Memoirs – Chapter Ninety

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

It’s virtually impossible to figure out when you conceived your baby because normally when you are married sex is spontaneous and anytime. You don’t have a record of when you had sex because well, in marriage sex is free. With me however my wife was not that sexual so at times we could even go a month without sex. I was partially to blame too on this one to be fair because I I always came home late or too tired. It’s important I say that. Most men do not want to acknowledge when they contribute to the demise of the marriage especially if the wife cheats. It’s just her fault finish and klaar! When you work in a law firm know this, you do not work a normal 9 to 5. Law is about putting in the extra hours as there is so much research to be done. To spend more time with my wife I had then built in the study. When you get married and people take this for granted, do not end up with someone who is too far from you intellectually. My wife for example had barely passed university meaning that she was not very strong academically. She was one of those people who barely lifted a book unless it had pictures and gossiped about what was new on TV. I say this with the deepest respect but how then could she keep up with what was happening in her husband’s life which was cantered around books and research. We had become distant because she could not relate to me. In the modern world you have a professional marriage where you complement one another. Gone are the days where you needed to go back to the village to fetch a wife. A wise man nowadays goes and parks outside a University to pick up a girlfriend because five years down the line if you pick right she is also an investment!

I had a missed called from Bulelwa. In all I was doing I had forgotten that I had tried to call her. Maybe she would tell me the truth about this pregnancy because I really wanted answers. I called Bulelwa back and she picked up this time around. I asked her how come she never came to visit and she said she had been moved to Saldana Bay so she no longer had that freedom. She asked me how Asthandile and I told her could not be better. That was a lie and am not sure whether or not she knew what we were going through but that was a gamble I was willing to take. You can’t go around telling people how messed up things are in your marriage. Have some self respect! I asked her if she was married and she said she was but her husband was a pilot with Emirates so he was hardly ever around. She said Asthandile was so lucky to have me next to her because she missed him so much. I told her that’s how life is, one has to follow the money. It was a pleasant conversation and I told her she was the only one of Khanyi’s friends my wife had introduced me to. She laughed and said no I got it wrong, she was my wife’s friend first, Khanyi on the other hand they had met four five months back. Bingo! Say what! I had met them both Khanyi and Bulelwa not two months ago and they had been introduced as brand new friends. Why had I not seen this? My wife often said she met too many people everyday who tried to befriend her and she chatted to. But, and this she emphasised, she will only introduce me to the ones that mattered! Everything was falling into place! Asthandile had not met Khanyi and her boss recently, they met a long time ago! That’s why she was so familiar to them. I did say the first night they came over and drank and slept over that it was weird to see my wife so close to people she had just met! Another thing is, much as my wife would had have turned into such a bitch, i maintain that she would never have slept with a month within a week of meeting. I would like to believe she had a bit of her morality still inside her somehow.

“Ah Bulelwa so what took you guys so long to come to the house! I thought you were brand new to my wife! I have never seen her so happy hey now that you guys are in her life!”
I said with a bit overkill in that to butter her up. She was very happy to keep on talking as she did not realize I was setting her up.

“I don’t know really. Something always came up I guess and besides, she called you her hardworking superman. I was not working then so again I would see her during the day before you came. Once or twice you wife told you I was there over the phone so you knew I was there we just never met!”

I tried to think back. As men we are often guilty of trivialising our wife’s friends as though they don’t matter. There were occasions I would call during the day and my wife would say someone was visiting. I would ask who out of politeness and to check coast but the moment I got the part it was a female then I was fine by it and I didn’t want to hear more. What for? It’s another woman and besides too many question will let your wife think you are insecure! That’s just how most men are. This means she could have told me about Bulelwa and Khanyi but I never cared enough to listen! Khanyi was not done, she had saved the best for last,

“Even their boss at work, he is married to my older sister! I introduced them both to him for them to get the job there. I could not work for him though ah, imagine! My brother in law!”

I laughed uncomfortably and thanked her for introducing them. So she too had been betrayed!

“How far back was this because Khanyi got the job first and Asthandile just started!”

She made a humming sound as she thought of the date then said,

“It’s about four months ago actually, soon after I met them by the gym. Yes I am right, four months!”

She said. As she was saying this I had reached the part in my diary that was equal to eleven weeks. Here is what’s worse, it read,

“Law Conference, Gallagher estate Midrand, 5days. Durban Govender meeting 2days! I am so exhausted”

The two weeks covered there I was not in Cape Town and I could prove it. Moreover my wife had not realised that I knew she had lied. On the phone she had said that she was two months pregnant then later she had said doctor said 11 weeks!
Just because I am a lawyer does not mean that I have forgotten how to do maths!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Hi Mikeesto
Thanks for all the awesome work you put into the blog with the rest of your admin team, salute.

My Q&A is rather close to home, in fact it is rather a conversation most are too embarrassed to talk about or just prefer to keep to themselves and pray it goes away.

So I called up my friends and we met up yesterday to have the ‘Talk’. You know as guys we talk about anything and everything, well Men’s clinical issues are part of that.

I have noticed over the last few months that my erections are not as they were… You know what I mean. It gets so bad that sometimes umntana bantu will go to bed without getting some, cause Jackzorro Jr wants to have none of that. I try, she tries, but this little fellow seems to have a mind of his own. Its not a partner issue though, cause I had to find out if that was the case. Now this thing is starting to worry me a little bit.

After speaking to amagenge, I realised that this was a general thing across the spectrum, heck even the guys that ‘Chatha and Futha’ can’t get it up. Imbiza zakhona only work for that day, then the next day its either one round or nothing at all. We were all laughing about it, even the Dr Rocky pills and Viagra don’t seem to help. We didn’t come up with solutions and some just labelled it as something in the food or alcohol we drink and that was that.

I would just like to know from the guys that can have the guts to follow the lead and be honest if it happens to them, and what they are doing about it. The ladies that are affected by this also, please voice your opinions as this does cause some tension in the bedroom. I’ve been accused of cheating for this at times and I can’t imagine what it does to a woman to feel so useless that you can’t get d*ck up.

So please assist in this regard fellow readers





61 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Ninety

  1. Asthandile is in deep trouble.@ Jack it does happen with my man as well but yena he can get it up but it last less than 5 minutes. Well I do understand coz he works 12 hours a day. Its gets better when he is on his resting days. We then decided to try mens clinic and they gave him medication that he needs to take for 60 days, he is still on that medication and its really working ever since he started taking those meds he last for more than 20 minutes. Angazi kuzoba njani after 60 days.

  2. Aow Asthandile.Man oh man.Q and A.U maybe right about the food and drinking part.After all you what you eat.My advise will be for you to c men’s clinic.However also go to a good general practitioner you would find that your problem lies wif other body parts,underlying undetectable chronic deases or underperforming f glands or homones.

    Also tryn be pro active by starting to gym.And drink a lot f water while u at it.

  3. This was the shortest chapter ever n pretty interesting!so it would seem that Asthandile has been cheating on Mxo for a while now n that baby aint his.. Wow… How ironic is this though, he makes another woman pregnant n his wife has gotten preggies by another man… is a bitch!

  4. Yhoo Asthandile ubanjiwe shame wonder what you’re going to say next. Your husband is not stupid as you think. Its getting even more interesting. Thanks Mike.

  5. I feel sorry fr Asthandile. these hard truth seem to break evrythbg to pieces. grt thng Mxolisi keeps a diary. Q&A I once dated a guy who culdnt get it up period aaaah its such an embarrassment, whats worse is he ddnt wanna talk abt it. men ego I guess we ended up splitting

  6. Jackzorro my bro, my hubby does hv de same problem abt his dick nt woking up too, we been 2gether for 10yrs n its really afftect me badly tt I end up doing de wrong things, he drink those pills mbiza all this things mare it dsnt wake up, it cn take 3 weeks up then after tt it sumtyms take a wek without woking up, so nna I alwys blame him saying its de 2much alcohol he drink everywekend

  7. Ah, so does this mean Khanyi shagged Bulelwa’s brother in law too?! No wonder she got the job just like that, she doesn’t even have a certificate huh!! So its true Khanyi and Asthandile are fellow consipirators and betrayers, so much for their friendship sies disgusting! No wonder Astha said Mxo had smelly armpits she was mesmerised by the boss’s expensive cologne and as for Khanyi, I remember her telling Mxo that he is gay, Mxo need not to worry about him tjo!! I no longer feel sorry for Asthandile shame, she deserves everything.

  8. Ey Jackzorro i have that problem with my man sometimes, we would be doing it next thing the little man just gives up while we both enjoying it. & i would try to get him up again, sometimes avuke and sometimes he doesn’t. this worried me @ first and i spoke to him about it washo ukuthi it’s not me, the little guy just has a mind of his own so that kinda put ma mind @ ease.
    BUT another problem is sometimes he just wouldn’t come, the nigger would go on 4 so long and he just wouldn’t come and i on the other hand i would come 2,3 times, so what’s a girl to do?

    So to answer your question Jack when the little man does stand tall, make sure you give it to her proper then she would have nothing to complain about even when he doesn’t comply. Goodluck!!!

  9. Lol Jackzorro wena wonke you can’t get it up hahahaha I’m not laughing at your problem shem. I feel sorry for your girl. I’m laughing coz you always laughing and poking fun at other people’s problems kanti nawe you can’t get it up hahahaha lmao hahahaha uzobaryt bhuti shame

  10. Ahh hope you took into consideration that 11 weeks pregnant means from the date of your first period, NOT conception.

    Jackzorro, wow guess not everyone is perfect. I will not lie it will get to the woman. I had an ex with your problem and I would get all sexed up, only for him not to perform. It was so bad he did not even care for sex anymore. We broke up because he thought I was now cheating on him. (Which I was not) Sit your gf down and explain to her what is going on. Also visit a men’s clinic.

  11. Oh asthandile woman damn u bad , so u staying at home made u not respect ur marriage , how may guys have u shaged in the house

  12. Jackzorro. It happens hey and it does make a woman feel a little useless but it takes a level of maturity to be part of the solution. My ex had the same problem and he saw a doc about it. Turns out it’s cause he was diabetic. His dad was too so get checked out and you’ll get the help you need. Big ups for raising the issue.

  13. I got a feeling that Kanyi liked the boss and did set Asthandile as well as revenge for being overtaken by her. Maybe the boss slept with Kanyi and then proceeded to Asthandile and also gave her a job that’s why Kanyi wants to take her man to show her that she still got it. Oh twist and turns

  14. Jackzorro My Bra I Personally Had The Same Problem. And I’m Only Eighteen Imagine The Embarrassment I Had To Endure From Girls. Anyway I Decided To Google My Problems To Find Out I Do Not Have A Physical Problem Rather A Psychological One. Thing Is The Amount Of Porn I Had Consumed Throughout The Years Had Rewired My Brain So Much That I Had A Hard Time Achieving Or Maintaining, A Flaccid Erection, I Would Maintain. To Cut The Long Story Short I Discovered The Website Now I’m Fully Recovered. If Porn Is Your Problem Best Of Luck Because Recovery Is Near. If Not I Hope My Comment Had Helped Ones With Similar Problems.

  15. QnA:I think u shud change yor lifestyle,be it stress,too much alchol or unhealthy eating,sum problems we cause them ourslvs witout noticing nt all problems need medical attention,bt if thr is no change then u shud go for medical help

  16. I don’t drink and have the same problem, I just cant get it up – my wife will try all sorts of things just to get me in the game

    Truth is i wanna go to men’s clinic but i am embarrassed by my problem and i am afraid of being dependent on pills at the age of 30

    and we cant exactly be accused of cheating whilst we struggling to keep it up

  17. Ahhh man! I rlly hate WOMEN who CHEAT! Especially on gud guys who go an extra mile to keep them happy all da tym! Mxo must let this BITCH suffer slowly..! She is loose! How do u betray ur husband like! Am fuming with anger as I type this LOL… These things happen in real life! Ma friends know I don’t tolerate bullIsh if u not happy in a relo jus LEAVE! Cheatin is not an option! Asizithande Mbokodo #dont wanna be @ a risk of sounding like am preachin LOL, Gud read Mike…Mxo angasxoleli lesf#$e!!

  18. Thanks Mike as always. Q&A: A year and half ago I had similar problems and I head someone on SAfm saying the frozen chicken we buy from checkers n shoprite was discontinued in the 80’s because it caused such problems to men. Since then I stopped buying it. Hahaha and now Mhlekazi is on fire even when i’m sitting in the office he sends reminders that he is around.

  19. Mxolisi ain’t a fool after all, oh wow!!!His brains still work. Astha is rotten shem Khanyi is a backstabbing B*tch sies maan.

    Wow JackZ I respect you for being so honest! my goodness, why can’t men be open about real issues like you? Well I don’t know much about all that you talking about but found the below on the net, they may give you and others a view on what else causes that.

    The most common physical causes:

    Vascular conditions
    Abnormal nerve function
    Hormone deficiency
    Removal of prostate gland for cancer
    Other surgical procedure
    Peyronie’s disease
    Illicit drugs
    Smoking and diet, as contributing factors.

    Thanks Mikey , you never disappoint!!

  20. Asthandile is a low down dirty women, how can you shag your ‘friends’ brother in law. Do these women even understand the word friendship? Mxolisi may have cheated but he was set up, some men are weak like that, you lay down the bait and they go in for the kill!

    Jackzorro, that was brave of you, most men never want to bring up this topic and friend of mine was even abused by her partner because of his erection problems. I myself have never experienced such so it will be interested to see what the other readers say about this topic.

  21. Thanks Mike, the deception and lies between these ladies and Mxo is confusing me shame… It’s too much.
    A to Q: it’s not a nice thing when the little fellow decides to sleep instead of standing tall. My hubby got some Vitamin B injection from Men’s Clinic when he had that experience some years back. It does happen now and then, but I have learnt to accept it and also ignore it and not make him feel bad about it or anthing like that, after all it’s expected, he’s 56 yrs old and I’m … (let’s just say – much younger than him). It’s probably your lifestyle that you need to change, drink less perhaps, less take aways, and stuff. But ke, there’s nothing to be embarrased about, most men experience it – it’s just that we ladies are lucky coz we just have to lay on our backs and fake it, otherwise nje we also have our problems. Guys shouldn’t be ashamed to go to Mens Clinic, they park so far away from the Clinic and bangene begijima khona, don’t even greet one another when they are there…lol. So unnecessary. Just need to relax and stop stressing too much, and it will happen.

  22. Girls who are laughing at Jackzorro….often as women we complain that men don’t talk….wen a brave man acknowledge and ask for help we laugh at them… ain’t helping a global problem,instead you are making things for the rest of us,if my man has a problem and wants to ask for help and he sees your ridiculous comments,he is

  23. On friday I went drinking with my bf and at 2 in the mrning we went home.. He was drinkng windhoek lol now that u mention it. We tried having sex but da little guy just wouldn’t get up.I was so frustrated and embaressed.. I just slept,we woke up the next morning and let me just say all was well.. I dd feel like the problem was with me thou honestly. I was quite embaressed but I ddnt make him feel bad about it and him visa vi.

  24. Nice work Mike,
    why short bra, writer block, as they say it. what happened to the lengthy retrospective opening paragraphs, prior to somewhat lengthy tales.
    Not a complaints, BIG UPS, hope you getting you moneys/credit worth for this work.
    1) Medical (physical), get checked, talk to pro’s, cud be symptom of another condition which could be worse.
    2)I the mind, i had an ex i dated sex was cool, then one day having pillow take i asked her if she ever had a toy, she said yes but hasn’t used in ages, while ago before she even met me. i asked to see it, OH MY GOD that thing was no toy for humans, build for Cows and Horse cookies, was a monstrosity, that was the last time i has a solid erection, wen sober dick would never stand. We broke up, coz i started becoming distant and hardly made time, and i knew why. Hindsight tells me the problem was in my head. Coz i could feel her cookie tension anyway.
    if you under 40 majority of reason is mental.
    I don’t condone all this funny medication coz you will be depended on it, and they are side effects. Find root cause, discuss with your partner hope she is mature enough to deal with like a responsible adult.

  25. QnA jackzorro i have neva bin in such a situation wt men i have had an intercourse with but growing up has taught me that talking abt things help…sit ur lady down and expln wat is hpng cz she might end up thinking she is the problem…be open abt it wt her n both of u shud try to find remedy to the situation as a it role playing or wtvr that might assist junior to get up….moral of the story do what eva u can to get it up no sex in a rltshp cn min the end of it

  26. MIKE WA RONA MAAAN……@Jackzorro, my man had the same problem of getting IT up no matter how hard we both tried, only to find out that he had been stressing and that was affecting his performance….if you have issues or u r stressing over stuff,, try to solve the problem and see if the BIG GUY wont stand up…if that does not work then it will be time to visit men’s clinic.


  27. Awande u killing me sana…….the mighty jack who doesnt take shit n make fun of others lols who could hv thought……..with all the lecture u giving everyday I thought ur life came with a manual lols. Ngaka a e ke kalafe neh lols

  28. AtoQ my hubby has the same problem and its the core cause of conflicts in the house because I am forever dors and at times we will spend a week without any which frustrate me. he smokes a lot and drinks Windhoek lager/ castle lite.

  29. Q& A my hubby had the same problem wayephuza kakhulu wen we met then he went to the mens clinic apparently there was something that was blocked he got umjovo wayewujova everyday it was expensive but worth it lolz

  30. QnA hahahaha wow bro, you going through that. Listen it can be solved, but I am not sure if you are willing to try these methods…1. Get into a routine of drinking warm water mixed with lemon juice i.e the fruit not the green bottle lemon juice. Drink it for the next few weeks, to cleanse your blood, colon, liver insulin. You might be facing a case of insulin resistance and need to detox your body. Reason I say this, you might be drinking too much and don’t hydrate properly and don’t even exercise. 2nd, do you masterbate? To some it is a taboo, to others its a form of exercise for your penis. That thing is a muscle and needs to be exercised. Perform these exercise, get an erection and place a wet cloth on it, practise to hold it for a few minutes by squeezing and releasing your ass and thigh muscles. It should be a lifting motion. After that jerk off and release, you know what I mean. Do this a few times a week and you will be good. 3rd go easy on the alcohol, especially beer. Beer has female hormones and can affect your erection at times, hence some men have sagging man boobs beer will fuck with your erection. 4th your thinking too much about the erection, least you could do is pace yourself and relax. When you penetrate your woman, do not squeeze your Ass. You will ejaculate very early. Your prostate is by your anus and you forcing yourself to Cum early. So relax your bum and work on your breathing also. Breathe with a rhythm, in when you pull out and out when you push in. You will notice you should last longer in your first round. Another trick is, after you climax, do not pull out. Keep going and you will get an erection again. To sum it up, time to eat healthy and start working out. Your lifestyle has just messed up with your natural body order. Oh yeah, you are thinking too much into it, maybe you placing too much pressure to please instead of enjoying sex. Good luck bro. TO WHOM EVER IT MAY CONCERN, I have never been to a mens clinic. I read books especially concerning with sex and having a healthy lifestyle.

  31. Jackzorro even though I am a woman I know that this is mostly caused by stress, my hubby is self employed and I know when finances are not looking good he stresses and cannot perform. If you hard working maybe you need time off from work because the mind is overworking and is affecting the physical.

    It is now common and I suppose that is why mens clinic is here. All the best and congrats for the bravery.

  32. LMAO… But the way Jackzorro sometimes pokes and makes fun at other people’s Q&A’s like it’s nobody’s business. Kanti all along you can’t get your 4-5 up. Heeeeh. It must have something to do with your diet or you just aging my brada. Gqina mzalwane uzoba strong.

  33. Thanx mike u always don’t disappoint with yo writing u r so good shem and really some women cheats ur story is so real. Todays topic on erection sounds very interesting and the comments educational a lot have been gained and men need to talk about these things and they truly happen and I hope most can try these remedies and c before going to mans clinic detoxing and less stress can be a solution try it guys wishing u the best jackzorro and u r a hero for raising such an issue its taboo to others thanx man and thank u guys who commented positively

  34. A2Q we are expperiencing the exact problem in our marriage and hubby doesnt feel comfortable discussing it. Yet it is affecting mw badly. We dont see each other the whole week n we supposed to enjoy each other,junior wont respond. Its frustrating for women yet we have to stick it out. Thru thick n thin.Big up Jackzorro for being this brave

  35. to QA…. I am sorry but i dont understand why would you say when your little jr doesnt work you feel like your woman feels like its their fault…..Nigger please!!!!

  36. My man is 10yrs+ older than me, hez almost 40, his Benju is always up, no need for motivation. I get tired of having sex, the guy when he looks at me or hugs me the thing is erect already. Is this normal though, wev been together for a year, Iv lost count how many times we have had sex so many to even remember, the guy is always ready always. Iv wondered if maybe he is a sex addict.
    Some people say its the Tea he drinks at church, he is ZCC member, i dont know.

  37. Q/A well I’ve experienced the same with my bf and yes I used to think he’s cheating or losing interest in me or maybe doesn’t find me attractive,but I’ve learned that he has a problem and even gets tired fast, I’m not sure how he’s gonna react if I ask him to find help, but even though he has probs with his lil man he is damn good at oral, so pls guys if u know u have a problem with ur lil man at least make it up with ur tongue. Thanx jack.

  38. Jackzarro baybae if u drink castle light!change it nd c d outcome.cause I do a lot of promotions, somewhr,some ada time, some medical what came to advice d guys about castle light nd dats wen dy started opening up nd mostly were d castle light drinkers…if it ddnt stand it was eighter aftr one round its dead.

  39. @Dee: PLEASE COULD I HAVE THE NAME OF THE TEA!!?!? Pls dear, I would readily convert to ZCC if it can do so much, am serious. I would not be tempted like I am now… Pls my dear, am pleading with you. The name of the tea..


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