We can say what we want as women but when a man wants out he shows you all the signs and at times even tells you. It is us women that fight this to the point that he ends up looking like a monster. Mudenda had more than shown signs that he wanted out yet he I was holding on as though he was the very air I breathed. Why was I fighting this? Men can make you lose your pride. I ran after him and caught him before he got into his car. He shouted at me for running whilst pregnant like he gave a fuck. I told him that I had done nothing wrong and this thing of him suspecting me was really not fair. I told him he had slept with someone else, my friend, but I had forgiven. That seems to throw him over the edge,
“So you brought him here to revenge? Is that it?”
He screamed right there in the parking lot. I always say I don’t argue in public places but when you love someone you will suffer that indignity. I told him that in all the years we have been together he knows I was not one for revenge.
“You know me Mudenda, I am your baby. I love no one else but you. There is nothing I will not do for you and nothing I have not done for you. I have put you first before my own family even and I worship and I adore are you. Please please I beg you believe me when I say that nothing happened, nothing will ever happen between me and him. I only want you!”
He was looking the other way to show he did not care.
“Get out of my way I need to go!”
He said angrily. I refused and stood my ground,
“Please Mudenda! What has gotten into you…”
He pushed me violently out of the way with so much force that I almost fell over! He got into his car without checking up on me and drove off. I stood there for a good five minutes staring at the curb he had been parked. I don’t know what I was thinking but I was thinking something. I guess its shock.
When I came back to my place Tidimalo was sitting there also in awe,
“That guy is not serious!”
Did he just walk out over something he does not even know? That’s the question I am sure he was asking himself.
“He is not going to marry you! No man leaves his girlfriend with her ex the way he did. He is seeing someone else!”
He concluded. He was baiting me that was obvious so I asked him what he wanted,
“Why do say that?”
Men love that in conversations.
“He was not angry at you. He looked as though he was looking for an excuse and you gave him one. That’s how most guys get out of relationships. We make you doubt what exactly you did wrong until you believe you were wrong. He just did that!”
He was right but did he have a point! My ex was in my house and it looked suspicious. What was he doing here anyway because an ex should not exist in your life!
I started crying. I don’t know if it’s the weakness in us women but the tears just flowed as though the taps had opened. I couldn’t help it. Tidimalo genuinely did not know what to do. Men hate it when a woman cries, decent men I mean. He came to me and hugged me. He told me that everything was probably going to change from here on in so I was going to have to toughen up. Those are not the words I wanted to hear at this moment but who am I kidding, those were the words I needed to hear. What the hell had just happened really though? I was not even in shock but just a week ago I was the happiest girl alive! Men! They are devils I tell you!
That was four days ago. He has not answered my calls since nor has he returned any of my text messages. I don’t know if it was because I had hurt him or that he had actually found his way out but at that moment I knew it was over.
At my door was Aurelia. She said she was back from where ever but I was not really paying attention because I was not too bothered. She had too many trips and I could not keep up. She had a gift for me which had become like her new thing. I guess I looked that pathetic.
“Is it true?”
She asked me as soon as she sat down. I was not sure what she was talking about so naturally I asked her what she meant.
“Mudenda said he found you in bed with your ex?”
I must say that took the wind out of me and my babies stomachs. What the hell.
“Where on earth did you hear that?”
She stood up went to the kitchen to pour water from the fridge. She came back and sat down before she responded,
“Mudenda called Zama and told her.”
Ok this was getting to be a bit dramatic now. How could he go say that too my friends. Fine Zama and I were no longer close enough to matter but for him to say that it meant now he was trying to ruin my reputation. Even Aurelia’s tone was one of uncertainty.
“I ccant believe you would even believe that Aurelia, do you really think I would do that?”
I asked her. She did not seem fazed my change of tone to be honest.
“It what I heard and you still have not answered me!”
She went on.
“Of course it’s not true! You should know me better by now! Here is what happened…”
I then went on to tell her the full story of what happened that day. She listened quietly. Fortunately on Suday Tidimalo had sent me a message saying that Mudenda needs to grow a pair and must not doubt his woman the way he had. It was bad for pregnancy he had said. I showed her this and she burst out laughing,
“I can’t believe Mudenda who go out and start a rumor like this! I would have thought it’s beneath him.”
I would have thought a lot of things but the reality is this, he was winning. His word versus mine, everyone was going to believe his. As a girl people always stand up for the man. Forgotten would be his indiscretions but now it was going to become, Faith had cheated when she was pregnant. How deep is that really?
I wanted to send Mudenda harsh message but I honestly did not have the words for him. I had to do something but I don’t know what. If I sent Zama a message it would be like confiding in his mistress and Zama had so many friends. Who else could she have told? Suddenly I felt so naked and ashamed! People out there were talking about me.
Aurelia said she wanted some tea and offered to make me some. This was her home I didn’t mind her going through things. My phone as she stood up and it was an unknown number.
“Your sister has tried to commit suicide. Come home immediately please!”
And she hung up. It was my mother!
My sister forever the attention seeker!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
How are you? I need your help.
I have been married to this man 8years now and we dated for 2years before that. I woke one morning and felt a sudden feeling of emptiness. I don’t love him anymore. Initially I thought I was having a mid marriage crisis but this was almost 6months ago. We did not fight or argue nor did he cheat or do something shady. None of the above. I just woke up not remembering why I fell for him in the first place. The last six months have been hell because I am sleeping with someone I feel nothing for. I want us to go for therapy but how do I bring it up because he is the happiest man alive. We have two kids. Maybe I was bewitched I don’t know but this emptiness is real.
Please help me before I lose my marriage.