Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Eight

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

Shock is not a word I like associating with myself but Lindiwe had just managed to achieve that in me. She was making this awkward for the both of us. Obviously I knew that what we had shared was a onetime thing and at this stage I still was not even sure I had shared something with her. Her bringing this up like this was not only childish but also bound to raise eyebrows at the office. We still had to make our formal report and this could only work if we spoke as a team. Now she was practically saying I must ignore her completely. Was she mad? My instinct was to reply her and tell her to “fuck off” in those words but I read the sms three more times to see if she had really meant it! Wow! There is this misconception that men are the ones that act like dicks but Lindiwe had just taught me a lesson than the age of the lady was a thing of the past. Much as girls complain that men don’t open doors for them anymore, pull back the chair or allow them to walk into a room first, how many things do women not do anymore that men don’t complain about. Truth be told we are now all the same! What men can do women can do better and that’s not necessarily a good thing! I was going to talk to her whether she wanted to or not! I was not going to mess up my career because she could not handle something she had very much been part of!

Khanyi sent me yet another message asking me where I was. I had almost forgotten about her with that message from Lindiwe. Well this was going to be a problem. I smsed her back and said that I was not there anymore was back in Cape Town. It did not even take 30 seconds before my phone started ringing. For someone to come so far to try and surprise her I owed her that much. I picked up the phone and the first thing she said was, “tell me you are joking!” When I told her I was not she was so pissed off she started cursing me off. I had made a mistake according to her and this mistake was that I had not told her I was leaving. Now she had made this grand gesture for me and I was not even there. I found myself apologizing as though it was my fault which truly it was not! That’s what happens when you let a side dish get under her skin! If she found out about Lindiwe and I, I am certain that she would react as though I cheated on her even though she was not even my girlfriend. That’s the problem even when you are married, the side dish always wants to be treated as though she is the wife. I was tired though. I told her it was not my fault that she had left without telling me either. That was the wrong thing to say because it seemed to only get her angrier. She said she heard bought lingerie even and I had the nerve to tell her that! What was wrong with this woman though? I had had a long day so as I tried to calm her down I heard,
“Ahem ahem”
Behind me! O crap! I had lost myself in my train of thought in this whole argument. I had forgotten that my wife had gone to the bathroom and now she was standing behind me!

It happens to the best of us though truth be told. You go to a place and you get so attached to that place and in some instances you find yourself behaving as though you are still there. That’s why I had not been extra careful. Normally I would never have picked up the phone knowing that my wife was there. She asked me who was on the phone so late. I chose not to lie and I did not hang up the phone because if I did I would not get time to tip of Khanyi. I told my wife I was talking to Khanyi and she was not happy with me because I had promised her that I would find out some legal stuff for her in Pretoria. She immediately asked what stuff of which I lied and said Khanyi wanted to open her own company and she needed to know what laws applied there. I had promised her I would go on Monday but since I was back now it means I could not. My wife looked at me for a moment and thoughtfully said she never thought Khanyi would leave Cape Town but if she left then she wanted to go with her! I hung up the phone without Asthandile seeing it! That was close! I am sure Khanyi had heard everything. I begged my wife not to tell her I told her because this was lawyer client stuff so I would get into trouble. Because I said that it meant she took me seriously. If you are in the right profession your excuses are simpler and nothing beats being a lawyer or doctor in that right!

My wife said that her cousin was coming to live with us as from Sunday. We had discussed it and I had been a bit against it but family comes first. I am certain a lot of people have lived with a relative at some point. My wife argued since she was now working or rather we were both working it meant that we would have a warm cooked meal on the stove everyday. She also told me that back home had become a bad situation for her as now the doctors wife, the one who made her pregnant had beaten her up and threatened to kill her. Xhosa women don’t normally make idle threats especially if you sleep with their husbands! Be warned!

My wife and I ate the food I had made and our mood had warmed up. I had driven my point across I think. There was no more this my boss business. I did not want her to lose her first job but I also did not want her to be the latest office scandal. If you work you know what a scandal can do to you. The stench of it never goes away.

It was at this moment that Dalu decided to call me. He said he had gone out with one one of the seniors at work and Lindiwe had come up. He was even laughing saying it. He said that he hoped I had not as much as looked at her inappropriately because she was a troublemaker. I obviously lied and said not in my wildest dreams.

He said good. He said the reason why she was so young and second in her own division was because once on such a trip she had accused the other partner she had gone with of trying to sleep with her. She had not only sued the firm but also demanded that man’s job which was now hers. I had never heard about this before and he said it all been kept hush hush. I asked him what if it was true and he said that for a long time he thought that it was true as well according to his source.

It could just be a true story and the guy had tried his luck on her and failed. Dalu should know better I told him. He said he did but this week the wife of the man accused had filed for divorce. One the reason she had sited was that he could not perform his conjugal rights making the marriage not work.

He had been impotent for three years after a boating accident!

I swallowed the spit!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Hi mike

I am a 25yr old young woman who is in a bit of a fix. I have been with my then boyfriend for 6yrs and we got married last year and so it has only been a yr into the marriage.

Mike I have a problem. My now husband loves the bottle and it has been a problem ever since we met. We broke up several times before because of his drinking habit and 2yrs back we were apart for nearly 6months because I couldn’t take it anymore as he got very physical whenever he was drunk. We got back together after he swore he had changed & even managed to convince me that he has dropped his habit, problem is he started only showing his true colours (yet again) when we got married last year. mike it has been fight after fight after fight after fight because of this. On our anniversary last yr he got so drunk when he took me out on a date and started driving like a maniac on our way home, when I asked him to slow down because he was under the influence he swore at me and carried on speeding. and on the same night when we got home he told me that I must pack my bags and get the F**K out of his house if I am not pregnant in a years time. By Gods divine grace I am currently carrying our child but he has not changed now he doesn’t even sleep at home sometimes and when I get angry at him about it he threatens to leave because he cant deal with a screaming woman. I have miscarried in the past and my pregnancy is very delicate so I need to keep the stress level down but how can I if this is what I am dealing with?
Fellow readers please help a sister out as it hasn’t even been a yr into our marriage. I pray about this and constantly ask God to intervene.

Feeling trapped.

39 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Eight

  1. To the married woman. Sometimes the best thing to do is take charge of your life. Clearly this is a bad relationship, and now a little child will be born into such a life. The only person who can help you and your child is you! Pray to God, have faith in him and build your own life away from that man!!!!!!!

  2. Thanks Mike
    A2Q: I’m struggling to understand why you would agree to marry this guy despite knowing his problems, furthermore I’m struggling to understand why you would chose to fall pregnant by him and bring an innocent child into this situation. It’s a bit late to seek advise now. Had you asked for an advise on whether to marry him or not before getting into the marriage you would have saved yourself a lot of heartache and trouble. Now you not only need to protect yourself from this maniac but you have a child to protect too. I could advise you to leave him just so your child could have a better and happier chance at life but I have a feeling you will not take that advise and you will stay and let this go on anyway.

    Good luck to you.

  3. Mike Mike Mike, what can I say… Mrs Q&A speak to his parents, maybe even move in with them for you to vary to full term.

  4. That Lindiwe is a piece of work. Now I am starting to think it was no coincidence that they ended up sharing a room…………………….

    Q&A, I am so sorry about your situation. I know God will answer your prayers but in the mean time you need to move away from your toxic husband. Move in with family or a friend, you can’t be stressed at this time, especially because you have miscarried in the past. Your husband needs to admit he has a drinking problem and seek necessary couselling for it. Ask the families to intervene as well. Give him an ultimatum if you have too because at this point its no longer about the two of you, its about that child you are carrying and what is best for him/her. Ask yourself if you would want to raise your child in this toxic environment?????

  5. yet another great read, Thanks Mike
    A to Q : it really sad that you are going through this, But you shouldn’t have never agreed to marry this guy in the first place because you knew the kind of a person he is, i don’t why we eomen sometimes think that a person will change once you are married to him…….chances are this guy will nver change, that’s just the way he is, he has no respect for youand could not even care that you are pregnant…….if i were you, i would separate from this guy, you deserve so much more than this, don’t make the mistake of saying you will stay for the child’s sake, because one day this guy will get physical asa you have mentioned that he does and he will kill you, and your child will bear the pain of losing both parents… can still save yourself from this……

  6. Again please tell me why dis story is of a tired man,when I c women being played at?U in hell and I like it.U deserve what is comming at you.

  7. Trapped lady, if you are working get the hell out that home, uzoncikiselwa isdwedwe nje nawe uyavuma. Pls man akusiyo nento ongayibuza kithi le, your life is in danger you are living with an alcoholic psychopath owayishada wazi. Ok now you are in this situation we cannot reverse it but you can still remove yourself from this unhealthy environment for your sake and that of the child. If you are dependant on him still you can go back to your parents ngcono ngoba there is no other child except le ezayo. I am not even going to wish you luck ngoba nawe uyathanda ukuba kulesisimo.

  8. Kanti uLindiwe uso….hmmmm…Just hope this guy doesn’t lose his wife and his job..EISH, kind of reminds me of that movie with Demi Moore and Michael Douglas forgot the name.
    Thanks for the chapter Bra Mike

  9. Thanx Mike. A womderful way to strt a week. I wonder what Lindiwe is going to demand from Mxolisi. Wat eva it is, he is in deep s…t! Lol
    A2Q: grl i knw u don’t want to hear this now because u made ur decisions to marry him and hv a child thinking it will get better. But u shudnt hv married him, and yes u shud hv asked for advice b4 u agreed to marry him. Ur only option at this moment is to move in with a close friend or sibling. Don’t go to ur parents or his parents place. They’ll just preasure u into going back. Stay there until u give birth or find a plc of ur own. Tell him attend AA and counscelling. if he doesn’t, WALK AWAY.

  10. Nice1 Mike tnx QnA I might sound bit harsh nw sry cc, but I’m nt really feel sorry fr u cos u brought this on urself, u married tis man knowing very wel drunkard n am struggling 2 understand wat u tnx God fr tht u preg fr him bcs he disrespect sleep out, dnt get me wrong havng bby is a blessing,….u can never change person behaviour….love urself more sister

  11. Nice read bra mike,lindiwe mara *yho.q&a bt u stil wit him,like really now.coz senishadile kip on praying God wil ansa

  12. Honestly u have not married him in the first place cos addiction is a serious disease but since u married u should take control of your life. This guy is abusing u n you know it, face yours fears and ask for adults intervention starting with his family for know. Should this continue then u call your family as well cos i know addicts dnt take kind to counselling . U do not towant bring a child to situation like this, u are likely to become a ‘single married mother’ n you should go for counselling know n let the psycologist help u. Pray for guidance and yo husband as well. Approaching counselling with a positive mind and attitude yields best results !!!!!!

  13. So you married this guy knowing what he is and still went ahead and got preggos,, sigh see your life,, chances are regardless of what people advise you to do you’ll stay with him, nxaa it’s not about you anymore think of that child your carrying

  14. Nice 1 Mike. Lady dump him otherwise hes going to destroy u n the life of yo unborn baby,if he trully loves u he will change his ways n be a responsible hubby to u.

  15. Thanks Mike for a great chapter as always, A2Q

    Unfortunately you are married to this man now, it might seem like it’s too late to leave, but my advise is that you leave this man, never let another human being treat you like an animal, at times we hold on to the things that God himself is tearing apart. This man will never make a good father, and will eventually abuse you in front of your child.

  16. Q & A

    Let us not judge the poor lady for marrying this man.

    Trapped lady I think you should move out cause you afford to loose the litte one , move in with a family relative someone who can help you with the pregnancy.

    Its just been a year into the marriage I think you should pray to God to bring you closer to people who will help him through his addiction pray for wisdom and strength . Pray for your marriage

  17. I so can’t get enough of this blog that I just had to read again and comment. Lindiwe played Mxolisi and shem she played him very well.He is in deep s**t because he couldn’t hold himself.

    A to Q I didn’t want to say anything to you earlier as I felt your decision to marry this dude was stupid and premature. Women like being lied to and unfortunately we believe the lies we are told. But in every situation there is always a plan B. Right now your best short is to get out of that relationship/marriage. If you can financially support yourself and your child I don’t see why you still hanging around. You need to love yourself enough to walk away from such nonsense. Women we are strong and independent no matter what the world my throws our way, we get up dust ourselves and move on. I for one don’t believe in divorce but while you away from your loser of a man be praying for him. He needs to prove himself worthy to be your husband for now he is a moron do away with him.

  18. Nice one mike, hai lindiwe bathong I ddnt get the last part we’ll I gues I must go back n read it again. QnA I wonder y do we women tend to think that we can change ppl ??? I. Mean I stil don’t get y u went n married him coz u knew his drinking problem ,or did u desperatly want to get married for the sake of the name “MARRIED WOMAN” ??? Yoh leave while you still can

  19. Yho yho! Lindiwe! Oh Mxolisi, what have u gotten urself into!!

    A2Q: You telling us that this man is an alcoholic, who has gotten physical with you in the past and has absolutely no respect for you. You are now pregnant and your pregnancy is a delicate one. I’m actually shocked that you are asking us what to do given all that is above. But ke, I shouldn’t be shocked really, afterall you did knowingly marry an alcoholic. I really don’t understand how any self-loving & self-respecting individual can choose to live like this.
    If you love your baby, you will move out. Go back home or to a friend. Right now the priority is your child.
    Stay with him and you would have signed your business class ticket to your very own hell and pain.

  20. 2QnA: ur hubby will not change cc so it was a mistake marrying & falling pregnant in the hopes that he will change. I’m also against divorce but I think you should move out for the sake of ur pregnancy & only consider moving back once he has gotten proffessional help for his alcoholic problem cos besides that,things will only get worse especially since there’s a baby on the way. Think with ur head not ur heart.

  21. In nower days women are so desperate to wear the MRS title in a way that they marry their partners knowing all his wrongs engashintshile n later realise in the marriage that they made a mistake. CC asking for advise now is a bit too late, u should have left him early in the relationship before he even proposed, This is no longer about u sekunomntwana osendlelini and akukho kuhle ukukhulisa umntwana in such a condition, seek legal advise as to how can u be away from him ( on sepation) until he is man enough to be a husband to you and father to ur child. Don’t opt for divorce ryt now it is an emotionaly draining proccess u don’t need because u r pregnant. BEST OF LUCK in whatever u decide

  22. Answer to the q: cc ur decions from the word go have been the wrong ones… This man is physically abusive, emotionally abusive n has no regard for u… He is always threatening u that he will leave u, clearly u have created a situation that got him thinking that u have more to loose than him…do urself a favour n move out from that home, go back to ur parents – there is no shame in there! But the shame will b in staying with an abusive man just to keep up pretences! The job of a man is to : profess, provide n protect!! How is he fulfilling his duties like this???the bible says that husband must love their wives n that wives should submit to their husbands! This man does not love u.

  23. Iya… Ei mathata abatho amangwe a chosha. At times when things arnt going werll for you oanagana gore kewena ole teye. Ae mara the power of a dick keya e chaba. Things we women go through for it! Only if a vibratot could do certain things I would sure marry it!

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