I could not believe that my husband was blaming me for our child’s misfortune, I was told in therapy that when you angry you should count to 20 and by the time you get to twenty you would have calmed down. I decided to practice that shit, I counted in my head 1,2,3,4
before I could even get to 5 I realised this was not the right time to be testing out my therapy shit and that shit only worked on white people I went close to my husband and slapped him so hard that he actually lost his balance and almost fell. I looked at him and said “if you want to look for someone to blame for this look in the mirror, this is punishment for all the shit you and your crazy mother do.” I didn’t even give a chance to answer or fight back I went out the room and slammed the door. I needed some air and time away from the crazy man who called himself my husband before we ended up killing each other.
I walked downstairs I was so angry I couldn’t even sit down, I opened the front door and walked out, I didn’t know where I was going I was just walking, I kept mumbling “nxa, that stupid son of a bitch” I was not crying or feeling sorry for myself I was mad as hell. As I was walking jogging in front of me was Ms Long Legs, she moved across the road as soon as she saw me trying to avoid me, I felt really bad, I had managed to piss off two people in one day, I cared deeply about and the one and the other I couldn’t care less even if she got hit by a bus in front of me I would be Johnny Walker and just keep walking, but we were staying in the same complex and the last thing I needed was enemies so I went up to her and asked if we could speak, she acted like she couldn’t hear me and kept jogging so I jogged behind her and apologised, she turned around and said it was fine and asked if my husband and I could come over for dinner tonight, what the hell is wrong with this woman we were not friends I was just being friendly by apologising, I was honestly not looking for new friends not at my age, I was too old to be in new friendships, woman are complicated and as their friend when their lives get complicated you are also in the mix and your life suddenly gets complex, the lesser friends you have the easier your life will be. I smiled and said we already had plans and maybe next time. She suggested the next day, damn woman was bloody pushy, I put on the biggest fake smile and said I will ask my husband and get back to her, she said okay and jogged away to my relief, I thought she would push another day for her stupid diner, just when I thought I was done with her she came back and said “we have not given each other our names, I’m Zanele Van Schalk Wyk” that surname it made me want to laugh but I kept it in, she had obviously gotten her hands on the old man. I also introduced myself and told her that I will see her around she should enjoy her jogging and walked back home. I found my husband in the kitchen cooking, the way he was throwing things around I could hear he was still angry, I sat down and watched tv, when he was done he dished up for me, the food didn’t look appetizing but I had skipped lunch with all the drama that had been going on and I was starving, I put the spoon in my mouth and almost spat the food out, it was ugly and disgusting my husband’s eyes were glued on me probably waiting for my reaction, I smiled and said the food was lovely, my man can cook but this I don’t know what it was, it tasted like poison, maybe he was trying to kill me after that fight. He ignored me and ate his food, I had no choice but to down the poison that I was being fed. I don’t know how but I actually finished the food as disgusting as it was but after every spoon I took I had a sip of juice just to kill the taste of my tongue. When I was done I took the plate to the kitchen then I realised there was a sms on my phone I had left my phone in the kitchen next to my husband’s the sms was from Mfundo it read “I’m going to tell Mthobisi everything, I will make sure you lose everything Lesedi, your job, your husband and eventually your life, you crossed a wrong person.” I deleted the sms immediately. I asked Mthobisi if he wanted something from the kitchen he said no I decided to wash the dishes as I was washing dishes my husband’s phone rang, he asked me to bring it to him I looked to see who was calling it said “Mfundo”, I dropped the phone without answering then shouted “it’s my mom, she’s probably looking for me coz my phone is off” that was the first thing that came to my mind I knew the bastard would call again so I quickly put his phone on silent and put just like I thought he called back, I dropped again and put the phone in my ear and said “Hey Ma” luckly my husband’s back was on me so he could not see what I was doing and he was watching soccer highlights so he was focusing on that. I removed the phone from my ear and kept saying “yes mom” meanwhile I had the phone in my hand I blocked Mfundo’s numbers, then I went to my husband’s whatsap and blocked Mfundo in there as well then delete his calls on call history and called my mom just to make sure in case hubby checked his call history. I was shaking like a leaf as I was doing this, I had never done anything like this before, my mom answered the phone I didn’t even say hello I couldn’t say hello because hubby thought I was already talking to her so I just told her how much I missed her, my mother asked what was wrong and I told her nothing I just really miss them and I then went to the other room and told her I was pregnant and what the doctor had said and I broke down and started crying like a small baby, I could her in my mom’s voice that she also wanted to cry but she was trying to be strong for me she told me whatever decision I made she would support it and that she loved me very much, moms can be so comforting at times I felt a bit better after talking to her. I went back and put my husband’s phone on the kitchen table and hoped and prayed that the fool that I brought into my life does not call back with a private number and since I couldn’t block private numbers from coming in my best option was to put all phones on silent. I went back to my husband and decided to humble myself even though I was not wrong this time and apologize, marriage is about compromising, I needed to remember that, I apologised for slapping him and for swearing at him, he said it was fine I must just make sure it never happens again the last thing he wanted was to be one of those husbands who got abused by their wives. It was a Friday so we decided to stay up and watch movies and try and not think about our messy situation just this weekend, we were going to stay and home and just bond as a couple. Mthobisi stood up and said it’s strange that his phone hasn’t rang in 2 hours he asked me where his phone was I quickly stood up and told him that I would go and get it I wanted to make sure there were no calls from Mfundo even though I had blocked with technology you can never be too sure. I hurried to the kitchen, my husband was right behind me as soon as I took his phone of the table he grabbed it off my hand and said “thanks Honey” and went through his messages and missed calls and went “shit how did I miss so many calls? Was the volume that loud that we didn’t hear the phone ringing?” I didn’t respond to this. I grabbed my phone I had a couple of missed calls from my sister and Mfundo, I figured my mom must have told my sister I was so not going to call my sister back, the last thing I wanted was to hear people’s sympathy, sorry was not going to fix my situation so people could keep their sorry’s shame, sometimes when I’m going through rough times I find it best to first deal with it on my own before sharing it with other people. There were a few whatsap messages from my friends asking about the baby shower and when am I going to know the sex of the baby, eish once people know that you are pregnant all they ever talk about is baby this, baby this, it really gets boring, I didn’t reply to any of the baby questions. I checked my text’s and there was one from Mfundo it read “I’m outside your complex, I’m here to tell your husband everything.” Oh my gosh, panic set in, I started pacing, Mthobisi was busy talking on the phone, it was a cold night but out of the blue I started sweating, the bastard was serious about destroying my life, I didn’t know whether to run outside and go to the gates and try and chase him away or just sit there and cross my fingers that he doesn’t get in, but I knew with money you can buy your way into anything if he showed security at the gate R200, they will open the gates for him with a colgate smile on their faces. Another sms came through from Mfundo, open the door I’m outside knocking, there was no knock at our door then it hit me, the idiot didn’t know our new place, I wanted to jump up and down with joy, I replied to the sms and said “Go and fuck yourself you fool.” The more I thought about it the more I realised that this man was serious about destroying my life and the best thing for me to do was to just confess, come clean with my husband before Mfundo comes and twists the truth, there was no way I could keep Mfundo from finding my husband sooner or later the 2 worlds were bound to collide and in my situation the collision was happening faster than I had ever imagined and all I had to do was roll with the punches as difficult as it seemed confessing was the only way out of this situation.
“Honey, I need to tell you something, it’s very important. Something happened between Mfundo and I and I am not very proud of it in fact I’m ashamed, it’s been eating me up and I think it’s best that you hear about it from me than from anyone else.” My husband’s vein in the head popped out the first sign of anger but he was trying to act calm “out with it Lesedi, what the hell did you do?”
Tears just rolled down, I was about to destroy my marriage.