Memoirs – Chapter Sixty Seven

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

It’s funny when you actually think about it, usually the person you suspect to be having an affair with your partner is usually the wrong one. It’s easy to make assumptions and conclude on the most likely suspect because they usually are always around your partner. Something was wrong here. A lot of people don’t get it, the most dangerous thing to a relationship which often causes the cheating, lying and eventually fighting is this called change. Change of routine is what had gotten us here. My wife hitherto had been a stay at home wife meaning she never got attention from any other man apart from me. Now she was like a fish out of water and ready to live again so to speak. This is why most newly divorced woman go through a dating and yes sleeping around phase. That feeling of being caged goes away very quickly no matter how much you might miss him! I pushed her off me and asked her why that guy was touching her face! She looked a bit surprised by my reaction but I made sure not raise my voice and embarrass her in front of her colleagues. Women hate that and I stand with them there! Your man has no business coming into your place of working and breaking you down.

She said he was a client and he was flirty that’s all. She said that she indulged him and he never went too far. He probably was removing something she could not even remember. I could not believe what she had just said and the way she was so casual about it. It’s not a nice thing to say but in most offices, women get things done faster because they no how to persuade. It’s Sexist I know but work in an office and see who the male bosses especially sign quicker for males or females. My wife was beautiful and it was that beauty that was part of the reason why I signed on the I DO line on our marriage certificate! Was her gay boss using my wife as bait to get contracts? What the hell? She looked at me when she saw that I was looking for her boss and whispered harshly but the look in her eyes was more like pleading,
“Please don’t spoil this for me please! I will do anything you want please. He is my first big client I have to make this work!”
She said. I was not sure what I was being asked. Was she asking me to sit at the back and watch her flirt with other men? Hell no! She was smarter than that. Why would she allow herself to be used as bait like this. I was so disappointed. This is why I hate anything that has to do with the entertainment industry. There are simply too many grey areas for comfort. She pleaded me if I could leave because had work to do and I was making her feel awkward.

Now that this was done I had to leave and go home. I was not feeling up to it because it would mean hanging out with Khanyi. I was confused. My wife loved her job too much she had to quit. I am sure I had given her headaches before with my late hours but I was not flirting at work. I was genuinely working for us. If getting more clients meant she had to flirt ah, I don’t think I could survive this.

Being a husband can be the most difficult job on earth! With me uncertain about my own employment status I walked out with my tail beneath my legs. She said she knew what she was doing and saying she did not meant I would be treating her like a child. I am ashamed to say this but I went and sat in the car and waited for her. I had to move the car so that I could see my wife’s car but at the same time she could not see mine. Wow, I had sunk so low, I was stalking my own wife! Most men have stalked someone in their lives even if they deny it. Fine unless you are Maps Maponya then you don’t do the stalking they stalk you. My wife loves that man so much she openly drools for him. I don’t mind because he is on TV and only does white sisters! So here I was in the car, thank Heavens it was not hot. I think at some point I fell asleep, I don’t know when but clearly my body was not designed for this. Imagine my irritation when I woke up to find that my wife’s car had left. I think I slept for hours because it was already after work and the parking lot was empty. I cursed myself, my car and anything I could think off. Maybe I should hire a private investigator. In my line of work we see a lot of those. Mmmm, tempting indeed but the problem with one of those is that they almost always find what you fear the most. Was I ready for this! I felt as though instead of fighting to win my wife back I was looking for every excuse to make her look bad yet at the same time, for me to fix the problem I had to find it!

I decided to buy cooking ingredients, fish, my wife’s favourite. I was a conflicted man. When I got home surprise, my wife was there. She asked me where I was and I said I had been at the office all day. She said ok and was about to start cooking. She was drinking wine with Khanyi whilst Zimasa was peeling potatoes for her. I told her that I felt like cooking today so the ladies can sit down…well ladies except Zimasa. I hated chopping especially tomatoes and onions so that was her job.

I was not the greatest cook to be fair but on the dinner table everyone seemed to enjoy. Maybe it was the wine. I could see my wife was going all out to make Khanyi forget her ordeal. Khanyi was not milking it. She was laughing and happy. It had to be the weirdest thing. At some point I was in the kitchen and found Zimasa gulping down the wine. Teenagers. I told her if I caught her again I will tell my wife and she said Asthandile is the one who allowed her to drink so long as I did not see it! Yah Neh, I was losing control of my authority.

We all ended up in the TV room sharing stories about past experiences. It was fun we were all laughing. For the first time I managed to let myself go and be free. This until my wife’s phone rang and she stood up to go take it outside! Why should a married woman do that?

I don’t think she noticed that I saw that she had left. I followed her. I could hear her giggle and so on. When I got close she turned and saw me and she hung up!

“Are you having an affair?”

I asked her with a straight face, arms folded across my chest.

“No…no… of course not! how could you even ask me that? You are my husband!”

She said trying to sound convincing.

“Then dial the last number you were on!”

I said. I could see the panic in her eyes.

“Is that really necessary?”

She asked,

“Yes it is! If you don’t dial it I will dial it for you!”

I said and took a step forward.

She took her phone and dialled…

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I am from the Eastern Cape and am 23 now. I was first raped when I was 13 years old by my older cousin. We had been dropped off there by my parents as they were going for a funeral with his parents. We were the two eldest. He was 17 at the time. I reported him when the parents came back and his father beat him until he almost died. He was in hospital even for two weeks. His father was arrested and it was so messy. My parents said I should not press charges of rape because the father had really done a job on him. To this day he limps. When I was 17 we went on a school trip to Durban. Two girls and myself went to drink in the boys room. It was 6 guys and the three of us. The boys were drinking water out of their bottles whilst we were pumped with alcohol. We never even noticed. The five boys took their turns on us. I am HIV positive today. All the boys are still in jail today but one who they say was stabbed in jail.

You never recover from such a thing. They can say what they want about therapy but to be honest it’s a scar that never heals.

Thank You

Eastern Cape

40 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Sixty Seven

  1. these stories just always break my heart, i hope the lord who knows how to truly heals can erase the pain from all your hearts, he says in his word that if you are set free his son then you will truly be free. may God be with all of you rape victims and all others suffering from all sorts of pain.

  2. Thanx Mikeesto.

    Sisi from EC
    I don’t see how being negative is going to help you in getting your confidence back. You have to atleast have some degree of optimism here, I mean you still alive aren’t you? Recently a lesbian was raped and murdered, RAPED and MURDERED. So even if your situation may seem like hell, its nothing compared to what others are going through. Thank God for the 2nd and 3rd chances you got in life and live a positive life, you can help and change some little girls lives with your story. Remember that at 17, you made a bad choice, and that led to unfortunate events that got you here today, 23 and HIV positive can’t be easy. So help those that can make the same error u did. Alcohol is not your friend, and boys can be nasty. Do some motivational talk and be a positive example in beating the odds. Goodluck.

    1. Jackzorro.I am bothered by your response. Yes I agree with some parts of it but I disagree with the fact that you say at 17 she made a bad choice and that led to the “unfortunate events” that got her here today. It tells me that you are saying that it is her fault that some guys decided to be sick and take advantage of them as females. So guys can rape women who make bad choices? It is no different to you saying to a woman because she was wearing a mini skirt her rape was justified. We area all humans, we make bad choices daily, but that is no reason for people to take advantage of us. I feel your response was a bit too harsh and insensitive. Bad choices or not guys will rape if they want to. I could be walking at the beach and I could get raped. Will you feel sorry for me then or will I be blamed for walking alone at the beach in a bikini?

  3. The wife is dialling, I bet it won’t Mxo is going to look like an idiot, shame!.
    Jackzorro, I am a bit confused and disturbed by your comment. Drinking in the presence of men or being drunk doesn’t give any man the right to use a woman in that sick manner. It’s one thing to encourage people to assume/ accept some responsibility in all situations, good or bad. Tone of your message however screams one asked for it. Decent and confident men don’t take advantage of women, what those guys did is sick, drunk or not. What will be the justification then to sober conscious women who are being gang/raped?

  4. Riri, at no point did I mean or insinuate that it was the victim’s fault. I think you should re-read and focus on the content and not the context of my comment. Its about upliftment and motivation, as the victim in this case stated that it doesn’t get better. That was my focus, that she should focus on the positives and know that there are others fasr worse. With all due respect,taking rensponsibility doesn’t mean you asked for it, it just purely means that with more vigilance, one could potentially spare themselves a lifetime of pain. In this case, the victim was on a SCHOOL trip, I assume high school. The booze in most probabilities was illegal to have and to consume at a school trip, let alone being underage. Then there is the boys part, where they actively went to a boys room to drink. I said boys are nasty, they always have and they always will. So girls should take better care of themselves, especially with liquor involved around boys and men. If that in all fairness comes across as me being condoning of sexual crimes or making excuses for such, then I must be a fool.
    I’m a father,brother and uncle, I would never condone such evil deeds. But those close to me know, there is no better cure than prevention. Its different if one breaks into your house and rapes you. But if u can, in some instances take more precaution, that would go a long way in woman being less in harms way. That’s my male perspective Riri. Rape is not excusable, those that commit such should in all accord be crucified.


    1. Jack no matter how you say it, it still sounds wrong. She IS far worse, she is now stuck with the HIV stigma for life. Murder and all do not come into this. She should take responsibility? Really? I read your comment three times and still came to the conclusion that you are saying “Why was she drinking in the first place, it is your fault” We have all made mistakes, but what those boys did was terribly wrong and has ruined the life of this woman. Have you stopped to ask yourself, how she must feel reading your comment? At times, if you have nothing good to say then do not say anything. Your comment was insensitive and I stick to that. “So girls should take better care of themselves, especially with liquor involved around boys and men. If that in all fairness comes across as me being condoning of sexual crimes or making excuses for such, then I must be a fool.” MEN SHOULD RESPECT WOMEN AND KNOW THAT RAPE IS WRONG REGARDLESS OF WHETHER A WOMAN IS SOBER OR NOT. YOU ARE MENTIONING WOMEN IN ALL THIS, AND BLAMING THEM FOR DRINKING. I HAVE YET TO SEE YOU SAYING THE MEN WERE WRONG. Yes then, YOU ARE A FOOL.

  5. Riri is right,jackzorro that was very insensitive of you to say all of that,starting with a line where by you mention a lesbian who was raped and murdered and it seems like you were comparing these think that her being raped is nothing compared to that of a lesbian ndoda u even emphasized that like really?
    You went on and said her being raped is nothing compared to what others are going through take a chill pill uyaspeeda ntanga.I mean are you hiv positive jackzoro/do you know what she’s going through?how do you expect her to motivate others when she’s still seaking help herself?she never said alcohol was her friend man come on she was a teenager and she was having fun every1 does that at some point and it didn’t mean because she was drinking while on school trip she had to be gang raped uyangicika ndoda.

    Its a womans month and you saying alla that and come back after riris coment and justify it with your fancy english is very low,awuyphathe kahle nkunzi

  6. @Riri & Siyanda I agree with u my sisters. Jackzorro u need chill hear. U have no rite @ all 2 say whstever crap u saying 2 the poor kid. In fact whatever u said has left a bad taste in mouth dude. I mean hello! Show me a teenager who has not made a mistake & learned the had way..u shud @ least sympathise with the poor kid & try puturself in her shoes.

  7. @Riri & Siyanda I agree with u my sisters. Jackzorro u need chill hear. U have no rite @ all 2 say whstever crap u saying 2 the poor kid. In fact whatever u said has left a bad taste in mouth dude. I mean hello! Show me a teenager who has not made a mistake & learned the had way..u shud @ least sympathise with the poor kid & put yourself in her shoes.
    How on earth is she going 2 motivate any1 in her state of circumstances…after all that u want 2 justify ur utterances…how sick can that be…haaai suka maan…get off ur
    high horse damit!
    Alcohol is nobody’s friend…u have no rite @ all 2 judge her broer…
    If u dont have anything 2 say…rather..u keep ur comments 2 yourself….haai kabi mfo…but u went over board this time! Next time…just shut up!!!!

  8. @Riri & Siyanda I agree with u my sisters. Jackzorro u need 2 chill hear. U have no rite @ all 2 say whatever crap u saying 2 the poor kid. In fact whatever u said has left a bad taste in my mouth dude. I mean hello! Show me a teenager who has not made a mistake & learned the had way..u shud @ least sympathise with the poor kid & put yourself in her shoes.
    How on earth is she going 2 motivate any1 in her state of circumstances…after all that u want 2 justify ur utterances…how sick can that be…haaai suka maan…get off ur
    high horse damit!
    Alcohol is nobody’s friend…u have no rite @ all 2 judge her broer…
    If u dont have anything 2 say…rather..u keep ur comments 2 yourself….haai kabi mfo…but u went over board this time! Next time…just shut up!!!!

  9. Jackzorros comment just doesnt feel right, the first comment to be specific. To me its like hes saying it is the victims fault, rape is rape and if uve never been the victim of rape u never know the pain. Comparing her with the lesbian is like ur saying she should keep quite coz someone was raped and murdered yet she was raped and survived. Hai no khaladzi,ur comment came out wrong and it is unacceptable, even re-reading it doesnt help me understand.

  10. That was a really insensitive comment Jack Zorro. Yes this is a public forum and people are allowed to give their opinions & advice but if I was the poor girl reading that comment I’d honestly feel 10times worse. Let’s try to be a little more careful and compassionate with our commenting, the situation she is in is already difficult enough without adding salt to her wounds. Young lady keep your head up, dig deep and find the strength to keep going and remain positive against all odds.

  11. My heart bleeds for you dear sister, a real shame how your life got ruined at such a young age. May God bless you daily and strengthen your resolve. Take solace in HIM and pray religiously, it really works wonders.
    As for Jackzorro, you messed up boet. Try hard as I may, I just couldn’t find anything positive in that comment of yours. Just cold, accusatory and mean. You don’t tell a victim that she’s wrong to feel bad about the injustices that befell her. That’s just mean dude.

  12. y is every1 attackin jackzorro,him comparin da gal 2 da lesbian is sayin she shud b thankful that she’s still alive.nd instead of being negative about her situation she shud use it 2 save others.if u were using ur brains nt emotions u wud knw that talking actualy helps u heal!and yes i’m a woman miself.

    1. Lerato, we are using our brains here. In future Jack should know how to use big English words and drive a point across quite well. No need to compare her to lesbians and murder and all that crap. He instead attacks her for even drinking in the first place. His comment was just worded in a wrong manner and I am deeply disappointed at the fact that he still came and commented again trying to justify his first comment. I for one do not take such comments in stride. Freedom of speech or not, use your speech well. No emotions here, just common sense.

  13. I can’t believe ther are men like jackzoro who still condone rape cos a female “put herselfin that situation”. Yo 2nd comment s worse than th 1st 1 to me. How can u say it’s a different story f 1 breaks in nd rape? U are not God don’t jugde ppl like that as though u are righteous. If u gonn jugde rather keep yo comments 2yoself cos u have no idea hw it feels like 2b raped/gangraped.

  14. @siyanda @2so @sphecial &Riri

    Woman are sensitive and that clouds their judgment, you have proven beyond doubt that is the case, some with your needless replies.

    Siyanda attacking me didn’t even suggest a way forward for the victim, no means of motivation, yet you were quick to judge on my fancy english!! If my comment was low because its truthful, I feel sorry for those around you. You can’t use emotions to resolve problems facing society, all of you kind ladies. You can’t sugarcoat things coz there is a lot at stake now. Someone said everyteenager makes mistakes, that is a dumb justification for carelessness. Not every teenager gets raped, not every 23 year old has HIV but you make the comparison like its right, wtf?? You analysed my comments and focused on sensitive facts that I mention, because ur a woman so inimba iyatsho. Kanti inimba doesn’t heal for jacksh*t. Once again I will reiterate that if better precaution would be taken, these cruel incidences would be lesser and lesser. Not that living your life without a worry is wrong, by no means at all. But you know that the country we live in rape is at an all time high, but there you are walking around the hood alone around midnight… Its not your fault to be raped at all but its not rocket science to know it couldve in some cases be prevented. You ladies need to grow up, and siyanda n 2so, ya’ll need jesus. I will pray for you, the lesbian death comparison was to drive the point home that not all is lost for our victim = Motivation… But ke anazi lutho. That’s my last say on. This one.. Riri be strong cc

  15. I have never felt the need to comment but jack i understand what you saying. No woman should put herself in dangerous situations and the victim should have been weary already considering what happened to her at age 13. Yes ladies his response seemed harsh on the surface but look deeper

  16. @Jackzorro the lesser u say the better coz u keep saying nothing. Ppl like u r such a turn off coz u think u know thats y. After we highlighted ur insensitivity all what u had 2 do was accept & apologise 2 the young lady seeking help & 2 the ladies @ large…moreover all the rape victims…thats all.

    Motivation…motivation my foot! This kid needs 2 heal 1’st & accept her status. How is she gonna be able 2 motivate other ppl if she is in this state where pl like u break her even further…By the way b4 u can think of praying 4 me..
    pray 4 yourself 1’st broer & ask God 4 4giveness….so as 2 cleanse ur tongue…o na le verbal diarhea qha!

  17. By the way am a Man jackzorro,if I didn’t know better I’d say your gay yourself by the way your making a lesbian issue better than that of a girl from Ec.I didn’t want to idvise that girl because I had nothing/right words to say to her that’s why I kept my mouth shut bt you jackzorro,your not smart ima give you that.
    You were rong in every way and am so disapointed seeing a lady like Nh if am not mistaken backing you kulo shid time if you want to dish advises jackzorro please talk like a man and don’t act like first four alphabets of your name”jek”(jack).
    Your so full of yourself unjalo nje.what suprised me ukuthi you got a dauhgter I just wonder if that’s the advise you’ll give her should she be on the same situation coz I wouldn’t as I am a father of a beautifull daughter myself.

    Just sitting in the office and am trying to picture a person who’d say that shit and not take responsibility and say sorry.what type of person are you ngampela?like really?shame on you Boy coz your jst a boy u jst proved that

  18. Not only are we irresponsible and emotional, we can also not use our brains! This gets worse.

    Jackzorro I am appalled and trust me it has nothing to do with my strength or lack of it thereof. I am yet to read your condemnation on men who behave in such horrific manner instead of attacking women for their lack of character. Your “motivation” did not come out as you probably intended it to. Accept that and move on!

    What the lady is feeling is here and now and I will not begin to assume I know how she feels or whether asking herself “what if”. If only all rape victims were drunk during their odeal then maybe, just maybe your comments would make sense to me.

    This situation is done and no one said reality should be sugar coated and what could/would have won’t turn back the hands of time. What the lady needs and every one walking this path is support now and time to heal. And maybe you could have suggested other ways/means to help her get there and begin to appreciate the gift of life as you indicently and insensentively put it. In the meantime as a father, a brother and uncle as you mentioned, teach the male child no reason under the sun justifies them behaving like demons and the girl child that no matter what, it is not their fault. And remember in this day and age, this happens to all, boys and girls, men and women.

    Irresponsible, Emotional and probably Irrational Riri

  19. We talking about a person who still needs help not to remind her of the event,or tell her about wht she should hv done nd da should hv nots.the first thing dat comes outta ya mouth is motivate your big foot,yes not all 23 olds are hiv positive also not all man are dump like you jackzorro.

  20. Hello EC lady. I read your story yesterday but I just couldn’t think of anything to say to you so I said nothing. Now I’ve slept and woken up with your story still in my mind. I think I have to at least try and help. I feel I must first let you know that I’m that 30 year old former 7 year old animal minder from a family headed by an abuser. My story is nothing compared to yours in my mind but here is what I leaved by and that has helped me to some extent I hope it will help you. If it doesn’t help you please don’t give up. We human beings are different hence we are not motivated by the same things.

    1. I decided very early in my life (I was probably a teenager at the time) that the life I had wasn’t going to be IT for me. So I moved my focus away from the terrible situation I was in. I moved it to who I wanted to be at 25. Then everyday I worked on getting there. The fact that people told stories about a time they met me in one cold night without a jersey and bairfoot every now and again hurt but not a lot because I knew that was not the last story they will tell about me. Now almost twenty years later I’m the motivational speaker at almost all youth events in my rural area. Because I’ve changed my story. Now people know me as that young woman who is so respectful that she will never pass an adult working to the taxi stop. That lady who was the first person to graduate from the best university in the country and has redefined what success is in that rural area. What I’m saying is do not let these people define your life. Don’t stop hear. Find what motivates you and do it with all your might. You are very young. Go back to school and focus on that. Forget the noise that’s around you. Sometimes it will be hard to do that yes but it gets easier my darling. Fortunately government hiv management is very good so hiv is not a death sentence. You can still leave a great long life. But that will happen only if you shift your focus to something else. Yes you won’t forget those two nights but that doesn’t mean they should take over your life. You are a woman we are stronger than we are given credit for. Use your strength my angel.

    2. Forgive yourself. I know you said therapy didn’t help but therapy is not a magic pill. It works only if you also do the work. You cannot change the fact that those things happened to you. All you can do now is to dissect those events into smaller manageable events and start dealing with them individually. If you look at everything as a whole I’m sure it’s overwhelming. But if you look at just the first night and deal with just that, you might be able to feel better. Forgive just your cousin. Then take on the second night. Visit one those boys ask any questions you may have. You may not like the answers yes but process what happened.

    Whatever you do don’t sit in a self imposed jail like your offenders. I feel that you are just as jailed as they are if you don’t work at moving past this. Keep on moving forward. Sometimes it will be hard but don’t ever let yourself be stuck again.

    Fellow EC girl

  21. Eish at EC girl your letter has gor me in tears. I am so so sorry about what happened to you. Sick world we live in indeed!

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