Memoirs – Chapter Forty One

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

What goes around comes around indeed but this was a bit too fast. What could I do now? I had made her pick her phone up on loud speaker. What if Lindiwe said something stupid which I was certain she would. Liking things is a bad thing indeed and it has no age. So grownups like young people get in trouble because they too don’t know how and when to say no. My wife folded her arms across her chest as though to be intimidating and it was working. I picked up the phone. Lindiwe like my wife’s boss moments before immediately spoke up. She asked me what had taken so long to pick up the call. I told her I was talking to my wife and as she casually said, “oh, do say hello for me!” I did not expect that. She went on to speak about some files we could have left in Pretoria. When she hung up I was so relieved but I realized that we could not go on like this. Every fight you have with your partner chips away at your relationship and fighting has a way of not stopping. It becomes your outlet for venting out and you forget what sitting down and communicating softly can achieve much better results. My wife went downstairs and I followed her.

I told her that we should not be fighting like this because we were such a beautiful couple and that we were spoiling it by all these unnecessary things. I told her that we should go have ice cream at Camps Bay. She loved the beach and ice cream so I knew I was melting into her. She said that I had started acting funny when she started working instead of supporting her. I don’t know if she was she being deliberately thick and blind to the fact that her boss was hitting on her? Even when you are married to a person you can never truly say you know her because I could see right through it. This however was not the time for it. I needed to rekindle our relationship properly before my wife drifted away from it. I asked her this time if it was ok if we went to Camps Bay because the last time I had told her. I do not think she noticed the difference and again that’s my fault as I have always been the one who tells her what to do. I know it seems controlling but to be honest my wife will never come up with something unless you tell her what to do. Women are quick to say a guy like me is controlling or bossy but if your partner insists on being given instructions what else can one do.

It was a beautiful day so I personally packed us the picnic basket. I wanted us to have a nice relaxed day by the beach. I packed my wife and I into the car and we drove. She reminded me of how when we were in high school we all used to dream of ending up in Cape Town or Johannesburg. The dreams were always the same, big house by the beach, two kids, you know like white people do it on TV she said laughing. Reality and age changes these dreams though because even if you get a big pay cheque, SARS deals with you hard. I reminded her of how I used to follow her home from school at a distance on those few occasions she walked and her father did not pick her up. It’s very odd to remind your now wife of all the different men that used to pick her up at school. That’s the problem with marrying someone you grew up in the same area with. You tend to know some of the people she has slept with and that’s never a proud thing. It’s disgusting. This is like RayJ always reminding Kanye that I hit that first! One of her exes I know for a fact is still in jail now for rape or something nasty like that. Not a proud track record. She was all lovey dovey. She reminded of how I was the coward it’s not like I ever offered to walk her home which was true. Our thoughts turned to our wedding day. She reminded me of how everyone had turned up and gotten drunk out of their skulls. Truth be told a wedding is only judged on its success by how many people got wasted back home. People tend to remember the food and drink more than the event so we made sure that food and drink was a lot. I am not the greatest dancer and I am ashamed to say I fell during one of the get downs at the wedding something which people always talk about. She laughed at that recollection and all I heard was music. This was the wife I had married. So full of laughter. To me when she laughed she glowed and I knew I was doing the right thing. This was my job in life, to never ever make this woman cry and always make her laugh. This is why I had married her because my main commitment was to make sure that ours was a joyous couple and not this suspicious fighting mess we had become.

At Camps Bay it was surprisingly not full. We even managed to hire those big beach umbrellas and anyone from Cape Town can attest to how difficult it is to get those because they are almost always all out. I decided not to drink because Cape Town police tend to sniff that out but my wife was having wine. She asked for some ice cream and I went to Sinful Palace just behind the main road. Got a flavour called heavenly hash and she loved it. The more she relaxed the more she became touchy. She asked me to massage her and I teased her on how all the white women on the beach were topless except her. I have to pause because what is wrong with these people. On tv when they show their breasts its considered pornography and has censorship even but at the beach in front of kids even, they simply don’t give a fuck for lack of a better word! Anyway, my wife must have been happy today, she took off her bikini top and tossed at me. She had never ever once done something so daring. To go bare chested Zulu style was definitely not her. I ran with it though and reminded myself that it must be the wine even though I could see clearly she had only drank half a glass.

Trust us not to have massage oil! It was fine though I improvised and used the lotion we had come with it. Truth be told in Cape Town no one ever goes into the water because it is way too cold. Its freezing in fact. I rubbed her shoulders and back as best I could and I know it was working because at some point I think she started getting turned on. I rubbed her ass more than any other part not that it needed massaging as she was still in her beach shorts. She refused to be in just her bikini bottom but I aint complaining.

She insisted that she should massage me too and I graciously accepted. I won’t lie I already had a hard on but it is ok because it is for my wife. We were in a happy place. I lay down and she straddled me on my back. I could feel her warmth even in this heat. She applied the lotion on my back and it was cold against my skin.

Then she stopped and asked,

“Mxolisi, is this a love bite on the back of your neck?”

A what?


****the End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I’m a 26 year old & my fiance is 30 years old. We’ve been together for 7 years and have a 4 year daughter. After we had our daughter his sex drive decreased drastically we went from having sex 3-4 times a week to once in a few months, if I’m lucky. We’ve only had sex 6 times in the past 4 years. Lately he has been avoiding spending time with me to try and avoid the issue. I’ve spoken to him about the lack of intimacy in our relationship and always says he will try to spend time with me. He said he’s lost interest in having sex and argues that sex shouldn’t be the most important thing in our relationship. I’ve been patient with him in the hope that things will change. I love this man more than anything. I’m very committed to him and our relationship. He’s the only man I ever had sex with. The sad thing is in past few times that we did have sex it was probably the best i’ve ever had & i had mind blowing and countless orgasms. I’m really scared as I’ve found myself fantasizing about other men, I’ve been watching a lot of porn and even though about buying a vibrator. I really don’t want to lose the man I love over this but I can’t commit to a sexless marriage.

Please advise

Confused Fiancee

40 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Forty One

  1. Thanks Mike. Say you have a mosquito bite. Lol…
    Q&A: Hhawuu – I have never EVER heard of such a scenario! 1. He may be gay/ whatever – but is not into the female species anymore. 2. He is getting his groove on somewhere else – guys can’t live without sex (fact), that’s why there’s something even called ‘sugardaddies’ – simple put – MEN love sex!

  2. Just when you think things are getting better neh. Mxo explain your cheating ass to the wife, this I can’t wait to hear.

    Fiancee can’t help you there, that is a serious family matter.

  3. Damn mxo! Always check ur back,eish! A2Q myb u guys need to go for counselling and really open up. Sex isn’t the most important thing but it does play an important role

  4. @confused fiancee,ur man is either gay or has some erectile dysfunction,6times in 4yrs???no dats too much nd sex is a very strong foundation for a relationship,so please before u marry this guy find out wat the problem is cos there definitely is a problem wit him,marraige witout sex will be frustrating so plz don’t take dat route before u know the cause of his problem!

  5. Q & A have another talk with him and be more open about how you miss him but remember in every relationship the sex drive decreases as years goes by and sex while dating and sex in marriage is far to different. In dating he will always want it coz he sees you there and there but in marriage you always next to him except when you guys are at work so he gets relaxed. It not that his cheating. And don’t just talk do some action too maybe there might be no romance in your relationship so it’s time to creat that…

  6. Hey Mikey, If can I ask, why this thing is called for a tired black man. Bc this Mxolisi of a guy seems to be the one tirying here. Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Men at times. I am confused.

  7. @ confused fiancee. My friend was in the same situation 4 over 5 years n in the last 2 years of her marriage she slept around n got caught was only after the divorce that she found out he was with his ex .gf the whole duration of their union. Men love sex n cnt Hv enough of it….. my advice don’t marry the dude unless it’s a medical issue that can be fixed, sex IS the marriage n Dnt let anybody tell u otherwise . I .cn c it’s important to you adawise u wouldn’t be self servicing!!!!! Don’t trap yourself dear a marriage is not about doing someone a favor……….

  8. Confused, it is a pity there is already a child in the picture kahle kahle such problems are supposed to be experienced emshadweni and we would have been forced to advise you because you are already in the marriage. Be that as it may, if your fiancee is not willing to share his problem, we would have advised that you go for counselling, he does not have a choice, he needs to tell you what the problem is if nisemshadweni so that you can devise a solution together, it is a right not a priviledge. I would also advise against commiting to this man, rather make it a condition for marrying him that you need him to be honest with you and that you need to resolve it first otherwise it will be hard once you are in, love is never enough to marry someone, there are a lot of other dynamics which are very vital for the union to succed.

  9. Lol ,yoh! Lindiwe must have been soooo thirsty managing to leave a love bite on his back.
    Hey fiancee I hope u don’t buy that act your hubby is pulling. Q is if he don’t desire u then who has replaced u cos clearly his actions r not satisfactory for someone’s hubby. U left this issue unsolved far too long dear u deserve some answers from him .if its some sort of chronic disease said that its affecting his manhood and ur man is a coward telling u that its not abt sex in a marriage or relationship. Well I say its everything abt sex gal n let him give u explanation

  10. Kodwa Mxo!!!

    kodwa Mxo!!!!

    Confused Fiancee, He is likely to have started cheating during your late pragnancy period and early days of baby nursing. I doubt he had any loss of interest. talk to him or write to him if he has no time.

  11. Iyoooooooooiiiii ibhemile MXO plzzzz xplain this 1 to your wife, lapho the sad part is U dnt even know the sex was good or what bt U got some xplaining to do…. Goodluck man

  12. Lmao @ love bite kwahahahahahaha! I trust the side dish for intentionally leaving the evidence behind whereas they know what they have with u it’s a manga-manga business. Mxolisi makathi yi mosquito bite wethu, bahlelli elwandle ekugqibeleni lol

  13. N its again the shortest one but very nice,yeeeeppppiiiii the old format is back,hai thatnks guys,A2Q eish cc that man must just come out with it already(the truth)where does he SiKA Lekhekhe?noo he’s must be honest with u

  14. Nice 1! Thank U 4 brining the old format back. God Bless ya’ll.
    A2Q: Young woman I suggest U get answers b4 U commit 2 this man. U might find that he is gay & has since found himself a partner & he is no longer attracted tl2 U sexually. OR he has a medical condition that he is ashamed 2 consult ‘Men’s Clinic about (2 his peril ofcourse). Nothing is more frustrating than being in a sexless relationship…

  15. Aaaaa Mxolisi I wonder uza xplainer njani but bcs u man master wamanga….QnA 1stly sry fr wat u going tru, bt do suspect ur man is cheating, bcs usually us woman who loose interest kwi sex after giving birth, continue talkng 2 him u desrv xplanation my dear, gud luck

  16. U had the perfect setup and now we back to hunting down chapters coz of the scrambled setup…ay no man respect our data please. Plz reset the chapters for easy access tu. Ok lemme read.

  17. Yho fiancee ur story is my story sana,I really dnt know wot went wrong,I tried talking,yelling,crying,not talking to no avail nd it seems uBaby is nt taking it serious yena nd says we will be fine bt mna am frustrated as hell!ey goodluck,when u get a solution plz share

  18. Q&A: Fiancée I’m almost scared to say this but I think yo man is getting it elsewhere, that is just not normal for a dude, it is usually women who loss interest after pregnancy & not the other way arnd. Maybe try find out if there isn’t sum1 else in the picture. Its good to trust yo spouse but I always say live room for disappointments….

    Heck get yoself the vibrator girl, its way beta than cheating with another man, mayb even do yoself in his presence mayb he will get turned on… Good luck to u

  19. Get a vibrator and do yourself in his presence that should wake him up cause okare orobetse!

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