It’s virtually impossible to figure out when you conceived your baby because normally when you are married sex is spontaneous and anytime. You don’t have a record of when you had sex because well, in marriage sex is free. With me however my wife was not that sexual so at times we could even go a month without sex. I was partially to blame too on this one to be fair because I I always came home late or too tired. It’s important I say that. Most men do not want to acknowledge when they contribute to the demise of the marriage especially if the wife cheats. It’s just her fault finish and klaar! When you work in a law firm know this, you do not work a normal 9 to 5. Law is about putting in the extra hours as there is so much research to be done. To spend more time with my wife I had then built in the study. When you get married and people take this for granted, do not end up with someone who is too far from you intellectually. My wife for example had barely passed university meaning that she was not very strong academically. She was one of those people who barely lifted a book unless it had pictures and gossiped about what was new on TV. I say this with the deepest respect but how then could she keep up with what was happening in her husband’s life which was cantered around books and research. We had become distant because she could not relate to me. In the modern world you have a professional marriage where you complement one another. Gone are the days where you needed to go back to the village to fetch a wife. A wise man nowadays goes and parks outside a University to pick up a girlfriend because five years down the line if you pick right she is also an investment!
I had a missed called from Bulelwa. In all I was doing I had forgotten that I had tried to call her. Maybe she would tell me the truth about this pregnancy because I really wanted answers. I called Bulelwa back and she picked up this time around. I asked her how come she never came to visit and she said she had been moved to Saldana Bay so she no longer had that freedom. She asked me how Asthandile and I told her could not be better. That was a lie and am not sure whether or not she knew what we were going through but that was a gamble I was willing to take. You can’t go around telling people how messed up things are in your marriage. Have some self respect! I asked her if she was married and she said she was but her husband was a pilot with Emirates so he was hardly ever around. She said Asthandile was so lucky to have me next to her because she missed him so much. I told her that’s how life is, one has to follow the money. It was a pleasant conversation and I told her she was the only one of Khanyi’s friends my wife had introduced me to. She laughed and said no I got it wrong, she was my wife’s friend first, Khanyi on the other hand they had met four five months back. Bingo! Say what! I had met them both Khanyi and Bulelwa not two months ago and they had been introduced as brand new friends. Why had I not seen this? My wife often said she met too many people everyday who tried to befriend her and she chatted to. But, and this she emphasised, she will only introduce me to the ones that mattered! Everything was falling into place! Asthandile had not met Khanyi and her boss recently, they met a long time ago! That’s why she was so familiar to them. I did say the first night they came over and drank and slept over that it was weird to see my wife so close to people she had just met! Another thing is, much as my wife would had have turned into such a bitch, i maintain that she would never have slept with a month within a week of meeting. I would like to believe she had a bit of her morality still inside her somehow.
“Ah Bulelwa so what took you guys so long to come to the house! I thought you were brand new to my wife! I have never seen her so happy hey now that you guys are in her life!”
I said with a bit overkill in that to butter her up. She was very happy to keep on talking as she did not realize I was setting her up.
“I don’t know really. Something always came up I guess and besides, she called you her hardworking superman. I was not working then so again I would see her during the day before you came. Once or twice you wife told you I was there over the phone so you knew I was there we just never met!”
I tried to think back. As men we are often guilty of trivialising our wife’s friends as though they don’t matter. There were occasions I would call during the day and my wife would say someone was visiting. I would ask who out of politeness and to check coast but the moment I got the part it was a female then I was fine by it and I didn’t want to hear more. What for? It’s another woman and besides too many question will let your wife think you are insecure! That’s just how most men are. This means she could have told me about Bulelwa and Khanyi but I never cared enough to listen! Khanyi was not done, she had saved the best for last,
“Even their boss at work, he is married to my older sister! I introduced them both to him for them to get the job there. I could not work for him though ah, imagine! My brother in law!”
I laughed uncomfortably and thanked her for introducing them. So she too had been betrayed!
“How far back was this because Khanyi got the job first and Asthandile just started!”
She made a humming sound as she thought of the date then said,
“It’s about four months ago actually, soon after I met them by the gym. Yes I am right, four months!”
She said. As she was saying this I had reached the part in my diary that was equal to eleven weeks. Here is what’s worse, it read,
“Law Conference, Gallagher estate Midrand, 5days. Durban Govender meeting 2days! I am so exhausted”
The two weeks covered there I was not in Cape Town and I could prove it. Moreover my wife had not realised that I knew she had lied. On the phone she had said that she was two months pregnant then later she had said doctor said 11 weeks!
Just because I am a lawyer does not mean that I have forgotten how to do maths!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Thanks for all the awesome work you put into the blog with the rest of your admin team, salute.
My Q&A is rather close to home, in fact it is rather a conversation most are too embarrassed to talk about or just prefer to keep to themselves and pray it goes away.
So I called up my friends and we met up yesterday to have the ‘Talk’. You know as guys we talk about anything and everything, well Men’s clinical issues are part of that.
I have noticed over the last few months that my erections are not as they were… You know what I mean. It gets so bad that sometimes umntana bantu will go to bed without getting some, cause Jackzorro Jr wants to have none of that. I try, she tries, but this little fellow seems to have a mind of his own. Its not a partner issue though, cause I had to find out if that was the case. Now this thing is starting to worry me a little bit.
After speaking to amagenge, I realised that this was a general thing across the spectrum, heck even the guys that ‘Chatha and Futha’ can’t get it up. Imbiza zakhona only work for that day, then the next day its either one round or nothing at all. We were all laughing about it, even the Dr Rocky pills and Viagra don’t seem to help. We didn’t come up with solutions and some just labelled it as something in the food or alcohol we drink and that was that.
I would just like to know from the guys that can have the guts to follow the lead and be honest if it happens to them, and what they are doing about it. The ladies that are affected by this also, please voice your opinions as this does cause some tension in the bedroom. I’ve been accused of cheating for this at times and I can’t imagine what it does to a woman to feel so useless that you can’t get d*ck up.
So please assist in this regard fellow readers
PLEASE FORWARD YOU Q&A PROBLEMS TO MIKE@DIARYOFAZULUGIRL.CO.ZA I AM RUNNING OUT OF LETTERS TO POST.