Memois – Chapter One Hundred and Nine

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

You know at times there are people you try to pretend do not exist and you do this by trying not to think about them, talk to them or be in their presence. Khanyi I had worked so hard over the last couple of weeks to try and deny her existence. She too had not aid much to me in a bit and for a while I had allowed myself to believe that she had forgotten about me. Wishful thinking I know. You know how many relationships end simply by you forcing the two of you to drift apart. You blame it on time, money, work or anything else just so not to blame yourself. Usually at some point that person will meet someone else and they will accuse you of neglecting them not exactly cheating on them. That’s what I had been aiming for with Khanyi. Did not want her causing a scene so it was best not to go and break her heart if she had one and rather let her down gently through my actions. Well now she had changed the game!

I did not panic call her or anything. Instead I replied and simply said,

“Ok cool!”

I am told that response is often annoying to many but what else could I say. Why had Lindiwe not called me though? Did this mean that Lindiwe had done all the talking whilst Khanyi just sat there and listened? Highly unlikely! Another thing that bugged was that Lindiwe and Khanyi had not gotten along from the time they had met. Why then would Lindiwe all of a sudden start opening up to Khanyi? Again that did not make sense. I decided to call Lindiwe. She was awake which I did not find surprising because I already knew she was superwoman when it comes to work. Truth be told a woman who works hard on her work is super sexy not just work hard on your hair and nails! There are women who will do anything just to look good no wonder why they end up dating sugardaddies so they can post pictures on instagram!

The first thing she asked me was why I had not been to work and I explain that I have been going through mariatl problems but nothing to hectic. At times it really is easier telling the truth as opposed to creating a lie which you will then be forced to try and maintain. Everyone our age understands what marital problems means and very few will ask too many questions as they know it’s personal and private. She sympathised with me and then asked why I was calling so late as it was not like me. I apologized for that of which she said it was cool as she was due for a break and she would rather speak to someone she liked meaning me! Flattered. I told her the message Khanyi had sent me and lied that I was clueless as to why.

“Please don’t tell me you have something with her too come on man that would be just sick!”

She said. Some questions guide you to how you must respond. She had already used the word sick meaning that obviously I was going to deny any involvement. She told me that Khanyi had indeed called her and asked for lunch to clear the air. She had denied her that request because why would she need to clear the air with someone who was not even her friend and she might never see again in her life. It did not make sense to her so she had denied. That is how the conversation had ended. Lindiwe said she did not want to deal with these ghetto mentality people so she was never going to entertain her. I knew why she was saying that, the incident between them at my gate. They had a grudge so I knew I was safe for now. We spoke a bit more about work and that was that.

So Khanyi had tried to trick me into telling her about Lindiwe and I. Yes I was now a step ahead but this was a problem. Khanyi knew something or suspected something! Why on earth was she so fascinated by my life though? Hadn’t Asthandile told her we are fixing things or had that been a trick too?

When I went to sleep I clearly had a few things to think about. I was tired though after all the things that had happened. Sex is hard work. I didn’t even see the girls. As soon as my head hit the pillow I passed out.

“Please go check if Pick n Pay is open. We need a few things for the braai!”

My wife said shaking me up! What time was it? I checked the time and it waas after 9am. Wow had I slept that long?

“Which braai is this?”

I asked her annoyed at being woken up.

“I invited Khanyi and some people to come through. I also used your phone and invited Dalu, his wife and that lawyer lady you went to Jhb with. Loosen up Mxolisi this will be fun!”

She said excited. My wife loved hosting things even though she hated cleaning up.

“But why did you use my phone?”

I asked her,

“One, because I did not have their numbers and two, it had to be like you were the one doing the invites so they can’t say no. Everyone invited confirmed so don’t worry your friends love you!”

She said because kissing me on the lips and saying I should get up!

Another day, new drama!
*****The End*****

Michael Nkulululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

you really good at what u do keep it up.

Hi guys am 23yrs and i’ve being dating my bf for 4months now and he lost his job a month after we started dating and I have to help him financially,paying his his rent buying food etc and he still demands more…worst part is I have never ever received a cent from him even transport money when I visited him and I feel its too early for me to be doing all that 4him am I wrong or must I continue helping him?

Thank u

60 thoughts on “Memois – Chapter One Hundred and Nine

  1. Thanks bra Mike for the early dose. QnA. Girl are you mad or what? Uve only been dating this guy for 4 months and you already taking care of him like he is your husband. SORRY but that’s just too much. And it seems like he doesn’t even appreciate what you do for him and acts as if you owe him hense he demands more! It is very possible for this man to leave you when he gets a job even though you have helped him this much. Wake up sisi! Don’t let yourself be used like this. And deep down you know that this guy is just not okay.

  2. Thanks Mikeesto, daily dose, wonder what that witch wife if plotting now. Woza Monday.

    Thandeka, if lebhari yakho was stingy and has a nerve to demand more of your moola, there is no future apho sweety. I mean like damn, you buy him groceries, put clothes on his sorry ass and he demands more? If you love this dude, tell him to get a bloody piece job, can’t be feeding guys at 23 sisi, what’s your Mom to think? Next thing you will be pregnant and he will probably make you pay him the damages for the baby…

    If he don’t get a job, leave him, 4months is a day and a half to forget. Let him go Thandeka, akayofola loyo ukujwayela kabi.


  3. Thanks Mike. Another day in the life of Mxolisi, more fires to put out – all the fireworks in one place and the braaistand to light everybody up. Actually feel sorry for this guy.
    A to Q: dump him – hhayi kabi, but this is too much buggage for a 4 month old relationship.

  4. QnA: Hey Thandeka I personally feel that it’s WAY to early to be helping your boyfriend out at this stage. I mean its not your fault that he lost his job. What if you guys don’t work out? Then you gonna regret for ever helping him out. I think helping him out with his bills should only be thought of when he puts a ring on it. and especially now you say he’s getting demanding. SO UNGRATEFUL

  5. I once saw a quote,on face book it said if you are living with a man paying all the bills then you are a lesbian,as your living with a b@tch. You are his mum not as partner at 23 your dealing with problems 10years older then you. People will tell you to stick by him things will change at the end of the you will always be the provider always wear the pants and be expected to do woman duties as well, if that’s for you then stay. That’s the reality. And if u choose that path learn to except your situation and try not to be bitter.

  6. only 4 months???? hayi sisi dumb him! i cannot stand lazy men who want to be supported by women. a man should be a man and have pride! he should move back to his mother’s house, there is no shame in that!

  7. CC you haven’t dated this guy long enough for you to be doing so much 4 him already. personally i think he’s using you 4 your money, if wena you were not in his life who would be doing all this for him? paying Rent is nje is just too much.

  8. Q/A: hey Thandy sorry gal been der done dat in de name of trying 2 help or feeling sorry 4 him, dis man is taking advantage of u, u need 2 do urself a favour do sumthing dats gonna benefit u in future wit dat money cause once he get another job he is gonna live u & start shitting all ova u. besides if u were nt der hu ws gonna help him, if he cnt afford rent he mst move back 2 his parents or relatives. he is ur man nt ur bby… rather give ur mom dat moola dan a smooc h u dnt knw. r u even sure he lost de job or he ws nt working or maybe dat wat he dd 2 ada woman

  9. Great read Mike,I wonder what Asthandile is up to at this point. Indeed another day another drama.

    Thandeka sisi I know you may love this guy but you need to STOP supporting this guy ASAP. Indoda iyaphanda, I’m sure he no orphan and has family. Honestly its way too early in ur relationship to be doing such,seems like he is just happy with u providing for him and I bet you even give him money to go out with his friends and guilt trips u most the time and u end up giving it to him of which most the time u probably even stay behind. You STOP supporting him and if possible WALK AWAY. Its sounds to much of a coincidence that he would lose his job a month after yol started dating and now living of u,he knew he would get his way with u and u did just that and 4months down u still his provider,he probably even has another gf. Just walk sisi u being used by this prick of a boy.

  10. A 2 Q : My dear Thandeka you can not do that, wake up and smell the coffee. Stop spoiling the guy because he won’t have a reason to look for a job if you continue doing that to him, because he have an income you are his ATM

  11. Thandeka sisi baleka ungabheki emuva uyadliwa la!you are too young for this,he must move back with his parents as he is not working.I can assure you as soon as he gets a job he will dump you and get someone who is unemployed to support.talkingfromexperience.

  12. Tjo Mxolisi ungade lol@ another day, new drama! thanks bhuti

    @ Thandeka – sisi i agree with the others this is way too early for you to be supporting this man who is not even grateful for what you are doing for him, did he not have savings for a rainy day that you would support him from month 1 of loosing his job? Nawe nje unemali yokudlala, he should be going out there looking for work of ANY kind at least then you will know he is trying but nje uhleli endlini and expects you to provide for him. Hayi what kind of man is he? Has he no pride? Just walk away already

  13. Thandeka,

    I found it so hard not to comment so here I am, darling I am the same age as you my bf and I have been together for over 2 years. He lost his job a few months back and guess what?! He refuses to take my money, he’d rather ask his mom than ask me. When I got upset and asked him why he does that, he told me straight up that the role of a man is to provide for his lady and he can’t be out here asking from me. He said we’re not even married yet so he’ll remain his mother’s baby. I’m not saying that makes him better but i’m saying that this guy you’re with is a litch. Walk away sweety. Its too early for you to even be tryna provide for this guy. Girl you’re young go spend your money on clothes and shoes rather lol

  14. Dankie Maphoto

    A2Q lol ay thandeka to me kubonakala ngathi you the boyfriend in this relationship and he is your girlfriend

    Ask your self are you ready to play that part


  15. Thank u Mike for the daily dose, useyancika ke manje lo Asithandile ndini,,,,,,,
    Thandeka cc that man is REALLY using u, baleka now and don’t look back, umuthole enamazinyo egcwele umhlathi, at such age you can’t be supporting a grown ass man and i even wonder if your family knows about this, if your inner voice says its wrong stop right now cause it won’t get any better..if this can help, im actually talking from experience, wathola umsebenzi wakhala amaphepha dear

  16. Where is his family through all ths? You helping him will make things worse. He will be in a comfortable and not bother looking for a job. I once helped my 3year bf bt I gave him a notice that if he doesn’t get a job by then him and I we are over. And trust me he went out and got a piecejob. Do the same

  17. thnx mike! a2q u should’nt have done that frm da first place i mean 4 mnth kuse early gqithi ngk u seem like u r desparate ,if u love da guy dat much da r many ways of showing him without supporting him financially

  18. Hi Mike!
    Thank you for the entry.
    I am not one to complain or comment but I can’t hold it anymore. Memoirs seems to be getting shorter and shorter with every entry. Today’s one should have been a bit longer bearing in mind that it is the only entry for this week. I feel robbed. It feels like the more you write for rumblings the less you do for Memoirs. Not all of us read Rumblings, so waiting for Memoirs only to get a short entry that’s spaced too much and has too many adverts bombarding the page is no fun.


    Sisi weeh, vuka tu. As long as you pay his rent and provide for him, he will not find reason to work because his “mother” is taking care of him. Kusuka lapho uzolala nentombi yakhe kuyo lendlu oyi rentile. You owe him nothing. Open a savings account and save your money, you’ll need it in the future

  19. A2Q is a God given responsibility 2 man 2 feed his family, becouse the last time a woman feed a man we all got kicked out of da garden of Eden .

  20. Thanks Mike .Monna woo wa hlalefanyana bjalo lol.n Wena Thandeka ar u sure this man of your was working?I just have a feeling he lying or he lost his job longtime ago.He think your miss money .Stop doing that, 4 month is nothing.He never give u a send or pay for transport!so wena y bother!

  21. ahhh Mxolisi is being played AGAIN…what happened to once bitten, twice shy?? This man never learns! Great Chapter Mike đŸ™‚

    A: Thandeka wake up and smell the coffee! This guy will be your boyfriend for aslong as he can benefit from your and as soon as he gets back on his feet he will drop you like a hot potato, I have seen these things happening. I believe NO MEN or shall i say REAL men will want to depend on his lady for that long, has your bf no pride? what level of cowardliness is that? Has he even been trying to get a job? were is his family? You can’t raise ANOTHER WOMAN’S CHILD, I’m sorry but honey you deserves REAL man!

  22. Ja neh…new day, new drama indeed

    Thandeka my luv, walk away cc. Maybe he’s still with u bcoz he’s jobless. 4 months its not 4 years, walkaway cc

  23. Thandeka, Sthandwa sam,

    This guy better be a satyriasis with the effects of a young nyana Himeros in bed, after all you are doing for him you should at least have gotten something out of this whole ordeal he’s putting you through. Just food for thought though, have you considered that he might have not been working before he met you, also remember we should never let our self-worth be proportional to what other people think of us or treat us.

    You deserve so much better, don’t get lured in the folklore of how brighter days are coming and he might be a millionaire in future, this guy sounds like he’s hustling you and ha a fetsa ha a na dankie. Kick his broke derriere to the curb but remember to get some good loving just before he leaves, the dating pull is quite shallow dees dae but that doesn’t mean we should settle for any detritus that comes our way. Be patient, don’t slut it up and a decent deserving guy will come your way.

  24. I think Thandeka has heard that everyone has given her guy a vote of no confidence. If I could I would copy and paste what Jackzorro and kim said. Know your worth girl.

  25. QnA i dedicate joyous celebration’s “Baleka” song to you.
    You shuldn’t be doing that at your age, i once found my self in the same situation as yours but the difference is he was staying in my flat. i used to buy him clothes, cooked for him and washed his clothes and all he did was sit all day and watch tv. i always felt like i owed him something coz he never appreciated wat i did for him. one day i asked him to go back home coz i culdnt anymo. he ddnt want to go back and that’s how we broke up. So sisi kuzoksiza ukubaleka while it’s still early before it starts to affect the way u think about men.

  26. Nice read…Lets see what’s gonna happen at the braai.
    Thandeka….Like Jackzorro said leave him if he continues this way only 4 months and he wants to fully depend on you. No way. He is using you.
    Am I the only 1 who looks foward to Jackzorros comments Lol. #Fan

  27. My love I gavbeen in tht situation n I ended the relationship few weeks ago ,u cnt kp on feeding him ,he needs to take care of u not the other way round ,WALK AWAY.

  28. Hai Mxolisi got married to a devil’s daughter whom I can call a wife from hell dam, wonder what she got planned on her sleeves

  29. New drama indeed!!! Mxolisi watch out!!! QnA: sis u can’t b srs, u only know da dude for 4 mnth! U can’t b paying his bill, he will milk u dry, just stop helpng him then he will wake up.

  30. Sweet tnx Mike..QnA Cc the moment he s back on feet, He will dump u rather do dumping now my dear, 4mnths is lik 2days 4get him, fact he’s nt appreciating wt u doing fr him yingozi kuphela….

  31. Weeeeee Look at What the cat dragged in, She didn’t invite Lindiwe as well did she! LOL The Ish is gonna hit the Fan. This wife thou is also Scandalous, she and Khanyi planned this Ish……Partners in crime, Run Very Very Fast brother b 4 u find urself in a foursome with them old ladies lol

  32. Hawu Thandeka ngane yami,Waze wadliwa bo!!!. Did he really have a job?? I’m starting to think that he lied to you and he is one of those men who enjoy being supported by a woman. Baleka my dear or else usazokudla sisi.

    1. I also suspect the same. He lied about having a job & was probably using the ex’s money to sustain himself that 1st month that you met. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. At 23 you should be focusing on building YOUR OWN future, not another man’s one.

  33. Thanks Mikey, Great stuff Always,

    T, you have done more than enough sisi, if a person demands more while you are busy nursing changing their diapers inja leyonto. its way too premature to be doing such stuff in relationship, inamanga nje futhi lenja, someone said maybe he wasn’t working all along, i think that’s true , ( he lost his job a month after dating you), thats a damn lie, maybe was dumped by some sugar mama who was tired of his sorry S.

  34. Are u sure he had a job in the first place? Honey I don’t belive that money matters in a relationship however to me it seems like u being played! Another thing if he was really a man he would appriciate what you do for him and not be demanding!!!he is ungreatful

  35. Qna thandeka sisi leave the douchebag for all u know he never was going to do anything for you..been there done that its too early in the relatiinship u shoudnt be compromising and sacrificing..if he cant pay rent he must go home and stat there and start marketing. He has little pride nje by the mere fact dt afta you have done so much for him he still demands more..u hv ur own needs use ur money for urself that is nt ur husband

  36. great work Mike.. I feel sorry for Mxo, those ladies are playing wit him shame!!! especially his wife..

    Q&A Thandeka I almost got the same comment as “TO”. I have been dating my bf over 2yrs.. He also lost his job few months ago. The different, he used to give me money (not more than R300) for transport while he was employed and we were dating. When he lost his job, I supported him financial but not more than R200 per month.. I also reminded him dat he must get job asap!! i cant continue provide for him, I have needs.. Guess what? He got a job now.. In your situation (4 months) is too early to help him that much.. Communicate with him, scream if u want to, mara dont dump him for money.. just wena you shud stop popping money to him so that he wake up and smell the coffee.

  37. Hai Thandeka mus this guy has turned you into his SASSA! Where is his pride, ka 4 months he’s already leeching on you? You realise that now you have set a precedent that you will support him even if he goes on to marry you? Neeh man khaba lenja, buy yourself a vibrator with the money that you were supposed to buy his Christmas clothes with and the only maintenance you’ll be doing is batteries!

  38. Lol @ ms lee ,you go gal. U damn right we got kicked out of the garden . so Thandeka baby wake up what ur doing is not normal for a gal, Because one thing I have realised about men is they are ungrateful .the thanks u gonna get from all of this is being cheated and when you don’t take everything well and act irrational then society will blame it all on you. Just walk away before you carry another mouth to feed . And dont be fooled we living in a 21st centuary where money is everything. Setswana sare monna wa modidi ga rote. They Only meant that woman are expensive if your a man and you dont have money you wont afford to have one of your own.

  39. But why people cheat if cheating is such a pain. This is too much work for me,I’d loose weight n won’t have to go to the gym I swear.
    Thanks Mike.
    QnA I feel for your bf but its all happening too soon. Was he really working? And why was it hard for him to help you financially and he doesn’t seem to mind you giving it to him? I smell a big shark here

  40. Thandeke to be honest u are encouraging a bumb why on earth would a man willingly take money from a woman he just recently met. Get rid of him before u really develop feelings for him.

  41. Thnx Mike, Asthandile ia always up to something. Thandeka sisi Baleka ngenyawo zombili lendoda iyakukhwahla ayiphumi iyofuna amatoho ihlale ilinde ukukhangeza kuwena ngisho unina m sure would never do what u doing for him esekhule engaka

    1st of all, u can not tell me u got into a relationship not more dan a month after dating? So y wud u support a guy within a month of u dating? I hope u r paying rates for your mamas houese and you also buying groceries for your family without any complains. This guy is using u and u see it but u pretending to b blinded yo love.

  43. Mxoli first he said that woman was a dam good lawyer obviously she lies betta then him,yooooohuh hate to b him,a think after this his gone cut his own balls of

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