No girl ever dreams of one day being a woman with kids but no husband. I know we have so many single mothers but even today culture dictates that there should be a man in your life. Even your mother if she is a single mother encourages you to find a good husband! That’s the bullshit that leaves a lot of girls with broken hearts, abusive husbands or worse, victims of HIV thanks to the men in their lives. You are forced to seek a man especially when you are above 25. Do you know how weird you look to not only others but yourself when you are 29 and have no kids and do not seem to be looking towards getting a husband. Yes. Even if you resisted the temptation of getting pregnant at some point it gets awkward being the aunt, that’s what your friends kids call you, without children. At parties you the one drinking the most wine because you are free and independent yet lonely and alone. Does not matter how big your car is if being a career woman was your goal because at some point being a mother trumps all that success. Sadly at this stage you are too wise to the world, have nursed too many broken hearts of your now single mother friends to want to get a steady boyfriend perhaps husband for yourself. You tell yourself that this is exactly why you avoided getting pregnant but two three months down the line when you see that now single mother friend of yours be so happy with her child you are now left in a conundrum. To be alone or to make babies? Where do you find a good husband though? What is a good husband? I can tell you this right now with all the confidence I can master, if I was president for a day I would have all men that run away from maintenance castrated because clearly they are not responsible enough for its use! Why give imbeciles such a powerful tool to play with when clearly they don’t know the responsibilities that come with its use! A dick is not a toy!
I broke my virginity in my first year of university. It was not even peer pressure. I was curious and I had dated Tidimalo long enough for me to give him my cherry. Yes I knew he was cheating but as young love dictates, I had to leave it. Besides he was the one guy I knew would be gentle and patient enough to take me through it. I did not want some over hungry buffoon to rip through my sensitive lady. I didn’t enjoy the sex though and yes I had nothing to measure it against I just felt as though it could have been better. Something was missing. Maybe I had waited too long into the relationship to get some so now that mystery and awe of seeing him had gone away. I had seen him naked a few times. You know how guys don’t mind taking off their clothes at every chance they get. I had given him a handjob and blowjob on a few occasions just like he had muffed me and fingered me. The latter am not really a fan of because I have noticed when his arm starts to get tired he gets rougher because all he wants for you at that stage is to orgasm. See I was no prude. I drank on occasion but rarely because my mother was a bit hectic so it had to be on those occasion she went away to funerals. interestingly there were never weddings far enough for her to go! Sigh!
Getting into Tuks was not what I would say a dream come true because my first choice had been UCT or Stellenbosch, far from my mother but both rejected me, OK I lie, UCT was crazy expensive and Stellies didn’t even bother replying. I kid you not! UJ was first and Wits also accepted but bother were too close to home. With a mother like mine you do not want to be too close to home because she might just rock up. I was in residence meaning that making friends especially in orientation week was the easiest thing imaginable. As time goes on however you sift through the rubble and end up with your so called gems. My closest friends, Zama Mpanza, a crazy yet brilliant girl from Ladysmith, Meladi from Potchefstroom again gifted in her on way but unlucky in love and Aurelia a Durban girl who not only was a socialite but we all aspired to dress like her and carry ourselves the way she did. Simple maths really, all the boys liked her so we strove to be her, she had a rejection rate second to none. Didn’t matter how rich you were, she would say no and when you get to university you get all sorts of rich men of all ages trying to get you with their money. I can safely say, thanks to Aurelia we did not fall for their tricks. Beautiful and strong! I like that.
I remember when I met Mudenda. It was at the Engineering breakfast and we were not even studying Engineering. As usual breaking the rules was Zama’s idea (she was studying Town Planning) and she convinced all of us that we needed to be there. For some reason we always got in trouble when Zama came up with an idea yet it was so hard to resist when she started convincing you. We found ourselves there and we’re allowed in because the guy at the door turns out had a thing for Aurelia and turns out would stalk her throughout university! Matamela Mawasha that boy, yah neh! He made us sit next to Mudenda and his boys and that’s were we struck a conversation. He was originally from Botswana but his father worked and lived in Pretoria meaning his branch of the family were now locals. He had a polite demeanor about him but kept on cracking jokes which would eventually get us all kicked out.
“Since you got me thrown out that means you must take me to Wimpy and buy me breakfast!”
He said as soon as we were outside the building. I was not sure who he was talking because we were four girls.
“I don’t eat breakfast because I am on a diet and besides you are the one that could not keep quiet.”
Aurelia responded. Usually she was the one that gets approached first so it was obviously her he was asking. Lol I laugh when I look back because the dynamics of our group just made the rest of us groupies.
“Yes Miss Aurelia you might not eat breakfast but I was hoping you would come so that you bring Faith here with you so that I will be able to ask her out again… keep up!”
He said smiling and spoke as though I was not even there! Wait a minute had he just asked me? In my group I had never been asked before! It’s always the others and with the way Aurelia reacted I knew the girls had noticed and felt sorry for me!
“I love breakfast. I have class but fuck it, I can’t concentrate on an empty stomach!”
She said. I stood there for a moment and Zama shoved me from the back and hissed,
Making everyone laugh even Meladi who was forever serious. Mudenda had dreadlocks and I don’t even like dreadlocks!
My friends were setting me up but with this being university this was considered fun and spontaneous.
My mother would be so proud!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Thank you for reading. I am a university student and stay in res. Last week I attended a chill session in the res next to mine where there four girls (myself included) and two guys. I was invited by my room mate as these were her friends. I had just gotten my ass kicked in my last exam so I was game to let loose. We drank a lot. Eventually people started playing games, I don’t even know who started the games and they were obviously spin the bottle and so on. We are done with exams so we were celebrating I guess. However in the games I was dared to do things with a girl and I did so. I am fairly conservative but I remember that we went all the way with this girl. I am so ashamed Mike and I don’t know what to do. It’s not about church but I am a firm believer which makes this more difficult. I just found out that the girl is actually a lesbian meaning I feel as though I was set up. Must I tell my boyfriend what happened? My room mate says it was just good fun I must not stress but I noticed that even her now when she changes she hides from me. I think she thinks I am lesbian. I am not saying I want to look at her but we were never awkward before.
What do I do guys? I can’t even look at myself in the mirror!