Memoirs – Chapter Ninety Nine

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

Only the most evil of people will let a person die on their watch. I was angry at my wife, hated her even but I would never actually let her kill herself especially in front of me. We had our differences and call me weak or pathetic, I was not going to abandon her. An obvious part in me thought she was doing this to play her games on me but I was not too sure. When you are about to lose everything what would you do? At times when we make mistakes and think there is no solution we make even bigger ones and this was one of them. I lay her down as she was gasping for air. She had to catch her breath.
“Why Asthandile why?”
I asked her as sat over her.
“Why would you do something so stupid?”
I wanted to cry but I was so angry to even know what reaction to make. She just stared at me like a fish out of water and started crying. I try checking her neck to see if she had any bruising from my ties and yes she did. The marks were so visible it’s a wonder she didn’t break her windpipe. Gimmick or not she could have hurt herself really badly. I had played a part in this whether I liked it or not. Had my marriage come to this where one of us had become suicidal?

“I don’t deserve you! I am the devil! What I did to you was evil and there is no other word for it! Please just let me die because I deserve everything I get!”

She said turning her body away from me. I wanted to tell her that she could die I didn’t care but first she must leave my baby behind but obviously it’s not something I could say out loud. Taking your own life is cruel and selfish. People who have done this before will never know what pain they left behind. The ones left behind will never know whether to mourn you or be angry at you.

“Today you beat me up like I was a child. Even my parents last used a belt on me when I was in primary school. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Do you have any idea how little and insignificant I felt? In spite of all that I still believed that you were right and I deserved more! That is what has become of me! I can start by saying I am so sorry but sorry does not even start to cover all the bad things I have done to you!”

She said to me. I was not sure what to say but I had to say something.

“I won’t lie I am angry at you but you are still my wife. I did not bring you all this way for me to send you back home in a coffin. We are better than this, we were better than this!”

I said trying to reassure her. For some reason all she said had flown right over my head. She had too many lies so I could not trust her to be genuine. I had to think of a way out. Another thing people must realize is this, if she dies by her own hand, any life policies she has become null and void as in they will not pay out! After all the premiums she had paid out and I had paid out, all insurance policies would never pay-out that’s for certain. I was therefore not going to leave this to chance.

“Please get Zimasa to get me some water…”

She said softly. I must say I was failing to read her. What was she going to do next? I called out to Zimasa. I was not going to leave the room. What if she finished the job? Zimasa came in. She is not stupid, she saw the tie and the chair. She immediately asked what happened. I ignored her question and told her to fetch her water to drink and to run water for me in a bath. She did not ask too many questions but I could see she was concerned.

“A bath is not necessary!”

She said but I told her no, it was very much so. She needed to relax and breathe. There is a reason why I wanted it. A belt leaves marks on your body and I could not take her to the hospital if I wanted to, just to check if she did not cause any damage on her throat with those marks. It will be obvious that I beat her and that could have further complications. When the bath was ready I turned to Zimasa and said,

“Tell no one about this especially the people back home. You know the drama they will cause. We, you and me need to handle this here!”

I asked her or rather told her. She understood but said now she was too scared to sleep alone in a room considering this. She asked if she could sleep on the floor in the bedroom and watch over Asthandile with me. I told her it was fine. I will call her after the bath. I took off my wife’s clothes as she stepped into the bath tub. I decided that I should join her in case she switches to death by drowning.

This was the first time my wife had shared a bath in years. She felt awkward and brand new. I could see all the marks my belt had left on her and much as I was angry at her, guilt swept over me. I had done this. Twice now I had laid my hands on her. I was now an abusive husband. The thought just killed me inside. I was a monster. I talked to her all this time whispering to make sure she knew I was still there. All she did was cry. We stayed in the water until it got cold. I dried her and myself, dressed her for bed even and took her to bed. She was cold. I am not sure if it was because of the bath or if it was in my head.

“Where is Zimasa?”

She asked me. I told she was in her room. I had forgotten about her. I told her she was in her room. At that moment Zimasa walked in. She asked Asthandile if she was fine. To her credit she said she was it was just a misunderstanding. In my head I was screaming what kind of misunderstanding can cost you your life.

“Can I sleep here on the floor? I can’t sleep alone with all that’s going on!”

She asked again this time to both of us. Asthandile said it was fine she could but turned around and asked me after she had already responded. I said it was fine meaning we would take turns to watch over her. She said she did not need to be watched over but I insisted. We have a very big bed. Eventually we agreed that Zimasa did not have to sleep on the floor. Besides I had work to do so at some point I was going to sneak out of bed and work so it was a win win.

With my wife in the middle, Zimasa on the other side cuddling her we settled in for bed. It was not awkward at all for some reason.

It was then the sms came in,

“We are outside, here to collect our money. No excuses!”

It was the police I was bribing!

****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Hi Mike and readers,

Please keep me anonymous

there goes my problem, I am dating a guy who is 26 and I am 29 he is nothing but amazing and I am not afraid to say that we are in love. I love him and he loves me just as much if not more. He shows me and tells me of how much he loves and wants to spend his life with me. We get a lot of Ppl looking at us when we go out and stuff. He wants me to meet his Mother and grandmother as I have already accidentally met his father. He wants me to be a part of his family and his child adores me I have two kids of which they have not met him and only my cousins know about us. He wants to meet and great with my Mom and brothers just to show how serious he is with our relationship.He is even started talking doing things the right way with both families and I always change the subject. We have been going out for almost a year now and am scared that my family might judge me for dating him as he is 3 years younger than me. He makes me so happy and full filled. How do I start to tell my mother about him and that he is younger than me. Thusang hleng


37 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Ninety Nine

  1. Eish iz really dark in this house when wil they ever get time 2 breath,,,aowa this is not healthy struuuu
    QnA U dnt hav 2 tell ur family his age they not the ones who wil stay wit him mos,,,n whts age anyway iznt it jst numbers

  2. First time commenting, I luv your work Mike, you are really are an inspiration to us, your work speaks volumes, thank you for educating us and for telling real stories. I salute you.

  3. Yhoo hai ngeke, kuthiwa liduduma lidlule kodwa kulomzi liduduma oko shem. Enkosi bhuti

    @anon – age aint nothing but a number cc and you dont have to broadcast his age. what is important here is 2 people loving each other and wanting to be with each other. let people look and stare if they want to – it is non of their business. just enjoy each other and stop worrying for nothing!

  4. A2Q, Love I have an aunt who has been married for over 10 years and her husband is two years younger than her. Age doesn’t have to play a role in your relationship, what matters is that he makes you happy. Oh, and please don’t tell both sides of the family about your age dilemma, it’s none of their business after all.

  5. A2Q
    Motho eo ke wa hao o kgotsofatsa a le 26 jwalo!!! It matters not what the world says I’m sure your baby daddy was your age if not older, but you weren’t happy with him, hence yal aren’t together now. Go meet his family, introduce your family to him, introduce your kids to him n to his kid. Build your family ausi o kgaohane le batho, at the end of the day, you are the one who sleeps either with a smile or with a frown and no one sees. Choose happiness!!

  6. Hmmmm Mxo, Astha will go to the police tomorrow to say you tried to kill her, she might be crying now but this woman is not safe and her friends are just as sick! She is on a mission! Trade very carefully here!!!!!!!!

    Anonymous if you are comfortable with this sweet guy and his age, no one will even care about it. I feel you are ashamed of the age difference that is why you have been choosing to whom you introduce him to and to whom you don’t. I have never heard of any parent who would refuse their child happiness just because the person she loves is a few years younger.
    Sort yourself out by being honest with yourself and you will see, people are not even looking at you when you together, as you say because they don’t know the age difference between you two, you do. You the one who is not certain here!!!!

  7. Thank u Mike!
    Drama never ends @ this household maan!
    Q&A @Ano Nyan nyan whats your problem cc?..y shud u tell about the age diff?
    I dont think that matters here…what is important is that u click & u r happy with this man…& he wants a future with u. Be true 2 yourself & im wishing u well!

  8. When it rains it pours hey Mxo?Q n A Sis wam I’m happy dat u say he loves u n u know it,age is just a number mna I say if he makes u happy n u make him happy dat all dat matters nothing more.

  9. I love the fact that u always giving me an ephifany resulting to life questions I never made peace with, life does happen. thnx Mike, however even if he does forgive her it’s k after all you can say you love someone or you each if you can forgive and remember marriage is constantly tested and where there’s love you will surely love each other more after a test. CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

  10. My fiance is about 2m tall and I m 1.6m. I used to b ashamed of going out with him because I look like a kid with her father when walking next to him. He is the sweetest man I have ever met, very honest, understanding and all. People used to stare n whisper, then I got tired of being concerned with people n focus on me and my own needs. Now we r getting married in December n hoping to be very very happy. Sisi it’s all up to you..

  11. Q&A, wena ga o serious, go na le batho ba ba nang le mathata konte kwa. my boyfriend is exactly 20 years older than me and we’ve been together for 7 years, we have been called alot of things by people i was called a gold digger, he a sugar daddy. but we are still together and going strong, so wena o tshosiwa ke 3 years nyana hela? thwahala, still dont get why you wana let society dictate how u live your life, society is not going to marry you

  12. The main problem with Mxo and Astha will be trust from now on even if Mxo were to decide otherwise and kuzoba nzima ukuphila ngokujeqeza.

    Anon, your age difference is not something to worry about, the gap is not big at all. My husband too is 2 years my junior fortunately for me he is the aging type and me on the other hand I have my grans genes of being youthful, I look way younger than him.

    Do not feel awkward especially because he is aware of the difference and is still prepared to travel his journey with you, he loves you cc, take your prize and go home. I suggest you make sure you look after yourself like making sure that you do not gain weight and dress nicely. Lastly Nelson Mandela once said umuntu wesifazane is never older than a man in our culture. Nami that made me feel good about our age difference.

  13. Anonymous,as from when that if you introduce a prrson you introduce his age as well? thinking about it now. this is all in yr mind 3yrs! no one van tell the difference except you. please sisi enjoy your man. what is important is that he loves you. pls before you push him away bcoz of yr insecurities. i dont know may be yr body has added some few kilos during yr pregnancy and may be that it makes you older,if so work on that babe bcoz 3yrs is absolute nothing. remember you owe no one the age of yrself or yr man. b comfirtable at yr own skin and people will respect your choices. good lucky.

  14. What Mxo is going through is what send men to grave before their time.
    You have so much s***t at home and yet must keep a straight professional face at work/family do’s/etc… This is where you appreciate white people for just walking away, explain to kids whats up, heart heals ubegrand, in most cases end up with a descent friendly relationship thereafter with minimal animosity.
    And appreciate women coz they talk about it to someone and cry it out, us brotha’s will stomach that ish in, until one has a stroke
    But sometime our mindset of that the community is our family is our downfall. keep the whole world happy except yourself.
    Nice work Mike

  15. Age its just a number this i see this guy is the best thing that has happened to u your happiness comes 1st. Dont think that your family will judge u. U will cross the river when u get there for now just do what makes u happy

  16. Great work mike,
    anon: I have 2 male friends one is 27 and his wife is 41 and they have been together for 4yrs and they seem vrry happy to me, another one is 33 and the wife is 46 his family tried everything to separate them but after 7 yrs they are still happily married so have no fear of what the world will say just be happy and your family will accept it…..

  17. Why do u even have to tell them his age?? Ma boyfriend is 4 yrs younger… I look way younger than him ma friend and his friends don’t even blv that he’s younger than me, ma point is they dnt hv to know

  18. Nice read Mike, thnx for the daily dose…

    Q&A chomi u knw i’v always said I’ll Neva date someone my age or younger Mara man have u seen how fast this kids develop and mature lol… Ok my aunt is married to someone who’s 8yrs younger than her n they r perfectly well the family esp your mother might have a had time understanding it but she will once she sees how happy u r. This “age is nothing but a number” dsnt only apply to to woman who date older man,3yrsNyana hela muna, u r considered a cougar wen u 10yrs older and more…

    jst break the news IF itctakes them by surprise ska stress’a the’ll get over it matie. Your happiness comes first its not everyday one gets to love and b loved. Embrace it chomi… Good luck

  19. Bhut Mike thank you for sharing your talent with us, I have got mad love for you, keep up the wonderful work it is not only appreciated but a total blessing to us.

    Anonymous please attend to your insecurities, everything you are thinking or feeling about this age gap is all in your head sisi, nurture what you have it doesn’t come cheap, my boyfriend and I look like peers but he is 6 years younger than me, he didn’t even tell me this fact when we started dating as he thought I wouldn’t give him a chance, needless to say its been four years and he has proven to me that age really aint nothing but a number.

    Love conquers all…. take care

  20. Eish Asthandile o rata attention. Hahahahaha o tshwere le Ben 10 ngwana,Sister’s age ain’t nothing but a number. As long as you guys are happy together ska stressa ka batho ba bang, ba tla ba strong.

  21. Ano,let me tell u abt me myself nd in,my man is 5yrs yonger than me,my daughter is 18,his son is 12,we are inlove so what?re na le 4years re dula mmogo,both our families dznt knw our age dff,cos we ddnt c the nid to tell them,so wena u jst worried ka no3,phela bophelo bagago sesi o kgaogane ne MOTHO,good luck.
    This house yone mathata a teng a mantsi maan!

  22. Mike – you are amazing. I absolutely love all the stories… I’m a faithful and dedicated follower….

    @Anonymous – I’ve been with a guy who’s 10 years younger than me. Crazy i know. I never thought i would ever find myself in this kind of relationship but i am. I always tell him he has an old soul. We are happy. I’ve met his family (mother, father and siblings). They don’t know my age, as i don’t look it. I look much younger than i really am. We’ve been together for over a year.

    When we first hooked up, it was just a game, having fun…he was just meant to my ben10 and I was meant to be his cougar! A year later we are going strong….somewhere along the line, we lost the playing plot. We connect, we are strong together and we constantly drive each other to always be the best. We just work… we balance.

    I go through emotions everyday and I’m consistently conflicted about being with him because of the huge age difference. I know people will respond negatively and judge me…but hey, he makes me happy… and i too make him happy. At this point, I don’t know what will happen in the near future and that’s ok… But for now as it stands, we are what we are.

    So all I can tell you is, do what makes sense to you and if the two of you are in alignment with where you are both going. That’s all that matters…. being happy is what we all seek and search for. Unfortunately, controlling where that happiness comes from is challenging… good luck!

  23. @ Anonymous if he makes you happy as you say then I dont see why your mom wouldn’t be happy for you after all bomme ba rena ba thakgalela fela gere thabile.

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