Memoirs – Chapter Seventy Five

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

The reason why women always end up on the receiving end of cheating is because they are never willing to take action when shit hits the fan. With men, we react and we react immediately. Asthandile should have known that by telling me I would react unless she was testing me! Marriage is not a thing to be trifled. Women have a thing of saying they are judged more harshly by men should they cheat but truth be told, they left the opening there. Other women judge them first before us men actually get there! I was not letting her get away with it. Just because I didn’t confess does not make me a bad person! Why should I be blamed that she did not find out on her own. What she does not know won’t kill because what I knew of her now was killing me. It’s definitely a justification! To say supper was a tense affair is quite the understatement because it was that bad. My wife was so nervous spilt even the water she was drinking. I on the other hand focused on Zimasa asking her about school and the like. She was not excited about it but very few teenagers are! I don’t know how my wife had pulled it off but she had gotten her into Claremont high school meaning she had to travel every morning. Fortunately like I said at the beginning, we live next to the Rosebank train station just behind UCT so she would be fine. I was certain she would make friends soon so this was fine by me. I asked my wife for her thoughts on the new school. It was like I was asking her to talk with a toothache. She did not want to make conversation but because I was putting her under pressure I forced her to be involved!

I brought up the Mauritius trip with her and I could see the excitement in her eyes as well as the resignation. She knew that with what had happened this trip would probably not happen. Maybe I should take Khanyi and see what she does. Much as I wanted to revenge it hurt me to see her like this. I was angry though and as far as I was concerned overreacting would be not doing anything about it! She had to know that this was not acceptable. My intention had been to come and confess what I had done but now I realised it really was not worth it. Some secrets are meant to stay like that because it can destroy more than just the marriage. I could have done the African thing and taken her back to her parents so she could be shamed but not this time around. This was our first real hurdle as a couple and pressing the divorce button was simply not an option…not now anyway.

I had work to do. I had lots of it in fact because I had just returned. Day one back had been full of surprises so I wanted to be on the ball. I went into my study, the one she was renovating or rather intending to renovate and got down to it. Daluxolo called me and said he had heard the good news. I told him that much as it was good I was not very happy with the way they had treated me. Dalu, forever the peacemaker said I should not hold a grudge because it only brings me and my potential down. He spoke like an old man at times but he was a good friend. He suggested we celebrate but the problem with him was that because of religion it would be a dead occasion with no alcohol. I told him that was not in a celebratory moods as I now had to catch up with work. He fully understood. I doubt he had meant it anyway.

Eventually I had to go to bed. When I got upstairs I found my wife sitting at the edge of the bed reading the bible! Dramatic much? My wife asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I asked her how that would help us considering that it had already happened. She said that me keeping quiet was making everything worse. I told her it’s too soon to have this conversation. You cannot do something big like this and expect the person you are talking to after it to be calm and rational. Bad things are said when you are emotional which is why I also pick when to fight a fight. What can be resolved ends up a giamt problem simply because you did not think it through properly. Asthandile was the type to throw stones friends without thinking what they would hit. We already had too many problems and this would make them worse. I was not being a coward avoiding this fight but i can honestly say it was too soon for this conversation.

“Do you want a divorce?”

She asked me. What the hell? Is this what she wanted? For us to divorce would be admitting that we like half of this country have failed on this mission call marriage. Hell no!

“I don’t want a divorce but I want you to quit that job!”

I said calmly. I did not have the energy.

“But Mxolisi I love my job…”

She said in what was barely a whisper!

“Do you love it more than you love me?!”

I shouted. She was making me angry. She really was.

“Of course not. I love you more than anything and you know that! Please don’t take this away from me. Please don’t. That’s all I ask for!”

Maybe I am weak. I felt sorry for her!
“How do you expect yourself to sleep with two men and they not talk about it when you get back to work? By now everyone is talking about it when you walk in?”

I asked her calming down my voice! She just looked down and held her bible tightly. The way she was gripping it so hard I thought Jesus would pop out! What was with bible anyway. My wife was not that religious and neither was I! We were church goers that’s it. People when they make mistakes go hide behind church instead of fixing their own problems. She did not need guidance in this! She needed to know that I was her man and no one else! That bible was starting to annoy me!


She said a bit surprised.

“I never said I had sex with them. They are two of the gayest men I know that’s why I felt comfortable going to sleep with them!”

Say what?

…and some people were saying I should have confessed too!

Egg on my face! It’s a good thing I had not overreacted!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I am a married woman 7years now. My problem comes from the fact that a few months ago my husband lost his job. He has lost his confidence that’s the best way to explain. He is miserable half the time and is giving up on looking. I don’t want a bum for a husband and I have been applying for him everywhere too. We have a son and I am currently taking care of them both. I don’t mind, they are my family.
How do I get my husband back on his feet even when he is jobless?

Thank You


46 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Seventy Five

  1. Thanks Mike.
    A to Q: tough one, but just hang in there and do the best you can and pray that it works out soon for your hubby. Good luck Ntombi.

  2. lol ahahahaha, gays? The way she was gripping it so hard, I thought Jesus would pop out of it! kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaks classic!

    Thanks Mikey

  3. Dear worried. I was in the same situation a year ago and what helped us was that my man started volunteering and at least that gave him something to wake up to. He volunteered for a whole year and ended up getting a paying position where he was volunteering maybe you should try that.

  4. A to Q There is a saying that “what you do on your free time, is exactly what you will do when you don’t have a choice”. Worried I get your frustration because I had that experience.

    However I have learnt in my experience that we just love things happening to us and we never prepared to go out there and look.
    I understand we have our prides and all that but to sit at home and be frustrated is not an option when I can out there and prove myself worthy of a job. There are lots of companies out there that are waiting for someone to walk in and say I am looking for a job.
    We too spoiled and we think we are too good to work in malls if you have been working at a big organisation.

    The only way your husband will get out of his frustration is if he goes out there and find a job, while waiting for a job to find him at least then he won’t feel like a failure because he will be trying. That’s my 2c opinion.

  5. Morning ya’ll & Thank u Mike!
    Yeah…vele I thot Asthandile was worried that o lundile nje…haai gore she got f@#$&d…
    Anyway..Mxo wa laega…so quick 2 judge ngwanomong ka mo tsa gage a dutse hodima tsona!

    QnA…Nothing beats volunteering Ausi…it opens up ur mind & other opportunities…& Remember 2 put everyhing b4 God always!!!! Gud luck cc

  6. Worried

    If you can afford it maybe your husband should try a small business buy stock for him and sell it may make a difference. It is too hard for one person to support the family. Start small while you look for that job maybe the business may thrive and there may be no need for getting employed. Good luck

  7. Haibo Mxo. You can’t fall for that . Back then she said
    “I slept with them both…. I think or one .. I don know! I was jus so angry and drunk …. Iam sorry”
    Your wife got eaten and that clear.

  8. “I slept with them both… I think or one I don’t know! I was just so angry and drunk … I am sorry!”. This is a direct quote from two chapters ago. To me this meant she had sex with them both or one. . . U guys are playing with our minds…good work though.

  9. In good times and bad times sisi that’s marriage. Be supportive and understanding to your hubby, maybe he’s those ‘alfa’ male type so it’s killing him that hé can’t provide for his family. Unfortunately this is the way things are in our country , finding a job may take a while so he must be patient , being frustrated will not help.

  10. She’s lying maan, so what if they are gay? You should know better Mxolisi coz nawe you slep with Lindiwe while she’s gay.
    Lomfazi must go maan I’ve never liked her lol

  11. Thanx mike keep it so usd 2 ur blog and i strt evydy with them. Q&A yaa my cc ur in a tricky situation but dont give up on u.mens pride comes from providing for their families.

  12. Huh…i think Asthandile is lying just to get away wth wat she dd y ddnt she mention dat in da first place n y dd she want to go home, she’s making dis up.

  13. Thanks Mikeesto, twists and turns all around Rosebank.


    Before I comment, what the hell is this volunteering that bloggers are talkin about? Can some kind soul please explain, I’m in Cape Town and have no clue what ya’ll are talking about. Is it some job description? How much does it pay? I’m really curious, its rare of me to be in the dark about anything.

    Worried, uyaspana mos, so keep doin what u doin, get friends and family to assist as well. There should be a job somewhere out there if he has experience. I couldve given suggestions but u didn’t mention what trade he was in.

    Don’t be annoyed sisi, at some point u will be frustrated by this all. Try to stay calm and as supportive as you can be, that man needs you, now more than ever.


  14. I like the twist in this……… have used the language very well. There is a lesson in this, especially to most men….we must learn to listern and understand. Ayeye Mxo…now its his turn to confess..or did deeper about Mccgyver.
    Keep it up man!

  15. hahahahaa @jackzarro nd scolding at the bloggers for suggesting volunteering!!! I love it when you are asking “Is it some job description, how much does it pay, I’m really curious and its rare of me to be in the dark about anything” LOL Jack uyandigqiba Chap!!!

  16. @ Worried keep being there for your hubby, he must register with pnet one can never go wrong with that recuitment site. It is the best by far. I work for one of the leading banks and It is through pnet that I am where I am today.

  17. Thanks Mike, poor guy was stressed for nothing. @ worried, sis I went through that process a year ago, my hubby got retrenched and suddenly had to pay all bills, he lost hope and went into terrible depression. I had to work hard and find him a job for 10months I sent cv’s on career junction, pnet, or just googled available jobs. Also send his cv to Recruiters like Careerpath, Helen wilson, Afrizan etc. I eventually found him one and what a relief. Pray for God’s provision and he will always make a way. Claim from UIF also o lighten ur burden. Men hate when they can’t pay for the cars and house etc but make him feel special as well don’t make it obvious you are tired from work just avoid talking about work. Support him and give him hope.

  18. Nah this aint kool @ all,so not impressed,y wld she hv eye bags and cry like dat if she just crashed @ a friends? And y wana go home and ask if hubby wants a devorce? Ai Mike u playn mind games here!

  19. Good afternoon to everyone nd thanks Mike for a good read. I have been married for 10yrs now nd my thinking is how can your man who has been providing for you in 7yrs be a bum in just a few months?.nd if you are applying for him have you gotten a response yet?.if no it means that it is that difficult to get a job these yrs.i have two brothers who have lost their jobs one being retreched earlier this yr. Does that now make them nd your’s included less of a man???.
    We as women these days must do an introspection of why we love nd marry for purely love or money nd a good job???.if the tables were changed would he call you a bum of a wife??? Just asking…..

  20. One week after meeting my current girlfriend whom I’m now engaged to I lost my job. So, please support your man like you are currently doing and try not to put pressure on him finding a job coz that much he already knows and, trust me if I say that he is under pressure.

    Yes it won’t be long before you get tired of the situation and things start changing between you two, if they haven’t already, but please do encourage him to look deep into what he really is passionate about and maybe that’s where his answer is instead of looking for a Job.

    May God be with you and give you strength in doing what you really aren’t meant to be…being the “man” of the house.

  21. Sindi you should have saved sisi for rainy days. Look it matters not that you are not driving a range rover no more and not staying in a mansion either. Be grateful that you have gotten outta that toxic marriage. Get a job and perhaps you will be able to live large again.
    To those who are saying 10k is a lot of money whom are you kidding? Its little!!! Rent is like 5k… the cheapest realiable car I believe one can buy with that amount is a polo… installment is R 2500, isnurance is R 1100 plus petrol, one still needs to buy food, policies, clothes and groceries so how can you be saying 10 k is alot??? Hae le dlala ka batho weitsi. THat money is little period!!! yoh I wouldnt deal!!!

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