I don’t even know why I did that, it must have been instincts, adrenaline, whatever you want to call it but all I know is I didn’t want my husband knowing this, not yet, I still needed to get my head around it first. Mthobisi quickly grabbed the gun back from me and asked what the hell was I doing, I looked at Lwazi at the grave expecting to see him lying there dead, he was still standing I had missed, well I closed my eyes while firing that shot, but in my defence I had never fired a gun before in my entire life. Lwazi was so shaken at the realisation of the fact that I had almost killed him that he was now quiet. Mthobisi was now angry at me for doing what I did, he told me what if I had actually shot Lwazi, do I know the trauma I would have gone through, he was now shouting at me and told me to never pull something like that again and I could have hurt myself, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the car but still made sure that he had his eyes on my brother in law, he told me how unsafe guns were and this is why he didn’t want me to come with him, he told me the things he does he doesn’t want me involved in any of them and this is why he had been keeping these things away from me, it’s for my own good to protect me, he told me that once you kill there is no going back, you can’t bring that person back to life, it’s permanent and it’s something that you have to live the rest of your life with, he told me that I would not be able to handle it. We went back to Lwazi and he told him it was his lucky day he was not going to die today but if he ever, even pointed at my sister he would make sure that he brings him back to his grave and this time he would bury him, he told him he shouldn’t even waste his time going to report him to the police because it will be his word against 2 peoples and the minute he steps into the police station we will know about it, and bad things will happen to his mother, then him, hearing about his mom being threatened like that Lwazi swore that he won’t go to the police and begged Mthobisi not to touch his mother. Mthobisi told him we will leave him there and he should find his way home, he said he didn’t have his wallet or cellphone with him and had no idea where he was, Mthobisi said he should have thought of that before beating up Naledi and he should be thanking us not complaining, “if you can beat a woman how difficult can it be for you to stop cars and beat the drive up and take his car and go home”, I wanted to laugh but this was a men’s conversation. We walked back to the car then Mthobisi turned around and asked Lwazi, “by the way, what did you want to say about Neo?” Lwazi stared at me and I shook my head vigorously hoping and praying that the bastard would keep his mouth shut, all thanks to my sister and her big mouth, I know she can’t keep secrets if it were up to me she would have never known about Neo’s paternity, Lwazi calmly said “it’s nothing man” my husband replied “don’t ever call my son’s name in vain, nxa” then we walk to the car and left Lwazi there.
We drove back to Alberton, Mthobisi asked if I was ready for my therapy session, I said yes, he asked if can I do him a favour, I said yes, “can you not mention any of the things that you know about, you know what” he cleared his throat, I got what he meant but I was not going to let him off that easily so I asked what things, he waved his hands in the air and said “you know the things that happen after hours” I laughed and said but I’m supposed to be honest at these sessions, he smiled and said “just be mindful of what you say my love and whatever you do, don’t let her hypnotise you” that just cracked me up, I laughed so much I was actually beginning to forget my problems. We arrived in hospital, I was late for my appointment it was already after 11:00 the receptionist told us the therapist was running late, so we should sit and wait, we waited for 30 minutes, I was upset and ready to hit the road what kind of a person treats their patients like this. I told Mthobisi we should leave and I was never coming back to these silly sessions and Mthobisi was still going to work, as we were about to leave some white lady came and introduced herself as Mia Van Der Walt the psychologist she apologised for being late, said she was held up in another hospital where she had to council a suicidal teenager, shame now I felt sorry for her, she had a tough job, listening to other people’s problems can be truly exhausting, I told her it was fine and told Mthobisi to go to work I will catch a cab going back to my mom’s house. I kissed hubby goodbye and he squeezed my butt and said he loves me and left. I walked into the therapist office, she asked if I wanted anything to drink I said water she had a cute little bar fridge in her office with water and gave me one from there. She opened her file and read some notes and asked me to talk about myself, that question is just always hardest for me to answer, I mean where do I start, what do I tell you and what do I leave out, I doubt she had enough time to hear about me. so I just told her the basic stuff, she asked about my husband and how our marriage life was, I gave her the usual answer that all couples give “we have our ups and downs” then she asked me about the downs, is this woman serious, I decided to tell her about his mother and the Katlego saga, she listened and kept writing notes on her file, then she asked how does that make me feel, I wanted to say it makes me want to murder her but I didn’t I said it’s hurting and disappointing because you don’t expect such from your mother in law, she’s supposed to treat me like a daughter but she treats me like a stranger, I told her I honestly don’t know what I had done to her, talking about my mother in law was now getting me all hyped up and angry, I obviously could not tell the therapist about my mother in law switching babies in hospital and that she had made me raise someone else’s child and that I had a daughter somewhere, I couldn’t because I didn’t want her reporting this to police and having an investigation launched I loved Neo and didn’t want to loose him, they would probably take him and put him in some home while they investigate and that investigation would probably take 5 years and they would still have not found my daughter in that 5 years, I had better chances with Khu’mbule Khaya of finding my daugher than the justice system, but I was not going to go there. Yes he was not mine but in my heart he was mine and my husband’s and at that moment I decided that I was going to keep Neo, I was going to do everything in my powers to make sure that this nonsense of him not being my son never comes out, Neo is my son period! She could see I was in deep thoughts so she asked what I was thinking I told her that I was thinking of going to visit my mother in law since she is in the same hospital, she wanted to know what had happened to her, damn this woman is nosey, my bad, it’s her job to be nosey, I told her about the shooting incident, she was listening and taking notes, without even realising it, my time was up, thank goodness I was running out of things to tell her. She said I had too much to deal with in my life and she would like to subscribe me with anti-anxiety pills and some other pills to help me calm down and deal with my stress, she wrote me a prescription, if she only knew that she was wasting her time I was not going to buy pills to help control my mood, no thank you, that shit just doesn’t go down well with us, we drink Panado’s for everything, ain’t nobody got time for Anti-what what pills. I left the doctor’s room and decided to go grab some lunch at the shopping complex next to the hospital, as I got there I started freaking out remembering the shooting, this was not even the same shopping complex, but for some reason fear had just grabbed me by the balls, I started sweating and shit I realised these attacks were real, maybe I should buy that medication I thought, I decided against going into the shopping complex, in fact my legs decided for me cause they wouldn’t carry me, I couldn’t move, so I turned back went back to the hospital and went to the pharmacy and bought the pills I had been subscribed with the medical aid, another benefit of having a medical aid, those pills all together cost R479,00, damn medicine is expensive. I called Jessica to tell her I had all these pills, that girl is like a drug dealer there is no pill that she doesn’t know, she was happy to hear from me, she told me the last time she saw me I was passed out on the floor, I laughed and told her I was fine now, that was just an act. She asked if she could come see me later after work, I told her I was at my mom’s place which is a bit of a distance for her but promised her that we will be back in the North soon and we will catch up. She told me the anxiety pills were really good and should give those a try they will calm me down the whole day. I took those and sat down trying to remember where the cabs park and whether I should call someone to come pick me up, a taxi was definitely a no-no, not after the Daveyton drama I had with a taxi driver and I was not in the mood of a lot of people. I then decided that maybe I should go see my witch mother in law before I leave. I walked to her ward and there was no one around, I looked at her through the window at first, she lying in bed looking so weak and hopeless. This is the same woman who had walked up and down the hospital corridors carrying my daughter and swopping kids around. What the hell did she do to my child? I wanted answers but I knew this woman as soon as she got up she would be back to her arrogant self, I would never get a single answer from her, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if she already has paternity results of us and Neo saying Neo is our son, I was convinced that the only reason we had busted her lies is because she’s in a coma, I am sure she would have done everything in her powers to make sure that the truth never comes out. I was get infuriated just thinking about all these things, I walked inside her ward, I wanted to scream at her, I might as well, this was my only opportunity where else would I find her like this, not responding to anything I say or telling me that I am disrespectful, this was my chance, I started shouting at her even though it felt like I was talking to myself at first but telling her how much I didn’t like her and how she has abused my love and kindness over the years made me dislike her more felt good. I could express my feelings freely without her pulling up her nose at me. This venting to my enemy was very therapeutic, it was much better than the session I had just had, why talk behind a person’s back when you can talk directly to them, well it only works when a person is in a coma but it’s still therapeutic. All this talking, screaming and shouting at her was making me remember all the bad things she had ever done to me, the more I thought of them the angrier I got then I grabbed a pillow from underneath her, this witch deserved to die. I walked around the room with the pillow in my hands still talking to her, then I got closer to her bed, I was now silent and my heart was beating so fast but it had to be done, she had to be permanently removed out of our lives. I lifted the pillow over her head and slowly moved it down to her head, as I was about to press it down on her head and squeeze the life out of her, her eyes popped wide open, I got such a fright, I screamed and fell backwards on my back with the pillow in my hands, as I was still on the floor trying to figure out what the hell just happened in walked the “fake doctor” I could smell his cologne from the last time I was in the same room as him. “What the fuck do you think you doing?” he asked. Shit, I was screwed.
Michael Nkuleko Maphoto (fb page)