will be your biggest mistake ever. And yes you might find a man with no baby but will he treat you like GOLD? One of the most important things in a relationship is that you compromise. Even if there is drama as long as ur fiance treats you well things will be good. People are jealous out there because there are few good men like your husband to be they wish they were you. Hold on to your man. Do what’s best for YOU not anyone else please!!! All the best

  15. Faith , you knew from the first day that he has a child and that baby mamma will always be part of your lives like it or not . You should have said no from that day. It seems like you found yourself a good man so stop listening to society . We are people who always have something to say. Stop sharing irrelevant information with irrelevant people (colleagues and some friends) for you never know their intentions.

    You have a good man for the fact he’s open and shows you the text messages from the baby mamma. The only crucial thing is to meet his child . Insist that before the lobola negotiations you need to meet his child.

  16. Thanx Mike…
    Faith dear follow ur heart. Baby mamas with drama don’t wait until you are married, they give you drama as soon as you start dating their baby daddy so I don’t think you’ll have a problem with this1. As for the society, all they will do is talk they don’t know your man the way you do.

  17. hi faith, i am in a relationship with the most amazing guy and he has a baby girl. i love both of them so much,ever since i started living with them i have never experienced a situation whereby the baby mama gives me drama, me and her get along very well and we understand our place in the life of our daughter. the child does not know that im not her biological mother since the mom left her when she was still a few months old. she is now 4yrs old and you know what for the sake of our baby girl we get along very well. so this is not about the doubt you have about the baby but you are starting to question whether he loves you more than the baby mama since your friends are putting ideas in your head, so go with what your heart tells you and forget what your friends are saying because sometimes we have frienamies rather than actual friends.

  18. Faith follow ur heart girl , ths guy seems to be a gud one and u wana destroy ur happiness bcoz of frnds nd colliks? there r few men wu can be loyal n honest abt them having kids frm previous relationships. i say marry that guy he loves u n u also loves him y shud u listen to ur frnds n coliks wu might be jelouse bcoz of u getting married and take what they r saying? wake up girl God gives once. i dnt knw whats wrong with u ladies of today if a men dnt propose u complain if he does u stil come up with excuses.

  19. Yes i have a baby mama drama too but guess wat i wont leave my man if he treat me gud..grab that man for dear life..the only thing i can advise u make sure he doesnt go to see the child alone, make sure he include u in decisions that concerns the baby and treat his bby well..its not gonna be easy but its possible

  20. Thanx Mike

    Faith I am dating a guy with two kids from two different mothers, the only way you will not have baby mama drama is if your man will not allow it. your man needs to set boundaries, and not have any relationship with the baby mama unless it concerns the baby. you should tell your man that you want to meet his child before you marry him, it could be that the baby mama wont allow it. remember your boyfriend has rights as a father so if the baby mama threatens him he can take her to court and seek joint custody. my sister it will not always be roses and fun, challenges will be there and you need to be strong but I believe love conquers all. remember to love that child as if she’s your own. its not everyday you find a good man who wants to settle down and get married. i say marry that man all the best


  21. Make sure he doesn’t see the child alone?wht is tht?Now a child can’t have some alone time with his/her dad coz ya always there n maybe a child is even gona be scared to ask for some thngz frm ubaba wayo aw kahlen bo.
    Faith I think u hv a gud man,I thnk u alwayz hear pple saying all man are dogs n now tht uthole a gud man ur looking for tht dogness in him engekho.he even showed ya a masage from his x which means hes honest n plays open cards with ya,dnt look for complications whr there’s non.just tell him what’s botherin’ ya kwaphela

  22. M with u Siyanda, imagine forcing a child to get along with someone jst bcoz of insecurities!please.

    Faith:trust yo man n believe wat he tells u,marry him if u love him and baby mama will always be a part of yo lives forever, those hu says he must go wit u when seeing da child,blah blah,brrrr,they have a low self esteem.If a man wants 2 cheat he will cheat with or without yo presence

  23. QnA
    What a great hypocrisy of women! Refer to QnA on 20 November for comparison.
    I was expecting statements that says “You dont love him enough to take is baggage/garbage” or “If really loved him you would be wondering if you should continue to marry him” or “For a fact that you have doubts, it indicates that you dont have real love for the child and him”

    Getting married is a serious decision, one that can give you lots of doubts for no reason especially as you consider yourself young and successful (okay on the road to success).
    Just marry them (him and babby n mama drama); they can turn out to be the best thing in your life.
    To deal with your insecurities, share them with him and ask him how is he planning to handle especially the matters of your fear. One of them is babymama trying to break you or the child to be used as a tool. Just accept with your heart that you will love the kid as your choice irrespective of the behavior.

  24. Thanks again Mike for this great chapter. Faith my darling, listen to your heart. U love this guy and as u say he told u about the baby before even dating and he treats you like gold. It’s not everyday that you gonna find someone who treats u like that, consider yourself lucky my dear. You can go look for someone who doesn’t have a child but who says you’ll get the same love.

  25. We need to look into getting two doses a day please Mike… Can it be 09:00 the next day already.

    Well well well Faith

    Why are you letting other people’s opinions get to you. You love him, he loves you, prince charming comes in different packages. Dont let people’s ideas of what a perfect man is influence your ideas. You said Yes, how many of those people have been asked for their hand in marriage or their husbands have flaws that you would never tolerate but you never judge them. Dont pay any attention to bo Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty who are waiting for their knight in shinning armor to come and rescue them and sweep them off to fairyland.

  26. this is my 1st tym 2 comment n ds goes 2 Q&A, gal I knw wat u goin through, it’s not easy. yes u love ur man n he loves you too, and ur family supports u n everything BUT, unfortunately ur friends are right as well. honestly its hard 2 find a man without a bby dis days but bbys come with a burden, BABY MAMA, yeerrrr. thats 1 hella problem you’ll never find peace with, they are irritating and they don’t wanna give up on their bby daddies…. my advice, take ur man n love him as much as u do, but be ready for war, bby mama kind of war coz she won’t stop fighting for her baby daddy.. Good luck, it’s never easy with bby mamas

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