Memoirs – Chapter Ninety Two

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I did what any self respecting educated black man would do in this situation. I apologized to Zimasa and I walked downstairs. I got into my car and I drove myself to Rondebosch Police Station. It’s close Pick n Pay so from my house it literally 5 minutes away. I was lucky in that it was a male police officer who was working because had it been a female then things would have been different. The officer knew me by name and I am not sure how or where from but he greeted me as Adv. Sibani. It was so weird. When I told him that I had come to turn myself in for punching my wife he thought one of his friends was pulling a prank on me. When I asked him why he said two reasons really,
“One, no one turns themselves in. It’s that thing you see on TV but it never really happens. Secondly, for one punch? It hardly counts as domestic violence because they deal with case were men beat up their wives to a pulp on a weekly places and this hardly counts as it!”
He explained.
“Our cells are full with real cases and adding you in them is frankly wrong and wastes space in the cells.”
Even as he spoke some drunk students were dragged into the station.
“Why did you bring them hear? I have no space take them to Mowbray!”
He shouted at the officer who had brought them in.
“If that fails go to Wynberg!”
I never thought this would ever happen to me. The police officer turned me away and told me to go home and apologise to my wife. He said he will pretend that this never happened and he never came here. He said we all make mistakes and running away does not help. I was not sure whether to celebrate that I had not gotten that record or to be saddened at how the value of women was quite cheap even in police stations. Maybe turning myself in was a bit of a dramatic move seeing these weird people in here. Criminals are scary that one is certain!

I decided that going home was my only option. What if I had made my wife miscarry her bastard child! That would not be good. I should confront her with my evidence that I knew she was pregnant not with me. However, if she took me to talk that could mean that they could prove that I had motive and that punch was premeditated. That small detail could be the difference between her leaving with zero or half! She was always a step ahead of me so I had to tread carefully. When I got in I found both my wife and Zimasa sitting by the kitchen counter. My wife had a packet of frozen peas on her eye where I had punched her. So she was alive! Ok then at least one less worry.
“Go to your room!”
She said to Zimasa as soon as I entered. She did not even look up to look at me. Zimasa who still looked terrified was now dressed in her pyjamas did not even hesitate. She ran up.
“I crossed the line there when I said what I said. It was wrong and I should never in a million years have said that. I am sorry and I was wrong.”
She said. I chose not to respond and good thing too because she was not done.
“However, I just want to make this point very clear, if you ever lay your hands on me again, I swear to God I will wait for you to sleep and in the wee hours of the morning when you have your morning glory, I will take a razor and I will cut off your penis! Do you understand me?”

She said calmly. Maybe too calmly. You see Xhosa women are different from other women in that they are crazy enough to actually do it. They are not the type to poison you and all fancy things like that, nah its too complicated, they are blunt and to the point. Consequences for what?

I asked if Zimasa was okay. I guess it was not exactly the best question to ask at that moment but I figured going up to her room would be worse. My wife looked at me funny and for a moment I thought she would not answer but she did.

“She will live! She deserved that one too! For a long time she has been dressing up provocatively in this house and I warned about this. You are my husband, this is our house so she must know how to dress appropriately! I am going to bed!”

She stood up and left me standing there. When the things that happened tonight happen to you for a moment you allow yourself to get a bit confused. I was not sure what to do next. Whether to go up and speak to her again, go to my study and work which I doubt I could or just relax and pretend all this had not happened. I was now one of those statistics which I never wanted to be, a domestic abuser.

I decided that tonight for the upteenth time I should sleep in the guest room. Yes, I was fast becoming a guest in my own house with the number of times I was finding myself in here. I made sure I closed the doors and locked myself in because I was not sure what my wife will come with overnight. I had not meant to hit her and I know it sounds so cliché but really she had that one coming. I am very anti violence against women. It was her who had insisted I go to Zimasa’s room and yes she had not said I must stand there when Zimasa was naked but the only reason why I had not knocked was because she specifically instructed me not to. Then there was that line about other men sleeping with her. That hurt. A lot. As I was thinking through all this I got an sms. It was frrom Khanyi.
“Either you are one incredibly patient guy or you just plain stupid but today at least you finally showed you still have some man in you. Asthandile told me what happened and I am totally with you. She deserved it and next time take a belt!”

I was not sure what to say to this. I thought Khanyi would advise her so called friend to leave me but she was in my corner. This woman could not be trusted so I decided not to reply. At some point I fell asleep. I am not sure I even dreamed that night.

In the morning I woke up and I bathed in the guest room. I then went upstairs so I could change for work. When I got there the door was closed. I knocked first. She did not answer. There was silence. She was still ignoring me. This was going to be a long day. I needed to dress though so I can get ready for work so I opened. The scene was the last thing I expected.

The bed was neatly made up. Had my wife gone to the gym this early. It’s been a long time though since she did a morning session. I went to the wardrobe and that’s when I noticed it. The luggage was gone. I opened my wife’s wardrobe and there was nothing left just hangers. Her lingerie drawer, fine with black people it’s a panty drawer but still that too was empty. I don’t know what I was expecting to find when I went to check her cosmetics in the bathroom by they too were gone.

Asthandile had left!

I was not sure whether to ululate or to panic but love is a very stupid thing! I panicked and tried to call her. Her phone was off. Ok its what I needed for now just breathe I told myself. I went to Zimasa’s room and guess what, same thing, bed made and things gone! This had really happened! She probably went to Khanyi’s place and was trying to scare me! I was not going to bite. There was no note or anything like that, that’s for white people, black people don’t have time to write! Even when committing suicide it’s not often I come across a case were a black person actually left a suicide note!

I got ready for work regardless and even found time to whistle a happy tune whilst I did it. I got a call from my boss and he sounded exasperated but excited. He said that no matter what I had to be in the office at 0800am because we had a very very important client, once who would take our firm to astronomical heights. I cannot remember the last time I heard him this happy. It was 0649am on the clock so decided to leave immediately.

My car keys stay in my pocket. I walked outside and opened the garage. My car was not there! My evil wife had taken my car meaning I had to go find her keys. I ran back to the house to look for them. I tried calling her again and zero. I searched for a good 20 minutes and eventually I found them. Now I was getting late. I ran back to the car and reversed out of the garage! The car drove funny. I closed the garage and went to open the gate. On the way back from the gate I realized why it drove funny, the left front tyre of the car had a punched and by the gash in the tyre I had no doubt in my mind how it got there! Xhosa women! Asthandile had done this! She had deliberately slashed one tyre because it forces u to fix it on your own!

I needed to get to work! The train was my best bet but in in Cape Town this early the trains are so packed you will be standing outside literally!

When I got to the gate a car pulled up. It was a police car with blue lights flashing.

She had called the police!

The witch!

******The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Hey Mike.

I’ve been reading the blog for a very long time and I must thank you for all your effort.

I fell pregnant in varsity. Decided to keep my child and the father and I were still together and doing ok. Then we broke up at a time where my life was falling apart completely. My family lost all our money and I couldn’t even afford to go to school anymore. Because of all the time I missed after having a baby my marks weren’t good enough for a bursary. I didn’t complain I stayed home and raised my child while looking for a job. My issue though is the father never payed damages and left me having to face my family who seems ashamed of me. He works now has a very good job but just can’t prioritize. Over December he doesn’t send money cause I know he’s probably on holiday with his friends, when his girlfriend has a birthday he doesn’t send money and when I’m short for something I can’t even ask him cause he thinks what he sends is enough. He doesn’t realize that I now have to ask my family who also have their issues, that he shamed me with. I think I’m a good baby mama I never ask for any extras I make sure our child is well looked after and I ensure he has a relationship with the child I never ever give him any trouble but he just can’t meet me half way. I never want to nag or raise the issue cause I also have my pride and he doesn’t realize that it’s difficult for me to have to ask him for something as small as R100. I’m busy looking for a job but it isn’t easy finding one. I’m not the type to ask for money for my hair and all but how do I get him to understand that he needs to help a little more. I never thought I’d be this girl.

I really don’t want to be the nagging baby mama.

Ray’s mom.

53 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Ninety Two

  1. Rays Mom take that fucker to maintainance court I took my baby daddy not because I cant afford to look after my daughter alone but because we made this child together and after I left him for abusing and cheating on me he punished me by not supporting ngwana. These men need to learn not to make babies they cant support. My baby daddy cant support our daughter and his first born but he is expecting another child by another woman

  2. Thanks Mike.

    Q&A: Take him to the Maintenance court trust & me after that he will respect his child n you so much more after that because pre-school alone is R2000 + food + clothing. warn him that those are your intentions. All men must support their kids and that is not optional.

  3. Tyk ur baby daddy to maintenance court,hw de hell does he think u will support his child. Force him to b responsible, that’s the only way nana

  4. Asthandile though!! Ey Adv. Sibani is in great ish! I wonder what’s gonna transpire in the next episode…simply can’t wait! Thnx Mike!!

  5. Lol Xhosa women, just devorce the whore man, she’s not worth it. Even if she takes half of what u have, it won’t last her that long!

  6. Again I repeat, Asthandile is a gold digger! No love at all! Just a silly little hood rat! Mxm! This man must just expose her!

  7. Hawu this women has no respect whatsoever how could she bee like this , no wonder her family is gold digging too she will miss the man

  8. Ray’s mom, I feel your pain lady, it’s weird how we tend to think for people who don’t even dare to put themselves in our shoes. I think these men get away with a lot just because we don’t want to be the bad person, whereas we can see that what they are doing is nonsense. I honestly wish there was some way for these fools to pay and feel the pain in addition to maintenance, but in the mean time please go for maintenance support, you really have to be cruel to be kind, you didn’t make that child alone, and you are paying a whole lot more having to take care of your child on a daily basis. I really get so angry thinking about men who can lay there and get some but not be man enough to be a father. And then he wants to be a perfect boyfriend out there paying for his girlfriend’s make-up’s hair’s and so on, this world is really not fair for woman, but stay positive, keep looking for a job, most importantly PRAY harder than you can imagine and BELIEVE in what you hope for, maybe there’s a cliché there but I am talking from experience, you’ll be amazed by the things God can do for you, and more amused by the fact that when things go wrong in that fool’s life he’ll think he’s being bewitched, God brings justice to all, by that I don’t mean pray for Him to ruin that guys’ life, but Pray for Doors to b opened in your life in order to be able to support your child. (my story, worse so, my baby daddy took money from me which set me a whole lot behind saying that he was going to pay it quickly, he didn’t, he still says he will, he hasn’t told his family about my baby, but life is still bright for me and my child, all thanks to the Almighty)

  9. Asthandile is either evil or crazy, how did she expect her husband to react after shagging her boss den suddenly she’s pregnant n lastly she accuses her husband of wanting to sleep wth Zimaza.

  10. Thanks Mikeesto, I’m willing to pay a hundred bucks to get the sms service outchea. Please consider.

    Ray’s Mom

    Pride or ego or whatever it is, it has to go. You are broke and you know it, your family has issues also. This guy needs to come to the party. Who still f*ucks with broke niggers though? Or stingy once at that.

    The title babymama won’t pay your bills, do your hair, give some tlc that goes with good relations where money is plenty. He can holiday with friends but can send you moola for your bday?? Shame on that nigger.

    You need to let him pay damages, even if its late, if he acknowledges the child as his then there is no excuse.


  11. QnA this is not the issue for pride and not wanting to b a nagging babymama.. take that guy ti court as in yesterday . it is his child too . u are well within your rights to do so, pride or not..
    remember there is a child well-being at stake here and i am sure you want the best for the child , do right by the child go get whats theirs ..

    bra Mike good read as always ,

  12. This woman is a snake. I think the police are here about the death of that gay boy.Just a twist from Mike.

    Rays mom, you are one of the reason why guys plant children everywhere without caring. I believe if every guy is forced to look after (proper maintanance) all their kids then we will have few fatherless children.

    Take him to the cleaners, at maintanance court he will learn how expensive it is to have a kid

  13. I think you should meet with his family about this before you take the legal route, it is a serious issue. Maybe he doesn’t understand how expensive it is to raise a child or he’s just ignorant either way you have to stop being passive and fight. You have sacrificed a lot for his child the least he can do is meet you half way, that’s not nagging dear that’s looking out for yourself and your baby,just as he is enjoying himself it’s time he started to grow up.

  14. Wow this woman is something else,she has no shame- how dare she does that to her husband? Call them popo on him after all this man has done for her and this is the thanks he gets, yes Mxolisa has his faults but he does not deserve this, nxa foolish woman…..

  15. Hi Mike,

    This has gone on far enough, Asthandile is always one step ahead and always manages to have the last word! Its high time Mthobisi “manned up” and become the smart man we know he is.
    Patiently waiting to see what he comes up with…

  16. Ladies ladies but why do you want to make babies then you push the blame on someone else. No boyfriends forces a women to have a baby with him, I would understand if you guys where married then you divorce he have to own up. It’s high time the law must change if you have a child out of wedlock you won’t get maintenance money. Because everything we need as contraceptives the Government gives us for free what else do we want. And a pack of condom if you dont want to use the Gvt ones is not more than R20.

  17. Wow such a gold digger and drama queen that’s ur wife Mxo.

    Q&A Dear take that guy straight to maintenance that’s the best option. Going to his family will complicate things or even worse they will think you’re after his money, or call you a nag.
    Example my brother’s baby mama they broke up a year after the baby was born he stopped sending her money. He had a million excuses from paying his car to his other responsibilities, she always cried even came to report him at home but guess what Dad advised her not to go, however being a woman and understanding her pain i advised her to go straight to maintenance but xe kept saying xe doesn’t want him to lose his job. Till today he doesn’t support her and the kids worse she stays alone with just her kids noone else to look after them. Its sad its heartbreaking but there’s not much we can do if you don’t stand up and do it, you know woman need to stand up and put this men in their place COs they cant be getting away with such things.

  18. Nice Mike

    My question to lady firstly is who decided to keep the baby.
    If it was joint decision the take him to court, go to his family etc…….
    If you decided by yourself against his will, then you look after the kid….
    Single people need to slop making fucken babies, poor kids.
    A chick at work went to get herself cleaned so that she can get pregnant by some married big shot (daughter ka Lucifa if u ask me). That in my view is a recipe for disaster, then she will write on some blog her sad life story, but will conveniently not tell us she is trapped the fucker.
    Stop making fucken babies, MARIE STOPED, kids suffer because of this shit fighting and all.
    My sister boy calls me dad/bhabha/tata, because he hers my kids call me that, My heart sinks every-time he says that, because he will grow and my sister will explain. Her doesn’t deserve that. Although she never told but it was her decision, because she is moneyed and wanted a kid (selfish decision).

  19. Asthandile!!! Lol.. Setlaela sa bogile tea ya maswi le borotho bja go tlotjiwa ka adv sibani nou o itira a di gadikele go di phura!

  20. Themba and Datnigga! Seriously??? You blaming Ray’s mom for wanting a child she did not conceive alone? Had the dad been raped and forced somehow make Ray, that would be a different story.But she did say they were in a relationship, that’s consent! It’s not just a woman’s responsibility to make sure she does not fall pregnant, ngoba the man you’re sleeping with should also be smart enough to say let’s use a condom, baby you should go on contraceptives or buy the morning after pill. Whether you’re ready to be a parent or not does not matter, when you have a child that you’ve acknowledged there is no need for u to be forced to support that child. You must just own up to your responsibilities.

    If you’re old enough to not use a condom, then you are old enough to to support that child financially and emotionally, regardless of you’re relationship with the mom. Men just need to grow up.

    To Q&A, sisi take him to court. Don’t even discuss it with him. Do what is best for your child,no amount of money would ever come close to what you give your child when u take care of him. Don’t let pride get in the way of ensuring that your child gets the best of everything. And your child has 2 parents, so why kwamele a swele?

  21. Thts wht happens if ushada ubuhle ay umfazi,Asithandile unondindwa straight.she neva looked your way at skul n whn u became succesful then usuy heat kuyena?wazenza nawe ndoda

  22. Thanx Mike,Q&A ladies Themba n thtNigga said it on point,Gov is providing enaf protection 4 prevention of babies n hiv, wat we r doin as youth ke dilo tsa kabomo.mo2 oko university bt o shiannetse dikobo, no1 is perfect bt blamin it on anada person its nt gona help. U can go go motshwarisa maintenance bt b rest assured if he hs debts u wil get a lot less thn wat he ws givn u, esp if ne a tlhokometse ngwana in the 1st place. N 4him 2 b goin places r u xo its out of hs pocket? Or hs being fundd by hs gf.poverty e kasefele as long as we hv childrn out of wedlock.u cn hv sex bt make xo u r preventin ka condom n contraceptv, shud u burst ul knw u hv a backup .go 2 M court n c wat hpns

  23. Yoooh this Asthandile chick must just suffer already. It’s time Mxolisi manned up and also started plotting against the witch. However, I’m absolutely against the physical abuse, be it once or a 100 times, be it the 1st time or the 100th time.
    Our justice system is failing us now because the cells are too full. Asthandile must be punished, not physically but emotionally…she must know and remember where she came from. It looks like she’s suffering from selective amnesia, forgetting the mud and dust she came from.
    Mxolisi must punish her, PERIOD!!!

  24. Themba and Datnigga nidakiwe nina. Who the hell are you to judge? How sure are you Themba that u were planned? How sure are you Datnigga that your mom opted for abortuon but twas too late or she couldnt afford? Its men like you who will grow up making bastard sons coz of your childish metality. Rays mom most men are like that doll… you can date a lawyer doctor engineer filthy rich man but if engafuni to support your child he wont just nje coz hes selfish and aint nothing you can do except to bopha his ass. Themba and Datnigga you guys are so dissapointing coz someone asks for advise desperatly seeking help and you go and tell em they should kill their child(indirectly) its comments like these that are not necesarry. The womam wants help not distruction. You guys must thinl twice before commenting such words. Goodluck to you MamaRay and God will deal with babydady just try focus on getting itoho and continue studyn via nasfas.

  25. Now this is a lesson to all guys who make it and decide to marry their hood queens who happen to have less ambition and greedy parents @Q n A no offense but I don’t know if you slow or just plain full of empty pride but what you need to do is go to maintenance court and sort this thing out cause your parents will get tired of this

  26. Morning all. Q&A, I know that this going to make me sound like the mother of all evil but let’s look at it this way sisi. I condemn that he doesn’t send you money in December and when it’s his girlfriend’s bday. However, I feel that we as women tend to forget that it is not only the man’s responsibility to financially provide for the child. It takes two to make a baby, therefore the expenses should be split in two. If it cost R4000 p/m to maintain a child then both mom and dad should contribute R2000 each. You can’t expect him to foot the bill for everything, it’s not his child alone. Lastly, do your homework before going to the maintenance court. I know a lady who used to get R1000 per month from her baby daddy, decided that it wasn’t enough and went to the courts. She got the shock of her life when she was granted R560 p/m.

    1. Nkulie a man should provide for his children finish and klaar. The women is already doing enough by providing a shelter for the child, protection, Care and the love that the father can’t provide coz he is busy gallavanting. He must just pay

    2. if i read correctly here de lady says “she is not working @ de moment” so where does dis 50/50 shall come from??????

      nkulie u r a mother of all evil n u not only dat u dont think b4 u answer!!!

  27. Mara Asthandile is so childish.this man le yena he is so stupid though.he lets her talk to him like that and doesn’t talk back whereas he has concrete evidence against her sleeping with another man.she just keeps accussing him of stuff and he just stands she took his car and Sloughed the tires who does that…so childish amd selfish

  28. its amazing how everyone (especially women) are against Asthandile. Have we forgotten that her husband is hardly a saint?! Impregnating his collegue, shagging the wife’s friend, lusting after the wife’s 17year old neice! It’s sad how we are always quick to blame the woman. I am with Asthandile on this one. The author should stop painting her in a negative light. Mxo seems to be the hero/victim all the damn time and its getting annoying. I wont be surprised if the author will make Asthandile move back to the hood with absolutley nothing and leave Mxo to live posh in the burbs. Annoyimg!!!!As for Khanyi, its about time both Asthandile and Mxo kicks her to the curb. Now that is a snake!

  29. Wow, So the brothers here are blaming ladies for being pregnant! Talk about running away from responsibility, its a shame!!!

    Ray’s mom your situation is very sad, please talk to your baby daddy. Explain to him what you going through should he fail to listen then take him to maintenance court if you think it will help you.

    As for asthandile and Mxolisi i am fast learning that it was a situation ya go rato motho yena a sa go rate! Too bad Mxo hard to learn the hard way

    Thanks Mikey

  30. u touching so many lives u can stop anything but not this blog n Sibani I admire the love u hv for ur wife pity u in love wit a girl…

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