There are men who regardless of the fact they do not want any part in your child’s life the will not and do not want you to abort. Selfish maybe, but true. These guys believe it’s bad luck and are the type to call you a murderer in public even if they abandoned you pregnant. Did I therefore want Lindiwe’s baby whom I could not even remember fathering? I was conflicted I won’t lie. I have always said I do no believe in children growing up fatherless. By fatherless I mean with the father not in the child’s life! I am sorry but that’s totally wrong as far as I am concerned. Lindiwe was already saying that she wanted to raise my child by herself. She is a pyscopath this one so he’ll no! I wanted to be the man that I thought I was more and I was not even being corny. When you father a child, you contribute to the raising of that child not just financially but emotionally as well inclusive of time and effort. We had made the mistake but the child should never know that it was considered a mistake. Lindiwe looked a bit pale but she cracked a slight smile and said,
“I don’t want anything from you. I work and with the second child I am done. I told you that day when we met that I want two children and I don’t want a husband. You people are scary!”
She said I think trying to crack a joke considering the tenseness of the situation.
“I am married Lindiwe this will destroy my marriage”
I said calmly. My marriage was already over but she did not need to know that now did she? I know I wanted to this child but I had to put my cards on the table. Honesty is never overrated and the only people who say that are those doing something wrong.
“I know Mxolisi. I know you are married that’s why I said I can raise our child, I mean my child alone!”
“I don’t mean it like that Lindiwe. I am not abandoning you or our baby I am just calling facts.”
I responded. She needed to understand that we both knew what he had just gotten into and we had to acknowledge it. You see, the problem with a side dish is that it more often than not tries to over extert it’s power especially if it gets pregnant. It’s easy to say that a side dish must know her position when she is not pregnant because in your head you always think you can walk away anytime. A baby changes all that. A baby gives her power and that’s critical! I had to handle Lindiwe as best I could because much as she was saying this I am very certain that pregnant women are super emotional and she will change her tune very soon. As men we do things without thinking through our consequences!
I asked her if I could hug. I don’t think she expected that because it took her by surprise and even her reaction said so. There was no one in the parking lot. As a female lawyer you can never have a your colleagues perceive you weak and I understood were she was coming from when she said public display of affection at work was not professional and bad for her image. I told her it was bad for my image too but fuck it, we all need a hug once or twice, for reassurance. Someone has to remind you that everything willl be ok and this was one of those moments this was happening. I opened my arms and when she did not walk into them I walked to her and held her regardless.
“We in this together…”
I whispered to her and let go. We couldn’t hug for too long to be fair but at least she knew. I am sure she did not take that entirely to heart though because let’s face it, when it comes to pregnancy a woman goes through it alone whether pregnant or not! You have to be an utter idiot to get pregnant if you have not planned for it and by yourself not married! When you dating a man usually once you are pregnant chances of your relationship working fall really to 40\60 with the chances of him leaving higher than him staying. Why do girls allow this to happen though? Ah I don’t know!
We got back into the office and Dalu called me for a chat. He said that myy wife had called him saying she thought something was going on with me and that she should talk to me. I told her everything was fine why would he think that? He then said so me hugging Lindiwe was not a problem? How did he even know? Who else knew? Office gossip moves so fast! I could not tell him that it was because she was pregnant. Crap! If it came out she was pregnant then we will be passed of for promotions! White people at work shag each other but when us darkies do it it’s considered scandalous and wrong! Just calling a spade a spade! I told him I had to go because I realised that this could be a bigger problem than I thought.
As I walked into my office I got a call from reception saying there was someone to see me!
When I got there I found Khanyi there. Okay! What did she want? She ran up to me and hugged me. I quickly shrugged her off.
“I am sorry about what happened last night. It was not what I had planned. He insisted on coming.”
She said. I was not really interested. What did she want? Her boyfriend had punched me.
“I told your wife you had invited me for dinner and I was with him. She insisted I bring him and he insisted on coming too. I was not trying to set you up. I came to apologize!”
She said and the she did something I did not expect. She moved so quickly I did not even see it.
She gave me a quick kiss and turned and walked away. Someone tapped me on the back, I turned around and there was Lindiwe. There was no way Khanyi had not seen her because she was behind me. She kissed me for her!
What the hell!
“So this is the real you?”
Lindiwe said, folding her arms across a her chest waiting for a response!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading my letter.
I have been the other woman for the last five years. I met my boyfriend when we were still in university. He had a girlfriend and he never hid that fact. I had a super crush on him and I got my man. However he refused to break up with his girlfriend for me and I stayed with him. Now he proposed to the other girl and are about to get married yet he still comes to sleep over. I am pregnant with his child. 3months now. I know I made my bed and I want to walk away. I love him with everything that I have but I don’t think I want that for my child. I have tried breaking up with him several times but each time we get back together. I want to walk away and I don’t know how.