Memoirs – Chapter Seventy

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I was a bit confused. Just a few days ago she had told me that she thought Khanyi and I were sleeping together. She had also said that it was ok we were adults. Ok fine, look at me trying to justify myself to a teenager! I told her to stop meddling in grown ups business and for the record Khanyi and I were not sleeping together. She laughed and said that she was not stupid and besides, yesterday when I was gone, Khanyi fell asleep on the couch and was calling my name in her sleep! Say what? My name is not the easiest name to say alright and for someone to actually be able to say whilst in dreamland is an achievement! What else did she say? No, I did not want to know because if I asked her I would just be encouraging her further! Then it me, what if one day Khanyi would talk in her sleep in front of my wife? That would not go down so well but if all she said was my name it means that my wife might think Khanyi had a thing of me and get rid of me! She would never like it that much is true.

I had to make it to Asthandile though for the fight yesterday however there was an impediment. If she was redoing my study it means she intended to stay in Cape Town of which I had already said my heart was not willing to do so anymore. I was gatvol after the way we had been thrown out. I felt like I would always be embarrassed everytime I stepped into the office. Secondly I still had not told my wife that I had been suspended in the first place which is what brought the next impediment, she could not be using money the way she wanted and redoing the study was definitely an extra expense we could not carry right now. I decided to call her and tell her right there and then. I was delaying too much. Her phone was off so I left a voicemail in her phone. All I said was,
“Baby I need to talk to you. Something has happened at work which you must know ASAP. Get back to me!”
I hate talking to voicemail!

I did not have the energy for them today and I was sleepy because last night had hardly slept being Khanyi’s counsellor. I sat in the bedroom going through my notes. Just because I was suspended did not mean I should not remain vigilant. I started forwarding my CV to a few firms. I might as well start sourcing for a new job. An hour or two into doing this Lindiwe sent me a message saying she was in Jhb fixing ‘our’ problem! What was wrong with this woman! As a lawyer she should know better than go temper with the victims. I told her I was not part of this and she should stay away from them. The stresses in my life! I went and bought my wife flowers to appease my wife.

When I came back I sat in my room because I had a few thing to do in any case. Not working does not mean you should stop reading and studying. Its as simple as that. A few hours later I heard my wife pull up. She banged her car door and the house door when she entered. I was still in trouble I guess! Fuck! Flowers wont help me now!
“Why didn’t you tell me that you were fired Mxolisi?”
She screamed as soon as she walked into the bedroom!
“How am I supposed to trust you if you can’t even tell me such important things?”
She was so angry. She stood there glaring at me!
“I don’t need your flowers! Keep them! Imagine how embarrassed I was when I went to your office for you to sign some papers and they told me! Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was?”
She threw them at me and stomped out! I ran after her trying to explain that I had not been fired but she would not listen! She got into her car and drove out.

Khanyi and Zimasa just stared at me when I walked back into the house! They had heard everything. I decided the best thing to do was to lock myself in and wait for her. No matter how angry she was I was not taking the couch today. She can take it!

I waited for her to come back…and waited…and waited! At some point. I dosed off! When I woke up it was three am and I figured she had indeed slept on the couch. I went downstairs to check the couch, switched on the light but she was not there. Maybe she was sleeping with Khanyi so I went to knock on Khanyi’s room. Khanyi open. She said again she could not sleep because she was having nightmares. I asked her if my wife was with her and she said nope, she didn’t come to her room since she left. I ran back upstairs to Zimasa’s room and again I hit a dead end.

I took my phone and tried to call but her phone was off! I started to panic…

Where the hell was my wife?

I panicked. I asked Khanyi to call around and ask some of the people that she knew as to where Asthandile was. At first Khanyi refused but I begged her and told her that my wife could be. Khanyi asked me if I really wanted to know because all my investigations in the end would only hurt me. I had no idea what she meant. She said my wife and I needed to have a conversation a strong one because there was only one place my wife could be. So Khanyi knew were my wife was? She said she will not call many people and gave me the phone. She showed me a text message,

“I needed someone to talk who gets me so I have gone to have late coffee with Mcgyver!”

Who the hell was that now?

Khanyi hesitated to say but I went on my knees and begged her because the other choice would have been to strangle her.

“If I tell you please don’t tell her I told you because there is nothing going on between them”

So it was a guy?

“That is the nickname we call some guy at work and I promise you that is all I know! I don’t even have his number check my phone!”

I was not sure if she was lying but I got it now…

I lost my wife the day she got a job…

No, forget that, I lost my wife the day she made new friends and I allowed her to!

This woman does not get it! I pay all the bills in this house! Did she really think she could go sleep in another man’s house with me at home! I took twenty minutes to throw everything of hers outside! Kanyi and Zimasa begged me not to though but it was too late… where… another man’s house!

When she returns she must go back where she was!

I was not going to beat her

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Good morning Mike

Great Job on the blog, I never miss any of the posts you make, hence today I decided to come forward myself and not as a woman abused but as a woman affected. Sometimes abuse, rape and all these things done to women don’t leave scars on the victims but the people close to them as well. Im 23 years, the last born out of 4 kids, I have 2 sisters, one 18 years older than me and one 6 years older. We have always been a family of girls that kinda stayed indoors and we very much kept to ourselves. My oldest sister landed herself a boyfriend at some point in time, it was kind of a little weird considering we never knew much about the guy but what the hell she was happy, my sister found out from a couple of friends that the guy is HIV+ and the biggest mistake she made, was going to confront him at his place where he raped her while stating it was his intention in the first place, my sister never told anyone until after a few years, years went past she got sick she passed away, 10 years later my second sister fell inlove, moved in with the guy, few years down the line beatings came and she’d come home with bruises, blessed with skin that heals and shows no traces all would be forgotten and he came and begged her to come back, my mother would beg my sis not to go, but always left every time, until one day he beat her up so bad she landed in a coma, brain dead and on life support machines, we refused to lose hope, until she eventually passed away. I don’t date, I have set such high standards they are impossible for anyone to meet (at least thats what my friends say), I’m the only daughter my mother has left it would kill her if I brought a guy home, I cant trust anyone, I get guys that I really like and as soon as they try and get close to me, I push them away and break all contact. It doesn’t help that Im a virgin either, I have reached a state where I refuse to be emotional about anything. I spend all my time studying and working so I dont have enough time to feel lonely but truth be told I am. And it doesn’t help either that my sisters both passed away at 27 and Im fast approaching that age. Im sceptical of everything, as soon as I find someone perfect, I spend my time looking for all the wrong things Ill use against him when I justify in my mind why I let him go. Its gotten so bad, I can even leave because he chews with his left jaw and not the right. As soon as they start talking sex “they after my virginity”, I even refuse to let a guy do anything for me. I am going crazy and no one knows, they just think I have high standards while honestly I couldn’t careless what a guy has and doesn’t, I have just built a barricade around myself that I cant even control anymore

My point is, maybe just maybe Im a different person than this, maybe I would be falling inlove and giving it up without care if all of this never happened but because I question every guys intention and I make them pay for what happened to my sisters Ill never know, Ill probably die alone with 72 cats and a rotten cake cos of lack of trust.

Yours Sincerely

27 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Seventy

  1. Khanyi a witch I tell you, 1st chance she gets to throw the wife under the bus she takes it! Sies

    Sheltered I am sorry about what happened to your sisters, I can see why that would affect you, I would be affected too, however, it doesn’t mean you have to stop living. The mistakes they made you won’t make them, you learn from them and move on. Cast all you burdens to God, His yoke is light.May the Spirit of the Lord rest upon you in Jesus Name.

  2. Q&A

    TJO AOWA,sistas counselling would really help you. And we are not all bad, ask my fiance, lol if only you knew her. But her talking to you about her past experiences would help u a bit.

  3. Thanks Mike. Ihhe – never heard of this! Wife sleeps out coz she’s angry with her hubby. Hhayi bandla, I clap once!
    To sheltered lady: sorry to hear about what happened to your sisters, but seeing that you are independent (financially) you may use some psychological help coz living like this could never be healthy. You know you’ll turn into those stone cold hearted too efficient female bosses where every one calls them ‘Iron Lady’ coz they are just emotionless. Get help soon cc, but the 72 cats part – made me laugh.

  4. Hi mike
    Thanx for the beautiful chapter, you realy never sieze to astonish us. I also wanna post something as a QnA but I’m not sure how coz I’ve got a story to tell as well pls help

  5. Q&A
    My heart goes out to you sister, go for counselling, go see a therapist because no human is allowed to suffer like that. Pray to God, state all your worries to Him, He is there for those who are hurt, He has everlasting love. You are a strong person, but you have to live your life and be happy & you can have that if you can allow yourself… God is there and will forever be there… Take Care my love.

  6. Mara Khanyi is a cruel friend she encourages her friend to do silly things then turns n tells her husband so they can break up n she owns the husband, tjo some friends ba rata di leftovers tjerr. Mxolisi everyone woman wants u eh, maybe ur Big Willy Shaft is visibly big so they want to taste.

  7. To u my sista, I am very sorry about ur loss, though u have a valid reason to be in a cage, I urge u not to be, try counselling and joining support groups it will help u to heal n start life afresh. I wish God can grant u de courage to face life in a different way than u doing. surround urself with ppl hu luv u so that dey can revive the luv within u, so as to be able to share ur luv. Forgiveness will bring u peace n ull be able to move on with life, God bless u. 1Peter 5V7.

  8. Nice chapter Mikey…eish the rape issue is something very hard to explain once happend. I remember when my twin sister got raped just because she is a lesbain, twice even, it was a very difficult time for my family that I pray that something like that don’t happen again. It felt like it has happened to me, I couldn’t bear watching my sister when she couldn’t urinate because of the pain, she couldn’t even walk. The trauma she went to repeating everything that has happened to her in court felt like she is being raped again. Well the first guy got light 10 years in jail(that is 5 years) and the other one got life sentence. The stigma doesn’t go away, its bad. I wish all rape perpetators would just sit down and think before ruining peoples lives. Mcm

  9. good read Mike as always but got alil confused on the part where you were in the room next thing wifie comes in with flowers that she throws you with….hai i dont know but alwaz a pleasure reading your stories

  10. Haw hee so Asithandile didn’t even wanna hear her bf’s side of stori instead she went and slept embhedeni wenyindoda?haw memoirs.haawu cha ngeke shade makunje!!

  11. Asithandile is full of BS, straight. She needed an excuse to go and bang her lover and I don’t believe what Mxolisi did was reason enough, sies! I hope she comes back pregnant. As for Khanyi, she is going to all kinds of hell, she sure is playing her cards into getting her “BFF’s” man.

    Sheltered. I may not have experienced your pain but I feel you about the “trust” in men part. I also have the same issue and am very sceptical but I believe that God will bless us with the men we pray for so lets be specific about what we want and trust him to give us exactly that.

  12. Sheltered I have been writing and deleting about 4 comments already,I don’t know what to say,u have been through a terrible ordeal,find something to be a pillar of your life,get counseling seek spiritual support,you are stuck in the shadow of death you need help to go through it to the other side,to heal.mourn you sisters and try remember their smiles,their beauty no their pain,I don’t believe they are happy wherever they are resting to see their sister and their mother in so much pain.God be with you and your mother

  13. Thanks Mike..a great read can’t wait for the next chapter.

    QnA sheltered I’ve got tears in my eyes while reading your story,sometimes you go through life thinking you are the only one who goes through such bad things,until now I’ve thought so…believe me I know exactly what you are going through and no amount of therapy can heal these emotional scars in my heart..its gotten to a point where I’m contemplating killing all male species in this world.I pray to no avail…ill pray for you instead that in due time you will heal..for me its too late..

  14. Thanks Mikeesto, tuesday cometh.

    Sisi… ‘Seek the lord and he shall set you free, don’t do boys – they got HIV.’ Saw these words recently and I just thought of them now for some strange reason.

    Maybe prince charming will come around and free you from this cage u seem to be in, keep the faith coz Cupid still exists.

    All the best.

  15. wonderful work Mike.
    dear shelter my story is similar to yours. when I ws a teen, two of my best friends got raped by their boyfriends n it nearly killed them. The thing is they both have moved on with their lives n i’m still stuck in the ‘no trusting zone’. my sister I knw what you are talkin about when u say u make excuses in your head. I do that a lot n my previous boyfriend even told me that I shuld treat every1 differently n nt blame every guy for those boys mistakes. I stil cnt trust a guy especially when he say he loves me. oh Lord I jst let go of all the feelings I have developed. I want to change but it just cnt happen

  16. To think that its my 1st time commenting 🙂 lol its whatever man!!! QnA you really touched my heart its like you feeling their pain even thou they’ve rested in peace, don’t punish yourself over what happened to them but take what happened as a stepping stone to make wiser decisions, God is with you he sees it all and he shall bless you with a man that will make you so happy in a way you can never explain, God is love and to love is to know God, trust him with your issues, he said his shoulders are wide they can carry our burdens and his hands aint shortened they can reach to us, fix your spiritual side and take time to connect with God as much as you don’t trust men trust this one called Jesus your life will change for the better, don’t overthink don’t think of bad things cause everything starts in your mind and be transformed into words than ideas, take risks fall inlove be 23 and happy, love back so hard that you confuse the devil, pray babe all will be well, with God its easy cause he has already faught your battle all you gotta do is have faith in him you’ll find hapiness.

  17. Sheltered….of all the testimonies I’ve read on this blog, yours moves me. I don’t even know what to say but my heart bleeds for you. I pray to God that some day you come right.

  18. What a friend Khanyi is. A true friend simply never sells out the other friend no matter waht… Not to her husband hle. Throwing her clothes without facts is rather absurd!!!

    @ Sheltered seek God’s guidance and let him be the driver of your life. When the right man come your way you will feel it within, you need not have to fight the feeling. Wait upon the Lord and watch as he bestows beautiful blessings your way.

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