Memoirs – Chapter Sixty Nine

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

She immediately jumped up and said,
“It’s not what you are thinking!”
Am not to sure to whom exactly, Khanyi or myself! Waking up to a teenager with her hands under your blanket is quite something and I was not even sure where to begin. Khanyi ignored and said to me,
“Are you fucking her too!”
Furiously! She did not hide her disgust which startled Zimasa yet again!
“No no no, there is no fucking here! I think I left my phone on the couch when you chased me off to bed!”
What phone?
“I did not want to wake you because you were in a bad mood so I figured I could fish it from underneath you!”
My couches had a tendency of grabbing things between the cushions. It was a plausible argument but I did not want to fish for it because it would look like we planned this argument. I took my phone and handed it to her to dial her phone. It did not ring but it vibrated from underneath me and the vibrations were loud enough for Khanyi to hear. Problem is we couldn’t find the phone, or rather we could not reach it. It had not only gone through the cushions but had fallen into the a torn part of the cloth on the couch itself. The only way of fishing it out would be to overturn the couch otherwise we would have to tear it further for a hand to fit and that was not an option! Hell no! It was late so this was not happening! At first she protested and stood her ground. She said that she could not sleep without her phone because she had people she had to say goodnight too and she was certain that people were already getting worried as to where she was! I laughed! All teenagers think there are so important to their friends hence everything must happen now to make the world a better place! Maybe they are right but not at three in the morning at the expense of my sleep, goodnight!

I sent her to bed and told her that she will take it out tomorrow. She saw that she was in a no win position, what with Khanyi standing there with her hands across her chest! When Zimasa left I asked her why she was up so late or rather so early in the morning and she said she could not sleep. She said she was having nightmares about her ordeal. My first thought was that she was trying to milk the sympathy but then it hit me, as a man I will never know the emotional cycle a woman goes through after a rape! It’s easy to just dismiss her as someone seeking attention or to assume that she is doing just fine. I was awake anyway so I sat up and said she can talk to me if she wanted. The least I could do was listen. So what I had slept with her and so what my wife was upstairs, this was a woman who had gone through a lot of which I had a part to blame. She took a throw and wrapped it around her, not that it was cold but oh well then took the couch in front of me. I wonder what my wife would think if she walked in right now and found her husband talking to her bestfriend at three in the morning! Where they even bestfriends? Am not sure but they were friends at the very least, wrong or right! People have a tendency of saying someone who betrays you is not your friend but when your sibling betrays you does that stop them being your sibling? Nope! I don’t think so. Besides I had already concluded that the affair was over so nothing was going to happen again!

She told me that what hurts her the most is not what he did but the fact that she was powerless to defend herself. She told me that a million times over already she had blamed herself for not taking defensive classes and how she had laughed at her friends that did in the past.
“Mxolisi, in a country with so much rape you would think every woman would have a blackbelt but oh no, we will rather do our weaves and nails!”
I did not know what to say. It felt as though she was accusing me directly. She was sobbing gently and much as I kept on saying I am so sorry I felt it would never hit home!
“As a woman you tell yourself it will never happen to you because that gives you piece of mind until that day comes…”
She went quiet and just stared into space. For a moment I thought she had fallen asleep with her eyes open. You never know hey, these things happen.
“Mxolisi what would you have done if it was you that had been… raped!”
She whispered the last word! Huh? What kind of a question was that? I felt my skin crawl at that thought and I remembered the poor boy I had exacted my revenge on. What had I done? I was just the same as the very criminals I put to jail! What had I done? I actually had tears in my eyes! She had hit a spot!

I don’t know when or how but eventually we both fell asleep, both I am certain haunted by the ghosts of our recent pasts. I had not thought this through! I could not kick this woman out of my home even if I wanted to. In the morning my wife found us there. She said she had heard our conversation last night because the house had been so quiet as she missed me in her bed. Eh, had she heard the Zimasa part too? She did not say anything about that.

She came over to me and gave me a kiss (I hadn’t even brushed my teeth) and hugged me,
“Although I am very angry at you, you are still the best husband in the world! Thank you so much for being there for my friend! I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you!”
She kissed me again and she left! I was winning points with my wife at last. When she closed the door behind her and drove out Khanyi woke up too. She said good morning and went to her room. I guess she did not hear my wife and I.

Khanyi said she had to go to the doctor for a follow up check up. She asked to use my car if I was not going anywhere. I obliged and she left.

As I was making breakfast Zimasa came to me and stared at me for a long time until I asked what her problem was,

“Bhuti, are you sleeping with Khanyi?”
She asked me looking me straight in the eye! What the hell?
“How could you even ask me that”
I asked her! Wow this child really had no boundaries!
“Please answer the question?!”
She asked ignoring my question!
I demanded to know why and she said,
“Last night Khanyi asked if you are sleeping with me TOO and I noticed how angry and hurt she was when she thought that! I am not stupid! I am a woman and I know how this works!”

She was sharper than I thought! She had been paying attention after all!

****The End****
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike
Every morning I read your QnA I tell myself that today is the day I tell my story. I chicken out but the month is running out. I guess today is the day.

When I was 6 I was raped by two 8 year old boys from my street. I don’t remember much about it to be honest as that was so long ago (am 24). When I was 15 criminals entered my house and raped my mother and I in front of my father whom they tied up then beat up. They made him watch. They wore masks but when they were caught it turned out they had been hired by an uncle who was jealous that my father’s bottle store was a success and he said it was because my father was proud. My father started off as a security guard and had built this by his own hands. I joined church and became born again and two years ago at a youth camp in the Northern Cape I was raped by one of the attendees. I was one of the welcoming team so we went early. The others had to go buy food and stationary whilst I was left with him to set up. He was caught in the act. I don’t know if I have bad luck or if the people around me are evil. My father committed suicide and my mother well, she was never the same.

This is my story. I try stand up everyday and smile but there is some pain that does not go away. Thank you Mike Maphoto for this opportunity you give us.


49 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Sixty Nine

  1. Thanks Mike.

    Victim, you are my hero. For waking up everyday and smile despite your awful experiences. God loves you, never doubt that and know that the reason behind your survival is God, he is with you everyday.

  2. Tnx Mike, it looks lik Zimasa will be a problm here.
    Q&A I feel ur pain, really u hv gone through a lot for ur age.just be strong, and talk abt it as it help u.

  3. Morning peeps. Mxolisi mara will u ever be clear of ur cheating secrets hee. This is a lesson learnt it will always rise up. Thnx Mikey

  4. My heart really goes out 2 u victim,u dnt hv bad luck its de ppl around u who r evil, am vry srry abt r fada, hope u cn go 4 counselling n get help dear, I knw de pain wl nvr go away n u wl alwys hv nightmare abt everything, am deeply srry

  5. Victim that is so sad, I even have tears reading your letter.
    I wish p0eace that surpasses all understanding… keep well! Thank you Mikey

  6. Zimasa you spot on baby girl lol to think i thought you wanted some some from your uncle. kwaaaaks well we all did, well played Mike, well played.

    Victim I am sorry you had to go through that, I am more sorry that even in church there are people like that, cast your matters to God my dear, its not easy but He will never forsake us even though at times circumstances makes us feel like he has abundant us and I am sorry about your mom and dad. No real man should have to see his family go through that.

  7. dear victim, it is so unfortunate that incidents like these seem to repeat themselves and the victims suffer time and time again. there is no amount of words that one can say that would take away your pain, having said that, please find it in your heart to forgive the people who did this to you, that alone is the first step of healing and it goes a long way. God the ultimate comforter will see you through this as difficult as it is. i wish i could do more than just offer words of comfort. God loves you, and i admire you for being brave enough to continue living. there is more to you and your life than just being a rape victim. i hope you still have the courage in you to pursue your dreams and be a better person as that is the best revenge you could ever have.

    good luck sisi, dont forger that God loves you.

  8. Good read once again Mike…@QnA I actually shred a tear just by reading your story an I cannot say I know what u feel…but I believe that God has big plans for u…so this will just be your testimony wen u finally reach what u were destined to do or become. You will look back and realize that things that you went through(not that they were from God, cause he has no evil in him) happened to strengthen you an make you more closer to God. The will of God will never take you to where his grace will not cover you. Be strong an trust in him.

  9. Nice read Mike. I feel ur pain my sister and can’t find words to say to you, but u sound like a very strong person and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Keep on believing in yourself.

  10. ” I try stand up everyday and smile” I’m touched. U r a strong young woman.keep it up. Lift ur head high,smile n build ur life 4 d better 4 we cnt change d past bt u hold d pen 2 write ur future. My dad alwys says “eventual it will all cum alryt no matter wht u going tru ryt now!take 1 day @ time n dnt stress abt yesterday coz u cnt change bt focus on d future n God” I say d same 2 u 2day. With God all is possible. If u hv ur faith in him dan u shall nt worry abt anything elz

  11. Hi Victim,
    Just read your story and i would like to apologies on their behalf as i am a man. Sorry for all the bad things that was done too you. I respect you for the fact that you could finally talk about it which shows that the healing has started. Wish God can grant you the wisdom to continue to live your life positively and for God to help us man respect and protect our woman.

    I cant imagine what i would do if someone abused my daughter, knees, sister or my mother

  12. Geeze guys
    i’m traumatized by only listening to peoples life stories.
    i have a daughter and 8 nephews, my wife and i have decided no sleep overs etc… we know its not a sustainable plan becuase, family will pick this up as time goes on. And to make it worse our son always sleeps over all the time. But wat scares us are 3 are very naughty and like the streets. With cell phones and social sites there is no doubt they have been exposed to porn, are their little willies have started lusting for girls.
    3 ex girlfriends lost virginity to cousins, and it seems like the stepfathers and cousin rape is the most common and unreported form of rape. Growing up ekasie and knowing how some guys go after cousins who are like sisters. drugging even there helpers who raised them as kids.
    To my victim sista and all like you(be strong).*HUG AND FOREHEAD KISS* MMFF

  13. Through out the month when reading the stories of our abused women I ask myself what happened to our men? who is going to protect us while our protectors are the ones abusing us.

    I am so heartbroken

  14. Thanks Mike…
    Girl I think its high time you started calling yourself Victor instead of victim.
    You have gone through a lot and in my eye your are a Hero, just for waking up in the morning and facing all the challenges that comes with it.


  15. Dear Survivor.. I out of words my dear. I really do not know what to say. but all is in God’s hands. Keep on praying, God will give you all the strength you need.

    Note: I called you a survivor and not a victim… you always come out strong regadless of what happens. You trully are a Hero

  16. Victim, I can’t stop the tears in my eyes from falling. I commend and salute all the women and men who have posted their personal stories on this blog . The pain you have endured is unbelievable and you still standing. May God give you strength to heal and one day be able to look at your scars without bitterness and know you are survivors. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER.

  17. Victim I am so sorry dear keep on praying God loves u n I love you as well bcz u are a strong woman da fact that u still in ds world means u still stand a chance of being happy in life 1day God will heal your soul n remove all the scars u hv in ur heart be blessed sister I love you

  18. to the 24 year old woman who posted today wow am in tears but at the same time so proud of u just from reading the letter one can tell u doing fine and u going far

  19. Nyest to nyoment. Nyamba1 mxm niyadika shame not kancane futhi.Tnx Mike. Ppl are so cruel yazi I’m so sorry cc may God almighty give u strength to cope. This country needs serious prayers mxm

  20. Guys, I don’t know if I’m the only one who picked this up but according to Chapter 61 Zamisa already knows that Mxolisi is sleeping with Khanyi. i have copied and paste the extract from chapter 61 below
    “Zimasa said she did not mind that we had had sex because she clearly heard that part so we did not have to lie. I had to ask why sex was not a bad thing. I know that was like poking a bear. She said that the way grownups are so uptight about sex was rather pathetic.”

    No man Mike, you need to focus, it feels like you just make up this story when you wake up and forget what you previously wrote…. A little bit of attention and focus would be much appreciated… I’m just saying…

    I still got mad love for your books though… 🙂

  21. Thanx Mike! The lady who wrote in , I really feel for u. Can’t even start to try to understand what life is like being u.I know it’s not easy but pls do not refer to urself as “victim”. Healing has to start from within. If only these people knew what they put people through.I had a cousin who went through the same ordeal. Unfortunately for her she’s not available to tell her stories. Saddens me that we cudn’t help her. After she was raped, she was a different person completely. The bubbly person that we grew up with was no more. She shut everybody out. She cudn’t b around people to an extend that 1 day we found her hanging in her bedroom. Thing is, it’s not just that person that is affected, everybody around her gets affected. U get so confused because u don’t know what to do. The only thing we can do is pray that it doesn’t happen to any1.

  22. Zimasa o maaka she is interested in Mxolisi’s underpants, she want to have a taste of the Big Willy Shaft. Nice one again Mike.
    Victim sister I am really touched by ur line ‘I try and smile everyday’, it is not easy but you are a strong young woman, lean unto the Lord, He will heal your broken heart and provide you with strength to carry on. I like the fact that you are a born again, you chose the right path as you will be surrounded by people who love you and will comfort you. Being raped in ur home where u are certain of safety is a very painful experience, being raped at a church outing is even worse, but God will deal with the perpetrators, they will receive their punishment even when you dnt know about it. Hold ur head up high and keep smiling it will heal you.

  23. My dear sister I am so touched by your story, u brought tears to my eyes.I have no words to express how I feel and what to say to console you. Only time will heal your wounds. I am writing a story abt my life, my book will be released in March next year. I went through a similar ordeal,I am still being abused physically. However despite all my pain, I have a will to go on cause I believe I am destined for greater things, there is no devil or anyone who can stand in my way of victory, one day my tormentors will see and taste my successes. All these events and experiences made me stronger. I was raped and raped had a child and lost it. God is love in all this. The title of my book is called “My Schizophrenic Journey”. These events nearly destroyed my sanity. I urge u to have faith in yourself, healing is imminent and it is a process, I will pray for your restoration. I have discovered that I have a gift of seeing beyond my optical eyes. I have a spiritual gift of healing and restoring souls. When I pray mountains move. I am a motivational speaker and a spiritual Medium, therefore know that u are in a path of recovery. Gods love and healing upon your soul. He is Jehovah Rapha (the God of healing and comfort).

  24. ThankQ Mikey: QnA I fell your pain cc, they say strong walls shake but never collapse. U r a strong woman n am proud of u. GOD bless u

  25. Q&A: My Dear, I am really sorry for what you had to endure while growing up. Yes, the world is really a cruel place to live in and I pray that the Lord may heal your wounds although I know that the scars will always be there. I say that because I have also been through the rape ordeal experience. No one deserve to go through what you did but you should start seeing yourself as a SURVIVOR rather than a VICTIM. You lived to be able to tell your story and others were not so fortunate. Start seeing yourself as the SURVIVOR that you and may the Good Lord keeping on being there for you.

  26. Q&A: You are no Victim you’re a victor (you are victorious) gosh I just wanna Hug you right now. I’m inspired by your strength I have one request though please dont give up on God his the almighty and he has not abandoned you. I pray for joy abundantly over your whole life and for your mom. If you need a friend I am available. you can get my email address. then we take it from there.

  27. QnA Aam so sorry my darling..God is with you n you are gonna get what u deserve!!!!please listen to a track by Moneoa_Abundantly #Bless You

  28. Eish Victim I’m always the one with something to say but your story just brought tears to my eyes I really don’t know what to say may God grant you peace may he restore everything the work of devil has taken from you may he show himself to you may he be the God that we all love and trust the God that fixes where no man will be able to fix today my prayers are with you and God shall reveal his powers if not for you then for himself to show the world once more that he is God of everything

  29. Tshidilicious I get your concern but again I think just below that part where Zamisa said all that there’s…I quote “I explained to her that she had misheard us.” To me that sounds like her word against eka Sbari wakhe and I think she’s a clever girl for having asked again maybe this time she’s outing it on record can’t wait for next chapter

  30. Hi Mike! In 1 of the past chapters u mentioned that Zimasa was Asthandile’s pregnant cousin and nou jiki jiki she’s her younger sista. Kanti zikhiphani vele?

  31. Thanks Mikeesto, always on point baba, we appreciate you big homie, Thanks and God bless.

    I used to look forward to giving advice as much as anticipating the next post on this blog. It was humbling to share past experiences and help others with their problems in life.

    In this case I am speechless. Yaz you see this rape thing on tv, you hear about it from people and read about it on papers, it never really hits home until it hits home. Reading your story and the others that were also sexually assaulted has somewhat opened my eyes more and made me more vigilant in terms of trusting people, males in general.

    I like the comment from a fellow reader who reffered to you as Survivor. I echo that, you are a survivor, hard as it may seem, you will survive. I wish u strength to keep carrying on. May God bless you and your mother, and may he bless your father’s soul. Its just heartbreaking this story, I keep imagining if this happened to me, if I was made to watch as my daughter and babymama get violated… I would die yoh. All the best mntana bantu. And to be politically incorrect, I hope ur uncle burns to ashes, literally.

    God loves you.

  32. Q & A My darling your story makes me cry. I’m glad you still manage to smile what you’ve been or what you are going through is something that is not supposed to happen to anyone. Those ppl are dogs it has nothing to do with badluck. Wish you all the best hope you succeed in everything you do, as for your Mom nothing will make her feel better just be there for each other and don’t let this shit divide you. I can only imagine what she is going through.

  33. lol Tshidi obviously these stories are made up… Mike has let his imagination run wild. Relax and enjoy the blog kaofela re dira diphoso ao.

    @ Victim gakena matjo efela tseba gore Jehova ona le wena ka nako tsohle and mohlemongwe dilo ditlaba petere. As a rape survivor myself I live in hope that one day I will be able to forgive and move on with life for my perpetrator is happy, I get to see him on family gatherings and he is always in a jolly mood. I owe it to myself to also try forgive and find happiness.I am attending therapy and taking every step at a time. I am now able to talk about what happened to me when I was 8 without crying. I am 25 and even though it feels like it happened yesterday I believe it will get better with time. Try therapy. If interested I can give you my therapist’s details. She is quiet phenomenal.

    The bible and the Lord are my salvation. Seek guidance from God and let him be the driver of your life and let him be with you through healing.


  34. Victimm,,,am so sorry dat u went through sonething so horrible & cruel,, I can’t even imagine how u feel,,may God be with u.. Love u sista…

  35. I won’t call u victim, so I will call u my hero. I knw da pain u going through, our stories may not be da same bt I been there. U r my hero bcoz u talk abt dis, stay strong dear

  36. #Victim, your story just hit home…I hope you get to make peace with all that happened to you at some point in your life…and the fact that you are able to wear a smile on your face despite of the situation shows sooooo much strength #muchRespectQueen

    Thanks Mike for the read♡

  37. Ohh God is with u Victim kwabuhlungu yazi if u wer here i would hve given u a hug of comfort n tell u to be strong and leave everything to God…u are a strong woman inkosi ibenawe

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