I once said this to someone and they laughed at me and called me a pessimist. The most dangerous and uncertain part in any relationship is when you as a girl get pregnant for the first time with his baby. By this I am referring to if you get pregnant without being married to him first. Men tend to change! For some reason a pregnancy can turn what was a good boyfriend into a distant one and pretty soon into an ex. I don’t know if it’s because pregnancy turns off some men or simply because they don’t want the responsibility that comes with it but this is true. That is what it means to be young and pregnant.
There is always that uncertainty that he will dump you for sure.This isn’t a movie or a drama playing out on TV. Men don’t get it. When you are pregnant you are not only vulnerable but also alone and fragile. To be dumped during this stage of your lives is too much for anyone to bear. I cried that night. I cried as though heaven forbid someone had died. My baby and I had died in that moment. I had not been single in all the years I had dated him because we never broke up. Now that in that moment the world suddenly seemed so big and scary and myself so tiny and alone.
I tried to call him. In fact I left him over missed calls. He ignored every single one of them. I was tempted to take a taxi and go to his place but it was late already so how could I do that. I was stuck. I swallowed my pride or whatever it was that I had left in me and I called Zama. I didn’t think she would pick up but she did. I am not ashamed to say this but I begged her to give me back my man. I begged her like that beggar in the bible. I think she too was shocked by it and how pathetic I must have sounded because I was shocked myself. Eventually she spoke,
“I am not dating him. We slept together once and it was a huge mistake. He has been asking me out since and I have been saying no all this time. Faith, I am so sorry I did this to you. I don’t know what got into me and I will never know. I will talk to him and beg him but I can assure you we are not together!”
She said to me. At this stage she too was crying but I don’t know what she was crying for the homewrecker! I just wanted my man back. When the mistress and the wife cry together like this you know something is wrong. I did not want to shout at her nor insult her. I needed her help and I am certain her calls he would pick up. I won’t lie though I was so humiliated. Firstly, having to beg another woman to give me back my man and secondly, knowing that my man was leaving me for a woman that did not even want him. Do you have any idea how belittling that feels like? Here I was throwing myself at him and Zama was telling me that she did not even want him and she was refusing his advances. How deep is that? Part of me told me not to believe her as she could just be saying that to make me feel better but in all the years that I had known her, he simply was not her type! That is one thing I am certain of. Zama was into taller guys, athletic even because she too was on the tall side. Mudenda was certainly not all that. She promised to talk to him and that was that. When she hung up the hole in my heart felt so big and empty.
It was not five minutes before he called me back. See what I meant when I say that he would pick up her calls. Again that hurt because I had left him over 50 calls and she probably dialled once!
“Why are you calling Zama? It’s a fight between you and me and you call her? What’s wrong with you?”
He screamed as soon as I picked up the phone! He was so annoyed and angry at me for doing this and he did not mask it! I was at a loss for words that he could even say that but now that he had picked up his phone I was not going to waste this opportunity but not focusing on us,
“You did not pick up and she is the only one I could call! Do you know how painful it is to have to do that after what just happened?”
I asked him. He paused for a second because I have no doubt in my mind that my words had hit home.
“What did I do to you that’s so bad? I have never cheated on you, done anything to hurt you and have always been a good girlfriend. Why would you be so cruel Mudenda to dump me via an sms after it was you that slept with my friend, my best friend!”
I asked him. I am certain he was at his place because it was quiet and I could hear the water fountain that’s in the quad of his building.
“I am sorry. Things were not supposed to go down like that. I never intended to intentionally break your heart nor for you to find out the way you did. For that I am sorry.”
He said on the other side. He seemed to be struggling for words. Maybe he wwas finally getting it I don’t know.
“Mudenda I am angry at you for sleeping with my friend but I love you so much and I forgive you for it. I don’t want to lose you for anything or anyone!”
A part of me died inside when I heard myself say those words. Barely hours after finding out that my man had cheated with my best friend I was forgiving him for it. I have always said women are abused and in bad relationships because they allow themselves to be. Here I was doing what I would never in a blue moon advise another girl to do. I wonder if I would have done this if I was not pregnant.
“I know you forgive me but how can I ever look at myself in the mirror knowing what I have done?”
He asked me. I quickly cut him short because I know where this was going. I told him I did not care, all I wanted was him back in my life. I told him that no problem was too big that we could not talk it through and in this case the same was through.
We spoke for like two hours. When we eventually hung up the feeling of emptiness still would not go away. I kept asking myself,
“Had I done the right thing fighting for him?”
That’s when the tears started afresh!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for posting my letter.
I am a 17 year old girl, I have no siblings and my mother is a single mom. The problem is she has a lot of boyfriends some of which sleep at the house. Two I know are married and I know their kids even. I am so ashamed of her and I can’t even go with her to the mall because I am embarrassed of her. She is not going to change because about two years ago another woman came to our house and threatened to beat her up if she did not stop seeing her husband. I have tried talking to her, my aunts have tried too but my mother is unapologetic of her actions. She works for SAA and has access to all these rich and powerful men. Our relationship is quite strained because she travels a lot. She dresses like me when she is home, like a teenager and you would never think she is 38.
I don’t know what to do guys, please advise me.