Only the most evil of people will let a person die on their watch. I was angry at my wife, hated her even but I would never actually let her kill herself especially in front of me. We had our differences and call me weak or pathetic, I was not going to abandon her. An obvious part in me thought she was doing this to play her games on me but I was not too sure. When you are about to lose everything what would you do? At times when we make mistakes and think there is no solution we make even bigger ones and this was one of them. I lay her down as she was gasping for air. She had to catch her breath.
“Why Asthandile why?”
I asked her as sat over her.
“Why would you do something so stupid?”
I wanted to cry but I was so angry to even know what reaction to make. She just stared at me like a fish out of water and started crying. I try checking her neck to see if she had any bruising from my ties and yes she did. The marks were so visible it’s a wonder she didn’t break her windpipe. Gimmick or not she could have hurt herself really badly. I had played a part in this whether I liked it or not. Had my marriage come to this where one of us had become suicidal?
“I don’t deserve you! I am the devil! What I did to you was evil and there is no other word for it! Please just let me die because I deserve everything I get!”
She said turning her body away from me. I wanted to tell her that she could die I didn’t care but first she must leave my baby behind but obviously it’s not something I could say out loud. Taking your own life is cruel and selfish. People who have done this before will never know what pain they left behind. The ones left behind will never know whether to mourn you or be angry at you.
“Today you beat me up like I was a child. Even my parents last used a belt on me when I was in primary school. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Do you have any idea how little and insignificant I felt? In spite of all that I still believed that you were right and I deserved more! That is what has become of me! I can start by saying I am so sorry but sorry does not even start to cover all the bad things I have done to you!”
She said to me. I was not sure what to say but I had to say something.
“I won’t lie I am angry at you but you are still my wife. I did not bring you all this way for me to send you back home in a coffin. We are better than this, we were better than this!”
I said trying to reassure her. For some reason all she said had flown right over my head. She had too many lies so I could not trust her to be genuine. I had to think of a way out. Another thing people must realize is this, if she dies by her own hand, any life policies she has become null and void as in they will not pay out! After all the premiums she had paid out and I had paid out, all insurance policies would never pay-out that’s for certain. I was therefore not going to leave this to chance.
“Please get Zimasa to get me some water…”
She said softly. I must say I was failing to read her. What was she going to do next? I called out to Zimasa. I was not going to leave the room. What if she finished the job? Zimasa came in. She is not stupid, she saw the tie and the chair. She immediately asked what happened. I ignored her question and told her to fetch her water to drink and to run water for me in a bath. She did not ask too many questions but I could see she was concerned.
“A bath is not necessary!”
She said but I told her no, it was very much so. She needed to relax and breathe. There is a reason why I wanted it. A belt leaves marks on your body and I could not take her to the hospital if I wanted to, just to check if she did not cause any damage on her throat with those marks. It will be obvious that I beat her and that could have further complications. When the bath was ready I turned to Zimasa and said,
“Tell no one about this especially the people back home. You know the drama they will cause. We, you and me need to handle this here!”
I asked her or rather told her. She understood but said now she was too scared to sleep alone in a room considering this. She asked if she could sleep on the floor in the bedroom and watch over Asthandile with me. I told her it was fine. I will call her after the bath. I took off my wife’s clothes as she stepped into the bath tub. I decided that I should join her in case she switches to death by drowning.
This was the first time my wife had shared a bath in years. She felt awkward and brand new. I could see all the marks my belt had left on her and much as I was angry at her, guilt swept over me. I had done this. Twice now I had laid my hands on her. I was now an abusive husband. The thought just killed me inside. I was a monster. I talked to her all this time whispering to make sure she knew I was still there. All she did was cry. We stayed in the water until it got cold. I dried her and myself, dressed her for bed even and took her to bed. She was cold. I am not sure if it was because of the bath or if it was in my head.
“Where is Zimasa?”
She asked me. I told she was in her room. I had forgotten about her. I told her she was in her room. At that moment Zimasa walked in. She asked Asthandile if she was fine. To her credit she said she was it was just a misunderstanding. In my head I was screaming what kind of misunderstanding can cost you your life.
“Can I sleep here on the floor? I can’t sleep alone with all that’s going on!”
She asked again this time to both of us. Asthandile said it was fine she could but turned around and asked me after she had already responded. I said it was fine meaning we would take turns to watch over her. She said she did not need to be watched over but I insisted. We have a very big bed. Eventually we agreed that Zimasa did not have to sleep on the floor. Besides I had work to do so at some point I was going to sneak out of bed and work so it was a win win.
With my wife in the middle, Zimasa on the other side cuddling her we settled in for bed. It was not awkward at all for some reason.
It was then the sms came in,
“We are outside, here to collect our money. No excuses!”
It was the police I was bribing!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Hi Mike and readers,
Please keep me anonymous
there goes my problem, I am dating a guy who is 26 and I am 29 he is nothing but amazing and I am not afraid to say that we are in love. I love him and he loves me just as much if not more. He shows me and tells me of how much he loves and wants to spend his life with me. We get a lot of Ppl looking at us when we go out and stuff. He wants me to meet his Mother and grandmother as I have already accidentally met his father. He wants me to be a part of his family and his child adores me I have two kids of which they have not met him and only my cousins know about us. He wants to meet and great with my Mom and brothers just to show how serious he is with our relationship.He is even started talking doing things the right way with both families and I always change the subject. We have been going out for almost a year now and am scared that my family might judge me for dating him as he is 3 years younger than me. He makes me so happy and full filled. How do I start to tell my mother about him and that he is younger than me. Thusang hleng