Memoirs – Chapter Sixty One

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

With the luck I have been having lately I won’t lie to say that I was not relieved when I realized whose voice it was! I did not care what she had heard I was tired. I had it in mind to go confess to my wife about all that was going on. Women like a man who cries when he confesses to something. I think they feel you are so sorry for your sins. I would cry, sleep on the couch for a few days or so then all will be back to normal. I was tired. I am not this player guy. I did not want Khanyi nor did I want Lindiwe. In fact, Zimasa must leave too. I wanted to be alone with my wife so that things can go back to normal. Me being suspended also paved the way for me to actually leave Cape Town and go start afresh elsewhere! Everyone needs a fresh start and I had a few friends who had already opened their own firms so getting a job would not be too difficult for me even in this economy. I was not in a position to open my own firm as yet because for that I would need lots of clients but again that was a worthy goal which I had thought about greatly. If I left Cape Town Zimasa would have to go home. Problem is, most Xhosa women who leave the Eastern Cape for Cape Town rarely ever want to go back to the EC so I could not see neither my wife nor Zimasa agreeing to this. My wife had just found her feet so am certain she would fight this tooth and nail!

Khanyi was no friend of my wife’s. I had always known this so what was I doing? I was playing my wife for a fool by allowing her to bring this woman into our home. This was low even for a cheating husband to allow the mistress to move in. I think it was time I asked my priest to pray for me. In times of trouble we all pray and I was no different. With Lindiwe I could not leave under the threat of being exposed. She had the potential to make my life really miserable which is why I had to pre-empt her before she did something I would not be able to manage.

Zimasa asked me directly what she meant by the fact that she was in love with me? She did not look at Khanyi but looked directly at me when she did. Good question? Was Khanyi crazy? How could she allow herself to fall in love with me? Again I say this, o frailty thy name is a woman’s heart! Let me get this straight, she was my mistress meaning she knows I was not loyal hence probably should not be trusted. Two, she knew I was married and worse married to someone she called a friend. How then could she fall in love with me? Sexist as this might sound, at times women defy logic. Khanyi seeing that Zimasa was there immediately tried to retract her statement saying that Zimasa had heard wrong.

Zimasa said she did not mind that we had had sex because she clearly heard that part so we did not have to lie. I had to ask why sex was not a bad thing. I know that was like poking a bear. She said that the way grownups are so uptight about sex was rather pathetic. Sex to her was like kissing, two bodies touch, some people even add tongue which to her was like penetration and what’s worse was that as much as they were uptight about it everyone does it! According to her there really was nothing so sacred about sex because it was a physical act which you can ever buy if you wanted. Falling in love on the other hand is what she disapproved of because unlike sex it was not entertainment. Falling in love was intimate, feelings were involve and love came from a place you cannot touch. Even if you were in an abusive relationships and people told you otherwise, when you are in love you are in love! There is nothing you can do about it. That’s why girls and women stick around a useless guy for so long. It is not because they are pathetic but because they attached themselves to a loser!

Khanyi and I just stood there! Is this what they were teaching teenagers at school these days that sex was no longer an intimate thing? Maybe not school, society? She was right about one thing though, sex was now easier to get than drugs and way cheaper too but that’s where it stopped. I explained to her that she had misheard us. I told her that the reason why Khanyi was here was because the man who did this mistook all the signs she had thrown at him and ended up doing this to her. He had hurt her real badly because like she said, he thought sex was free and a right! I also warned her that if she kept that mentality she would be dead from HIV by the time she was 20 and she said that’s why she keeps a condom in her purse and schoolbag! Teenagers! Always a cocky answer! Very irritating! I told her to go her room and she walked away like it was nothing.

When my wife came home tonight I needed to tell her that I had sinned against her. It was time I went back to whom I was before this whole mess started. They say all men cheat but I did not want to be that man. I wanted to be a good man with a family and a stable life. I do not like sneaking around as clearly I was bad at it. I meant it. Khanyi came to me and said that there was something that she had left in the office which was very important. She had tried to call my wife but could not get her. I told her not to worry because I was going to surprise my wife in any case. It was late anyway and my wife when I worked late often surprised me with a late night visit. It was time I returned the favour. Besides there were too many people in the house for us to talk.

Khanyi gave me her key for her office for when I got there. Since my wife was there working late I would give her the key to open the office. I am sure there were many people there because of their deadline.

When I got there however the place was deserted. The only person who was there was the reception. I think her name was Azile. She had stayed because she was studying for her exams and the office was the quietest place. Funny thing is she remembered me from the first time I had come though not by name. I asked her were everyone went and she sarcastically replied they had gone home after looking at the time as though I was crazy.

I asked her what about people working on the big project and she said as far as she knew there was no big project. In fact the closest thing they had was about three weeks away meaning life was a bit easier in the office right now.

I was confused. I was certain my wife had said they were working on something. Oh well, misunderstanding perhaps. I drove home. When I got there, her car was not in the driveway still. Not two minutes later she arrived behind me. I was sitting in the car even. She saw me. She took out the files in her car and walked to my car as I got out.

“Hey honey have you just arrived?”

She asked me because I had never come out of my formals.


I replied.

“Wow, never thought working could be so hectic! We just left the office now! Everyone was there and people were not even grumpy imagine except me! I just wanted to come home to you the whole time…”

Maybe they have another office I don’t know about!

*****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Hi Mike

Thank you for reading my story and sharing it with your readers.

I am a 29 year old lady, living alone and loving it, though the loneliness at times gets to me.

My mom broke up with my dad when I was 3 years old and she dated a taxi driver and she was unemployed. Through out their relationship he’s always abused her in every way possible, it was unbearable to visit them by my mom insisted (I stayed with my grandparents, God bless them). They abuse went on for over 16 years, he was training her to retaliate and she finally fought back. She came out of the darkness bt not fully, she fought back in every way and landed in hospital a few times with broken ribs, bones and concussions. The hospital finally persuaded her to lay charges and she did but each time the cops would take her statement and not open a case. Their excuse was abused women always dropped the charges and they even had a name for this horrifying behaviour: the Friday/Monday syndrome. I fought with the cops to arrest him as they had medical evidences from the hosp, eye witnesses to the abuse who were willing to testify bt they still did nothing. He always begged her forgiveness after each episode and she’ll forgive him and go back. They had a daughter and things got worse, I stopped visiting after I begged my mom to leave him and she chose him. One day in 2004 my baby sister came to visit my grandparents after school, she was 10 then and told us she and my mom moved out and are now staying at a different place for three months and they were happy, I was so excited. I was employed by then, immediately after Matric and went to visit mom and saw it true, she finally lefg him. I think the relief was a lot to handle as I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalised for two weeks in Dec 2004. I took care of her and she never went to ask him for anything anymore. He came around accusing her of moving on and threatened to kill their daughter, my mom and then himself. He carried through that promised on 4 June 2005. My baby sis was visiting his parents. He stabbed myom 7 times, locked her in her new place and left her to die. He hanged himself at his place. When both bodies were found in the morning of 5 June his family hid the suicide note he wrote before the cops got there and my baby sis only found it last year at her aunts house hidden. It is still hard for us bt we are working on it. This has affect me so much that I don’t have long term relationships. I see abuse warning signs far away and I walk out of the relationships. My aunt now, mom’s younger sister is going through a similar ordeal with my mom. I don’t understand why, at least she’s employed by ‘UBEKEZELE’. I am so angry at her we are also planning her funeral while she is still alive.

Angry Thuli

32 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Sixty One

  1. Thuli i understand your anger as i have friends who do the same thing. Abused women have been made to believe that they deserve whatever comes to them, they actually believe that they are being disciplined because their man love them and are moulding them to be better people, which is a mistake we make as women. Once a man lifts his hand up ‘to you the first time and you allow it, trust me it won`t stop. We have to stand up and start believing that we can build and live normal lives without men in our lives. Let`s step out of this dependency mentality. I am very sorry about your mum. i pray that the Lord opens your aunt`s eyes before it`s too late for her too.

  2. Asthandile! No comment. Thanks Mikey.

    It s painful that, the very people who took an oath to protect us are the very people who neglect their duties until someone dies. the nerve of some people really now! Hai, what happened to the spirit of ubuntu, that we used to uphold ourselves with? Thuli being angry won’t change the situation, U just have to forgive and support your aunt while you pray that she sees the light and walks away from the abusive relationship.I believe anyone who shows signs of abusive has the potential to do harm. Keep walking away. You will find a prince!

  3. Am vry srry abt wht happened 2 r mom thuli, this women who dnt wnna stand up 4 thm self abt this man who abused thm r boring shem, I hv a frnd too she is 32 involve with a 43 year old man he beats her so hard alwys, I try talking 2 her abt tt old man she dsnt listern, lst week she beat her so hard n she had blue eyes all of her, reall men dnt beat women

  4. Shem you’re getting the taste of your own medicine from your wife, maybe she knows about Khanyi because there’s something strange about the two of them. You are being played in a way watch out.
    Q & A Thuli sisi your story is heart breaking and I will never ever understand why women stay with people who degrade them but it happens. My mother is a woman of valour she’s strong & beautiful but she’s staying by her vows and staying with this cruel man . This man is my own father and for the life of me I will never ever understand the validation she gets from being MRS. Besides having US from him there is no silver lining from this marriage even her inlaws are not good people to say the least. It is truly painful to see your parent go through this and the sad part is I have a negative outlook on relationships which is sad because LOVE should be beautiful. May you and your little sis find a way to heal and be whole again.

  5. lol @ ” maybe they have another office”
    i am thoroughly enjoying your story telling. . .keep up the good work. . . all these other blogs and diaries have a lot to learn from as r consistant!!!

  6. Heee ndoda uyajola lo mfazi wakho ewu efika nje espan useqomile?waze washesha b0

    Dade so sorri to hear about your mother and please be strong and take care of your young sister,and hopefully your aunt will come to her senses and leave that busted of a no man because if you keep pushing and talking to her she might even love him even more(some peaple do that)sometimes u’d wish u told them the opposite of what they should do,take care

  7. Thuli I hope u’ll find peace in heart even thou is not easy. As woman we should stop putting other people’s happiness first, sometimes we need to be selfish in oder to proctect ourselves. I hate mens who abuse woman, sometimes u should ask yourself how does it makes you feel other people are scared of u, to me that’s mean you are not a human being

  8. Hi Mike
    Scintillating as always! Mxo is about to get seriously tired, for now he is tired from his own shenninigans but Asa is about to make him realise it takes two to tango.

    One thing I have realised is one cannot live other people’s lives & yes it is important to learn from others but so is learning from making your own mistakes. My viewpoint is Christian based so I believe that when I stand before God I will have to answer for my actions & mine alone, I cannot say ‘but God you know what so & so did to me & therefore that is why I sinned’. What I am trying to say to you ‘Angry’ is much as it seems right to feel angry & yes circumstances seem to have ganged up against you all your life and as a result you now feel as you do, BUT one thing I can tell you is you are CHOOSING to allow the situation to overcome you. Learn to forgive and let go, allow God to be the one who judges and try to find your own purpose and plan in life. Try not to live your life looking through your mother’s experiences. Until you can tell of your own mistakes and bad judgments you cannot judge anyone because you have never walked one centimetre in their shoes. Your aunt may look like a fool & probably is making the wrong choice but at least she is making it. I am not advocating that women should live in abusive relationships. All I am saying is they must live their lives and make their own choices, no one should take that away from them. So ‘Angry’ start LIVING your life & know that making mistakes IS part of living life. May the Lord shine His face upon you and give you peace in Jesus’ name! Be blessed & Lovies.

  9. @SueN I pray for that too, thanks. Thank you @Punky. @Buttercup I shall keep waiting for my one. It is hard to keep supporting aunt as she rejects it njalo as she has episodes of wanting to leave but think of their son growing up without a father. @Nelly sorry for your friend. Thanks @Queen B & good luck to you & yo fam. Older women thinks it’s taboo to divorce. Thanks @Siyanda. @Lisagal thank you. It’s hard to let go but I am tired of them now. Annoyed because ukhala kimi each time.

    Thank you all for taking your time to read my story and comment with words of encouragement.

  10. Hi thuli plz understand that you need to start living your life….go see someone, someone you can talk to tell them what is happening. It helps a lot…a lot of us walk around with burdens that do not allow us to move forward. One motivational speaker said. If you haven’t dealt with your past your are not living in the present moment,you are stuck in the past and if you are stuck in the past how will you create you future? Something to think about. Your upbringing has shaped your life in that way but you have the power to change that girl….before you can help the aunt or your sister….you need to heal inside and forgive. I’m not saying you wake up and say today my life will change…no….but it is one step at a time. Its a road worth travelling. You are strong and you have the power to heal

  11. Aids and ibola will just Finnish you Asthandile and your hubby.what you do on the left hand side your wife will do it on her right hand side.

    Thuli God bless and know that he loves you he’s been protecting you all the way just try to take life normal

  12. Great one Mike


    I cannot erase the painful memories in my head nor do I want people to feel sorry for me, but in that I’m a good person and a loving father.

    Thuli, 1st thing you need to remember is that it was not your fault and it will never be your fault as much as you can try to think of accountability in your mom’s relationship and life experience.
    Fast forward 18 years from today: your daughter will write to the same blog inquiring of your unhappiness, loneliness and failed relationships. I’ll advise her by saying “Daughter of Thuli it’s not your fault that your mother created her own reality, but you’re responsible for your own reality or happiness in life”

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