A lot of people still don’t get the concept of pick your battles well otherwise you will fight something which you are supposed to win easily but because you were hasty in how you did it, you lose! I know she is my wife and my first reaction should be to go crazy and demand answers. However the problems comes from this question…and then what? After I had kicked and screamed which was the obvious response in a situation like this what then becomes the next move. Forgive? Divorce? In law we are taught that everything we do is linked to evidence when it comes to a crime being committed. I could not just accuse my wife of cheating without knowing the truth nor having the evidence. What if she had gone to study or something I don’t know? What if she just wanted some alone time? What then? I did not know what to do. Considering that I could possibly be fired I did not want to have too many fights with my wife. I had to pick well. Besides unless I was looking for a divorce myself why on earth would I really want to find such evidence. I truly loved my wife even though I was messing up.
There are times when the most painful thing you can ever do is smile. I smiled through all these thoughts and I said hello to my wife. I hugged her and quickly let go. She immediately pulled me back and said that my hug was too cold. I should be more excited to see my wife than this. She hugged me again and she kissed me! My heart just died! The thoughts that went through my mind at that moment! What if she was kissing another guy or worse…what if she had sucked his… I could not even conclude the thought because immediately I felt like puking. O crap I spoke too soon, I ran to the bathroom and I threw up. My wife ran after me and asked me what was wrong. I lied and told her that I had eaten bad fish at work hence been sick all day. She started fussing about medication and so on but I told her I had had some already.
My wife said she needed to go see if Khanyi had settled in ok. I was not sure what was going to happen in that conversation because of all that had transpired already. I think at this point I was ready to accept whatever the fate would be. I had already resolved that I would tell my wife everything before she came. I was serious. I was not this man that I had become. As a man if you open the door to cheating then you bringing evil back home with you and it affects everyone you claim you love. I had vows I had taken on our wedding day and I had broken them. Maybe I should call the priest who married us in the Eastern Cape. That was a good idea actually. He also happened to be somehow related to my mother.
I don’t know how I got to that conclusion but yes I was going through it. I went and sat at the pool and I called him. It was late already and when I think I woke him up because his voice was a bit on the groggy side. He had my numbers still and he greeted me by name. I apologised for waking him up but he said that no he had not been sleeping. Rather he had been counselling people. I figured he meant marriage counselling. He had a bit of a flu though so I should not mind his voice he warned me. I told him that I had disappointed him, my family, my wife and the Lord. I told him the whole story right up to Khanyi being in my house at this very moment. I told him that I was ready to go beg for forgiveness from my wife and tell her everything.
After a silent while of which I even asked if he was still on the line he finally responded. I think he said something like this,
“Yes you have let everyone down. It’s ok to go an confess for the truth will set you free but will it set her free? Will she forgive you and say my husband everything will be back to normal? I counsel so many people and the ones who have gone to confess are divorced now or are in such bad marriages they have even stopped coming to church. There are always consequences for our actions and I am starting to believe that when you mess up the way you did, your first priority is take care of your family. Every day of your life should be dedicated to making things better and beautiful for your wife and family. Make her be the most loved and spoiled woman who has ever lived whilst you pray everyday for forgiveness. If you strongly believe that telling her will get you to what I have just said then go ahead and confess but if you do not, and to avoid divorce, those will be my words!”
I was confused. Had my marital pastor just told me to keep a lie. I had tears in my eyes though because he was right, my wife deserved better. I thanked my pastor and went back into the house. I was going to ask Khanyi to leave. I was going to make her aware why being her was the worst form of insult we could ever do to my wife.
When I entered the house, I don’t think they had heard me come in. I heard them giggling about something and word like “he” “penthouse” “romantic” “nervous” etc. I could not hear full sentences though.
Khanyi and my wife were up to something! Khanyi knew were my wife had been clearly. I was so angry. This was it! I opened the door without knocking which startled them.
“Mxolisi what’s wrong with you, you should knock!”
My wife said. Knock in my own house!
“I heard what you were talking about about Penthouse, cheating, etc! What’s going on?”
I asked angrily! These women were playing me.
Guess what they giggled some more and then she pointed to the TV!
They were watching those South American soapies on DSTV and she said they were discussing that! I looked at the TV and was confused. I had acted prematurely! That was stupid of me. I was so embarrassed all I said was ‘oh’ and I stepped out. I closed the door behind me. I was so embarrassed I could not move. For a good two minutes I stood there at the door. What was I doing? Had I lost my mind?
That’s when I heard her, clear as day,
“That was too close for comfort! Please let’s only discuss this when he is not around. You will get me caught!”
They giggled again!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Morning Mike please hide my email address
Thank you for allowing us to share our abuse experience. I got married to a man that I THOUGHT was the best husband ever. I have a child from previous relationship and he doesn’t have. We have two kids together. Things were ok until he started hitting me whenever we had an argument. He did it three times. It was even worse because at times when I wasn’t home, he would beat my daughter. One day he beat me and my daughter and I beat him soooooo hard that he landed in hospital with broken ribs and whiplash. I fought so hard with all my power and bit him on the neck… not knowing that it was the vein, until he collapsed and that’s when I kicked his ribs and the face. He was hospitalized and when he was discharged, I divorced him. Am very happy with my kids now. I almost ruined a relationship with my daughter because of this ungrateful bastard. I continued with my studies and got a high paying job. He is staying with his mom in a one bedroom house. Imagine I was paying for almost everything in the house coz he earns far less, bond, car school fees etc, but still it wasn’t enough to him. He didn’t get anything after divorce. I am so happy I have regained my confidence and always looking good.