As I sat there listening to that man and woman threatening my live hood, at first I was scared then I was annoyed then I was pissed off, when I reached the stage of being pissed off, I stood up so quickly and banged the table with both my hands and told them that if they were here to threaten me then they should leave because it is either they arrest me or get out of my workplace, I told them I am a South African citizen with rights just like anybody else and I am being harassed at my work place for something that I know nothing about, if they had been investigating as hard as they claim to have been then they would be here with a warrant of arrest not here to ask questions about my husband and his mother ,if there was anything they wanted to know about my husband to go to him and not go behind his back, this took them by surprise, I had been silent for some time while they were talking
and I’m sure they were convinced that they had gotten to me. While they were still stunned I stood up and opened the door and signalled for them to get out and told that I have lots of work to do, they looked at each other and headed to the door, when the woman was passing me she said “we will see each other soon”, I ignored her and walked behind them to make sure they exited the reception area, I watched them leave our offices and went back to work.
I found Cindy working hard she was so focused she didn’t even hear me walk in, when I sat that’s when she noticed me she didn’t even ask who those people were, thank goodness because I was not in the mood of explaining so I grabbed my phone and went to the balcony close to the smoking rooms luckily there were no smokers loitering around, I dialled my husband’s number, he answered after three rings, I told him that we were in shit and that there were cops that came to see me, he quickly said he knows and I shouldn’t worry about it and we shouldn’t discuss this over the phone he will come over for lunch and bring me lunch, what am I craving today. Was this man talking about food? Our lives could be going down the drain and he’s worried about lunch. I didn’t respond to the lunch question, I asked him how he knew, he replied “Lee, we’ll talk when I get there, you have nothing to worry about my love.” When people say don’t worry that is when I worry the most, it’s like a person is saying that because they know that they are worried but don’t want to get you worried. After calling my husband I went back to work but I just could not bring myself to focus, I kept thinking about these people from the Hawks, damn we were in serious kak, how the hell were we going to get out of this one.
I have never personally known of anyone being investigated by Hawks, only people I read about in newspaper and saw them on the news covering their faces with jackets it was always serious allegations, on the other hand I had never known of anyone who had been harassed by cops or been to jail till this year when my husband’s true colours came banging at my door. What the hell is going to become of us? I kept checking the time, anticipating lunch time so my husband could get here and we could talk.
At 13:07 my husband called to say he was at the parking lot, I told him I would go and meet him there. I rushed to the parking lot to find my husband with burgers and chips as our lunch, I didn’t feel like eating, my stomach was in a knot it had been in a knot ever since my morning visitors, Mthobisi was eating like we had no problems in the world, I looked at him and asked “how do you do it? How do you act so chilled when we are being investigated by South Africa’s FBI? For all we know they could be going through our dustbins, oh my gosh our phones could be tapped, we are going to jail” my husband smoothly replied “let them investigate all they want I have nothing to hide, I don’t even know why you panicking” I looked at him in amazement, “really? You don’t know why I’m panicking? Where should I start? How about the id’s that were in our house, how about the guns that were in your brother’s bed? Would you like me to go on?” he gave me a blank stare as if he had no idea of what I was talking about, I wanted to slap him so hard but I held myself. So I continued with my questions “how did you know that the cops were here to see me?” he calmly replied “a contact of mine called earlier and told me to get my house in order” my husband coming to my work place was supposed to come and give me answers not this nonsense he was talking, I grabbed my food and told him this was a waste of time and he shouldn’t have bothered coming, I got out the car and slammed the door and left, he shook his head and opened the passenger window and said “Honey, we are not going to jail forget about those cops they have nothing on us.”
Normal couple’s problems are what we are having for diner or which movie are we watching tonight not going to jail shit, this was abnormal in every way I looked at it. I walked away while he was still talking, I made sure I walked in between cars so he doesn’t follow me with his car, I was mad as hell. I went back to the office, and when I got there was an sms on my cell phone from my husband ”make sure you eat your lunch” I deleted the sms and threw myself on the chair and opened the burger and chips and ate, tasted real good I was still angry at my foolish husband but I had to think of the life that was growing inside of me, no matter how angry I was I could not starve myself to punish my husband. I had so much work to complete, I decided to focus on that and by the time Cindy and I were almost done it was 18:15 so we called it a day, I drove home and luckily the traffic by that time had already cooled down. As I was about to take the New Road off-ramp to Midrand I got a call from my husband, I ignored it, he then sent an sms, “are you safe Honey?” I ignored it. I got home parked the car and got in the house to find my husband watching Tv, he was obviously waiting for me, I didn’t greet just shoot straight upstairs, he called after me I ignored him, I got in the bedroom changed into my pyjamas and went to bed and covered myself with blankets. A few minutes later I heard footsteps and knew he was coming, I pretended to be fast asleep even though it would have been impossible to be fast asleep so quick. He came inside the bedroom and I wished that I had locked it, he whispered “Honey, Honey, are you sleeping?” I replied “yes, go away” he said he wasn’t going anywhere until we fixed whatever was bothering me. I told him if he was not going to tell me the truth then I will be going to the guest bedroom to sleep there, I was responding to my husband while still covered in blankets and I was not even looking at him while talking, he grabbed the blankets and removed them off me and said “Okay Lesedi, let’s talk. What would have happened if you knew everything I do, what would have happened with those cops who came to your work?
You would have blurted out everything. This is why I always tell you that it’s best that you don’t know everything, now you can’t go to jail because you know nothing, so stop being such a brat, I am going through hell right now but I am trying my level best not to stress you, I don’t want you worrying about unnecessary shit, it’s mine to deal with and I will handle it, you need to focus on you and the baby” with that he stormed out of the bedroom. Shit, that’s when I realised that things were really bad, I knew it, I thought. I decided to stop being selfish and go and be supportive to my husband I found him downstairs in the kitchen drinking whiskey, I held him from behind and told him I was sorry for being so selfish, he’s emotional blackmail had worked, now the focus had shifted on me and it was about him. I asked him what we were going to do about this he said he had will make a plan he had a lot of resources but this meant that he has to go back to his mother as they were both drowning in the same shit and as much as he didn’t want to speak to her they needed to pull each other out and the one would fail without the other, team work right there. Just hearing about his mother was enough to make my spine go cold. I begged him not to tell her that I was pregnant, he promised me that he would not say anything about my pregnancy to her. He promised me that things will be fine and I should not stress this is not the first time he’s gone through something like this, I looked at him and asked when did he go through this before, he smiled and said a few months before we got married, before I could ask more question he lifted his hands up and said “remember the Hawks you don’t want to know too much” we both laughed, that’s the only thing you can do sometimes when you are faced with these situations.
I remembered my mom used to say “when you are stressed you should laugh it confuses your enemies and the devil” I was about to put that into practice, not that I thought the devil was worried about us, we were planting our own way to hell slowly but surely, I on the other hand was going to hell by association not by choice but by marriage. Oh this thing called marriage; how we long for it and when we are in it we wish we were not, the confusion of life. I am not a big fan of bread but that night I was craving bread so I made us toast with eggs, it tasted amazing like it was the first time eating it, cravings will do other things to you.
Next morning my husband told me after work we going to a funeral in the evening so we will be using one car one that day. Funeral at night? Who the hell gets buried at night?
Oh Lord, Mfundo? I almost shat myself.