Memoirs – Chapter Forty

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I do not think I am out of my depth when I say that when you are married then you have every right to pick up your wife’s phone and vice versa. You share everything from a bed to a home and more. Some people say that you should have such boundaries in marriage and not go through each other’s messages and so on. I do not believe so because its when you do such things that you start keeping and creating secrets. Your phone in marriage is his or her phone too as simple as that. Even the pastor tells you when you say your vows that secrets are the fastest way to destroy a marriage. My wife and I were already starting to have problems and all this had started because she had started working. I did not want to spoil it for her but she was cornering me into looking like an unreasonable husband. The phone rang through the first time. I left it there and did not pick up. I was not scared rather that I was undecided. However it rang a second time. He really wanted her to pick up clearly.

I picked up the phone and before I could say anything the person on the other side immediately started talking. He sounded annoyed. He said that she could not cancel their lunch last minute because the clients were expecting two people for this proposal and now he had to go alone. He also said what could she possibly mean by unforeseen circumstances had made her cancel. The first thing that came to mind was that was I the ‘unforeseen circumstance’? He said it was very unprofessional and would make him look bad. It was only then that I said hello in the deepest voice I could master. At first the person on the other side got confused and then said,
“O sorry who is this? Did I call the wrong number?”
I told him that he had not called the wrong number I was Asthandiles husband of which I think it was reflex action he responded, “I thought you were out of town?” I told him nope I was right here but my wife was taking a bath right now and she would call him back when she was done. I hung up. Let him ponder that! I don’t know how some men do it. You know when you have a wife who is a personal assistant to another man who demands all of her time even on weekends its bound to create jealousy and suspicion. It’s only natural. He is like a work husband and you are a home husband. In fact the work husband gets to boss your wife around and send her to do things whilst if you even dare tell her what to do she would snap at you and remind you she is not your slave but your wife! I was not a happy camper!

When my wife walked out of the bathroom I told her that her boss called and I picked up! Her face just turned pale as though all the blood had been drained out of her face! She was froze and then tentatively asked what he had wanted. I asked her if something was going on that I should know off? She again hesitated and asked me what I mean? I told her I meant exactly that and I wanted an answer now. She said nothing was going on it was just work. She asked me again what it is he had said and I told her that she must call him back and ask. She looked at her phone and said she would do it later but I told her I wanted her to do it now in front of me and put the phone on speaker! I was trying very hard to stay composed but when you are feeling betrayed its harder said than done. She said that was not necessary but the look I gave her showed her that I was out for blood and I would be very angry if she did not. She asked me if that was necessary and I responded by folding my arms across my chest! I told her if she did not I would call him myself.

She picked up her phone and dialled. I immediately told her not to forget to press the speaker button. He must have been waiting for her to call back because he picked up immediately but this time he did not just talking. He said ‘hello’ the normal way and waited for her to speak. My wife started off by apologizing for missing the call. He then asked her why she was cancelling on a client meeting. He told her that first she had cancelled going to the concert they were having in Saldana because her husband was not comfortable and now she was cancelling on a lunch meeting right here in Cape Town. Concert in Saldana? Which one was this I tried to rack to my brain on it! Then I remembered, Khanyi had indeed told me that my wife would be going away over the weekend. She actually said it but the thing is, I don’t remember saying no, or had I? I am fairly certain that I had not! He continued on to say that where it someone else they would be getting a warning and also that they should stop driving home together because it was now creating a conflict of interest in their work. He sounded genuinely pissed off! He hung up!

Trust is one of the things that is so fragile and volatile in any marriage or relationship. No matter how much you think you have forged it with someone small things can cause you to doubt where you stand and that is what destroys what you have built! My wife just looked me and I knew she was dying to ask me “are you happy now?” But she did not have to. She had won the moral victory! I was the idiot.

I started to apologize but the lump in my throat kept preventing the words to come out! I asked her when I had prevented her from going to Saldana and she said that this whole past week I have been insinuating that she was up to something so she did not want to upset me. Its true, I had on so many times!

My phone rang. It too was on silent but it vibrated. It was on the side of bed my wife was standing as I was standing by the door. She handed it over to me but as she did so she asked calmly, “are you also going to put it on speaker?”

Ordinarily I would for it was a work phone but the problem was the caller I.D. read,


This couldn’t be good!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I hope this finds you well. I am a 37 year old lady and have already been married twice and divorced twice. I have two kids with each ex husband. Both cheated on me within three years of the marriage and both with multiple partners. With the first husband maybe because I was young I believed I was to blame for his cheating for I never contributed in bed or otherwise. Sex to me was a chore. After I divorced and blamed myself I made sure when I got married I went all out to try please my new hubby sexually. I did the whole kinky stuff and everything he wanted just so he would not think I was inadequate in bed. Hell I even researched it just to keep it spicy but surprise surprise he cheated still. I have reached a point where I do not trust a man but I am still young and would like to have at least two more kids of my own. People say you can only love once but that’s a lie because I loved both these men dearly but this is where I am now. I was born in a big family hence I really want one of my own too. I am well employed and well paid so I am not dependent. I have thought of adopting but I really want my own. I honestly don’t know what to do because ending up alone is really not something I want.

Thank You

Tumisang (Botswana)

39 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Forty

  1. Ayeye – speaker pls, pls, pls
    Q&A – if i read right, you have four kids and you still want more???? are your children not with you??

      1. lols she says she has two kids from her previous marriages (one each marriage) and would love to have two more to make it four

  2. we (man) don’t need a reason to cheat so stop stressing yourself as long you are secure with yourself believe me I get enough at home and perform well but still once in a while I feel like going out.

  3. Yeah it serves him right, he should put the phone on speaker as well. If he was not cheating he wouldn’t be suspecting the wife of doing the same. I so hope lindiwe talks about their little secret

  4. Hi Tumisang, the way you are putting your statement sounds as if the kids are staying with your ex husbands, so you have four kids but you want 2 more kids that you will have with a spouse you will be staying with. I see you really love big families but y can’t you atleast spend time with your current kids as your previous marriages failed and you also don’t know what you did for them to fail.

  5. Ayeye now his in trouble speaker please and Lindiwe must drop the bomb so the wife could hear what went down in Jozi .

  6. KNX I quote ‘I have 2 kids with each husband”.. She wants 2 more and that will be 6 kids. #LOL with shock….

  7. well well well. Both hubby and wife are cheating, nci nci nci*Epic Fail*

    KXM, your honesty is appreciated. If more men could own up to their actions like you, the world will be a better place. Tumisang, advice given by KXM is the one*Like*

  8. I also applaud KXM for giving us an honest perspective of the male species. I am also in a marriage where my husband cheats as if it is normal. We have been to hell and back including divorce court but ngomusa we are still together. As much as I do not condone cheating but I also do not want to explore more, I am scared I might get someone worse.Men cheat, it is part of fun and excitement. It is like they just get bored and want to explore. Tumisang your problem is that you focussed on him not on yourself. It is him who does not know what he wanted. If you are lucky you will find someone else who might love you if they do not cheat well its a cherry on top but expect anything. As for more children I fail to understand why you want more when you already have 4, it is hard to raise children, it does not require money only but time and patience. I suggest you focus on raising those poor souls, you have already messed things up by being divorced twice now try and bring up the best citizens you will be proud of.

  9. Why have you changed the comment section Mike, the previous one was user friendly, why did you have to change something that has been functional?

  10. Wow! Serves him right. KARMA is a b…c! Put the phone on Speaker papa! Can’t wait for Tuesday. Lindiwe shud let the cat out of the bag.
    Thanx Mike.

  11. Mmh guilty conscience makes you nasty…speaker on plz
    Q&A dnt mean to be harsh bt you got kids already n sounds as if u want more kids to make u feel better or fill the missing gap that longs 4 a man to love u 4 u. I’d say taking time out n look after 4 those beautiful kids u hv already, give em attention n all ur affection n love will find u someday

  12. yagula wena ntombazane yasebotswana.ungadivosa kabili uqhubeke ufune omunye umshado nezingane. udlala ngesikhathi sethu la. awuziboni ukuthi uyisahluleki emshadweni.

  13. Hi Tumisang.I think u wanting more kids its just to fill a void that u feel myb for not having a partner.jst make sure u want those kids for de right reason personally i think 2 is fine.And men cheat its has nothing 2 do with u they jst cheat. all of us women dnt wanna b cheated on but they cheat on us gal.i wish u de best hope u find what u lookin for

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