Memoirs – Chapter Forty Three

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

My marriage was going through a lot of things I know but this one I did not expect. You marry someone and are together for so long and after so many years she tells you that it is your personal hygiene that is stopping her from being intimate. I wanted to laugh because that is how incredulous what she had said sounded but I know the tone in my wife’s voice when she is serious and this time she was. Immediately I felt self conscious. I pushed her off me and I think it caught her by surprise because she fell over. I was very annoyed whether it was true or not! Why had she not told me this all along? Was she making excuses. She went on to the offensive,
“See what I meant! I knew if I told you this is how you would reacts,!”
She said in protest,
“This is why I keep my mouth shut on a lot of things because you do not want to be told when you are in the wrong Mxolisi!”
I was not sure she could hear herself! I asked her how long she had felt like this. She blinked blankly and said a couple of weeks. I told her that our sex problems had not been happening for a couple of weeks. Its been like this for so long. She said she had never noticed and in fact thought our sex life was good. That’s the thing with sex. Couples almost always have a different perspective of how it is going. One party often says they are enjoying it when truth be told usually for the other partner its not fun. That’s how it goes and that’s life. I told her that we barely have sex once a month yet we live together and share a bad and are married! How deep is that I asked her? I did not want to argue with her, let alone in public but things were heating up quickly. How could she tell me that I smelled?

It was never her intention for it to come out like this she said. She was said that’s why she always bought me all those bath soaps and shampoos. Its true, I always thought my wife was fascinated by bathing because we had every shampoo and shower gel imaginable but I always thought it was all for her. Yes I used it, everyday infact but it actually never hit me that it was for me and her way of telling me. I was annoyed. Very annoyed. My wife was one of those women who take an hour in the bath. She was not the biggest woman which made me wonder what it is she was washing for so long. Again it was fact that I did not take that long so did this then mean I should start taking long baths. Another thing that did not make sense was that everyday when I got back from work the only way I could refresh was taking a shower meaning I never went to bed without bathing. If I smelled then after bathing, using her bath products then clearly there was no hope for us. She said that was not what she meant and I pressed her on what she was on about. She was panicking now!

She said that she needed to take a stroll down the beach alone to think and also to avoid the fight. I obviously said no because we had to finish what we started and no leave the conversation for another day. I hate it when people start a conversation and leave it half way. She snapped and said no we will talk when she came back, stood up and walked away. Things had gotten bad really quick. My wife has this thing of always avoiding arguments. The problem is because we do not argue or talk things out a lot is left unsaid and as a result the miscommunication builds up. I thought about therapy as a solution and figured that I should bring that up when she got back. I doubt she would agree though. Beautiful women usually have a lot of pride and that’s because they know they are beautiful hence they believe the shit chocolate. Did I just say that? Yes I did! Pride and vanity are a big thing with beautiful people. My wife would never agree to speaking to someone else about our problems because her pride would never allow it. She was a peacock amongst other people she knew that they all stared at her beauty. Maybe I am a little biased because it was in my eyes that she was stunning but even in high school she never let anyone see her in pain etc. In fact it took me a few years to see her cry over something emotional (not death). It was when I proposed and she said yes. That’s how I know she loved me because her crying would have come straight from the heart.

When she was a distance her phone rang. In her rush to stand up and leave she had forgotten her phone. I could see her as I had a clear line of sight. What do you do when your partner leaves their phone with you? You go through it. A lot of people often debate the merits of this and whether its a violation of privacy but for most people who do it I do not believe it came out of a bad place. No. That would be quite unfair. Going through your partners phone is more about self preservation than an intention to harm your partner. People have a tendency of deleting smses and bbm text but for some reason they do not delete whatsapp message. I immediately went there. Did I feel bad? No. Smelly people tend not to care!

She chatted to everyone even her mother.

“I can’t believe he came back! ‘Yazi I had plans with you know who…”

Obviously that caught my attention. The number she was chatting to was just a number and I did not immediately recognize it. I went through the conversation before this line. They spoke a lot of things but mostly about me. My wife was telling her mystery friend how unhappy she was because of the monotony of my life. She even listed all the things I had stopped doing, she would like to do as well as how she had a crush on her “gay boss”. She said that she had kissed him of which her friend had said, “wow you such a bad girl” but my wife had gone on to say that’s where it stopped she had felt so bad afterwards for doing it because for some reason she had cried herself to sleep because of guilt. She also said that the following day he had told her that was the last time she should ever do that because he was not interested. What the hell? So not only had she kissed another man she had also been rejected? How embarrassing!

My head was stuffed now. I felt dizzy. I could feel the ground spinning and my heart beating so fast. Here was the evidence I had been worried about. There was so much to read and I saw she had turned to walk my way.

I emailed myself the entire conversation. I was so hurt but I had no regrets for reading it. I was going to strangle with my bare hands and I will gladly go to jail for murdering this ungrateful bitch!

*****The End*****

Mike Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
hey Mike

I’m 21 years and completing my degree this year. By God’s I will be
graduating next year. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years
now and we have a beautiful daughter who is a year. My family accepted
her and are now slowly accepting my boyfriend. They adore him. He goes
all out for our daughter. This year is his second year being employed
and he keeps changing jobs. At first u was happy for him cause he was
growing his CV and getting more money for his daughter. Until
recently, he landed a much better job. One that brings hope for a car,
and a steady future but this job is keeping him away from me. We are
now in different countries.

I feel like I don’t know him anymore, we don’t connect like before and
we fight more than usual. The lil time we do spend together we try
hard to make the most of it and when he walks out the door to head
back I cannot hold the tears back. I miss him so much. I couldn’t
function well. Everything I did or involved myself in where for him
because of him etc. Constant reminders that he’s not here. We did
everything together. And that is what I loved about our relationship.

There’s a new guy who goes all out to make me happy. Gives me the time
and attention I long for that my boyfriend cannot give to my right now
cause “he’s building our future”. I been thinking hard trying to
figure out do I love this guy or what he’s doing for me. And it’s fact
it’s the attention I love.

I tried talking to my boyfriend to show him that I do not care how
much he earns, or how much money he earns. None of that matter to me,
what matters is me having someone I can go to when I’m having a bad
day to wipe my tears, someone who can bring my jacket over somewhere
cause I forgot it. Someone who can actually see my tears and my
laughing face. Is that wrong? He can get a good job here. He’s
experienced and well educated.

the ne guy has fallen for me. He’s expressed how me choosing my
boyfriend over him will break his heart. He said this with tears in
his eyes. I care for him but not sure if I see a future with him. And
would my family accept him? Will he love my daughter? He’s more than
proved himself but my heart doesn’t belong to him. He fills the void
but not completely.

I want a stable family, me and my boyfriend to parent our daughter
together. I do not see my life without him. But slowly this dream is
slipping away. I’m beginning to wonder will a stepfather be a better
option. One who will be there for me and her always and who won’t pick
money and a job over our happiness. Am I being unfair? Is the new
attention clouding my judgement? I am confused. Stuck between doing
what’s right and what my heart wants.


45 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Forty Three

  1. FINALLY!! Thanks Mike. The ish has hit the fan, I tell you!!! But ke don’t forget that AWUMSULWA! You are not innocent! Looking through someone’s phone,…..mmmh…. No comments.

  2. Yo diya boya nou fr MsPretty face, Karma ha bashwe. Can’t wait for Thursd, dankie dankie Mr Maphoto. Q and A: Girla ska dumella maikutlo a ye lewena being a single parent is no childs play, buwa le motho wa gao…

  3. Thanks Mike for another great read, but I’m just confused. werent we supposed to get two chapters for Missteps?? I know its a weekend piece and you usually post on Sat and Sunday. What happened this weekend??

  4. Ungrateful what????? Mxo you the last person to be saying that to anyone! she said you stopped doing things with her, did you see that or u were too clouded by your hypocrisy! shit just hit the fan and karma on my word, such a biatch!!!!

    A man will always go after money even if it means being away from the people he loves the most, When you tell them money doesn’t matter to you, they are not hearing you shem. While women are enough with you paying attention to the them, men are enough with having all the money in the world.Talk to your man about all this and how its getting to you, as for the new guy, just stay away from him, he may cry and all but if you don’t see a future with him why waste both your time on each other?

  5. Thanks Mike
    A2Q: Let me get this straight, you want 2 leave the supportive, loving, caring and hard working father of your child whom you have known for 2 years for a guy you recently met and know nothing about? You are about to graduate, shouldn’t you be trying to relocate to where your boyfriend is and find work there instead? You know exactly what you want and if you think long and hard about it you will find that the answer is there within you. All the best.

  6. Mike doesn’t post on holidays that is why we didn’t get missteps sunday as it was father’s day and yesterday was june 16 askies guys

  7. Joh! Mxolisi can’t be serious, he slept with someone else and now he is angry bcos his wife KISSED someone? Hypocrite. Mxm!

  8. I was also hoping 4 missteps on Sunday…. Cause in actual fact fathers day isn’t really a holiday!!! Was so sad!!! Newly lovely read Mike 🙂


  10. Q n A: when your boyfriend becomes your husband and he doesn’t earn enough you going to start complaining and spending time with him won’t matter to you anymore, as women we tend to contradict ourselves, a guy who is with you and knows you have someone and pursues you to leave them then once they have you all to themselves they going to drop you like a hot potatoe. When you and your baby daddy truly love each other effort to make it work will come naturally.

  11. Oh so now she’s an ungrateful bitch yet you on the other hand received a blow job from her close friends and not only that you slept with your colleague. Mxolisi how about you go bath yourself before you strangle her.

  12. So it’s ok when u r fooling around with women but not when she does the same thing. Talk about double standards, here’s the taste of ur own medicine Mxolisi!! Uzobastrong!!

  13. Q& A : Stick to your boyfriend, we all go through trying times, whats nice is that you re not tied down by a job as yet you could join him for a little while and see if the spark is still there when u finish your degree. My worry is that u have been with him for a little over two years and yet have a year old daughter so there was not much time to know each other before u fell pregnant then you ‘had to make it work’ !if you cn leave your daughter ate home and join him a bit, it would give both of you some clarity on who you both are and if both of you are interested in each other as individuals befre you are parents,

  14. Dear Stuck you do not have to be stuck as you sound, you and your boyfriend are still young and need to explore the world, find out what you want in life before thinking about settling in a arelationship. Believe me relationships are tricky and people change over time. Men especially tend to get bored easily and chasing money is part of the excitement. I suggest you focus on yourself, your child and your career to make sure that you have a bright future with or without the father. You seem to be taking things fast, you have a baby before time and already have one foot in another relationship as the existing one seems to be slippery. Take it easy, you do not need a man especially now, your boyfriend might grow up somehow and realise that he also needs you and by then you will be in the hands of another man and maybe with another baby and complicate your life even more. Yinde impilo sisi relax and enjoy life with family and friends.The mistakes we make atour young age will affect you later in life

  15. Hi Mike, he’s getting taste of his medicine, its nt nice wen tables r turn buti, wife knew all along tht he’s cheating n kept quiet, thts hw woman are..QnA stuck cc patience is d key in a relationship, may lo omtsha wl b worse**think abt it….

  16. Hi Mike
    Can I pls answer stuck on ur behalf?

    Stuck,its no use 4u 2b looking 4sumthing else dat u don’t want or need,ur guy went der bcuz of work he ddnt go der bcuz of anything else,I say support him&4get abt wat ur feeling cuz relationships r all abt compromise,concentrate on ur relationship with him&ur studies.he hasn’t given u any indication dat u he doesn’t want u anymore so y complicate things with da 3rd person who is not worth it?hope ul think otherwise

  17. Aowa Stuck. You are an ungrateful little *****! You are too young to be thinking about lenyalo! Geez get over yourself and appreciate your baby daddy for his working his ass off so that you and his daughter can have le good life!

    @ mike are you insinuating that bigger people should spend more time in the bath than normal people? that comment is rather ludicrous and I am actually offended! I am a chubby girl and whether I spend 10 minutes in a shower or 30 minutes I still come out fine and I do not smell. So kindly explain what you actually meant by ‘My wife was one of those women who take an hour in the bath. She was not the biggest woman which made me wonder what it is she was washing for so long’.

  18. QnA have u noticed that all that u r saying is “me me me me” not once have u expressed how he feels or how building his career means to him! For a graduate u r sounding very selfish right now, you need to appreciate all his efforts B happy for him for building his resume” with a positive mind and attitude , you get positive outcomes who knows u might even join him and build a life together with ur kid wherever he is? Bug do not make him choose because often people force their partners to make such choices and forever remain resented over such! I say think about what’s important for the both of you and search ur heart to know who you truly love! It’s unfair to drag both guys along choose, stick it out and ensure u have no regrets but goodluck

  19. @Lekgarebe. U r right. It was unnecessary for him to say that.what does it say about our bign beautiful women out there? I also fiufound the statement offensive to say the least. Not expected coming from him . disappointed. .

  20. Mike i think u owe us an explanation tu…. might as well not post on Diwali ke coz fathers day is not a holiday…. mxm

  21. Dear Stuck
    instead of expecting ur bf tobe makingnthe sacrifices maybe its tym 4 u to make one,why dont you go live with him wherever he is?and the new guy….BAD IDEA.cut him loose as soon as NOW

  22. Hi Mike&every1
    I am a sucker of a gud relationship,I jst liked wat Mxolisi said wen he was with his wife at da beach”dat she was his wife&his job was 2make her laugh&nevr 2c her cry.I’m married by da way so 4me he is giving me a few pointers on how 2treat my guy so dat our marriage can last till eternity
    Thank u Ta Mike

  23. Haah some people though, you mad cause she kissed a gay guy n felt guilty(meaning she wont do it again) mara wena you forever lying to her, cheating on her with her friend n slept with a coworker…Mthobisi you need prayers aye bhut

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