You get a different perspective of what life is when you are lying down on your back in your own doorway. It’s pretty simple really. This man had just punched me and from the force of his punch plus without my baseball bat I knew I could never take him on. Lawyers are like doctors, usually we can’t fight for shit! The heaviest thing we ever lift is our pen and notepad, not forgetting our wallets of course. Somehow the ladies did not see this because Khanyi turned and saw me on the ground before putting her hands on her mouth first before she came and crouched next to my head and said,
“Mxolisi what happened? Did you collapse? Must I call an ambulance?”
I felt like saying,
“No woman this bobbejaan punched me!”
But no one likes a man who whines! I said I slipped and fell of which the baboon even offered his hand to help me up. I could not say no because it would be obvious I did not want him.
“Wow is this the guy you have been talking about. You guys have been dating for 8months and I only meet him now!”
My wife said trying to divert the attention from her embarrassed husband. Did she just say 8months? Something was wrong here! Clearly I was being played. It’s like they wanted the details of the relationship to be revealed in front of me! I knew what my wife was doing, she was trying to save her relationship with Khanyi’s help. How? My wife knew I liked Khanyi somehow or suspected whilst Khanyi must have changed her mind aboout breaking my wife up and me. Again, Khanyi was friends with my wife’s boss that’s how she got the job in the first place soo obviously she knew of the beatdown I had given her boss. She must have suspected that maybe I will beat her up to considering she is the one who brought a snake into my perfect home! That’s why she came with a date. That’s why she was willing to expose her boyfriend to me. Had she turned down the invite it would have extremely rude all considering. Why had I not thought this through properly though. I am such an idiot! I should have realised this! I actually felt like I had a reason to smile! I was not mad after all. I was also aware that the thing with a conspiracy is that the more you feed it the more it grows wings so I must keep things single.
“My love I need to go change my dress because I cannot have dinner looking like a hobo. Khanyi please come help me. You boys can bond!”
When your wife calls you a boy in front of a man who has just moered you it’s quite humbling. Now I had to look at him. As soon as they left I grew my balls!
“What was that for?”
I said pointing at the punch. This guy was nuts!
“You were rude and what you said was uncalled for!”
So! It’s my house,
“Beside Khanyi said I should watch out for your rudeness!”
He said casually.
“Do you realize that I can get you arrested for assault?”
He smiled and said yeah he did realize this but oh well,
“I am a cop so I would probably get the docket lost. You know the drill. I carry a gun too… most times anyway!”
“Is your swimming pool all season!”
He asked so casually I wanted to scream! This guy was so confident. It’s like that had never happened. I couldn’t even answer the pool question I just stood up and left.
I went upstairs. As a husband you can walk in when your wife is dressing regardless of whether her best friend is there or not. I did not tiptoe up the stairs but I was quiet enough on purpose. Lawyers have voice recorders we use to tape our clients. I had mine in my pocket conveniently as I had planned to make Khanyi confess her love for me on it before she brought her baboon downstairs. I clicked record and pressed it against the door. The door was slightly open and the ladies were talking.
“I can’t believe I almost lost my husband Khanyi. I love Mxolisi with all my heart but I am so bored. We never did anything fun and staying at home just made it worse. I often told him this but he would say that ‘I brought you here to take care of you!’ do you know how condescending that is?”
She asked. Did they hear me coming? But no there is no way even though I swear I think I was meant to hear that. Khanyi then responded,
“Look I understand where you are coming from but what happens if he pursues the divorce? You know he is hard headed like that.”
My wife hesitated for a second then said,
“It’s because you fucked up Khanyi. You were supposed to seduce him and kiss him nyana so that I could have leverage and you could not even achieve that! That’s all I asked for!”
She said sounding a bit irritated,
“I failed because all he did was talk about you. I did everything we discussed and agreed on but the man would not budge! The only thing left honestly is for you to suggest a threesome and invite me then you can have something. You will be able to say you are trying to make it up to him for what you did and in a controlled environment!”
Hold up! Say what? Too many things had been said here I was not even sure what emotions were going through me! Khanyi and my wife had planned this together! Does that even make sense? Khanyi and my wife had deliberately tried to make me cheat because they wanted my wife to cheat too this way she would be able to say ‘but you did it too’! That was just the first part! Second part was why was Khanyi lying that we had never done anything when I fucked the shit out of her? It was not like she was protecting me because it was part of their plan all along so why lie? Thirdly, who was the guy downstairs? But better yet, point number four, did she say a threeway?
“We will continue this conversation later but I am not losing my husband Khanyi…”
I figured they were about to come downstairs so I ran down ahead of them. I had a lot to think about. I was being played largely because my wife said I was a boring husband! What the fuck? All wives who say their husbands are boring it’s because they are boring too! My wife at the beginning I did say never wanted to do anything yet now she was saying I am the boring one!
As I got downstairs my phone rang! Imagine if it had rang when I was outside the door. Close call! I picked the phone which was private,
It was Lindiwe!
“I am outside your house! I need to talk to you now!”
She said and hung up before I could even respond!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
I have been dating this guy for three years. We hardly fought and saw each other every weekend. Two months ago he started ignoring me and no matter how many times I called him he would respond after possible ten missed calls. We did not fight or argue. We had great sex even so it’s not about me holding out. He just stopped. I had introduced him to my parents and vice versa because he was the real deal. I see him online on whatsapp and I send him messages but he responds after a week.
I love this guy and I am so stuck as to what to do!