Rumblings – Chapter Ten

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

I once said this to someone and they laughed at me and called me a pessimist. The most dangerous and uncertain part in any relationship is when you as a girl get pregnant for the first time with his baby. By this I am referring to if you get pregnant without being married to him first. Men tend to change! For some reason a pregnancy can turn what was a good boyfriend into a distant one and pretty soon into an ex. I don’t know if it’s because pregnancy turns off some men or simply because they don’t want the responsibility that comes with it but this is true. That is what it means to be young and pregnant.

There is always that uncertainty that he will dump you for sure.This isn’t a movie or a drama playing out on TV. Men don’t get it. When you are pregnant you are not only vulnerable but also alone and fragile. To be dumped during this stage of your lives is too much for anyone to bear. I cried that night. I cried as though heaven forbid someone had died. My baby and I had died in that moment. I had not been single in all the years I had dated him because we never broke up. Now that in that moment the world suddenly seemed so big and scary and myself so tiny and alone.

I tried to call him. In fact I left him over missed calls. He ignored every single one of them. I was tempted to take a taxi and go to his place but it was late already so how could I do that. I was stuck. I swallowed my pride or whatever it was that I had left in me and I called Zama. I didn’t think she would pick up but she did. I am not ashamed to say this but I begged her to give me back my man. I begged her like that beggar in the bible. I think she too was shocked by it and how pathetic I must have sounded because I was shocked myself. Eventually she spoke,

“I am not dating him. We slept together once and it was a huge mistake. He has been asking me out since and I have been saying no all this time. Faith, I am so sorry I did this to you. I don’t know what got into me and I will never know. I will talk to him and beg him but I can assure you we are not together!”

She said to me. At this stage she too was crying but I don’t know what she was crying for the homewrecker! I just wanted my man back. When the mistress and the wife cry together like this you know something is wrong. I did not want to shout at her nor insult her. I needed her help and I am certain her calls he would pick up. I won’t lie though I was so humiliated. Firstly, having to beg another woman to give me back my man and secondly, knowing that my man was leaving me for a woman that did not even want him. Do you have any idea how belittling that feels like? Here I was throwing myself at him and Zama was telling me that she did not even want him and she was refusing his advances. How deep is that? Part of me told me not to believe her as she could just be saying that to make me feel better but in all the years that I had known her, he simply was not her type! That is one thing I am certain of. Zama was into taller guys, athletic even because she too was on the tall side. Mudenda was certainly not all that. She promised to talk to him and that was that. When she hung up the hole in my heart felt so big and empty.

It was not five minutes before he called me back. See what I meant when I say that he would pick up her calls. Again that hurt because I had left him over 50 calls and she probably dialled once!

“Why are you calling Zama? It’s a fight between you and me and you call her? What’s wrong with you?”

He screamed as soon as I picked up the phone! He was so annoyed and angry at me for doing this and he did not mask it! I was at a loss for words that he could even say that but now that he had picked up his phone I was not going to waste this opportunity but not focusing on us,

“You did not pick up and she is the only one I could call! Do you know how painful it is to have to do that after what just happened?”

I asked him. He paused for a second because I have no doubt in my mind that my words had hit home.

“What did I do to you that’s so bad? I have never cheated on you, done anything to hurt you and have always been a good girlfriend. Why would you be so cruel Mudenda to dump me via an sms after it was you that slept with my friend, my best friend!”

I asked him. I am certain he was at his place because it was quiet and I could hear the water fountain that’s in the quad of his building.

“I am sorry. Things were not supposed to go down like that. I never intended to intentionally break your heart nor for you to find out the way you did. For that I am sorry.”

He said on the other side. He seemed to be struggling for words. Maybe he wwas finally getting it I don’t know.

“Mudenda I am angry at you for sleeping with my friend but I love you so much and I forgive you for it. I don’t want to lose you for anything or anyone!”

A part of me died inside when I heard myself say those words. Barely hours after finding out that my man had cheated with my best friend I was forgiving him for it. I have always said women are abused and in bad relationships because they allow themselves to be. Here I was doing what I would never in a blue moon advise another girl to do. I wonder if I would have done this if I was not pregnant.

“I know you forgive me but how can I ever look at myself in the mirror knowing what I have done?”

He asked me. I quickly cut him short because I know where this was going. I told him I did not care, all I wanted was him back in my life. I told him that no problem was too big that we could not talk it through and in this case the same was through.

We spoke for like two hours. When we eventually hung up the feeling of emptiness still would not go away. I kept asking myself,

“Had I done the right thing fighting for him?”

That’s when the tears started afresh!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike
Thank you for posting my letter.

I am a 17 year old girl, I have no siblings and my mother is a single mom. The problem is she has a lot of boyfriends some of which sleep at the house. Two I know are married and I know their kids even. I am so ashamed of her and I can’t even go with her to the mall because I am embarrassed of her. She is not going to change because about two years ago another woman came to our house and threatened to beat her up if she did not stop seeing her husband. I have tried talking to her, my aunts have tried too but my mother is unapologetic of her actions. She works for SAA and has access to all these rich and powerful men. Our relationship is quite strained because she travels a lot. She dresses like me when she is home, like a teenager and you would never think she is 38.

I don’t know what to do guys, please advise me.

Thank You


56 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter Ten

  1. Rumblings is breaking my heart though… Tah Mikeesto.

    Lebo, your Mom doesn’t seem to respect you, let alone her self. Get the social workers involved in all of this, it should embarrass her enough to snap out of it. I mean you should be looking up to this woman, I’m just glad that you can atleast differentiate between wrong and right, coming from this type of mother and all.

    Just because she works for SAA doesn’t give her right of access to people’s husbands, and since you know their kids, expose them. Your Mom needs to realise that there are consequences for her actions. I just feel disgusted that she even needs intervention from her teenage daughter.

    Keep strong Lebo, I hope you grow to be a self made and successful woman, I hope you become Nothing like your Mother.


  2. Thanks Mike. So sad at today’s blog, really heart breaking!
    A to Q: feel so bad for you child, just focus on your studies and your future!

  3. Thank you Mike for another nice read!!!

    Lebo my dear, I can only imagine what you must be going through. The one thing that women who dont wanna grow do not realise is that when your daughter is a teen…. she really needs you! Now if as a mother at 38 you are still acting and thinking like a 17 year old how is this world do you think you are going to mold your own daughter to be a good woman someday!

    Where is your grandmother dear/ Maybe she could knock some sense into her daughter. Your aunts may have failed because maybe your mom has always been under the impression that they are jealous of her.

    I really hope there is someone out there who may assist you or at least give you what you are not getting from your mom!! All the best Nana!!!

  4. My gosh rumblings break my soul. Is this happening in the world that we live in???? Guys like Mudenda though…… So sad indeed

  5. Rumblings is just hitting home so much, im definetely sure most women have gone through this and it a feeling that you don’t ever wanna experience ever again. eventually though we do bounce back..

  6. lol this reminds me of my ordeal when I was pregnant… if you want to know how cruel a man can be fall pregnant and he doesn’t want the child. lucky for me I had my mom’s support and financially I could provide for my daughter. through the pain and the tears I would just laugh at the whole situation because I used to say it was like I raped the guy or he didn’t know how a baby is conceived. but 4 years down the line I am a mom to a wonderful daughter if having her meant going through all that I would do it all over again because she is worth everything. Thank you Mike I know here you will open up wounds for many single parents 😉

  7. Mudende is being so selfish though. I can relate so much to this book because Im going through the exact same thing in my life, the only difference is that he’s cheating with his other baby mama. Being alone and pregnant is the most painful and difficult thing.

  8. Ahh this is really heartbreaking, taking me back in 2011 when I had my daughter. My baby daddy calling me when she was only 9 days old telling me that he is inlove with another woman, we were not friends with that girl but i knew her. We had been together for 4 years. He said he was never inlove with me, he was only with he coz i was good to him, I remember telling him I love him despite him hurting me, I told him we will get tru this together.. I was making excuses for him telling him he is just confused because we just had our first baby. I begged him not to leave me, like Faith I had never cheated on him in the 4 years we had been dating, he was my first, he was all I knew…

  9. Thanks Mike! This Rumblings is so heartbreaking, I’ve been there I know how it feels. I dated my 1st Boyfriend for 14 and Half yearz, from high skul til my Tertiary level. After My Matric my Grandmother passed away, I ws raised by her, @ the Age of 20 he broke my Varginity n got pregnant from that day. He wz 5 yrz older than me, we had plannes abt our life, Thank God he sent me to DUT(by then it was Natal Tecknikon). our son wz attending private skul, he wz taking gud care of us, very respecting person, responsible n humble. In short, he was the only thing I have including my Son. I made sure that @ Tertiary I ws gettng Distinctions so it wl easy to get a job afta my completing my Diploma. On the 14th year he changed, by then I ws doing my last year in 2001, I got Distinction in Law, he started cheating @ Hiz work place with Hiz colleagues. He Neva had a Girlfrend before me, I wz his first n he wz my first, I think he tasted sumthing he never had, the Girlfrend was a dirvocee, sadly he dumped me for the new Girlfrend. That wz in 2002 February to this day, I’m failing to trust issues wit man. Everything happened so fast, my love life wz shuttered. I’m no longer bitter abt it, bt I think the damage iz unreppairable. Thank God he gave me an education, I’m independent bt I’m battling wit love life. We hv a gud communication,he’s like a brother now, but I dnt seem to make a gud Girlfrend wit man. Good Girl toned Apart

  10. Abuti Mike what I just read is something that I’ve seen,and something that most girls swear that they will never do but end up doing when they are in the same situation, its really sad but true and so real…
    @lebo I’m really truly sorry about ur mother’s behavior I hope one day she will realize that the life she’s living is wrong and will see just how much its affecting u just keep on praying for her… And take jackzorro’s advice it really makes sense,good luck babe.

  11. I know what she’s going through, but i can say that this is nothing and that we are still to see mudenda’s true colours. I mean in my ordeal i was calling him and he would answer but would leave it there for me to talk to myself until i finally decided to drop the call. He didn’t do this once in fact he did it so many times that when he kindly responded he generally dished out so much vulgar i couldn’t believe let alone understand what i was being insulted for. That sweet guy, the father of my child has turned into this monster i couldn’t recognise. I was 19 and so very bright my family expected alot from such a clever girl but that oke knew what he was doing, to say that was a disappointment would be an understatement. I finally decided to leave him alone and focus on my baby, i was lucky because my mother was able to take care of us but i’ve never heard from him ever and now m independent and with a loving fiance . Trust me when i say that guys can be sooooo cruel at times, if you want to see his true colours just tell him you are pregnant. Mike thank you so very much gentle man, and al hell is about to break lose. Poor Faith .

  12. Nice on Mike’esto
    I must say, this is sad man.
    That’s the power of reading versus movies, in a movie all u do is see the pain, in novels the pain is narrated.
    My sister had a novel, that my mother banned her from reading wen she was in Matric because she was always crying. I decided to steal it and read it(i was in standard 8) my god was i traumatized (it was about an english pleb 9 yrs old, raped by father for years, and further pains of life).
    Think that book changed me.

  13. Trusting someone wholeheartedly is a decision not to be taken lightly not to mention unconditional love. Love that defies all logic and leaves you trumped and gobsmacked at the realisation of how tightly you are holding on. I’m 22 and need I say loved a guy who shamelessly broke my heart after what may not seem like a long time but 3 years of dating. Needless to say I had a rebound fling with a friend of mine quite recently and suspecting that i might possibly be pregnant. I’ve always known that I want to be a mom but I really do not want to have baby daddy issues. This may sound utterly selfish but I have no intention of telling him about the baby. I may be judged and ridiculed for this, but from blithe conversations with him i know he’s not ready to be a dad and i have every intention of keeping my baby. I have loved once and will not allow myself to go through the same ordeal ever again.

  14. Tjo this is really sad,it reminds me of my situation, when I was pregnant my baby daddy was running around with some girl I knew n she knew very well tht I was execting his baby yet she was busy with him…then a month later I found out that one of his other floozie is also pregnant.that’s wen I realized tht I dnt hv a future wth him.I dumped the bastard n moved on with my life my daughter is 4 now n she’s the best thing that ever hapened 2 me.yena hs jobless and ke alcoholic @ the age of 30

  15. This chapter just hit home,reminding me what I went through. I thought I’ve put everything in the past but reading this chapter I got emotional. Thank you Mike, I can’t wait for next chapter. I’m loving Rumblings,I’ll definetely learn something as a baby mama.

  16. Poor Faith I feel for u gal, theres no word’s can describe being dump while u are pregnant, ive never experience it but i can feel ur pain, Mudenda is so pathetic as for Zama how could she, but bad move sisi, I hope God give u strength to be strong for ur child, its sad shame 🙁

  17. woooow…today’s chapter is really deep, thanks to all the ladies that shared their personal stories, learning alot from your experiences
    A2Q Lebo
    i’m 19 and my moms married and is also cheating with some other man, she can’t divorce because of finances, she doesn’t know i know but still, u just lose that respect, it hurts, i’m too embarrased to intervene, i just pray people don’t gossip, but they probably are,so my advise, girl u can’t tame her shes a grown ass woman, it’s sad but hey we got to deal with it…

  18. is my third time reading this chapter, i can’t get over it, my baby daddy was good to me, till i found out he made someone pregnant, my son was only 6 months, the lady was 4 months pregnant, it broke my heart, i forgave him, but broke up with him course i couldn’t trust him again, i was always at the state of panic while i was with him, i decided to set myself free. ooh by the way he used to be physical with me, i was only 22 years, now i’m 33 years, scared to be close to anyone, and sturborn as hell, my boss says i need help, lol… funny thing is that i found someone very sweet, i’m giving him hell with all my bullshit. but i’m working on myself now. men can make you very bitter….

  19. 2012 June I’ll never forget…Bra Mike you just wrote our story as most of us single moms out there…I’ve been there but yhoor uFaith uBrave ngocenga eliqothololo linguMudenda.This chapter really hit home but I still thank God he was a bad BF but a gud daddy to his daughter

  20. This chapter is really opening up old wounds, wounds I thought have healed. My ex left me when I was in my first trimester, my morning sickness was so bad that I would feel weak all the time, i couldnt stomach anything but hot water and I was generally in a bad space, I wanted to have an abortion but he talked me out of it and because I loved him I decided against it then he left me for some other girl, I remeber calling to beg him to take me back, looking back now I sounded so pathetic and he would brush me off I felt like my life was over. But giving birth to my beautiful daughter gave me new meaning and even though he hasnt even seen her since she was born (she is two now) I feel we are better off without him

  21. I am 32 years old single mommy of two ,I found out that my partner of many years was cheating on me with some girl. who did not have any problem being the side dish mind you. I was 8 months pregnant with our second child at the time and the dude had a nerve to tell me that the other woman had no problem with being a side dish and he doesn’t understand why I making a big fuss about this. Dude was not working, staying in my house driving my car….I could stand for him not bringing the ham home but I couldn’t accept his cheating ways as well. I dump the nigger faster than a lighting. one year later come back tried to work thing out( in this process the dude told me that the other woman fell pregnant the same time as me and again couple of months later and he told her to abort on both accessions. he was so proud of himself when he told. I think he was expecting me to celebrate or something) but I started resenting and hating this man that I gave the most secrete part of me to, I hated this man who gave me the most beautiful kids in the world, I hated this man that I had opened myself to, I hated this man that I gave the best years of my life to. this is when I realized that its true when they say its thin line between love and hate….but I forgave him. during the time the other woman would call and insult me.

  22. This rumblings is like the strory of my life I can so relate, only difference is that my boyfriend is so distant and has baby mama drama with his ex…I so feel your pain faith and these tears just don’t stop no matter how hard you try

  23. yoh life can be cruel at times especially to us girls. Sometimes we girls can be so naive because we love for real and this happens it scars you for life that is why most girls after such experiences they struggle with trust issues.

  24. HEIS this chaper is just opening old woulds for me, just sad very a single mother I have seen exactly what Faith is going thorough + more.. I got involved with My Ex while immediately after completing my Cambridge, two years down the line I fall pregnant and after that He sponsord me to teciary, and his daughter to pre school, then after 5years I got a job at the bank and do part time at Univercity, then he started cheating and I pretended not to see for 9years staying with him, and yah, he continued respecting me up until the 10th year when he tasted the one that he soo loved ..then he started to behave like Mudenda and even worse..up to a point where he chased me out of his flat pretending to be moving out of town..we spent 2years just being Mommy and Dady, then this year I found a guy who was ready to marry me , and my babby day does not want to hear anything about it he pretends He was me back and he apologised.
    I am really confused be coz despite what he did to me, he is just a better character compared to this new guy! Guys please HELP::

    1. Nono are you being for real right now? So you would rather continue with someone with issues because he is better than the new guy, how about you take this new guy and assist him in being the guy you want rather than settle for rubbish from your baby daddy?
      #just saying

  25. Good work thanks Mike… *jst sad nje! Its realy not on 2 insults uMikeee nd Thozeee jst bcoz we want free biz ay mxm some ppl sucks stru! Sure Ke Deezeember bosh moshito o tswela pele *wink#

  26. I usually just read thru the comments but 2day the story line hit home. I have been n da same situation jus that I dint knw the girl but I will call the baby daddy nd thy will put me n speaker nd start making the hanky panky sounds, I never enjoyed my pregnancy nd till 2day my parants says my daughter need a sibling but ‘m nt thr I’m jus waiting 4 35 to remove my whomp.if I date a guy he must hav a kid frm a previous relationship bcuz I surely will never giv them a kid. I alws tell my frnds dat get preg nd u shall see and a number of them has seen. I even told my own siblings dat thy shuld nly get preg 4theselves nt bcuz the guy want a kid bcuz that’s a lie thy alws tell.thanks mike I alwz log on b4 I sleep 2 get the daily dose nd its wonderfull.

  27. To each and every woman who have gone through this I say God is a father , protector, provider..theres no better Father for our kids than God. Most of us are looking back and we realise that as hurtful as the situation was , we came out strong and with beautiful kids
    for me it was bad because I was in matric and highly pregnant…every night I would cry and pray at the same time. I prayed to God to give me strength to finish my matric.
    Today I have a handsome 12 year old boy who is so intelligent its scary…im working a great job and have everything I asked God. With God nothing is impossible
    to the men who never abondend their kids May the good Lord richly bless you …

  28. Ah rumblings though it evokes feelings of sadness and melancholy eh come to think of it as women we go thru this crap, we hang on and hold on to men who dont appreciate us and the more we do that the easier it is for them to play with our feeling, i was in a similar ctuation where u find urslef forcing someone to feel the same way n love u n be crazy as u r abt him it really breaks u if ua willing to compromise ur values and beliefs in the name of love, kubuhlungu ukuthanda umuntu ah but im so over that hay n my life has never been better… Faith is an example of how we as women let emotions control us because being inlove makes us delusional ah mike uskhokho joe

  29. I haven’t commented in a while ey! But today’s chapter was just so sad 🙁 I just felt so heartbroken as if it was happening to me!
    QnA: Lebo your mom really needs to grow up, its actually sad that you, as her teen daughter need to intervene to keep her line, Reversing Roles! Now you seem like a mom to her. She has no idea what embarrasment she’ll cause not just for herself but you too. I think its time to give her tough love, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. I say snitch on her, if you know the wives of her boyfriends tell them what she’s been doing with their husbands. If exposing her won’t change her ways then I don’t know what. I just hope God gives you the strenghth you need so you can deal with this. God bless and all the best!

  30. Yhaa ne we all past here.painful my ex 4 8yrs got someone preg.n he always denied this lady but wn she got preg I was hurt.he apologised to my family I took him back.he asked me to get preg as he was feeling bad bout wt he did.I got preg but after my dota was 2months I found another girl was preg killed me n I beggs him back as this other gal was working n had a house n a car n I had nothing thou I took care of him while his family couldn’t.with my parents money thou.he left me when I begged to talk to him he wil tell the gal I’m running mad.crazy.I was desparate. I went to counseling n got I’m happy n gained weight hv a wonderful man n here he is(my ex)always calling me that he experiencing the hell of a woman n sex is a hell to him.I can’t go back

  31. Mike look at this blog and the lives of women you have touched through it, I have noticed almost all comments were from women and I am wondering if the men who follow your blog are learning from their mistakes and understanding that women are people too and have feelings, I mean if men would understand that they come from the womb of a woman and therefore, they should make it a point that they respect and honor them, then perhaps we can turn South Africa into a better place.

    I have never went through that though but as a woman I can only imagine. To all you ladies who shared your stories, Applaud yourselves because you are phenomenal women! I love you all.

    Thanks Mikey

  32. This chapter has just taken me back to my pregnancy 2yrs ago…I was 6 mints when I found out my baby dady was cheating on me with a 17 year old girl just few houses away from kubo …the girl was the one who cold me an told me he was with him ..waphika till the girl crest a chat group on whatap an he dump me the….the pain I felt from that day I will never forget it…an I’m glad my pride didn’t allow me to beg him…

  33. 1st tym commenting,tjo mike ths story is so familiar to myn my obsessed ex bf send me a text saying that my daughter looks like him then my baby daddy saw it and that was the last tym I saw him he left me n left me supporting our daughter by myslf I’ve tried everythn wit him even begged him that we go fr DNA test bt he refused which made it obvious that he ddnt want to take responsibility bt I dnt play like that I took him to maintenance court.ths could happen to any1 girls dnt judge another women who’s going through ths

  34. I swear I read this post in Memoirs. .. Mike are you outta letters that you keep reposting old ones?

    @ Zama we always have s choice. I can never stay with a man who would do that especially when pregnant. Such men are accidents waiting to happen. You can always go back home. I don’t think you’re mom would kick you out when already there. The stress is not good for the baby. Clearly this man wants out and begging him to be with you whilst he is in love with someone is simply inviting more heart ache. let him go. I know it hurts but you will understand later when you heart has healed!

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