Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Nine

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

Every office, especially government ones have cases of sexual harassment. It is what us lawyers live off, that and divorce. Every office also has that one female who refuses to follow proper dress protocol as mandated by company rules. It’s easy to say that “I can wear a short dress or a skirt so tight it’s about to burst in the seams because I am a woman and I have my rights!” But in an office environment, doesn’t matter whether you are in America or in Umtata, that causes a lot of tension and at some point some stupid male will make a comment that could get him into trouble. That’s just how it is and this is in no way a justification but the new society is teaching women especially not to accept the role they play especially when they break the rules of dress protocol. I once read a case, an actual true case, of a woman who made a living off suing her male bosses as well as government for harassment. She had four cases before she was 30 and in legal terms that’s a lot. Most eventually get settled out of court. All men sighted provocative dress code and their problem was that they had reprimanded her on several occasions for it. It was only when other women stood up for the men and testified that the woman was more of an exhibitionist at work that the court be it reluctantly so threw out the case with costs. The point is, as a man it so hard to prove your innocence once a woman accuses you of sexual harassment. In some instances in cases I have read a mere disagreement between colleagues of the opposite can lead to the male being fired or worse on trumped up charges of that. Lindiwe therefore was such a threat to me I was deeply worried!

My wife asked me what was wrong and I could not exactly tell her that I feared my colleague would bring a case of sexual harassment against me! She would ask why and how it got to this? I told her that it seemed we had missed a crucial report but I will see to it on Monday. For now I told her that it was all about us and we had to make up for days I was gone. She immediately said she was on her periods. I looked at her again not sure whether to be angry or laugh in her face because there was no way she could be on her periods. Come on! She had been on them about two weeks ago. I remember distinctly because she had sent me to get her ponstel at the pharmacy. I think women genuinely think we don’t check such things and truth be told some men do! I don’t but I remember the pharmacy. I asked why she was lying to me and reminded her of the day. She blushed and apologized before saying she was just tired. It had been a long day she said. My wife has always been anti sex! It does not excite her that much for some reason! This meant I was not getting any tonight. That was not new. She asked me iif I could rub her feet because she had been on them the whole day. I wanted to say no but some fights are not necessary.

At some point we slept. In the morning I woke up early to make her breakfast in bed. My wife had left her phone downstairs for some reason and I could not help it but go through it. There was nothing incriminating at all. Maybe I was freaking out for nothing and she was not doing anything bad. When I was done cooking there was cricket on TV. South Africa was playing in New Zealand so it had started really early around 3am. I am a big sports fan maybe because I never got to play any. I took the breakfast upstairs and as I entered I noted that my wife was on the phone! Hold up? Did I not just use her phone downstairs? Since when did she have two phones? I understand at work they give you work phones but why I did I not have this number? I pushed my way in and she continued talking. Her speaker was loud enough for me to hear. It was a woman on the line and they were discussing some project they had to do today. My wife told the woman that no she could not because her husband was home so she will not be in the weekend. I was not sure whether that was meant for my benefit as already I was suspicious about her having two numbers.

I asked her why I did not know about her new number and she said it was because she wanted to surprise me with her new phone. Surprise me with a phone? What are we? Teenagers? She said she got it the day we had fought and she had wanted to tell me but the fighting got in the way. That’s one of the most common excuses to anything. If you fight with your partner something always happens that they then say because of the fight the word never got back to you or worse, I cheated because we were fighting! Women absolutely love that line! It aint even about being lonely or sad about the fight when that happened and truth be told, its plain and simple revenge!

I asked her how she thought I was supposed to feel about this because we are a married couple and such small things build up to us fighting and eventually divorce! The way she changed colour! The word divorce is like a white elephant in any marriage especially if you are having an argument. You never bring it up if you know what’s good for you. Divorce you only mention if someone else you know is going through it otherwise that’s a taboo topic. She asked me if was threatening her of which I obviously told her of course not! Why would I?

Either she did not believe me or I had played into her hands but she stood up went to the bathroom, opened the shower to bath and closed the bathroom door! She never closes the door when she showers! What the hell was going on!

She left the phone on the bed and it was flashing. So the phone was on silent. The caller I.D. said …Boss!

The temptation was too great to resist!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I have three guys in the last five years and all have cheated on me. Two of them I met at church and the other I was introduced by a friend. The last I actually discovered I was his mistress two years into the relationship. He was still with his girlfriend when we started dating and still is. Two weeks ago she called me and asked me who I was because she had seen my call records on his phone. Obviously I told her confidently and not with the intention to hurt her. Last week we met, the girl and I to discuss our situation. I love this guy dearly. When my mother was sick he paid about to 60k to get her treatment and help. Who does that if they do not love you? I don’t see him often because he works far from me but he takes care of me and calls every few hours to check up on me. I told all this to his original girlfriend and she too had similar stories of his kindness. Turns out we see him on alternative weekends and he sleeps with us both on those weekends. The girl is a nurse so she said we should go get tested and fortunately both of us are fine. Now the issue is what to do we do? We both agree that he is such a good man yet betrayal is betrayal. I am so scared of us going to him and asking him to choose because I am the mistress hence the bad person I reckon. Please advise because part of me says we can share him at the very least!

Thank You


62 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Nine

  1. Thank you Mike I have notice that lately we don’t have to wait until 10 for a new chapter you are posting early for that thank you one more time

  2. Thank mr Maphoto
    Q@A miss I think u should stay in there d guy will decide 1 day hu does he love and spend rest of his lyf with,at d moment he both loves u his not sho what 2 do or hu 2 choose but jst hang in there 1 day is 1 day u will b happy with him

  3. Q & A
    Are u delusional or what? U think u can share a man at a very least, who does that? Its seems to me u already made a decision of being a second best. Yes he is a good man bt good men dnt lie and cheat. Leave this relationship while u still can

  4. Lol the wife is also cheating,why is the other phone on silent & why didn’t she “surprise” him with it last night? Lol beaten @ own game baba!!!!

  5. Could it be that she has LOVE BITES on her body? could it be the reason for her closing the door to the shower….hmmmm?
    Today’s story was about the phone, breakfast and the shower…too short but thanks Mike!!


  7. Q and A If both of you agree to be with this man and don’t see anything wrong with sharing then sikhona isithembu esintwini he can marry you both but if the other woman don’t want to share then leave the guy cause that way you are selling yourself short you will forever be second best in his life, you will constantly be the woman that came and stole my man…so think about it clearly sisi it’s your life you are wasting and remember life is not about being comfortable only but happiness and joy can not be bought at any price.

    Good luck

  8. Q&A, you are actually contemplating sharing a man because of his kindness??? He is cheating on the main and you know that you are the mistress, what makes u think that he will choose you? Let alone be faithful to you if he does choose you? You got comfortable with the lifestyle he gave you and now choose to settle for less because you can walk away! If u could walk away from the first two that cheated what’s making confused about this one? Is it the kindness and money?? Be real to yourself and leave cz clearly the main won’t leave him cz she is also stuck. Stop it and respect yourself!

  9. I really enjoy reading yo books keep up wit the good job.
    Sisi I guess the best option is to get him to choose nw, cz wat if u stick around for another 2years thn emveni koko akhethe lo omnye, kuzokwenzeka ntoni kuwe. M very certain that by thn it will break u more than it wud av done had u got him to choose nw.

  10. QnA

    I personally think you love his money morethan anything else. No woman in her right mind will share a man. I for one wont be happy knowing that my man is banging another woman. This guy knows where his heart belongs and i think its with his first gf. I think him giving you so much money is also a way of bribing you money is not an issue for some men. So if i were you I would pack my bags before he eats more of ur time. Can someone please give me Mikes email address ASAP

  11. Thanx bra mike

    A2Q: sweety I’ve been there had a guy who treated me like a queen and I thought he loved me bcz of all the things he did for me. Material things doesn’t define a man’s love 4u only loyalty,respect and honesty does bcz regardless of all the “good thngs” he did 4me there was also another one who got those things. 2yrs is a lot of time h must sure knw by now who h wants 2b with. Let him choose b2wn da 2of u ladies or just leave b4 u find out he’s getting married aftr myb 7yrs..goodluck

  12. this guy should have noticed the day her boss with the nice range rover dropped his wife off. now she has 2 phones. KARMA really is a b*tch. heck how this guy is oing to blow a gasket over his wifes affair whilst he’s doing it as well. bloody typical

    Q&A girl we make our choices and have to lay in the very bed after. so if you r content then go right ahead. its not like this guy made either of you feel like the mistress because the treatment is the same from him. if you dump every guy who cheats on you then you might as well become a nun because all of them r going to at some point.

  13. Thanx Mike. A2Q. From your narration, you seem to be more in love with the benefits the guy provides you with instead of the guy himself. Don’t sell urself short love. How do you know that he’s only seeing the two of you? there could be more girls n from the reaction of the nurse, he appears to be not very fond of condoms. Your life n wellbeing is more important. Good luck

  14. nice one Mike can’t wait to see if he will pick up the phone..

    Honestly Lindelani if the guy cheated on his main with you how sure are you guys that there isn’t another girl in the equation..I’m glad you guys are both fine health wise but him spending money on both of you does not mean he loves y’all it just means he has a lot of money to spend, i really wonder what would happen if it was revealed to him that you guys know he is cheating and who would he choose.I think you should not wait around for that to happen break the curse of being cheated on and find yourself someone who will love you alone there are still good guys out there and don’t even think about them cheating on you because you will be asking for it from the universe..Positive thinking brings positive results Good luck

  15. Lindelani

    You are not a mistress because he is not married, you also stand a chance to be the wife just like the other. However akuchazi ukuthi kumele uvume to share him. Either you confront him and demand iqiniso or you just leave uzomthola nawe ozoba owakho. It is not too late.

  16. Wow Mike this wife is cheating how can he deny her husband his conjugal rights l think she slept with her boss and scared hubby will find out both patners r cheating what kind of marriage is this ubonakala ngokungazali sheeem

  17. Jah Lady could be right about the love bites or she could have other marks on her body which could prove that she had a sexual encounter with another man.

    Lindelani tell me you joking which woman in their right mind chooses to share a man it doesn’t matter how good this man treats you both and the nurse. The truth of the matter is he is unfaithful to both of you who knows there could be another woman involved in the picture without you acknowledging that. So please don’t lower your standards in a relationship by being second best and by sharing a man. There are plenty of good guys out there they just hard to find he’s not the only man in the world that could sweep you off your feet.

  18. QnA I guess at the end of the day it depends on what you value most, money paid for your mother’s treatment and who knows what could have happened without the help of that guy…Honesty, love and respect have never paid the bills…If this guy treats you well and not abuse you then rather settle for him unlike being cheated by some broke guy whom you will never even find out who he is cheating with..

  19. Too Short Mike but loving it. Q&A : There is possibility that the two of you might not be the only ones he is seeing but life has taught me that not all but most men cheat and i agree with butter that if your reason for leaving relationships is because of cheating then u might as well stay single. Make a choice that will make you happy my dear because deep down you know what u want.

  20. If the wife is also cheating, id seek answers from Khanyi as she said the guy was gay! But anyways the principle ‘ do unto others’ always applies thats why we have Karma! Its bitchy like that.

    Lindelani are you really gonna lower your standards to that level of second best or possible 10th best cause I am certain you and the nurse are not the only ladies in his life there is probably more of you guys. I concur with nono he doesn’t even like using condoms so why risk your whole life for money? I am certain had you both turned up positive we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, so do whats best for you and leave the man’s money and go make your own money while you still have a chance. A man who cheat is not worth any women’s attention.

  21. I think I agree with what Butter/Mr Jacks says. Its so easy for someone who hasnt been in such situation to ask you whether you are being for real to share a man, or someone who has never needed someone’s help to say you are in it for the benefits. Whether we like it or not, I dont know where you are going to find a man who is not going to cheat on you, those people who say you will find him, should help in pointing in the right direction. Life isnt so easy, adn its much more painful to be cheated on by someone who doesnt respect you, and doesnt even do a thing for you, now that is someone who doesnt value you, I know that this is a difficult situation to be in. Problem is though, now that you know, its going to more painful for you when you are with him, especially when he leaves knowing where is going. Confronting him is a good idea because then his character will be revealed to you, be attentive to how he reacts to this, it will be difficult for him to come to terms with the fact that you ladies know whats happening and more so, no one is sure whether he will choose. Which ever decision you take, you will have to live with it- leaving him might be a difficult process to get over, being with him while he is still with the other woman will still be difficult to understand. But my point is, some people are saying you must leave because he is loyal to his girlfriend, if he was then you wouldnt be in the picture, he has feelings for both of you, the best would be for both of you to sit him down because then he will not be telling two different stories. Good luck with this! (and welcome aboard! lol, if you know what I mean)

    1. Tee Angel,
      Yes, maybe you are right that every man will at one point or another cheat on you. And maybe ngempela, there aren’t any loyal & faithful men left out there. But it saddens me that we are willing to accept this. For us to be ‘ok’ with men cheating on us…. for us to actually allow this…..for us to actually agree to this and choose to live with it…. That is a real tragedy.
      If we are ok with him cheating with 1 other woman, are we also ok with 2 more women? 4 more? Where then do we draw the line? Is it at 6? as one of the readers pointed out that we have 1 man to 6 woman ratio in SA. And why stop at 6, if he can have 7?
      Ok, so maybe men really want to sleep with many partners. That is their problem.
      But we have allowed this to happen by being ok with staying with cheating men. And by being those women they cheat with.
      Sadly, these days we are also cheating. We are ok with that too and so are the men seemingly. Akekho okhuza omunye!! Real tragedy I tell you.

  22. Asthandile is cheating, on the other hand Lindiwe could ruin his career. Talk about things falling apart…. Ngocansi nje!! Why do we do this to ourselves kodwa!!

  23. A2Q

    hey,lets be real. the ratio of woman to man is like 1:4 in south africa. and with the ever increasing numbers of men being gay, that takes the ratio right up to 1:6.

    he treats you right akere? whether you are in it for the money or not,he makes you happy. and for me, that’s all that matters. be happy ntombazana!!

  24. A2Q: Well at this point, you are not really a mistress since he is not married yet. But this man is cheating on you, the nurse, and possibly countless others.
    I don’t know why you would want to share a man. Why wud you want to give up so much of yourself?
    If you are happy to share him with 1 woman, be prepared to be happy to share him with 2,3,4 women. Because he won’t stop at 1, since you would have told him that it is ok for him to sleep with more than 1 woman.
    Then pretty soon…. Knock, knock…. HIV & other STIs.
    Confront him and get him to choose. If he chooses the other, than you move on with your life.
    Financial help does not mean love. It just means the person has the money and he cared enough to help or support you. But it doesn’t mean he loves you. Or the other girlfriend for that matter.

  25. Thanks Mikey
    Q&A The guy is a polygamist so he’s looking for two wives who can get along very well, by confronting him you fulfilling his mission.

  26. I understand your point Nala, but whether we allow it or not, it will still happen without our consent. No petition will stop men from cheating, the thing is it didn’t start with us and it’s not going to stop with us. Our great-granfathers have done that, and believe me they still respected all their women, Im just saying, lets stop being naive, and rather concerntrate on being happy and respecting each other.

  27. Make him choose?dat so stupid!share him?dat absolutely nonsense! Sekuphele amadoda yini! He can’t buy ur love with kindness. Walk away while u can. Dat d problem with letting men do things 4 u especial financial coz now u feel like u cnt walk away coz u owe him . Well 2 him a cheating cnt b kind n loving. U beta walk away sooner dan later wit sum dignity

  28. Would we be having this Q&A if the guy was not loaded? If he was just a taxi driver or unemployed would you still want to share him? There is your answer sisi…

  29. Most of u guys r so judgemental, “no woman in her right mind would agree to this but hey there is one in front of u nd asking for help, so plz come up with a solution or don’t comment at all, guys be realistic and let’s answer with maturity n respect just like u’d want the same for u. Big up Mr jack nd those who did like wise as for the rest hai u not building, all u do is pointing fingers.

  30. Q- Gal ask yourself if you would be a second wife! If the guy makes you happy then you both should talk to him. I don’t see anything wrong in loving 2 people at the same time. If you 2 ladies are able to talk like that then what more do you want! Yes it started as a lie but at times one doesn’t get a perfect relationship. Men are few than woman anyway so we wont all have our mr right as you ladies call them.

    What is funny about the comments i see here is that woman say man cheat kanti there are woman that also cheat. This acting innocent from ladies is just annoying cause you are not all faithfull.
    I’m not condoming cheating but ikhona even so some woman accept it by saying “as long as I don’t know”.

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