I am an African I know and at no point am I denying my heritage. However and I will stand by this, why is it some South African dead beat men are only allowed to stand for you where there is a financial reward for them and alcohol of course? I must say the thought of uncles who had nothing to do with your raising getting a piece of your lobola really irks me. My mother who was a single mother at some point had had to go hungry trying to raise us. When she went to ask my so called uncles for help not one had lifted a finger to help and instead they made her seem like a pariah! To her credit the moment she saw that they were not playing their part she toughened up and did it alone. I was therefore very shocked for her to want them to get my damages let alone let them near us again. Men have it easy really. Much as I had differences with my mother all my lobola should go to her since she was a single mother not this rubbish. Now that they could see we were being successful all of a sudden we were worthy of them? What the hell?
I said defiantly
“Malume Lunga is not getting any cent from us!”
Malume Lunga was one of those self righteous pricks and my father’s older brother. He was as judgemental as he was stubborn and the patriarch of my father’s family. He is the one who had refused to help us and I am certain he was the one who woild represent the family in lobola. Hell no. I wanted nothing to go to him. I crossed my arms across my chest. African women are often blackmailed into submission by things like either religion or ancestors! In this case it was ancestors and if she dared mention them I was going to ask her what his ancestors said about being raised by a single mother because your father was a drunk that preferred alcohol to his family. I did not have daddy issues at all but you can’t reward useless!
My mother explained to me yet again why it needed to be done as she did not want her bad omens to also come to me or her granddaughter. This was the first time my mother acknowledged my unborn baby as being part of her family but at this point, in this occasion it somehow felt like a low blow of some sort. Where was she the last six seven months when my body went through changes I needed an adult to help me understand. She cannot play that card on me, no, that was not fair!
On the other hand, in the spirit of honesty, to be fair I cannot fully say that my fear was because of just this. My mother wanted me to bring up damages to Mudenda who was not only cheating but on the verge of breaking up with me. I was going to scare him away that’s for certain because our relationship was at a genuine crossroads. Mudenda was an honorable man usually, calm and cultured but was he not calm and cultured when he was fucking Zama! This was so confusing. I wanted my family back in my life but I felt if I told them that Mudenda and I were on the verge of break up I would just give my mother more ammunition to be self righteous about men. I begrudgingly agreed and told them I will discuss with him.
My mother started crying saying that of all the kids in the world that God could have given her why us. She said she was so disappointed in the both of us because my older sister had achieved nothing with her life, and I was already popping babies before I had a life. Again that cut deep. We embarrassed her. My sister who was by now so used to this talk didn’t seem to mind and instead was chatting on her phone. My mother used to slap her back in the day but now she was too old to beat. She was so rude. I as I was not used to being on this end immediately apologized but that seemed to give her more room to complain. She said she had pinned her hopes on me to take care of everyone someday but at this rate she was scared for us. That lecture went on for about an hour and every now and again she would snap at my sister to pay attention but my sister would switch off two minutes after that. It was in fact all in all a horrible visit. When they left I was relieved to say the least because at the very least I was alone.
The evening was quiet. I was to scared to call Mudenda because I feared he would say I was pushing him but the way I wanted to do it so badly. I would pick up my phone and look at it then stop myself from doing it. I would go onto whatsapp to check when last he was online but it showed he had not been online all day. Eventually he called me. I was so happy but I tried very hard not to sound it. He said he was outside I should come hold the door for him. Our security door was tricky so when you are carrying things it tends to be a hustle. When I got to his car he had done grocery shopping etc. That was the Mudenda I had fallen in love with, one who was thoughtful and understanding.
I was not sure though if I should bring up the damages story now. With South African men, 99% of the time it’s you the woman who has to negotiate yet with him to see that it’s time to pop the question otherwise these fools will wait for Jesus to come back before they can initiate it!
Three times his phone rang and three times he went to the bathroom to answer it! Mudenda never did that before!
Should I confront him?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Thank you very much for the support yesterday. I am humbled yet again and God Bless. Xolani asked why not another premium service but unfortunately it’s too expensive to maintain as not too many were keen on subscribing to the first one. Legal expense wise I am covered thank you and I am certain we will win this one too. I will keep you updated. There are people out there that try and take whats not theirs but thats how life is. I am stronger for it.
Hi Mr Mike
I would first like to thank you for giving us a platform to share our problems, and also thanks to all the readers who positively help others
When one of the readers came up with a suggestion of a party we were all excited coz some of us wants to see this Jackzoro character. What happened to that idea???????
This is my CHRISTMAS WISH…
I am a girl , 22yrs of age. I know this may be out of line or maybe desrespecting my elders as I am just a little girl. This is not really a problem, but something that some of us (readers) are interested in. Could you please, please, please and PRETTY please ask Mr Jackzoro to post his picture…we just want to see his face. Some of us before we comment we first go through all the comments just to see if Jackzoro has commented. We know its impossible to ask him to post contact details, Can we please at least see his face???????????? We are dying to see your face my brother.
I sincerely apologies if this came out as an insult to you,
Khawenze tana sikubone, oohh yhini??
Ndinxanelwe ukubona nje ngeliso lenyama??
I hopefully pray that my request be granted (fingers crossed)
Heartfelt Greetings and Bountiful Blessings to all of you this Christmas . I LOVE YOU ALL.