Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and One

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I know most people believe that two wrongs don’t make a right but at times if we are to be honest to ourselves, doing a wrong gives you so much more satisfaction than doing the right thing. It’s not that I am a firm believer of a tooth for a tooth but this time I was going through with it, fuck my conscience and turning the other cheek! Zimasa was saying that her friend, my enemies’ daughter was coming to sleep over, an enemy that could have given me HIV? If I said no that would be turning the other cheek and there will be no satisfaction in that. You can spoil such people. You teach them a lesson they will never forget. Asthandile wanted me to cheat? Now I was going to do it in her face! I was going to kill two birds with one stone. Zimasa also asked for pocket money and I told her I will give her the following day. I was not about to piss her off now so I thought I should keep her happy. I asked her more about the details of her sleepover and she said they wanted they wanted to study and also just chat that’s why it was not a train smash if I said no. Those were her words not mine. I told her that as long as she lived in this house she can have friends over but with permission and they behave. She was not in prison. That made her laugh but with that phase one was in motion.

I slept in the guest room downstairs but made sure I woke up early. I wanted my wife to find me close by if she woke up. Fortunately Zimasa also woke up early as around 5am she was usually already getting ready. School started early for her. My wife who had slept on a sleeping pill was still sound asleep when I went upstairs. I had already sent a message at work saying I would be late. I had almost forgotten, I went outside to check my letterbox. In it I found an envelope with a lot of money in it. I honestly smiled. Finally the tide was turning. Finally I was getting back my mojo. The police had clearly gotten the warning. The threat had worked. I refuse to pay for someone else’s child’s school fees! Asthandile was still sleeping but I was not going to wake her up for now. I bathed and got ready for work as I always did. I then went to wake her up and told her that we had to go somewhere. She was reluctant to wake up but she did not argue. She still had that guilty look on her face so I doubt that for the next couple of weeks that feistiness would come back. She did not even ask where we were going that is what trauma does to you I guess. I kept talking to her as though everything was normal. At first she was not replying much but she eventually started making muted responses. This was very good. I made her breakfast but she said she was not hungry. My wife is usually that woman who takes an age to bath and dress up. I always tell her that if God was her then the world will still have not been made because He would still be bathing and putting on his make up before he decides which colour best suits his makeup! She would get so angry when I got impatient but she never changed. Today however in thirty minutes she was done. When she walked down the stairs I could not help but stare at her beauty. Beautiful yes, but evil!

Outside I went straight for her car the one she had left me with when she ran away with. She stopped when she saw that and she asked me if I wanted my car keys back. I said no. I told her it was ok because it was just a car and not worth fighting over. I think I made her feel kind of stupid but that was not the aim. She can keep the keys. I was not going to fight over keys like we had one car in the house. We were not going far. We were going see our doctor. I needed peace of mind on my condition. I was tested of everything from stds to HIV. It’s not an easy thing to do. I know that they have desensitized us to HIV and AIDS but doing that test knowing that you could have exposed yourself is hard. I was scared. I was petrified more the word. She too was tested. She seemed to have resigned to her fate. He did two tests, the rapid one which gives you results within thirty minutes then the long which includes sending your blood to the labs. On the rapid one I was found negative which was a huge relief I won’t lie but Asthandile he said the results were inconclusive. They needed more tests to see if the HIV antibodies were in her and the fact that she was pregnant meant that she might have to take preventative measures soon! Kharma is a bitch! Much as I now hated my wife I felt sorry for her! Note, he did not say she was positive!

The silence in the car as we drove was only broken by her constant sobbing. I did not know what to say to her. I even offered to go get a second opinion but she said no. She looked at me and said,

“I think you must leave me because I brought this on myself and to us!”

She said. I reassured her telling her that I had no intention of doing that and how was she going to raise a child alone!

“I am going to abort!”

She said. What the hell?

“No I don’t support that!”

I said calmly trying not to cause alarm.
“It’s my body and it’s what I want!”

She said as we got home. She went straight upstairs!

What now?

There was no way in hell that I was going to allow her to abort my child! I will hang her myself if she did that!

******The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I come from a very poor family and I matriculated in 2010. I had good grades meaning I qualified for university. In my family there is only one rich uncle who is more like a cousin of my mother. Him and my mother are not very close but for some reason we got along. He agreed to pay for my fees so long as I slept with him whenever he wanted. Disgusting as it sounds he paid right up to now and I am graduating. My mother often asked why he was paying but considering we could not even qualify for student loans and believe me we tried I always made an excuse. He is married and has kids who are totally useless academically and socially. The wife knows he is paying my fees but she seems to like me. During some holidays he would get me piece jobs and now one of the companies I worked through him has decided to give me an internship and this is even before I get my certificate. The boss there told me that my uncle had insisted on it so he pulled some strings. It doesn’t pay much but it means I can substitute my mom’s income (she is a street vendor) and also get work experience. My problem now is this, my sister, the one who follows after me is finishing her matric next week. She is super smart and I know she will pass. I won’t qualify for a loan as I will be an intern and already my uncle is saying he does not mind paying for her but I know the terms. He was not a cruel or bad ‘lover’ to be fair but the man disgusts me and I don’t want him sleeping with my sister. If I report him to his wife my sister will not go to school that’s a fact. My mother and us have a chance at a good life and no more back rooms but I don’t know what to do. I am scared to fail my sister because she like me desperately wants university to better our lives.

Mike it’s tough being a girl child coming from poverty. A lot of people take that for granted because when you are not the one suffering it’s easy to judge. I am tired of praying and crying. I just want the best for my family.

Please advise

46 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and One

  1. No ziyanda your story made me cry but there are bursaries out there and Nfsas im sure they can help fund studies and you qualify to get funding

  2. Hi ziyanda, u should advise ur sister to apply to rural universities, where its easy to get nasfas, frm ur financial back ground u obviously qualify for nasfas, there is the university of venda at limpopo. She should go and try there or other rural universities. Im so sorry about what happened to u and I dont wish the same for ur sis

  3. I don’t know if its bad luck or what,but nsfas has let me down lot of times to a point were I m no longer interested in their loan,I just pay for my self,do odd jobs and study part time,,,,,but I’m hoping ur lil sis gets that loan from nsfas or a bursary from private compaanies,nobody deserve to go through that sisters,,,,but I’m glad ur almost done with ur studies,just hold on till u graduate bcoz if u change on him now,he’s gon mess up on ur intenship and stop paying for ur school funds

  4. Ziyanda girl, apply for as many bursaries as possible for ur sista she dsnt have 2 make the same sacrifices as you. Go 2 social development they will assist you. If ur sista has exceptional results she will surely receive financial assistance

  5. Q&A.. Ziyanda dear i feel ur pain, i also matriculate with good grades bt ddnt have money 2 go to university. My mom is also a street vendor. I ws crying the morning i gt my results cause yes i passed by what ws i going 2 do with those results without money. I never lost hope i went 2 different institutions bt they needed registration money & i ddnt have it. Eventually i registered @ UNISA, i ws funded by NSFAS & i graduated now im a UNISA Alumni through NSFAS. Dnt give that man the satisfaction, ur sister should apply 4 NSFAS if she doesnt gt a bursary. If ur parents r nt working all u need is an affidavite stating that they r unemployed 2 gt funding. Good luck 2 both of u.

  6. Girl there is something called NSFAS..that shit even tho is not 100% reliable,it pays fees nd even gives mealcards nower days,its sad that u had to give ur young self to such an old uncle only coz u wanted an education,I feel sorry 4u coz u probably did not hav much in4 about financial aid nd shit,Now noo ur sister should not go da same route as u,fix it nd help her out coz that is a horrible situation u been in,damn ur uncle is very cruel yoh,ai no its hard out there,just keep ur head up sesi

    1. Zamah I totally agree with you, nursing is not a bad option because she still needs to pay for her registration before she can get financial aid from NSFAS.

  7. Dear Ziyanda

    It is true that information is power, and your lack of information might have gotten you to sleep your way to education. Thanks to the blog you can now have that info. There are a lot of financial aids these days for your sister to get funding. I come from a poor family myself, though I passed my matric in 2002 I only went to the Universyt of Venda in 2008, and someone has already indicated that things are much easier in rural universities as compared to urban ones. The reason it took me six years to go to a university was because I never lost hope even though I wasn’t getting any help, I kept applying year In and year out, from bursaries, to learnerships and I also did odd jobs while I waited. All you might need to raise for your sister is money to apply at the university as bursaries usually fund those who have been accepted already.

    All they need is your ID copy, you mother’s as well as an affidavit which explains your situation. Based on your financial condition, you qualify for a bursary. Sometimes we take what is available for us to get where we want to get, I ended up doing social work as the department of social development had offered me a bursary, but soon after completion I furthered my studies and also resigned from social work within a year of working, it was not really what I wanted but it opened doors for me to get what I want.

    If your sister had not applied at a university she can try in January, some universities do accept applications if they still have space in the field she wants to study. I’m sorry for what you went through, luckily, you sister doesn’t have to experience that, and it is your role to protect her as you know the terms.


  8. Your ssiter can apply for NSFAS, all you need is an affidavit stating that your mother is a street vendor and caanot afford to pay for fees.

  9. iyo aa hle Ziyanda i’m sorry girl, i’m deeply sorry of what happened but harsh as this is, and it hurts as i say this trust cz my heart bleeds for u: in life we hv choices and no matter how poor u are cz trust when i say i’m also one of the poor people to a pint that i’m at the bottom of the foodchain lol if i shuld put it that way… U accepted the terms of ur uncle paying for ur funds, u made that choice of sleeping with him, i wish u hadn’t cz nothing is impossible for God,

    i’m a qualified Civil engineer and i’m unemployed do u know how hard that is cz i had an offer, one contractor an old man at tht old enough to be my father offred me a well paying job at the cost of sleeping with me, i’m poor yes i desperatly need a job yes but i refused cz i believe at the right time God will open doors for me cz i’m applying to different companies everyday still nothing and tht man called yesterday and said the offer still stands again i refused.

    In summery u wont be ruining anything for ur sister when u go 2 his wife or even tell ur sister what u had to go through, plz advice ur sister against it and also apply for NfSAS… i pray that u find healing that u dont hate ur uncle cz hating denies u happiness while that damn uncle is at peace

    1. Fifi please apply at Aurecon… they are always looking for young Engineers with and without experience. All the BEST

  10. hi Ziyanda this is my first time commenting on this blog, your story makes me sad, i think you should try and find a Bursary for your sis, if shez smart she will get one, as for that Uncle of your… i dont understand why men think that helping a woman means she has to pay you back by sleeping with u, y cant we protect and help our sisters out thr, guys if you have power or money it doesnt mean u must use it to let womens sleep with u, if u wnt a shag, jst take on someone ur own age and do you…, men like ur uncle make me sick and i wish they burn in hell, i will pray for your fam. and ur sis hope GOD helps you.

  11. I actually have good news for once. One lady who reads the blog happens to be a CEO of a big company and she called me when she read Ziyanda’s story. She asked me for her contact details. They have already spoken and Ziyanda forwarded her qualifications to her. I am not celebrating yet but she has an interview set up for next week. There is also a promise for the little sister to get a bursary through them should she pass.

    At times people might feel that these letters are a waste but when things like this happen I believe that we all have to look out for each other and lend a helping hand where we can. This is a blessing. I am so excited.

    Thank you so much

    Mike Maphoto

  12. Tops as usual Mikesto!

    Ziyanda I feel your pain, I don’t know how much you earn from your internship but I think if possibe try and save money for registration as that is what will set you back a bit but after that encourage your sister to apply for Nfsas. Your uncle will one day pay for his indescretions do not lose hope in prayer!

  13. Thanks Mike.
    A to Q: this sucks big time. Ziyanda, I could kill your uncle with my own bare hands right now. It’s times like these when my faith in God is tested. Uphi uNkulunkulu when an old man does this to a child, where is He when a child is raped, where is He when a man rapes a toddler, a 7 yr old child – UPHI? Where is He when those Islam people should 28 people in cold blood for not being able to recite iKuran? I’m sorry baby gal, I don’t have an answer for you, just tears and anger…

  14. Q+A. your story is heartbreaking really. unfortuatly for Nsfas they have to atleast earn 120000 a year. try learnerships from companys rather and work your way up i know bursarys are quite a hassle as well also approaching companys straight on ask them what they require personnaly. i really wish thier was a way i could help coming from an abuser myself. tell me what does your sister want to study maybe we can assist and finding bursaries and learnerships maybe. eventually with learnerships she will have qualifications and then also study further for university one day when she has a job. remember learships are companys paying for your fees to study and work for them as well its a good way to go. please contact me on i will wait for your response.
    i feeel if us girls unite, we can brake the chain of poverty and abuse just by working together. i just dont know where to start but starting with you feels right. if only we could have more help. i also see the comments from other readers i so will pray that NSFAs helps you as well. God be with dear.

  15. yeerrr Ziyanda, at this day and age you want to tell me you opened your legs to get education, so all this time you were at the university you never heard of Financial aid??? no I don’t think so, I think this arrangement worked for you some how… you I not the only person i know that comes from poverty, the first person i know is myself, i used to clean and do laundry at my neighbours house as early as grade 8, and not to get a salary but to get food and that food was 4 slices of bread (dry) and supper. i also wanted to study, but because i knew nothing comes easy i was prepared for the struggle, i knew i had to fight for education, i camped at the Senate House ( Wits university)for 10 days, i pleaded with everybody for help, i stopped every person passing by, went to the financial aid and was told i had good results but applications for financial aid were closed, i never gave up, instead i camped by the gate at the 4th floor (not to sure if it 4th or 5th) and one day someone cared to Listen and that person called the right people and was not even offered a loan but a full bursary and today i went i have an undergrad and post post-grad qualifications from Wits… So Ziyanda you made a choice unfortunately your uncle took advantage of you but poverty is supposed to teach us something, make us vulnerable but not be make us “sex workers”. and people don’t look down on us because we come from poverty, they look down on the choices we make while we are trying to survive, never feel sorry for yourself. @ Ziyanda please leave your email address so that we can contact your sister and if she meets the requirements she is guaranteed a bursary with us. please also consider finding work somewhere else (except for this internship) because i suspect your uncle will continue to feast on your precious body as long as you depend on him…

    Ziyanda never forget that the Lord loves you to the cross.

    1. SESETHU you are so judgemental, whats the point of scolding her. Yes she made her choice, you dont know her situation. No point in saying this unecessary stuff, help if you want to but stop being so JUDGEMENTAL toe!

  16. I know wat u going tru cc. May god be with u and yo sister and yo mum 2… May dat uncle rot in hell. Mike where can I post my Problem??

  17. Ziyanda ur story is sad and made me very emotional, I am sorry for all u went through.

    To the CEO, may god bless u cc andise la uthatha khona, we need more people like you in.

  18. Thank you Mike especially for the help secured for Ziyanda, mamaT you also do not have your facts correct, you do not get NSFAS if your family earns R120 000 and more I just needed to say this so that we do not mislead readers who might need this assistance.

    Sorry Ziyanda for the ordeal ungaphinde uvume lutho manje from this man if you do get help even if you don’t there are many ways of getting your sister to get honest education. When his wife finds out, you might be responsible for wrecking his home and the aunt will think you were actually enjoying the whole thing. This may end very badly so stop it now and threaten to tell his wife if he continues to blackmail you but nawe do not accept anything from him anymore, its done fine you got education naye wathola his price but it must come to an end.

  19. Wow bhut’Mike i praise God for the CEO who called and i declare that it is already done. Z will get that job and the sister will also get help to further her studies. This had really saddened me but am truly thankful to God for this. All the best Z, God has heard your prayer, seen your tears and has answered.

  20. A2Q: I know this might sound harsh & i know you’ve been thru a lot but imma say this anyway. If your sister hasn’t applied for bursaries or loans yet then it’s probably too late now but keep trying to get in4 from private companies. If you don’t get funding in time for registration & stuff…plz be strong for your sister & let your uncle pay for her fees but he should sleep with you & not her. As big sisters we have to sacrifice a lot for our siblings..I’ve done it too when we had no back up plans. Then next year apply in time for bursaries & loans your sis will get them for her second year & then your uncle can go to to hell for all i care. And there are some universities who give discounts on fees & sometimes bursaries when a student has excellent grades. Just be strong for one more year, your sister is smart so you won’t have to continue with this for too long..just one more year.

  21. Thank u Mike. This blog have changed lives & u continue being an Inspiration 2 us all.
    2 the CEO who responded positively…God Bless u dear. U r 1 in a million & may u continue shining the light 2 the nation.
    2 Ziyanda, u have done the right thing by coming out my sister. U have been abused..get urself councilling & 4give urself 4 the choice u have made cos u were desperate 4 an Education…u got it but u feel bad…break that vicious cycle & move 4ward. Protect ur lil sis & I wish u all the best in ur interview & May The Gud Lord also be there 4 ur sister in her Matric exams so that she gets the bursary. God Be with ur family @ large.
    As 4 ur sick uncle…the Man upstairs will deal with him 1 of these gud days…4give him & focus on ur future…he is notjing but a scumbag..nxa!

  22. Bby gal apply for nsfas there are lots of documentation but do that 85% of us varsity student we use that and we about to graduate coz of dat. U will be required to make affidavit to state ur family income but i assure u dat ur sister will study come hell or high waters. Get as much info abt nsfas dnt let ur sis go through the thing u did with ur uncle.

  23. Ziyanda gal you have gone through a lot and I dont think you want your sister to feel the same pain that you are in wright now,Go to your municipality Offices and ask for bussary forms for your sister .Its not a loan and the municipaly will pay until your sister finish her studies they will tell you all the procedure bt its not a long one.You should go now they are oppen maybe it will close month end. If your sister have good results she will qualify.She should also try for leanerships she must register with NYS most people get lucky and get hired and she can pay for her own fees as she has realized the situation if your family.Best of luck

  24. Aowa tlhe ziyanda..not to sound harsh but dont u guys know abt NSFAS?? not judgin u at all bt i thnk u should have explored and exhausted all other options tlhe b4 doin da dance wit an uncle…there is help , pls dont make ur sista go thru the same pls

  25. Thanks Mike for a great read.

    Q&A Thank you million times to the CEO who came to Ziyanda’s rescue, may the good Lord bless her abundantly. I’m from a poor background and I know hoe hard it is to pull through poverty. Baby girl go out there and make your family proud. Forgive uncle and keep praying. All the best

  26. This is the oddest thing, such de ja vu… I came across an identical letter a couple of years ago. Vendor Mom, rich uncle sleeping with older sister all the way thru varsity and older sis is now afraid it’ll happen to younger sista who’s doing well in Matric. Pity I never followed it up, I couldn’t help at that time. Must be more prevalent than we realise, or…

    Anywho! Thanks to the lady CEO for stepping up to help. God bless you

  27. Hi Mike
    Thanks as always for a riveting read. You r very gifted & ingenious. Keep up the great work.

    Cc at the time u made the best decision based on the facts that were before u. In life we all have to make the best decision for ourselves, at the time that it is presented. Yes, it might not have been morally right, u made the decision still. Please do not beat yourself up over it because now you know better. The Word of God says ‘all have sinned & fallen short of the glory of God’ but thru Christ we find redemption & forgiveness of sins. There is no grading to sin, all sin is the same & everyone of us sins in thought, action & in speech. This does not mean we must sin deliberately but what I am pointing out to you is, please do not condemn/judge yourself, only God has the authority & power to do that. All others r there to admonish, counsel, comfort, guide, etc, each other with love & forgiveness. So cc seek God’s forgiveness & separate yourself from sin as far as east is to west, looking to Him to provide for u. He will (Himself using His people to) raise u up & lift u up with your family to a better place. I pray those who have extended their hand towards u to assist u will be blessed as well. Be blessed.

  28. Thank u Mike and Thozama, @ KaManyosi, I’m sorry but after reading your comment I felt I need to respond / comment. U r asking where was God when al this was happening to this girl, as if u r accusing God for what happened to her, u clearly dnt know God, he is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the creator and sustainer of the universe, the one who has kept u and protected u until this day, our loving father who also loves this girl, the one who will never leave nor forsake us, the only faithful fAther,I can go on and on. In case u ddnt know, He holds every1 accountable who misuses His name, if u dnt have anything good to say about God, spare yourself His wrath and keep qiuet, in case u r still wondering as to where was He when all this happened to this Girl, He was where He was when His Son was percecuted and killed by ppl like tHis uncle, God allows certain things to happen to certain ppl in order to fullfill a certain purpose about our lives, while not condoning what happened to this girl, I also dnt condone the mention of God’s name to be mixed with evil deeds by evil ppl. God is love.look @ the responce that came from this girl’s story,don’t u c a purpose being fullfilled? Pls refrain from slandering God, He is not your mate nor your friend! Please!

  29. Thanks Mike,
    To the CEO, we could never thank God enough for people like you. May He bless you till your cup runneth over.

    Ziyanda, my heart breaks for you. You need to get yourself out of this situation now and ensure that this doesn’t happen to your sister. This is pure prostitution. Your uncle will probably always dangle something you want infront of you. If you keep taking from him, he has no reason to stop. And it is no way to live. I hope you’ll find the strength and reason within you to walk away from the offers he makes.

  30. Oh wow Mike, I just love how God’s plan always prevails. Had it not being for this blog, there wouldn’t have been this kind of platform to help those in need. May God continue to bless and increase your talent that through you, many may come to know of His Existence.

    Thank you Bloggers. Siyanda you had said you tired or praying because nothing happens. Now look at what God has done.
    @that girl, Thanks for addressing KaManyosi’s comment.

  31. Mara nkare I have read this letter before… As for Asthandile girl deserves everything coming to her. Mxm!

  32. Busy bday week, Thanks Mikeesto, CEO, call me lol!

    KaManyosi is a realist, and I second her questioning the ‘special-one’ I do that a lot, especially with the world going to the dogs like it is.

    Ziyanda, for your sister’s sake I hope the assistance you receive is in abundance. For your peace of mind, I hope you stand by the decision you took and accept it and move on. Quite often we forget that without self sacrifice we won’t reach our goals or dreams and whatever. Poverty aint nice sisi, some people sacrifice their own kids for businesses to boom. My angle is: you wouldve had sex with your bf anyway and probably got jack for it, or a sugardaddy and got a mansion and a Lamborghioni. I respect the hustle! The inner details of how one becomes that diamond certified hustler are not important… Nobody tryiner be shack dwellers for life, and if you don’t do something about it, the ANC govt and whoever you worship aint gonna do jack about it neither.


  33. ziyanda u are not a victim here. U knew what u were doing so i don’t understand when u say the man disgust you, if he is disgusting then his money is disgusting hell turn down the internship coz he’ll expect u to sleep with foe getting u an internship. Tell ur sister to apply for bursary,loan if she’s not succesfull dis year, she can try next year or get a job to pay for her studies.

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