The best advice I ever read was that make sure your love can survive outside the bubble! The bubble being after the honeymoon stage you have to realize that the adrenalin of first falling in love, the big occasion of the wedding and all well wishers goes away and a relationship becomes an everyday job. Temptation will always fall in and when and if it does you both have to be ready to deal with its consequences because often they come thick and fast. Its like with everyone, when you have a problem the quickly accumulate to more than one in moments. This was me. Being caught with a love-bite is like having lipstick on your collar. Make up is different in that you can say a person hugged you smudging the collar but a love-bite is intimate! At the back of my neck at that? Really! I hated Lindiwe now because clearly she had set me up. How was I supposed to have seen it? Its not like I have easy access to the back of my neck nor eyes at the back of my head to see it.
I tried to remain as calm as I possibly could and asked her what she meant because I am as certain as day that I did not have a love bite. My body though had tensed up and now I really needed that massage! She took her phone and took a picture of the back of my neck to show me. I know a love bit when I see one and there it was. It really was. Had my drink been drugged or something because not only did I not remember the sex but I also did not remember the hickey! She told me that I had this one chance to be honest with her and if I was not she would leave me right here right now. Women often encourage you into confessing something with the promise of leniency but if there is one thing I had learned its that its just a reuse! You most likely will just be in as much trouble if not more on the virtue that if you can confess to it so candidly then clearly to her you are not repentant enough! Its therefore always a trick question.
After looking at the picture she had just taken I remained calm and said must be some kind of allergic reaction or something because I hate love bites and would never be stupid enough to leave one on my body. I also calmly asked her to look for more such just in case the infection was spreading! The trick is not to panic because that is what makes you look guilty. Lawyers prep their guilty clients all the time on how to carry themselves. She said she was not a child she knew what a love-bite look like and I put on a serious tone and I said to her,
“You really are serious right now? You honestly think I would be so stupid to cheat on my wife and bring evidence home? Let me turn around…”
I said to her as she was still sitting on my back. She got off slowly and I could see she was about to cry.
“Love come on. Its not a love-bite. Why else would I encourage you to search for more on my body if it was?”
She did not answer because I could see now she was thinking. The trick about getting out of a situation is daring her to get you into an even bigger one. It makes the person look stupid and that’s exactly what I was doing.
“You know I love you and I will never bring harm to our family. You know I love you right?”
I asked her. She nodded her head in agreement. The one lesson I had learned in life about dating someones child was this, always and I mean always treat as though the sun rises and sets on her ass. Treat like a princess, go above and beyond even because on the day you do cheat she will not believe even if its right in front of her. Make sure that if she cheats on you after all this, no man will ever reach your standards and she will always compare you to whoever she ends up with even marrying. Its both cruel and sweet at the same time but that was me. My wife knew I would go buy her ice cream in Egypt if she asked me and walk back if I had to. Cheat? Me? Come on now. I asked f I have ever given her a reason to suspect that I was cheating and she said no which was true. I always call home to tell her where I am. If anything lately she was the one that was acting as though she was up to something and not me. I even brought it up and she said that it was because she was the new girl at work and she did not want t be seen as the new girl at work who is always on her phone. She told me that her boss had told her that for people to respect you in the workplace they must see your work ethic. This is how colleagues see you as your equal. She again mentioned how Khanyi had really been so helpful with all this because she made sure she always did her job well on time. I wanted to say to her that Khanyi was not her friend but how would I explain that to her and make her understand without implicating myself.
One of her biggest fears she said was not being able to make it in the work place considering how long she had not worked. She said she often used to wonder what would happen to her if something God forbid ever happened to me. I had never thought of this that way. When you are young you always assume you will never go anywhere let alone die. As a housewife having to recompose yourself after losing a husband and going to look for a job must be one of the toughest thing to do. Naturally I had assumed she was content with me taking care of her by her lack of interest but now that she was saying this I was dumbfounded. I felt like apologizing but am not sure what for exactly and besides I still had more questions to ask her before I turned back to being the lover I was. This was the first time we have really spoken in a while and this time she could not run away upstairs to hide. My wife never did the whole deep talk thing. She often avoided confrontation and would rather say sorry than stand and argue her point.
She asked me to get back on my back but I was not going to be that stupid. What if she indeed found more bites? Hell no! I had dodged one bullet and I had zero intention of finding more reason why for her to question me. I pretended to be disappointed in her mistrust of me and kept on saying how I cannot believe she would think so little of me. Again she had given me an opening so I asked,
“Baby why did you refuse to have sex with me last night and on all those other nights?”
She looked down to the ground like the sand on the beach was going to answer for her.
“I am listening because you are killing me. I am no longer happy with just keeping quiet and I don’t want to sleep with anyone else other than you so please make me understand?”
She kept looking down and she whispered something barely audible of which I asked her to repeat that?
“Its because you have this bad odor during sex, your armpits especially. I love you with all my heart and it is not any easy thing to say…”
Did she just say I smelled? We had been married for years and today she had decided to say that?
I wanted to die!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I am 17 and I think my best friend is turning lesbian and her object of affection is me. We are both grade elevens and in the same class. We do not sit together in class because our teachers say we tend to distract one another. Different teachers have caught her, this year especially, staring at me and have embarrassed us both in front of the class by calling out our names. She always wants to sleep at my house and mind you she lives in a mansion and I live in a township. Even some of our mutual friends have started to question her feelings towards me. A month ago we played spin the bottle with friends and she insisted on kissing no one but me. What’s worse, I have a huge crush on her 19 year old brother who goes to Wits and she knows this. Before she used to tease me about it but now she gets angry if I even mention his name. I am scared to offend her if I ask her if she lesbian but am also uneasy about being with her all the time now because maybe her feelings will grow then what. I am not lesbian nor am I bisexual. She is my best friend and I love her to bits as just that…my friend! Please advise me on how I should handle this.