Rumblings – Chapter Four

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

I don’t know why people get so flustered when you change your Facebook status. Firstly, the account belongs to you. It does not belong to them. Truth be told most guys do not have a relationship status that indicates you exist. Even Tidimalo himself. His status said it’s complicated and I had asked him a few times to change it but so often he had an excuse. He told me that as a girl if I said that mine was single it basically meant every guy on Facebook would hit on me and some would stalk me. At the time it made sense. He was furious. He asked me how I can change my status when we were still together. He asked what people would say that knew us. It was so weird really. He was not lying either, people immediately started asking if I broke up with him. We were never a perfect couple but all of a sudden everyone who knew us was concerned. I made a conscious decision that this would be the last time I would put my relationship status for all to see because when people start asking questions it’s often difficult to keep up. He asked me to put it back if everything was fine between us which at this stage it was but I refused. It was my turn to bullshit him. I told him that it was childish now because I was in university. Only teenagers do it and I was not about that life anymore. Needless to say I won that argument and from then on our relationship started to drift whilst on the other end things between Mudenda and I could not be better. It’s not because Tidimalo was messing up, nope, it was because Mudenda was there and I could see him often. That’s the reality of relationships. If you are not present then the guy that is makes more sense and starts to mean more. I was officially cheating and had no regrets whatsoever. Holidays I would spend with Tidimalo but eventually the distance between us grew and we broke up. Now I could give myself fully to the man I loved.

In my third year I did the unthinkable. We decided to move in together. It was a three bedroom apartment on Hilda making it a walk away from campus. Our third flatmate was hardly ever there because he worked and often out of town. Most girls in university practically live with their men. It’s not shocking for those around you because everyone does it. Even if we has have our own flat we sleep over, eat, cook, bath, do laundry and sleep at his place. That’s what we call relationships. At this stage I had already gathered that my mother would never visit because in the last two years she had not. I stayed too close to home so it was always me that went home.
I had to give a brief background on how we met and why he was the best boyfriend you could ever dream of. I know hey, they do say all that glitters is not gold and that has to be the truest adage when it comes to relationships. Like most women I suffer from hectic period pains. I dread the days as they get closer and whoever said God could be a woman was not thinking straight! I would never wish the pain I go through every month to anyone. Hell no. The moment I start spotting I pray that not again. I almost missed one of my exams in my matric because of this. My mother being a nurse obviously had access to medication and good contraceptive knowledge. Needless to say by the time I was in university I had been on contraceptives for a long time. Girl world! With a mother like mine and my desire to graduate I was always careful and never made a mistake. We got tested, it was his idea actually because he was in Red Cross society and we did this regularly. He was a blood donor as well as an athlete which just made him all round perfect.

When you first miss your period you don’t panic. You count the days of your last period a hundred times in your head just to be certain and even then you start to doubt yourself. Don’t kid yourself most girls don’t mark the calendar every time we go on cycle. I was on the pill and I had a man who loved me. It’s only around day three that it hits that you are later than usual. When I was younger, before the pill I had an irregular cycle and once it did not come at all. Maybe my cycle was returning to that earlier stage I don’t know. I did not tell Mudenda immediately because I did not want him to panic. I told Zama and without hesitation she said if I was pregnant I must not even hesitate I must abort because she won’t have a drinking partner. She meant it as a joke but her words hit home. To her I could not keep the baby. Where would I put it? He often teased towards us having three kids together after school. He was working now, an intern at Deloitte and fortunately he was still based in Pretoria. Mudenda had never been a poor kid meaning that working did not bring out the monster in him like most guys. I was a year behind him so it meant I was graduating soon. Three days late soon became three weeks and it was then I confirmed my worst fears. I pee’d on a stick and it was official I was pregnant.

I know we are told that when a woman gets pregnant it should be the happiest day in your life. Rubbish! Even though I was happy with my man that is the last thing I wanted! I did not want this at all. Zama’s words kept ringing in my ears. I called all my girls to discuss this because I could not make a decision on my own. Meladi who had recently found Jesus said I should keep the baby and so di Aurelia. It was only Zama that was reluctant of me to keep the baby but she vowed come what may she will be there for me.

Eventually I went and told Mudenda. He seemed genuinely happy and said that we were keeping the baby. I was so happy that he was in support. The worrying part was that he did not mention lobola or any such thing. I did not mind too much though because he was doing the responsible thing.

It was a Sunday morning five months into my pregnancy. My mother was not talking to me because I got pregnant, my sister was missing again when everything changed. I have always been a loyal girlfriend and my boyfriend could go through my phone anytime. He was playing a game on my phone and I was lying on his chest when an sms came in. It read…

“You have been quiet since the last time we had sex. Is that loser of yours not allowing you to talk to me anymore lol. Tidi”

Mudenda asked me who this was and stupidly I said I don’t know who it is must be a wrong number. I had long deleted his number but I knew the number by head. I knew whom it was.

That message was not meant for me clearly. I had not seen him for over a year and even then it was a greeting on the street when I was going to the shops. I did not expect Mudenda to do what he did next. Immediately he called the number back and when the idiot picked up he said,

“Hey babe!”

Again he did not mean it like that. Mudenda asked,

“Who is this?”

Of which Tidimalo on the other side replied,

“Who are you? Is this not Faiths phone?”

Nail in the coffin. Mudenda hung up and said,

“Thought you don’t know who the person is!”

Stood up, got out of bed and went to the bathroom. For some reason Mudenda was convinced something was up. My life and that of my baby was over!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Hi Mike

I have a problem here, I have about two months in a relationship with this xhosa guy. I am a Christian and I have just discovered that he uses a lot of muthi, I mean it is everywhere and this got me really scared. I am scared for my life. I am not sure if I should stay or walk away but If I stay at some point I will have to do what he does. Is muthi a witchcraft?


48 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter Four

  1. Ooooouch stupid man Tidimalo how can he ruin faith’s relationship like dat knowing dat man don’t easily forgive Faith will now hv to raise a kid alone,,,Ex boyfriend shud know their place no Smses nor fone call once u brake up!! Thanks Mike for da nice read

  2. I hate ppl who do that! When ur happy and content in ur relationship,that long lost ex just decide to col or text stupid things out of the blue,and that just mess up ur relationship,I know that feeling and worst part,ur partner won’t believe u

  3. Muthi doesn’t always mean witchcraft. People use it to protect themselves and if you’re not using it to harm others then I say its fine.

  4. Yay finally, the drama begins in rumblings!!!!! Tidi is an ass, i don’t like him! sies!

    Durban, muthi is witchcraft my dear, although you don’t have to be scared of him. Your God is greater,however, been in a relationship with him, just won’t work dear , walk away!

  5. I hate it when a guy does what Tidimalo just did, I mean honestly, you haven’t spoken to a person for a year and you send an sms like that. Shady behaviour. ubhoreka kabi shame

    Durban, if you don’t believe in muthi I suggest you don’t associate yourself with a person who does. Irrespective of what the muthi is for, if you are not into that kind of thing then cut your ties dear ngoba usushilo vele ukuthi uyasaba, that is a clear indication that you should run for your life.

  6. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome one buddy.

    Why does he have to be a Xhosa guy though? Couldn’t he be Thabo, Victor or Nkosindiphile? I mean like, what’s the significance in you tribelising it?! Anyway, if you don’t feel comfortable with asking him then I suggest you get lost. Oh and Impepho isn’t muthi,just in case you get confused with what’s what. It would be very interesting to know if you are Black or not. Muthi- witchcraft?? Can someone offer a chill please.
    Darkies are westernised, lighter Jesu.

    1. True dat, its that one thing that annoys about our united state of mzansi, we hate it when our white colleagues say my “BLACK” friend and instead of friends, and claim they not Racist.
      I hear that ish allot and it doesn’t go down well, Wen blacks say wat u expect from Zulu,pedi,venda etc……Anyway such is life.

  7. it starts nice Mike
    I wasn’t sure at some point.
    Girls: The guy that took your innocents especially if you first loved him. Is a name you never mention and lie about if you want piece. Other niggas who dogged u aren’t a problem, its those u claim u where in love with.
    And as niggas we all have atleast that one girl who avoids you, so that she can function(dating,married or single), hence the hatred for the nigga when it comes to your boo.

  8. A2Q
    Walk away NOW!!!! I’m a christian as well and I know that our faith does not allow us to be associated with any muthi, you can’t be sure if that muthi is just herbal tea or its really those things people chew and spit for “luck”, WALK AWAY! Do not be unequally yoked, clearly your beliefs are different! WALK AWAY, find yourself a man with the same belief as you, don’t invite problems in your life. Flee!

    1. @ Lebo your faith does not allow you to be associated with muthi but it allows you to sleep with “brothers” before marriage, hypocrites.

  9. Thanks once more guys for making my day.
    @ confused, u already know what u need to do, cut ties with this guy anf I need be, explain to him why u guys cannot be together, its still early into the relationship for u to quit. U dnt want to find yourself in a long run writing again and asking what to do if he expects u to join him in this muti thing, I feel if he believes that muti will protect him from whatever that he is afraid of, dnt u think since u r not using muti according to him u r not safe? So do yourself a huge favour and run, u sound like a sensible person, dnt complicate your life and end up changing who u r and what u believe in to accormodate some1 in your life. And yes, the belief and use of muti is witchcraft, no matter the intention, obviously he doesn’t believe that God alone can protect him hence the use of muti. So run sister,run.

  10. A2Q: @confused muti is not always which craft, its only considered which craft if used for the bad… we are african and muti is part of our roots. Christian or not sisi you are as black as humanly possible so if wena u truly love your xhosa man who still fully believes in the traditional african way of doing things then stay but if the western ways are what you are not willing to compromise then so be it….. Any way girl you and only you know exactly what you want for yourself in life so do whats best for you.

  11. All I gotta say is damn..Tidimalo guy is a fool tho coz if he ever loved faith,he wouldn’t have done that,don’t they say when u love some1 u wanna see them happy despite fact dat u are with or not with them.Eish B.A.N–>Bitch Ass Nigga

  12. Confused, like Lebo I say run for your dear life. You obviously do not share the same values and take it from me its hard to live with someone like that. My husband was never into muthi when I met him but he later started a business and now he is so much into muthi its scary. I am also Christian but because I am married to him I cannot run away. You are lucky you know about this before you commit to him. As Christians we know we have one solution and our God is jealous otherwise He will leave you to fend for yourself and we do not want that, you know better.

    Dear Bloggers, there is no need to trivialise anything that one of us has said, mentioning the group the guy is from does not necessarily mean they are being tribalistic, otherwise they would not get involved with someone outside their group. Let us focus on the question and not on the way the problem has been presented.

    Also and most importantly let us respect each others’ choices about the way we lead our lives e.g this lady is Christian and she has been made to feel as if she is wrong. Let us grow and learn to be tolerant with one another.

  13. Ngyabonga Jackzorro umuthi is not witchcraft,mina I use umuthi I have it in my room is 2 protect my self kubantu abagangayo at work,so miss I think u betta talk 2 your man ask what is he use muthi 4.

  14. Well done Mr Maphoto

    @Confused,Durban…yho sisi I suggest u speak to ur man, maybe di thlari tse are not harmful to anyone. Nami I’m a christian every sabbath I go to church bt umuthi ngiwusebenzisa strongo nt to harm any1 bt to protect myself kodabs no malumekazi bam n nt to be taken for a ish @ work. M telling u they aint loyal bayaLoya. So talk to him maybe he jst want promotion @ work

    PS siya@gugs,cpt

  15. If she ddn say th guy s xhosa, we would hve assumed that he’s a Nigerian. Whether he’s xhosa Zulu or Mexican. It doesn’t change th fact dat she’s scared. @confused follow yo heart nd do What’s best 4u

  16. Let the drama begin baba:-) A2Q sisi in order for a relationship to succeed there must be compatibility so u and ur man are obviously not compatible… three main things that can kill or build a relationship are RELIGION, MONEY AND SEX DRIVE. If u don’t agree on those 3 things then the relationship is doomed.

  17. Q+A
    Run away. stand firm in what you believe in. unless you make it clear to him that you have never done such shit and not even regarding it. Dont fall short of your Glory my dear

  18. Lol I c pipo catching feelings, I strongly agree with Q. however,durban I think that u and ur “xhosa” guy should part ways unless if u wanna be scared for the rest of urlife!

  19. A2Q. Those from EC say the strongest witches come from Limpopo, Limpopos says KZN, KZN say Zim, etc. so dont worry about the race and how much of the witches they are (clarifying the Xhosa issue).
    I was listening to KayaFM on Wednesday 7-8pm and they were talking about love portion. I suggest you to download that podcast for your nice listening (

    My opinion, most people who use muthi claim to use it for protection (as evidenced above). My problem is that most of them tend to be suspicious of everyone bewitching them so they will need protection against that specific person. Then the things they do to get that protection I call it witchcraft as they sometimes cast a spell against a specific person (what is witchcraft to you differs but to me is casting a spell against specific person).

    I am accepting of people who use herbs for whatever reason and use it moderately. I consider suspicious someone who consult a lot as in my observation, sangoma/inyanga normally blame someone of bewitching so they can give you something to protect yourself; also most of those people tend to use muthi for everything. From you your statement, your bf falls in the second category of people (by the amount of muthi he keeps). It is highly possible that he can go and get something for you to love him more!

    My advice, unless you have a deep/good understanding of muthi and its rules (which I doubt) or your faith is solid (you dont partake on muthi and water stuff) it is in your interest that you run now or you will be sorry! If you are strong in using water or muthi, then you can stay.

  20. Thanx Mike

    Jackzorro & Entle thanx guys. @Q&A if you ur that much of a christian you should know better than to sleep with a man before marriage. Plz consider his position before you judge him with witchcraft or preach to him to change his ways. You might loose a good husband there.

  21. Nina abathy umuthy owok loya. Sobona mhla nanez ntwala kuth nothandaza ziphele yini.. N if url use disprin, panado or grand pa. Naloko kwenziwa ngama herbs nje. Njengawo muthy. Ningazenz ncono..

  22. Nice one Mike.
    QnA I love Mzansi. If u don’t go to the doctor when are sick and all you do is pray for your sore throat I’d say run ngazozombili but if u do go to the Dr,sister have fun with your man. I really don’t get this “muthi” thing. Talk to your man. Let me share this with u. I once had blisters on my feet I tried everything western including Drs but nothing helped till I met this guy and he gave me “muthi” (I hate this word,seriously) and guess what my feet were healed. Praise the Lord. He didn’t kill anyone,he gave me something that was created by God. Talk to your man coz there’s a difference between ukuthakatha nokulapha

  23. Not once did Durban say they are sleeping together though, why are you all assuming that they are? And what does her having sex before marriage have anything to do with this? Some things in a relationship are a deal breaker and if incompatible beliefs are a deal breaker then she must break the deal.

    One of the commenters said shes a staunch christian yet uses muthi for protection not to harm….oh ye of little faith, does God not offer you enough protection? If you feel He doesnt, clearly you have weak faith and without faith you cannot please God. Him alone is sufficient!

  24. Being black is not an excuse to use muthi, its not our roots, everyone makes a choice as to what it is they believe in and seeing as confused chose God all Supreme and powerful muthi is a no go area, don’t be acting all brand new people we all know the bible and God don’t mix with “culture/tradition” stop lying to yourselves!!! And Oooh I try by all means to live according to what the bible instructs and that includes not sleeping with guys or rather “brothers” as you put it enhle before marriage so do not stereotype or generalise cz we aint the same…

  25. @Twapsie I see you 🙂 lol. Lebo you are clearly naïve. When did this whole don’t sleep with guys coz of religion start? Are you a virgin? Black people bathong!!!

  26. Tidi is a sore looser. Thanks Mike for yet another great read. Q&A Dear lady I suggest you talk to your man and you discuss prons and cons of Muthi and his reasons of using it. If you agree to disagree you can follow your heart. All the best

  27. Am I the only one who feels like this diary is moving to fast unlike the other diaries where Mike took us step by step in full details and what not. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the diary and it’s interesting but things are just happening so fast and we only in the fourth chapter. Or maybe I should wait and see what happens next. Thanx Mike

  28. oh Lord have mercy… I think deep down u will all agree with me when i say; this world we living in is tragedic, many moons ago(well 5yrs back) when i was in matric my Headmaster said 2 me dont compromise urselve or believes bcz of what the world says, hobane unfortunately re phela in times where good things, things with morals are considered bad and a tabboo and upnormal whilst things that not good at times and far from being considered moral have now become normal and most welcomed,

    and well thank God i replied when noby wont see this but yes Jackzorro or how ever u name is written, boo i’m still a virgin and dont get me wrong i’m not proud bcz i know that it was bcz of the Grace and the Grace alone…

    Huuu i’v said a mouthfull tankie ka leboha

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