I don’t know why people get so flustered when you change your Facebook status. Firstly, the account belongs to you. It does not belong to them. Truth be told most guys do not have a relationship status that indicates you exist. Even Tidimalo himself. His status said it’s complicated and I had asked him a few times to change it but so often he had an excuse. He told me that as a girl if I said that mine was single it basically meant every guy on Facebook would hit on me and some would stalk me. At the time it made sense. He was furious. He asked me how I can change my status when we were still together. He asked what people would say that knew us. It was so weird really. He was not lying either, people immediately started asking if I broke up with him. We were never a perfect couple but all of a sudden everyone who knew us was concerned. I made a conscious decision that this would be the last time I would put my relationship status for all to see because when people start asking questions it’s often difficult to keep up. He asked me to put it back if everything was fine between us which at this stage it was but I refused. It was my turn to bullshit him. I told him that it was childish now because I was in university. Only teenagers do it and I was not about that life anymore. Needless to say I won that argument and from then on our relationship started to drift whilst on the other end things between Mudenda and I could not be better. It’s not because Tidimalo was messing up, nope, it was because Mudenda was there and I could see him often. That’s the reality of relationships. If you are not present then the guy that is makes more sense and starts to mean more. I was officially cheating and had no regrets whatsoever. Holidays I would spend with Tidimalo but eventually the distance between us grew and we broke up. Now I could give myself fully to the man I loved.
In my third year I did the unthinkable. We decided to move in together. It was a three bedroom apartment on Hilda making it a walk away from campus. Our third flatmate was hardly ever there because he worked and often out of town. Most girls in university practically live with their men. It’s not shocking for those around you because everyone does it. Even if we has have our own flat we sleep over, eat, cook, bath, do laundry and sleep at his place. That’s what we call relationships. At this stage I had already gathered that my mother would never visit because in the last two years she had not. I stayed too close to home so it was always me that went home.
I had to give a brief background on how we met and why he was the best boyfriend you could ever dream of. I know hey, they do say all that glitters is not gold and that has to be the truest adage when it comes to relationships. Like most women I suffer from hectic period pains. I dread the days as they get closer and whoever said God could be a woman was not thinking straight! I would never wish the pain I go through every month to anyone. Hell no. The moment I start spotting I pray that not again. I almost missed one of my exams in my matric because of this. My mother being a nurse obviously had access to medication and good contraceptive knowledge. Needless to say by the time I was in university I had been on contraceptives for a long time. Girl world! With a mother like mine and my desire to graduate I was always careful and never made a mistake. We got tested, it was his idea actually because he was in Red Cross society and we did this regularly. He was a blood donor as well as an athlete which just made him all round perfect.
When you first miss your period you don’t panic. You count the days of your last period a hundred times in your head just to be certain and even then you start to doubt yourself. Don’t kid yourself most girls don’t mark the calendar every time we go on cycle. I was on the pill and I had a man who loved me. It’s only around day three that it hits that you are later than usual. When I was younger, before the pill I had an irregular cycle and once it did not come at all. Maybe my cycle was returning to that earlier stage I don’t know. I did not tell Mudenda immediately because I did not want him to panic. I told Zama and without hesitation she said if I was pregnant I must not even hesitate I must abort because she won’t have a drinking partner. She meant it as a joke but her words hit home. To her I could not keep the baby. Where would I put it? He often teased towards us having three kids together after school. He was working now, an intern at Deloitte and fortunately he was still based in Pretoria. Mudenda had never been a poor kid meaning that working did not bring out the monster in him like most guys. I was a year behind him so it meant I was graduating soon. Three days late soon became three weeks and it was then I confirmed my worst fears. I pee’d on a stick and it was official I was pregnant.
I know we are told that when a woman gets pregnant it should be the happiest day in your life. Rubbish! Even though I was happy with my man that is the last thing I wanted! I did not want this at all. Zama’s words kept ringing in my ears. I called all my girls to discuss this because I could not make a decision on my own. Meladi who had recently found Jesus said I should keep the baby and so di Aurelia. It was only Zama that was reluctant of me to keep the baby but she vowed come what may she will be there for me.
Eventually I went and told Mudenda. He seemed genuinely happy and said that we were keeping the baby. I was so happy that he was in support. The worrying part was that he did not mention lobola or any such thing. I did not mind too much though because he was doing the responsible thing.
It was a Sunday morning five months into my pregnancy. My mother was not talking to me because I got pregnant, my sister was missing again when everything changed. I have always been a loyal girlfriend and my boyfriend could go through my phone anytime. He was playing a game on my phone and I was lying on his chest when an sms came in. It read…
“You have been quiet since the last time we had sex. Is that loser of yours not allowing you to talk to me anymore lol. Tidi”
Mudenda asked me who this was and stupidly I said I don’t know who it is must be a wrong number. I had long deleted his number but I knew the number by head. I knew whom it was.
That message was not meant for me clearly. I had not seen him for over a year and even then it was a greeting on the street when I was going to the shops. I did not expect Mudenda to do what he did next. Immediately he called the number back and when the idiot picked up he said,
Again he did not mean it like that. Mudenda asked,
“Who is this?”
Of which Tidimalo on the other side replied,
“Who are you? Is this not Faiths phone?”
Nail in the coffin. Mudenda hung up and said,
“Thought you don’t know who the person is!”
Stood up, got out of bed and went to the bathroom. For some reason Mudenda was convinced something was up. My life and that of my baby was over!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
I have a problem here, I have about two months in a relationship with this xhosa guy. I am a Christian and I have just discovered that he uses a lot of muthi, I mean it is everywhere and this got me really scared. I am scared for my life. I am not sure if I should stay or walk away but If I stay at some point I will have to do what he does. Is muthi a witchcraft?