The reason why women always end up on the receiving end of cheating is because they are never willing to take action when shit hits the fan. With men, we react and we react immediately. Asthandile should have known that by telling me I would react unless she was testing me! Marriage is not a thing to be trifled. Women have a thing of saying they are judged more harshly by men should they cheat but truth be told, they left the opening there. Other women judge them first before us men actually get there! I was not letting her get away with it. Just because I didn’t confess does not make me a bad person! Why should I be blamed that she did not find out on her own. What she does not know won’t kill because what I knew of her now was killing me. It’s definitely a justification! To say supper was a tense affair is quite the understatement because it was that bad. My wife was so nervous spilt even the water she was drinking. I on the other hand focused on Zimasa asking her about school and the like. She was not excited about it but very few teenagers are! I don’t know how my wife had pulled it off but she had gotten her into Claremont high school meaning she had to travel every morning. Fortunately like I said at the beginning, we live next to the Rosebank train station just behind UCT so she would be fine. I was certain she would make friends soon so this was fine by me. I asked my wife for her thoughts on the new school. It was like I was asking her to talk with a toothache. She did not want to make conversation but because I was putting her under pressure I forced her to be involved!
I brought up the Mauritius trip with her and I could see the excitement in her eyes as well as the resignation. She knew that with what had happened this trip would probably not happen. Maybe I should take Khanyi and see what she does. Much as I wanted to revenge it hurt me to see her like this. I was angry though and as far as I was concerned overreacting would be not doing anything about it! She had to know that this was not acceptable. My intention had been to come and confess what I had done but now I realised it really was not worth it. Some secrets are meant to stay like that because it can destroy more than just the marriage. I could have done the African thing and taken her back to her parents so she could be shamed but not this time around. This was our first real hurdle as a couple and pressing the divorce button was simply not an option…not now anyway.
I had work to do. I had lots of it in fact because I had just returned. Day one back had been full of surprises so I wanted to be on the ball. I went into my study, the one she was renovating or rather intending to renovate and got down to it. Daluxolo called me and said he had heard the good news. I told him that much as it was good I was not very happy with the way they had treated me. Dalu, forever the peacemaker said I should not hold a grudge because it only brings me and my potential down. He spoke like an old man at times but he was a good friend. He suggested we celebrate but the problem with him was that because of religion it would be a dead occasion with no alcohol. I told him that was not in a celebratory moods as I now had to catch up with work. He fully understood. I doubt he had meant it anyway.
Eventually I had to go to bed. When I got upstairs I found my wife sitting at the edge of the bed reading the bible! Dramatic much? My wife asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I asked her how that would help us considering that it had already happened. She said that me keeping quiet was making everything worse. I told her it’s too soon to have this conversation. You cannot do something big like this and expect the person you are talking to after it to be calm and rational. Bad things are said when you are emotional which is why I also pick when to fight a fight. What can be resolved ends up a giamt problem simply because you did not think it through properly. Asthandile was the type to throw stones friends without thinking what they would hit. We already had too many problems and this would make them worse. I was not being a coward avoiding this fight but i can honestly say it was too soon for this conversation.
“Do you want a divorce?”
She asked me. What the hell? Is this what she wanted? For us to divorce would be admitting that we like half of this country have failed on this mission call marriage. Hell no!
“I don’t want a divorce but I want you to quit that job!”
I said calmly. I did not have the energy.
“But Mxolisi I love my job…”
She said in what was barely a whisper!
“Do you love it more than you love me?!”
I shouted. She was making me angry. She really was.
“Of course not. I love you more than anything and you know that! Please don’t take this away from me. Please don’t. That’s all I ask for!”
Maybe I am weak. I felt sorry for her!
“How do you expect yourself to sleep with two men and they not talk about it when you get back to work? By now everyone is talking about it when you walk in?”
I asked her calming down my voice! She just looked down and held her bible tightly. The way she was gripping it so hard I thought Jesus would pop out! What was with bible anyway. My wife was not that religious and neither was I! We were church goers that’s it. People when they make mistakes go hide behind church instead of fixing their own problems. She did not need guidance in this! She needed to know that I was her man and no one else! That bible was starting to annoy me!
She said a bit surprised.
“I never said I had sex with them. They are two of the gayest men I know that’s why I felt comfortable going to sleep with them!”
…and some people were saying I should have confessed too!
Egg on my face! It’s a good thing I had not overreacted!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I am a married woman 7years now. My problem comes from the fact that a few months ago my husband lost his job. He has lost his confidence that’s the best way to explain. He is miserable half the time and is giving up on looking. I don’t want a bum for a husband and I have been applying for him everywhere too. We have a son and I am currently taking care of them both. I don’t mind, they are my family.
How do I get my husband back on his feet even when he is jobless?