Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

Why will these people not give me a break? I was not going to hide. I gave Asthandile a sleeping tablet. She did not protest because I told her she needed to rest and this would give me peace of mind that she will be ok. I called Zimasa outside the bedroom door and told her that I will sleep on the couch so that she could sleep with Asthandile. Told her that it would be weird for us to share a bed. She offered to go back to her room but I said no. I was cool with it. I understood her gesture. It was not sexual. She was trying to be there for Asthandile. People who don’t know compassion are quick to say never without willing to understand why. For now though I had to deal with these corrupt police! I had a plan. I decided that I should take the initiative and be on the front foot. I responded to them and told them I was coming outside. Daluxolo sleeps early and he switches off his phone by 9pm. I know this because on several occasions when I wanted him to bail me out or come celebrate with me after things have gone well his phone would be off. I had a plan and it included Dalu. When I was downstairs I called Dalu, it went to voicemail. This guy was so predictable.

“Officer Matshaya do you really have to come this late. My family is sleeping and this midnight business does not work for me!”

I said out loud. He laughed and so did his partner. To them this was all a joke. They did not care that what they were doing was wrong.

“Officer Lusiki how can you approve of this?”

I asked her.

“Don’t you have a family to attend instead of harassing me so late at night!”

The thing is, women are always so quick to react. They act so self righteous and as though they are more wronged to start with.

“Leave my kids out of this. It is your money that pays for Westerford so just pay up and we will be out of your way!”

She said. Westerford was not a school that could be afforded on a policeman’s salary. She must have been making so much money off her cases then. Everyone wants the best for their children I understand but if a lifestyle audit was to be done on some politicians, government officials and yes police, one can easily tell that some of the things they own will never equate to the income they earn. And they say fighting corruption is hard, pshhh, they have not even tried! I could see that they knew they had me in a corner and for the first time I actually wanted it this way.

“Enough of this chit chat, where is my money we need to go? You not the only one we have to see!”

Matshaya said cheekily. He was so sure of himself. The bravado of this man to come to another man’s house and say such shit is remarkable but doesn’t this happen always when cops are involved.

“The amount of money you asking for just to lose a docket is too much. I don’t have 50 000 lying around officers what do you want of me? You are going to have to kill me I can’t afford it!”

He laughed first and turned to her and said,

“This guy does not know who he is messing with! It’s my money because I told you how much I wanted and you refused. Do you want me to take out my gun and show you what it can do advocate?”

He said with such disdain. He fiddled it for it and for a moment there I thought it was coming out until she said,

“Stop it Matshaya, we don’t need guns here. He owes us money and he will pay it it up!”

At least she was playing the voice of reason.

“These lawyers think they are so clever. They earn so much and don’t share with some of us. Well I am here to get some of that money you show off with? Look at you living large here in the surbubs whilst some of us have to deal with the bucket brigade!”

He said. I had no idea what he meant but ok.

“I don’t have the money officer…”

I started to protest but did not even get to finish the sentence. He moved so quickly and before I knew it he had punched me and I was on the ground. He kicked me twice and I shouted,

“Don’t kill me, don’t kill me!”

He did not seem to care what I was saying. I managed to stand up and the first thing I did was take out my phone. It’s light was shining and yes what I had planned was working.

“I have taped our conversation and forwarded it to three different people. You are in a conference call right now so you can take the phone all you want but I have asked everyone to tape this. The license plate on their car is…”

I shouted as Matshaya advanced towards me! At that moment the neighbors switched on their lights. I am not sure if it was because of the commotion or if it was timed. The female officer was now in panic.

“Matshaya let’s go. This is bad. Let’s go!”

She said. The fear in her voice was palpable. So much for beautiful Westerford! I had tricked them. I had taped the conversation. Well not taped but had forwarded everything that had been said to Daluxolo’s phone.

“If we go down you know you go down too right because of the murder case!”

He hissed. He was furious. I switched off the call button and responded.

“Are you that stupid? I am a lawyer meaning I know enough to not even spend a day in court. You are a cop and you know how much the media love stories of corrupt cops and as a black cop you know the Madam would just love to make an example out of you!”

I said. In Cape Town if you are the wrong black you know exactly what I mean. We are all refugees after all and I guess he will have to be deported! He was angry but he knew I was right. He walked backwards.

“I want my money back the one you took. I want it in my letterbox by tomorrow morning 730am before I go to work. It is not a joke and it is not a deposit. You go your way I go my way. I will keep the recordings for safety.”

I said as they walked away. I could see Lusiki was already crying. What happened to that tough swagger she had shown earlier. Fight fire with fire. I was smiling and found myself whistling as I walked back into the house.

“What was that all about?”

Zimasa asked. She startled me so much that I jumped backward. I had not seen her coming. I am certain she had heard everything.

“It’s nothing. You should be with Asthandile!”

I said.

“She is passed out. I wanted to tell you that, I mean I wanted to ask you fi my friend can sleep over tomorrow. We want to swim and study. if it’s a bad time I understand”

She asked me.

“Which friend is this? I have only met one of your friends.”

I said innocently.

“Yes her. Please think about it!”

She said and went back upstairs. Think about it? There was nothing to think about. I had found my courage!

Revenge is a dish best served cold!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike (anonymous as usual)
What is a reason for a man to marry a lady with kids and stay with those kids considering:
You will have to spend to raise someone’s offspring.You know when they grow up (esp boys) will go and look for bio dad. You will always have no right over them esp discipline matters as important issues may need bio dad. Actually when bio dad wants to be involved, I always hear words around “this man is a nobody to the kids”.
I had never heard anyone praising their step dad for bringing them up or bringing her kids up.

Can readers tell me how they appreciated their step dads and ladies tell how they protected their man against unreasonable bio dads of their kids also guys can tell how they treat/relate bio dads of their step kids and kids.

If I am happy with what I am reading, maybe I will go on and marry my gf with two boys (no option for the boys to be left with grand parents or uncles). Just to clear some fears of road less traveled.


53 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred

  1. hai bhejane kodwa u got issues shem if u want to marry ur galfriend marry her n if u dont do not do it stop making stupid excuses here yhoh!

    1. Kay
      These are not stupid excuses but genuine concerns. Have you head anywhere a talk about step kids and fathers except if that is from a step mother? A step father is only mentioned when there was child abuse! So relax and tell me if there is a step dad in your life and how was it.

  2. Mhhh I smell trouble from As it handle, the visitor is also part of her plan.

    Q and A

    my parents divorced when I was 6 and my dad got married to my now late step mom, all who know me know how much I appreciate that woman I had two mom’s who loved me unconditionally, my other mom was also strict but she raised me as her own I have no complaints about her.

    so yes some kids do grow up to value their step parents as well.

  3. Great work as alwaysd Mike.

    Q & A I have both a dad nd step dad. To cut a long story short I don’t like my dad for a million reasons yet I love my step dad nd he doesn’t feel like a step dad nd thts because he’s never acted like one. Act the way you wanna be treated. He may have not fathered me but he is a father to me.

    1. Q&A i also love and adore my step dad…. ive met my dad a couple of time but he has never really been a major part of my life, my step dad has taken care of me ever since he married my mom and even to this day, at my age , i still turn to him for guidance and assistance, i see him more like my father then my biological father. and i love him with all my heart, he has 2 kids with my mom but he has raised and loved me like i was his own and for that i will forever be grateful and indebted to him.

  4. Hai Bhejane bhuti dont marry her because clearly you have issues with the fact that she has kids. If you loved her you would love her no matter what baggage she has. Just consider though that even if kids are your biological kids they can still disappoint and disrespect you and your step kids could love you even more and give you the respect that you deserve as a father that raised them. Where kids are involved there can never be an guarantees.

    1. Kay
      I dont mind disappointment nor disrespect but I wondered if there are others who have ran the path and enjoyed it. Kids are kids and will always try their luck at disappointing you or disrespecting you.

  5. Bhejane I think u must just leave the poor woman with her kids alone! We can try so hard to reason with u but it just won’t work… It shows clearly that u against raising the kids that are not yours

    I say go look 4 some1 with no kids!

    1. I am not against it but the society is against it unless it is in their favor. Though you would not mind someone to love your sister’s kids but you will mind if your brother wants to raise someone’s kids. That is just human. Yes I can look for some1 with no kids if I want but I dont.

      I just wanted to hear testimonials if I can manage it as there is no good reference out there.

  6. Bhejane…i salute you for admitting that this is not easy for is a road less travelled…..i don’t have that experience….my collegues are saying kids especially boys will go back behind both you and your wife’s backs to find their father…and you can’t separate the woman with her kids…they deserve to be raised by their mother….they say if its really a problem for you to accept them,don’t marry her…let her raise her woman will ever raise another womans kids well in their eyes especially if the real mother is alive…..and they say if you give these kids love,even if they find their Father tomorrow,they will still choose to remain with you…..if you marry their mother,leave all fears and replace it with love….its impossible for you not to reap love from these kids

  7. Q&A: My son has the best step dad in the whole wide world. That man will do anything and everything for our son as he is as much his as he is mine. Yes my son did want to know his real dad and later on realised at 10yrs old that his step dad was very much his real dad in every sense of the word.
    You have shown me that there are real men out there!!
    Thank you

  8. My collegue whom her child was raised by a step dad says,it also how old is the boys,if they are still young y’all can still train them in a way they should go,but if its teenagers it might be difficult,as far as bio dad is concerned the rule is,no contact with mother,kids can directly speak to their dad via phone…,.ene he must not even come to the house,a favour you can do for yourself is allow them wen they want see their bio dad,so that you don’t feel unappreciated wen they sneak behind… a lil girl growing up,i would appreciate any man making my mom happy,if mommy is happy….so am i,will value you forever

  9. Bhejane, do your best to help your loved one to raise the boys. Whatever they do after doesn’t matter as long as you have contributed positively towards their growth…

  10. Thanks Mikeesto, smart lawyer after all huh. Them cops aint loyal though yerr.

    Bhejane my outie, these things are hard. Two of my cousins(adopted) decided to go searching for their real families, it caused heavy tensions, those ungreatful bastards lol.

    If she had one kid, that would be manageable, but two, eish! If you love the lady, you gonna love those boys but I think you should prepare your ntliziyo to not expect miracles. Boys are troublesome, and sometimes need isiko to come right, you gonna have to step aside everytime ish like that is needed. Ai inkinga le.

    Sbalie if she is worth it, do it. If you have even the slightest doubts, don’t commit yourself coz those boys have already watched their real dad go, don’t let them witness you leave also after being a dad momentarily.

    Qina ndoda!

  11. Thank you Mike, my day is made. @ Bhejane being a step Father is not a one size fits all, I was raised by my Mother and step Father and because of some traditions there will be a time when you have to put your feelings aside and do what’s best for the child. I used to wet my bed until I was nine years old, and my Mother secretly took me to my Biological Fathers home for Imbeleko and that was the end of my bed wetting (she sent me there with a cousin), I never set my foot there again. What I’m saying is, if you treat those boys as if they were your own, they will not feel the need to go stay with their Bio when older.

  12. Qto A
    I have both. the prob is i dont like my Bio dad for certain reasons. my step dad is my dad because he played that role speacilly as a girl we fathers no matter how much we deny it. they are our number 1 supermans. they are the only man in your life who actually fight tooth and nail to protect you. If the boys have had a previous relationship with thier dad Ask them rather how they would feel about you marrying thier mom. ask them to be honest. explain to them that you not thier bio dad and you not thier to replace him. you can be thier friend as long as you respect them and they repect you. they should treat you how they want to be treated. as long as thier is a fine line between adult and child. you should get along just fine.

    step mom to two girls (13yrs+14yrs). its not easy trust me, respect comes first if that can be established,no matter what thier moms say to them behind thier backs, they know the truth after all and trust me thier father plays a big role as we have two boys of our own(3yrs+11months)

    Be thier friend with respect and speak to the mother while you are with them always and anything they ask you always ask the mother first and tell her everything but explain to her that she may not consult them because that would bridge the trust relationship between you and the kids. you just dont want her being in the dark and one day when things go wrong she blames you. dont do things in secret. for the kids ofcourse to them its thier secret and yours. build thier trust in you. after all they are kids we have to do whats best. when they married one day you can tell them the secret ” thier mom knows everything”

  13. dankie Mike.

    q&a – was raised by stepdad frm age 2, knew my bio at age 10.
    – had no contact with my bio dad.
    – my real dad is my step dad, he raised, fed and saw that im given proper edu and health.
    – i hv 2 kids o my own, he cals them my grandkids, en loves my 1st born as his real.
    – u can never separate the love u got frm the person who raised than the luv u get prt tym that is ur bio dad (we cal him the absent dad)
    – love en discipline those boys as ur own aftall u going to marry their mom, en the’l always be there.
    *- the only prblem is when their mom intervens if u disciplne en reminds u that u are not the bio dad. kids are sensitive they’l use that against u if she says that.
    – my dad is late now but i hv memories of him unlike my bio he’s arond but i hv none 2 show of him. i visit him 1nce a yr in dec for 2days coz we hv nothing to talk bout.(pity he has no ther kids except me and he was forced to raise step kids, lucky for him he had a claim to their lobola )
    be blessed as u take that long journey, usually the reward are good if not bad, it depends.

    that’s my 2thebe frm BW.

  14. Mikeesto and the team, Thanks a lot. 100Chapters 🙂 and going strong. Here’s to another awesome hundred Memoirs. Salute.

  15. A-I love my stepdad haholo, his always been there for me, no matter what. If he needed a kidney I would give it to him without thinking twice about it. Yes we ok with my biological father, but my stepdad is my superman

  16. Q2A if yo woman is worthy then marry her. Love & accept her boys. U need 2 ask yo woman if benzelwe isiko na. U and yo partner need 2 decide on being a united front & if u disagree abt something relating 2 them, do it in away from them behind closed doors. U need 2 behave like u want 2 be treated, a father, no STEP abt it. Show them love & they will love u back & respect u. Don’t talk badly abt their bio dad no matter how useless he is, that will make them love u even more. Allow them 2 c him shud they wish & don’t be bitter abt it, it’ll be hard. That way u’ll know at all times mabanaye & they won’t sneak behind yo back. Yo woman needs 2 ensure the bio dad knows u are her man & will play daddy 2 her kids, she must cut all ties wif bio dad & let the kids be the ones 2 hv a direct r/ship wif bio dad. Hope u’ll find courage 2 make the ryt choice

  17. Dear anon.

    Most times kids who have absent fathers are broken and need to be loved. So if you’re not prepared to love these kids as your own, then please walk away and don’t hurt them any further.

  18. This Q hit very close to home for me..i have a 4yr old daughter her bio dad is not in the pic. I dated a guy with no kids for about 5months, we would discuss marriage and kids etc but he then ended things because he felt he didnt want to be a step dad and he never wants to have divisions between his own and my child. I am still reeling from the experience but am grateful that it ended now before it affected my child. I want a man that will love her unconditionally and she already is such a lovable child and it pains me that she doesn’t have a daddy in her life. Hopefully I will meet a good man one day. But don’t marry that woman if you have doubts..children are precious and you don’t give them love with conditions attached.

  19. Q&A: When i met my ex when my son was almost four and he raised my son like he was his and even if we are not together anymore now they still have a strong bond. The ex always has time for him, fetches him from school, he goes to his schools events meetings, birthdays, fathers days when he is sick the ex is still there for him. My son knows that he is not his biological dad and he has neva met his bio father but he is so happy with my ex as his dad. My advice is if you be a good dad and show luv to the step kidz they grow up appreciating you no matter what. Being a biological parent does not make you a good parent, thats all i have to say.

  20. @ bhejane, raising ur partners kids is like raising and adopted kid, u have to love them as ur own but @ the back of ur mind u should know that they will start asking questions and u must be ready for that. To me it seems like u want to raise these kids and get rewarded later for doing so.

  21. My friend step dad needed a donor and guess what, all her step kids were the 1st to go for testing because they appreciate what that man for them, he raised 5 kids and some are married now…he sat through Lobola negotiations,my point is not everyone will go look for their useless bio dad…they know their dad God bless him , coz they know it takes more than a sperm to be a father….so if u love ur woman love her with her kids..don’t deprive the kids a relationship with their bio father if he wants one, and if he doesn’t more points for u,as u will be the only father who raised them…

  22. Bhejane I also think it depends on their ages, kuzoba nzima because raising your own kids is hard nje there is no formula. I salute you for even thinking about it, it means you really love the mother. I do not think uzohluleka if you put your heart and mind to it, ungahluthuki masinye because as you say you will have to deal with more issues than an ordinary parent, you will have an instant family before ube neyakho yet maybe you have never raised any child mmele ukhule masinyane.

    All the best, give them genuine love and sooner or later you will reap the rewards. Also time does fly, soon they will grow and go to varsities where they will no longer be in your face but wena you would have laid a good foundation and they will cherish you all your life. In essence what I am saying, the journey might be hard but do not focus on the process but on the end product.

  23. Thanks for comments, I cant reply to everyone individually.
    I really love the kids and that’s why I made a decision to marry her with them. I was so shocked to realise that there is no chats about step dads. Contrary to my gf, I am the one who insist that they should be given an opportunity to search their dad including adopting his surname if they want to (after they are 18yrs) as I am a man and know their wishes.
    About “isiko”, I took a decision that I will allow them to have that after they are 18yrs and will handle all the problems I will face my way. I dont want to open a backdoor for him to come.

    Instant growing up is also something I managed to adjust well.

    Oh, I dont want a reward but as I have said, I wanted a confirmation that this does turn out right as I planned. The only reward that will make me happy is that one day they will be independent and I be proud of their achievements.

    1. Guys
      All these are good stories which I wonder why we dont hear about them on the only day to celebrate important men in our lives (Father’s Day). They are really touching and encouraging.


  25. I am a stepmom , but I won’t tell my story cause all the responses are only telling about the good side not about the bad, so what I would say is good luck may God be with you in yo journey

  26. Hey my brother .I am about to marry a man who loves my kids like his own even though they know their dad but he’s not in their lives and my eldest hates her dad she’s 14yrs n second is a 7yr old boy. They love my their step dad. So if you love that lady nothing will stop you from making her your wife but if you have issues with her having kids then don’t.

    1. Ya. How does he feel about this whole decision and how is his family feeling?
      Have you talked to him about his concerns and related stuff regarding the kids? Yes he likes them and is prepared to marry you with them, but what are his concerns.

  27. Mxolisi is such a perv to consider the young girl as his next victim.

    Q & A when my parents met my mom had my older sisters I only came along 14yrs later. The relationship btwn Dad and both my sister is a good one , he came into their lives while they were toddlers and raised them as his own. They contacted the bio dad but the relationship didn’t work out so much that whn my oldest sister passed on he didn’t come to the funeral.

    So the relationship btwn you and the boys can only be decided by you, kids adopt people very easily. Judging from your Q I’d say you shouldn’t marry her as you are considering all that could go wrong and nothing that could go right. You will be going into the relationship with a negative mindset and it’s not in the best interest of the kids

  28. Mikeysto! Ja Mxo is ‘n regte lawyer nhe! Thanks bhuti, hayi u know your stories.

    @Bhejane hayi amareaders uwashaye nge 2 one straight. Uwabethe ding dong! You responded 9 9!! May the Lord bless you always & His favour & grace be upon your ‘new’ family.

  29. Q&A
    I am realist and l like to expose both sides of the thought in a discussion, from the responses l see most of them come from ladies and they raise questions to you Bhejane questioning your love, commitment and being a true man to this woman, they say if she is worth it marry her. they all say the problem is with you cause they know they are in the same scenario and want to tie down a man without kids to take care of their kids, yes l say that again they want to tie down a man without kids yet they have kids of their own, that’s how self centered they are, what concerns me is they do not question her ethics, her woman behavior. is a single mom with two boys worth marrying? l say only in one case, which is if she was married the father of the kids and he passed away, that’s a said case where no one is blamed or is at fault, then marry her as for the kids they will appreciate you with due course one way the other. if its not this case and the bio father(s) of these kids is/ are alive we question the ethics of this woman, l do not want to say all the things we already know of the characteristics of a good woman, but l assure you having kids and having their bio father out there is not one of them,
    at the end its your choice and you follow your heart but laying the facts first is always good
    good luck Mr B

    1. Hi Tean. I noticed the selfishness of those responses that you are talking about but chose to brush it aside. Forgetting that they themselves will not marry someone who is financial inferior than them and may cost them to spend more towards his “baggage” under normal circumstances; they normally accept his other kids because those kids mostly stay with the mom (which will be non of their problem) and/or there is more to gain in the relationship.

      It would be ideal if the father of kids has passed on or there is one kid; perfect if there is no kid at all. You questioning the ethics of that woman is a subject of another day but I can only say you are not from planet earth where things do happen.
      Unlike a normal decision to marry, one had to think deep about this one and take feelings aside.

      I respect your decision to not marry someone where baby daddy is out there. While most guys would prefer someone without kids.

  30. I had a step dad and he considered us as his kids even inside his heart because we could never go hungry or feel unloved by him because he always considered us nje all the time . I am the last born so come christmas he would be a dad , come university he would be a dad, come pocket money he would be a dad,come church he would take me to church , come to love he would be dad, come to boyfriends he would be a dad . You must open your heart to those boys because if you can’t then the problems will start

  31. Guys let me start by saying that when u help a person you must do it from the bottom of yr heart n the benefit shud be for them not you. if they turn around n thank u n appreciate you good for you if they dont you hv fulfill yr purpose in life n you feel good about it but only if you did out will n love. but if you do it for all the wrong reason n it turns out the way you were not expecting then you will regret. my son is 8 yrs old hardly knows his dad, he knows my current partner as his dad he has seen him but he is hardly ever there n guessvwhat it is my parner who is always encoraging me to hunt him down try my best to let the child just see him n when he is not meeting me half way my partner will say its ok babe just give him time he will come in to his senses one day. that means much as he is there for my son in every way possible but he want what is best for him. at this point in time we are not in good terms but he still come to see his sons (mine n ours). so go for it if you are prepared n ready but if not sure rather leave it

  32. Thanks Mike, you are the best!

    A2Q: Mr B, your concerns are real. I, for one, salute for being honest and realistic about this. Marry her, if you love her…. They say. Of course you love her, else you wouldn’t be thinking about marrying a woman with 2 sons.
    I was 12 when my mom married my stepdad. And things have always been rocky at home. My stepdad is a realist, the warm and fuzzy feelings are things he does not know off. We didn’t really have a relationship, and for the longest time, I regarded him as my mom’s husband.
    Sure, I still respected him as an elder and loved him because he loved my mom not because he was my father and I don’t think he loved me as a daughter.
    Bio dad has always been in the shadows, though I have a relationship with him and my paternal family.

    I’m 33 now, It was only about 7 years ago, that I actually had some trouble and needed a father and I called my stepdad – bio dad did not even cross my mind at that point. I knew who my father was. My stepdad was there in a flash. And helped me through it all without my mom even knowing. Our relationship is still not warm and fuzzy, and I still don’t know what to say to him, most of the time but I am not confused about who my father is. I love that man & I think he is the best man I’ll ever know.

    What I’m trying to say is, you may not be hearing angels singing ‘hallelujah’, but if your head is telling you that you can be a parent to these boys – regardless of bio dad, go ahead and do it and don’t expect miracles. Do the best you can as a parent, guide and let them know you love them. Set a good example for them. Raise them as your own. They will always know who their father is.
    And I pray that God guides you and you get to live and see you 2 boys become great men.

    Do keep in mind that kids can still disappoint you, even if you are their biological parent.

    1. Actually I am ready that they can disappoint as they are normal kids.
      What did you do for your step fathers this Christmas? If nothing big, try something soon just to cheer his spirit.

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