I am a girl and I will tell you this, having girlfriends is a nightmare. We are not like men in all honesty. We talk about each other behind our backs and when we are pushed can throw each other under the bus. So many girls can tell you that they prefer to have male friends than female friends and this not because they are misguided or like dick, no! It’s because a girl you call your friend or sister can one day turn and you and go after your man. How many girls do you know whom were so close once upon a time that are not friends anymore? So many! The problem is, your man know this. If you have a fight with your girlfriend and you stop talking to each other, the day your man goes to a party with his boys shit is bound to happen. We are vindictive and want to drive into your heart so as to cut you down to size. Yes, when you have something your friend dows not, the moment you do something she does not like she will see it as you being proud. That is girl friendship for you and there is one thing that girls do, we hardly ever forget if you cross us even if we smile and say I forgive you my sister. That is the truth behind girl world. It’s pretentious and the more friends you have the more likely it will happen that one of them will do something unforgivable. Jealousy, envy and vindictive are all words I can throw in when it comes to why not as a girl keep female friends.
I looked at that picture again to make sure that this had to be some mistake but really there was no doubt. That was my dress and that was my friend. The corpse of our relationship was not even a week old and already the vulture were circling on my man. My first thought was to comment on the picture but that would just make me petty and looking in from the outside. I copied the picture and saved it. All the pictures there were in together, one was with him touching her on the ass even. It was so blatant. There are parts of your body which your man should never touch another girl and for me these are ass, booty, honeypot and face. It’s pretty simple and your friend should know better. I was angry. I was seething. One does not become an angry baby mama simply because he broke up with you but because of his actions afterwards. That’s what people don’t get. They think being a baby mama is a disease that came from the devil when the devil is that person you now call your man. He is the one who put this baby in me, abandoned that baby and me to go find a new princess to tell lies to. That’s how it feels when the shoe is on your feet. Mudenda however had crossed a line. Zama was one thing, she was that one friend you knew that even if she got married she will probably cheat on her husband because she was a sexual libertarian whereas Meladi was that sneaky calculated friend. She was going to date him that much I am certain of. I had it in mind to tell her off but what for, not now.
My sister came into my room and asked me what was wrong. I needed someone to talk to. I did not tell her that Mudenda and I had broken up rather that he was cheating. She immediately said she knew some people who could beat him for me and took out her phone to show me pictures of these thuggish looking guys. When she was going through her phone it was quite disturbing how many pictures of herself she had in the nude. They were so many. Eventually I asked her what she would do if her phone ever gets stolen because they would definitely end up being distributed. She laughed and said then she will become a pornstar and the next Khanyi Mbau! See what I have to deal with! This girl was as stupid as a brick. I told her that I did not need her thugs for now but some day I will call in the favor. She then did something I did not expect. My sister hugged me and said,
“I love you little sister!”
And stood up and left my room. She was just too confusing and confused this girl, kind of scary too!
I called Aurelia finally. She was driving and she said she will pull into the garage and call me back. In five minutes we were on the phone. The first thing she said to me was,
“I never like telling you what to do in your relationships but I don’t think you should stay with him. I know you love him but he is going to be a terrible father and will be abusive in one way or the other if you do!”
This was harder than I thought! Mara why did God put women’s tears so close to the surface because already I was crying.
“Even if I don’t love him what about our baby? What do I do now?”
I asked her.
“You will make a plan and I will help you.”
She offered. I did not know what to do though. This was too much for one person to take. This baby was coming into a cursed world.
“I still can’t believe that he is cheating with two of my closest friends and he is having a baby with me!”
I said with a sigh!
“This is why I say don’t get pregnant before you are married!”
A voice said behind me! I turned to see my mother standing in the doorway.
From bad to worse!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
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Good Day Mike,
First of all I would like to thank you so much for this blog, it has been such a blessing… Keep up the good work.
I am a 24 year old girl, degreed and have a good Job and have no child. I have been dating this guy, 27 yrs old, educated and successful but He has a child. He has now proposed to me (I said yes) but lately I have been having doubts since people around me make me feel like I am settling since he has a child and I would not be able to deal with the baby momma drama. I have not met his baby momma and their child yet since something always comes up when we have to go see the baby together. The baby momma has been sending him msgs saying she wants him back so they can be a family, he told me this and we laughed about it.
I have no problem with his child since he told me he had a child the day we met and before we started dating. My mom and sis has welcomed his and the have no problem with his child.
But somehow when those around me, friends and colleagues talk about guys with children and baby momma drama I always get cold feet. I love this guy with all my heart and He treat me like GOLD. He is patient with me, very supportive and caring.
How does one do it though? Should I listen to my heart and marry this guy or should I listen to society and find a man with no child and who will love me and treat me like he does?
Please help, my lobola is very near….