Memoirs – Chapter Seventy Three

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

Would you rather not know if your partner cheated? Whom would you rather hear it from them or or a second party? Is confessing the best way to go? Pastors lie when you take your vows and encourage you that you must tell your partner everything! What if you tell your partner and the reaction is that it induces a heart attack and they die? What then? I could hardly concentrate as I envisaged everything that she could possibly say to me. In marriage the worst thing is not killing someone, it’s being told that your wife cheated! That breaks you. Trust is like a page of paper, once you crumple it, it will never be straight again! I wanted to trust my wife, really I do but this was a bit too much. I wanted to park on the side of the road and scream my lungs out but this is Helen Zilles Cape Town you don’t just park anywhere. I swear in the years I have been here there are less black people in Cape Town. It’s remarkable. Black people are now stuck in the townships so no I could not park on the side. There was too much traffic even if I wanted to in any case. When I got to our building I parked in my bay. I sat in the car for a good thirty minutes confused as to what to do next. The problem comes from the fact that because I had cheated too, twice in fact I had no legs to stand on. I know people want to say it’s better when a man cheats but that’s not the case. It’s the same crime and yes women tend to be punished more when they do that does not justify it from my side! I was wrong and I was reaping the seeds of my betrayal. Dalu clapping me was the correct thing to do! I had let myself and my family down! I would forgive her if she cheated no doubt! She was my wife, for better or worse must mean something I guess!

When I walked back into the office everyone stared at me as though I had been convicted of a crime. It was worse than when I left. Some of the white colleagues were even whispering to themselves but looking at me. It was so weird. In my section we have a secretary. She is studying law through UNISA. I do not think she knew I was coming back because when I walked in she dropped her file. I had only been gone a week and already I was being treated like an outsider. Sanchia Van Straden was her name and she was a colored lady with a smoking habit. She was always on the edge but we got along well enough. I asked her what was wrong and she said that a memo had gone around announcing that we had been fired and everyone had been put on notice because of us. The partners were reviewing everyone’s cases even. We had been fired without being told? What the hell was happening? What had Lindiwe do to change this stance? No wonder why everyone was staring at me! This was bad.

In the office I dropped my bad and I went straight to the bosses office as he had requested. The serious face was gone and now he was cheerful. It was as though he was trying to get on to my good side. He said that there had been a huge misunderstanding in all this and the firm owed me an apology. I asked what had taken place because I still was quite unclear as to what had happened. He said that did not matter as it was an internal thing which as the attornies for the union we were not privy today. He said in their apology they had given both Lindiwe and I plus our partners holidays away to Mauritius. Holiday? I I could not normally afford this so this was a good thing and maybe a chance to fix things with my wife! I love my wife. Yes I cheated but I love my wife and my marriage had to work. I had love Asthandile since I was sixteen and it’s not the first time I had said that she was gold in my eyes. I had found a woman above my means and every day I looked forward to coming just to be with her. That was the truth and losing her at this point was not an option. He also said they were considering us for partnership in the new Jhb office they were opening. From being almost fired to this I was in shock. Something big had just happened here! I should be excited but there was more on mind! Imagine me a partner? Wow who could have thought!

The morning was incredibly awkward as the stares did not die down. In fact it got worse. Dalu was not there. At lunch my wife finally called. She called me and she said she was downstairs. I don’t recall telling her that I was back at work but that’s not an issue right now. When I got downstairs she black bags under her eues to show that she had been crying. I wanted to cry too! At times when bad things happen you just know. She asked to go to the wimpy down the road as we needed to talk. We didn’t walk side by side. In fact she walked behind me which was rather weird but ok doable. She could not look me in the eye I guess but I do not think I could either. I was ready to confess about Khanyi and I even though it would seem as though I was doing it to hurt her back. I doubt though I could get a better timing than this. It was like the long walk to freedom only problem was there was no joy at the end of the road. She spoke as soon as we set down!

“You know I love you and I would never intentionally do something to hurt you?”

She began. If she was expecting an answer well then I don’t have one. I just stared back at her. I could see she had not slept at all.

“Yesterday when I left I was so angry at you I called friends from work whom I knew would be out! We were hosting a small function but not my department…”

I didn’t even know they had departments.

“I went and I drank… a lot…”

Last time I said when my wife gets tipsy she gets horny and that’s no joke. I knew were this was going and I had tears in my eyes. No negate that, the tears in my eyes were rolling down my cheeks!

“I had nowhere to sleep. I went to these two interns place and I…”

She had slept with him! My hurt was cracking! I was guilty too and I knew I was going to until she said,

“I slept with them both… I think or one I don’t know! I was just so angry and drunk … I am sorry!”

I stood up and left.

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

hi Mike

My concern is with the readers, please when u give advice try to be positive, I can’t say my relationship with my mother in-law is not good, she’s cold towards me and u advice that I must stop visiting her and be cold towards her too. Remember I want my marriage to work out and last so either way must….i jst do good ka my mother in law, coz she my is mother in law for life.

Try to motivate a person, never give up in a situation esp if u know that u can get it right. Right now am married and my first born is nt my husband’s so it was difficult for hubby to related to her but I encouraged the relationship and am still pushing, yes now they are trying even though is not easy, am doing all this because I want this marriage to work and be a happy family.

You never give up esp if there is something u want in the process, so please let’s try to motivate one another and give hope in process, not kill the spirit. #a go be le bogodishano le kagishano#!! If u can’t gv good advice rather drop the card to those who can, put ur self in their shoes first before u gv ur negative advice. Please and stop with the insults, don’t judge. And remember our problems differ, jst coz u dealt with it better doesn’t mean 1 can’t raise it or myb u haven’t been there so let’s not break other ppl spirits instead let’s water the plant so that it can nourish and grow.


71 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Seventy Three

  1. This is too sad though! Not 1 but both of them?! Kunzima apha! Thanx Mike for a good read..can’t wait for the next chapter

  2. Iyo Asthandile is brave… I am actually speechless I dont know what to say. One must be very brave to handle two men at a time. She is stupid for telling her hubby that. as much as Mxolisi claims to love her I doubt he will ever forgive her. Once your partner cheats you loose all the respect and trust you had, the love die out eventually with due time. I think it is just best for people to take such to the grave because then the relationship can never be what it used to be.

    @ Mamphoke I agree with you some people are callous here, I have said it yesterday and I am saying it again People like evoque and the rest must be blocked because all they do best ke go kwisha bana ba bangwe bohloko!.

  3. That’s so sad. You may cheat & feel guilty but you never know how it hurts until it’s done to you. Nigga got a taste of his own medicine nje

  4. Thanks Mikeesto, I second bhingilicious on the point of the sms service Mike. I wouldn’t mind paying R5 at all. Please consider this lol.

    Mamphoke, I don’t want to be out of tune here, but people give advice the best way they can, truthful at most. You can’t expect me to say stay with ur abusive husband, if he is a drunkard, cheats and beats the shit out of u.

    So don’t expect me to say tolerate an evil mother in law.. That is the advice of somebody, ultimately_- you will make your own decision. Remember that when people comment here, they do so at will and because its heartfelt. Some people don’t tolerate bullshit nje finish n klaar.

    So to u and the others saying people must be blocked or must keep quiet, I will challenge you Head on ngok ngok. If u don’t have a story to give Mike that doesn’t need us the readers of this blog, rather keep ur stuff to yourself.

    Gone are the days where our mothers tolerated evil inlaws for the sake of being loved and accepted… Abalale nabantwana babo if that’s the case rha sies. Some of u women give women a bad name shem.

    Oh and your husband can be a loving man and accept ur daughter as his own, or he can pretend to and rape her when u are not around… That’s reality in SA as 74 400 women were raped in August alone… Are you going to censor me for saying that???!

    Be realistic for pits sake

    Jackzorro (Annoyed)

  5. OMG Asthandile you’re so brave or naive.

    @MaMphoke my husband & I have cut all ties with my Monster In Law even his son doesn’t go at all at home when we are at NN he just meets with his father somewhere or he visits us at GP & I thank GOD for given me a husband who doesn’t take shit in the name of family. So it’s not wrong to advice someone to cut ties when some of us have done it & we’re enjoying our peaceful life.

  6. Hhawu Mike, I usually thank you for your blog each day; hhawu but today – you threw a serious curve ball. How is this couple going to move past this, shacking 2 guys at once. I would have also stood up and left her there. This is serious stuff.
    A to Q: your point is noted, but ppl need to understand the difference between honesty and rudeness. Most of the comments yesterday were honest and not rude; and at times when you get negative but honest feedback you may not like that. Coming to the point of your mother-in-law, if she doesn’t like that won’t change anytime soon and because you’re human you can keep trying up to a certain point. Be polite to her, but keep your distance. Let hubby go visit her by himself and just send her goodies and whatever for birthdays, mother’s day and xmas. Unfact buy her monthly groceries if you can afford to, and just drop them off and not even stay for tea. Have as little to say to one another as possible, but let your actions speak for yourself. It’s going to be a very expensive r/ship to maintain.

  7. F*%k…that’s the best way I can describe this blog,it’s f*%ken good..Mike you are the best @ what u do,wish this was a tv series or something….

  8. @Mamphoke, it seems like you already knew how to handle the situation and you already knew the solution to the problem, so why did you even bother to ask for advice if you knew that you don’t wanna give up or be “cold”. It also seems like you wanted us to give you an advice that you already had in your mind, because we didn’t say what you wanted to hear you got angry. We react and handle things differently as individuals so whatever way I was gonna handle my problem or your problem is obviously gonna be different to yours, so if you don’t like the advice don’t take it and stop complaining or don’t even bother asking for advice.

  9. It depents on a situation,let me make asthandile an example she just confessed she slept wit 2 men.if she asked 4 advise u want us 2 all say “oh i’m so sorry 4 wht happened 2 u pray hard god will guide u,be strong”give me a break plz.cheatin is a sin its even written in da holy bible,its nt judgement reality.if i give advise 2 such a woman i’l hv 2 b honest wit her,people we have 2 be is nt all roses as much as we wud like it 2 b.i’m entitled 2 mi opinion if u don’t like it don’t read it.

  10. Asthandile though, 3sum with interns even! worse although you and hubby are even now! but hows does a marriage survive this? I think we are about to learn that there is more to marriage than walking down the aisle and saying I DO!

    This blogs are the best and the advise given here its the real stuff, if you don’t want it don’t ask for it!

  11. This is fun I tell u(gigging)…
    I love sthe this morning, yoh is like the angels have told her to square up with his husband, and now the husband finds it hard to swallow. Deep I tell u….

    Mamphoke dear for instance if you wants an advise from readers and they offered one, unfortunately people won’t percieve situation at the same view. So its up to you to choose what can build you in your life.we only giving our opinions in the situation and your totally not obliged to take all advises we gave.

  12. Good morning ya’ll. Thank u Mr Maphoto.

    What if the Interns r females? I think Asthandile feels bad that she did sleep @ home. I dont want 2 lie I doubt if she had a 3sum here!!!!
    U lundile qha!
    If the Interns r males…I dont think they did the dance…thats y she is so ready 2 tell the hubby!!! Otherwise…lenyalo le fedile!!!

  13. Tshego and Jackzorro niyhlabe eskhonkosini (you are right on point) you took the words right out of my mouth. Mamphoke sisi, keep on licking you mother-in-law’s behind since that is what you want to do. Please let me know how that goes in a few years because chances are; as long as her son shares his salary with you and not with her she will always hate you. In future do not ask for advise if you are not ready to hear the truth. Even if you went to a Psychologist, you still would have been told the truth and if you are not ready to handle that than maybe it’s best for you to find your own way around your problems.

  14. Oh well I guess this is two against two. Mxolisi cheated on Asthandile with two women and his wife slept with two guys. So why the need of him to stand up and leave. He too should’ve confessed. He’s outchea acting like his holier than thou. Knowing damn well he betrayed his wife.

  15. ai kuyafiwa la, if it was Mthobisi dose guys were going to be killed tonite. Atleast Asthandile confessed her sins unlike Mxolisi who is still hesitant, ba ya fana nje boe2, Mxolisi must replace dose 2 interns with Lindiwe n Khanyi, mmmm Mxolisi’s X is not solvable.

  16. Iyoooh! The maths say’s what u do at left hand side & u shud do at the right hand side. Mxolisi take it as a karma

    Q&A:as people we don’t handle our problems the same. So if you think some peoples ideas are not good enough for you then don’t take it

  17. @Mamphoke unfortunately some of us dnt take crab if something is rong its rong y shud I say dnt worry it will be fixed. Mamazala if a sa go rate etswa ko yena, dnt go to her place let her son visit her alone, she needs to see dat u are aware dat she doesn’t want u. Continue to be nice thought mara go moithapeletsa gone no kea gana. Sort her out yho!

  18. Two guys, question is did they user the condoms? what if one of them is sick or both? so asthandile ddnt j cheat on ha husband but bringing sickness in the house what if she got pregnant? wu is the fada to that kid tjo dis is sum crius deep shit I tell u

  19. Wow, Mxolisi slept with two women on different occassions, Asithandile decides to do the same but in one night and we not really sure if it was men or women. Yep, they deserve each other.

    Q&A don’t know why people feel the need to dictate to others what they should write when giving THEIR take in a matter. The only thing I am against is swearing or name calling coz I emphasise on I, don’t think its cool (my opinion). The advice is just that, ADVICE you either take it or leave it, asifani mos.

  20. Comrades probably the two interns were lesbians for crying out loud. The least that Mxolisi could have done was to ask questions to make an infomed decision. What if Asthandile goes seek advise somewhere and get an advise that she must tell Mxo that it was lesbians and that make him look like an idiot just like previously when he approached her without facts?

  21. Hhayi @ Maphoke girl you seem to know exactly what you want why ask for advice? I mean readers will only offer you free advice either you take it or leave it.. thank you for the daily dose Mike

  22. a big HIGH FIVE to Jackzorro and Tshego. spot on…………..

    Mamphoke my dear, love yourself, cherish yourself, value yourself, appreciate yourself and be content with yourself.

    you know the saying that goes: “walk away from anything that no longer serves you?”

    love yourself so much that even if your mother in-law doesn’t give a damn about you, it shouldn’t bother you cos you know your worth and her issues aren’t your issues……..

    as an elder, if you have wronged her in any way, she should award you the opportunity to apologise by letting you know how you have offended her otherwise, get on with your life and let her carry that burden of not liking you and wena, focus on your family……..

    good luck ausi

  23. Now that’s what happens when u confes. My frend use to say never ever confes to a man even when he caught u red handed. They never forget shame. Asthandile is in deep s***. Mxolisi,do u still remember Khanyi and Lindiwe? U shouldn’t be angry yazi

  24. Damn this just ruined my day…yes its a story but it just affected me in a way I just imagined my self in this guys situation,I would divorce her I wouldn’t hesitate to file for my wedding vows I said for better en for worse en its only worse when my wife cheats with one person but for my wife to participate in a threesome is just extreme its disastrous no man can handle that…umfaz wam bamenze isitimela!!!!!! No!….I gotta hand it to you mike your good…if only you saw my reaction after reading this chapter

  25. But this trip to Mauritius though. I don’t know about u but I think something smells fishy here. And Lindiwe has her hand in it

  26. No guys,I think Astha is just feeling guilty 4 not sleeping at home ,but because men always jumps to conclusions , husband already thinks that she had sex with some men !

  27. A to Q. What the heck, you already knee what you wanted then why the heck are you asking. That’s annoying. We’re just being honest here and we’re trying to help keep it to yourself if you don’t like us. If ungathandi, phalaza girl!

  28. Hi guys truth is not easy to take look at sithandile confessing to his hubby .he doesn’t want to know why and how but become angry and leave.Same thing when giving advice to people they feel the same.Some people they want advise that they will suite their needs.Hence life its not like that truth will set y free .Advise we need to take as positive and negative depanding on the situation .in these case we can say 2:2 but if y look at it both of them they don’t have back bone hubby and wife .Secrets causes more problem y hide one it will create these mess.if Hubby was open about khanyi’s moves this mess and going with Lindiwe as partner also these shouldn’t happen. Lot to say but guys these blog teaches us to have backbone and see things in another angle mistake do happen but becoming open with your partner by telling him yr freind loves y it solve cases like these

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *