Memoirs – Chapter Twenty Eight

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

Do not be fooled men are just as insecure as women if not way more. We hide it well I think and this because no man wants to go around looking vulnerable. If your man is cheating just make him see you talking to another man and laughing the right way. You will see how his insecurities manifest. This is why when a man cheats he tends to overreact when he suspects that you too can be cheating. We are so insecure. Marriage for most women means one man and one woman till death do us part but men like to tweak their vows to secretly mean one man and one woman for life plus a few mistakes here and there. This is why when the tables turn men do not react well as this is not what they perceive the order of nature or things to be. I was at this stage seeing red.

This time I told her straight up I was not comfortable. This thing of drinking with the boss does not work for me whether you are male or female. As a husband I must say it worse if you are not just a female but a wife! We were not students anymore and there had to be boundaries somewhere! This is where I drew the line! I had seen her work environment was quite open and fun and so on but that did not make it right. She had not even been there for a week and already she was sharing cocktails with the boss. What kind of nonsense is that? A lot of white colleagues do it, that is go out and have drinks with other colleagues. I know from my friends who do engineering especially chemically drinking with your colleagues is like a rite of passage but not if you are a married black woman! We have standards and culture to consider and no matter how modern you are as a woman you have to consider that. That does not only apply to the woman but to the man as well. My family came first. I did not shout thought. I tried to be as soft spoken as possible as I “advised” her even though inside I was raging inside. I had to handle this delicately otherwise it could lead to bigger things. Women love this line, “it was our actions that pushed me to him!” and I was not going to fall into that trap!

She went quiet for a moment and asked me how was it fair that I got to go away for two weeks with another woman doing God knows what! I knew this was coming again and this time I was not going to hold back because I was alone. I told her that it was not by choice. I did not choose this assignment and I was mature enough and more importantly experienced enough to keep my relationship professional with her. She immediately asked me if I was accusing her of cheating? I told her no but I told her that as a man I know how man are. Wrong answer! She blew up! She accused me of wanting to keep her isolated and at home like a kept wife. She told me that she was independent and staying at home had been her decision not mine. When she said that i asked how then had I kept her isolated if the decision was hers? Again that was wrong thing to say. When you argue with your wife or girlfriend for that matter, there comes a point in the argument no matter how idiotic she might sound that you keep quiet and say, “you know what, baby you are right and I am wrong!” Every man knows this just that our timing of delivering the line is often wrong. We wait too long when the fight is already at a point of no return. Arguing over the phone I feel personally demeans what you share with a person especially because you have no impulse control. Over the phone you tend to say the wrong thing and there will be no reprieve! As soon as I said that she hung up. I tried to call her back and she had switched off her phone! Very mature indeed of both of us!

My head was spinning. There are some things as a man you are not supposed to say to a woman but in all honesty, when something you agreed with your partner goes south the words “abuse” and “independent” start getting thrown around. So many times my wife and I had discussed her not working of which I had always emphasized that whether she does that or not I did not mind. Now she was throwing it back into my phase as though I had used it as a tool to keep her down. I was indeed very hurt but now was not the time for it. Lindiwe and I had work to do.

When I walked into the room we were working in she had changed. The fierce work person was gone and in her place was this beautiful lady. You know it is funny, when you were in high school and you bumped into your teacher at the mall it was the weirdest thing ever. They looked different if not small. At school they had all that power and fierce authority but outside it was just another person. Now looking at her I don’t know, that intimidating musk was gone. She was wearing winter pyjamas that resemble leggings with a polo neck as it was a bit chilly. She was also drinking hot chocolate am not sure where from. The leggings\pyjamas were tight on the ass part and shaped her so nicely one would forget she was that shark I know from work. She did not even seem to notice that I was staring at her and said it was about time we got to work. She sounded a bit annoyed. She told me that if my wife was going to be a problem these two weeks I must say now so she can do the work alone. I told her that my wife was my business and she said clearly not if she could tell me off in front of the firm like that. Low blow. I did not respond. This woman was feisty!

We started to work in earnest even though you could cut through the tension with a knife. I don’t think it recorded to her that she was rude earlier. I tried to put it at the back of my mind.

“Hey love, I can call you love since you are away. I miss you already. Maybe I will surprise you there and give you a visit. Asthandile says you are staying at the Sheraton in Pretoria? I know where it is so mmmmmmmmm … I bought new lingerie!”

The message was from Khanyi! I tried to call my wife for some reason and again her phone was off.

Why do women do this? I had a woman in my hotel who looked sexy at hell, a crazy one back in Cape Town buying sexy lingerie both of which knew I was married hence for me it was inappropriate and a wife who did not even want to talk to me for telling her my concerns!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mikeatdiary (instagram)

Dear mike

I’d like to remain anonymous. I’m a 17 year old student in matric, I have a 14 year old sister and we live with both our parents. My problem is my mom has been cheating on my dad for over a year now well I only found out about this a year ago. My dad is a business man so his always leaving the country so when his not there my mom will always leave @ night and arrive in the early hours of the morning. I. never really took this serious until my sister and I found her kissing another man while parked outside our gate at home on our way back from a friends house. Instead of being embarrassed about it, things got worse we receive over R2000 as our monthly allowance in our bank accounts from her which we don’t even know what to do with that money, she’s more nicer and allows us to do what ever we want and she now brings these men at home and some sleep over. We are afraid to let my dad know about this because we don’t want our parents to divorce or fight about this, I’m aware that this could ruin our family if I open my mouth I still love my mom and I don’t know what to do, I don’t even know who to talk to about this. This is really affecting my grades I use to get distinctions and now since last my marks are slowly dropping I’m afraid I might fail matric this year, I find it so hard to concentrate coz this is all I think about. I’m 17 and shouldn’t be going through this please HELP!!!


PLEASE KEEP ON SENDING YOU QUESTIONS FOR Q&A TO so that we must never skip a day of trying to help someone! Thank You

55 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Twenty Eight

  1. You up early today Mike, thank you so much for yet another great chapter. Can’t wait for the Missteps of a young married woman this weekend!

  2. thanks mike 🙂 great as usual.

    Q&A bbe u going to have to tell you mother about your concerns bcoz shez not only hurting the family with her actions but shez ruining the way you view her as a parent and the way you view marriage as a sacred union. her behaviour is going to rub of on both you and ur sister…im not saying you guys will becum cheaters but lack of trust and paranioa are just sum of the few psychological effects of infedelity. with that said speak to her bbe and speak to ur lil sis and also PRAY for your family as a whole.

  3. wow saze savuka kamnandi boh thnx Mike vry nyc my brother… U see women are th most reason why we cheat on them.

  4. wooow number 5 mhhm…u r so early mike 2day n tnx 4 dat. yoh kant y uKhanyi azo ruin imshado yabantu aowa. A2Q hey mamakho is jst a bastard, this thing uyenza infront of u guys n nisebancane so unifundisan? bt zaman ukukhuluma naye.

  5. Thnk u Mikey!!Best present hey ! Thnx for btiful chpt..I kno I’m gonna enjoy my birthday.Yeeeeeeepeeee!

  6. Thanx mikey nice one
    Sweety jst sit ur mum down and tell hw u feel this is a very difficult situation and u mite be surprised that ur dad does actually know about the affairs,put urslf first if she doesn’t listen to you then tell ur dad,parents getting divorced has nthng 2 do wit you,they mite have had these problems way before u found out,woman don’t just cheat its a calculated risk…my parents got divorced when I was in matric and I did pass my matric you won’t fail either,start being selfish think about ur own well being first since ur mother is acting up like that.

  7. Nice read bra Mike….. Q&A girl yOu need tO cOnfrOnt yOur mOther as thOu this is cOmpletely wrOng.tell her tO stOp being unfaithful Or else yOu will tell yOur dad.

  8. Eish mara ppl man n cheating……q:a lovey tell ur mon if she doesnt stop dis nonses ull tell ur dady,coz if ur dady findz out dat u all knew about her cheating n all dis sheet dats bin happening in his house hell hait u all.

  9. LLol!Ahh Mike!This diary entry is sooo short!I thought I was getting to the climax kante it’s the end!Eish… #WaitingForAnotherOne 😉

  10. Once Khanyi always Khanyi!

    Ua situation is kinda tough, just confront u mom n threaten ha dat if she doesn’t stop fooling arnd she leaves u wth no choice buh to tell u dad. May God guide u n give u strength to cope wth ua studies.

  11. A2Q

    Ey dearie, 1stly I’m sorry you and your lil sis have to witness your mom cheating, becasue you guys saw her now she is giving you those amounts for pocket money nd letting yal do what you want, its her way of buying you guys as to not tell your dad, nor bring it up to her, well that aint fair and its gotta stop, talk to your mom or write her a letter telling her how all of this is making u feel, and how its affecting your grades, tell her also that you think your father deserves to know, tell her she is not setting a good example in your eyes and that’s not fair, tell her that you can’t keep seeing different men in your father’s house that’s disrespect, nd that it stops that day, no man will disrespect your daddy like that or they shall have you to deal with, stand up for you, your sis and your father. If your parents do get a divorce then it won’t be your fault, you can’t have them be together if they hurting one another, you all deserve to be happy and live in a stable home. Talk to your lil sis and see how she is doing with all of this, it will help both of you. Don’t let random men affect ur chance of a bright future study hard and get those distinctions!

    Goodluck with everything.

  12. Nice one Mike. I think its wrong for a married woman/man to go out for drinks with opposite sex colleague…period! It might be harmless when it starts but the ending is always not nice. This woman is bringing cracks in this marriage.

    Usually women cheat because they are tired of their men’s cheating. You would find that your Dad isnt always away on business. He is probably having an affair that your mom knows about. The fact that she does this in front of you is purely because she wants your father to find out…..! She is giving you money as a token to buy your heart towards her…she doesnt want you to hate her for what she is doing. I can bet you, your parents wont divorce. The best thing, would be to tell your Mom to do it elsewhere cause she will not stop anyway. Try to concentrate or consider counselling for your education sake…….! If it doesnt stop, then consider moving in with one of your relatives!

  13. Nice Mike!
    I like it…
    Anon I know you are only 17 but just tell your mom how you feel, tell her its affecting your grades! Tell her to respect you and your sister and go deal with her men outside the house and not in front of your eyes… We both don’t know the state of your parents marriage so just say your part politely with respect! Tell her you are not comfortable at all!

  14. Before you do anything, speak to your MOM first, i have had an experience where dad was told about mothers shenanigans. He found them in bed together after being tipped off and came and shot wife and lover in the act whilst they were busy in his bedroom.He himself was never quite alright after that. Now the home no mother and an ‘absent-minded’ father.
    Another thing. BE STRONG. you have no other option.think of how much you want to get OUT of this situation – SCHOOL is the only way. FORCE your self to FOCUS,put everything else aside and bear whatever pain. Good luck with matric. Remember,Life does not are who did what, that affected you how– when you have no other option, you have to be strong.ALL the best.

  15. Q2A talk 2 ur mother and tell her how u feel about this whole thing her bringing men at ur dads house is so unethical, tell her everything n about ur grades droping if she’s a sane woman she’ll take that into consideration, if she doesn’t stop threaten her that u gonna tell ur dad abt this whole thing

  16. Here this man goes again, blaming the women in his life for his own weakness.

    Answer: Don’t tell your dad! If it’s really bothering you, talk to your mom about it in private, but you must never tell your father. If you told him they could get divorced or he might beat her (men get crazy when cheated on) or something and you would feel like it was your fault. I’m sure your mom wouldn’t intentionally do something to hurt you, so let her know how all of this is making you feel.

  17. Nyc one mike but was short.

    Is Teejay making an excuse for a cheating Mother or is it me?sobancane tell yo Mom to go do her I dnt knw wht to call it elsewhere not in yo Dads bed its really a “disgrace”,jst to spite her give her back money that she’s given ya,

  18. Dear Anon

    Ow dear you are so young to be seeing the things that your mother is doing in your home. It does not matter what your mom’s reasons are for cheating, what is important is that as a parent to teenagers, she should know better than to do it in front of you. As for her giving you guys ridiculous amounts of money as pocket money, she is showing no sign of remorse and in her own selfish mind thinks money is going to take away the shame of being caught by your kids cheating.

    What I suggest though is that you speak to her sister which is your aunt. Not just any of your aunts but the one that you know is closest to your mom and will not be confrontational about this issue but will make it clear to your mom that it is affecting you negatively! I am sure even your mom having fun cheating still does not want you (her son) to fail matric because of her shenanigans. Please do not keep quiet about this any longer because I feel you have been quiet for far too long. You also have a responsibility of protecting your younger sister. What if one of these guys who sleep over were to sneak at night to your younger sister room and fondle with her. I doubt you would be able to forgive yourself. I am not saying it would be your fault but I am just trying to show you that this may be very DETRIMENTAL!!!!!!!!!

    I am begging you for your own and your sister’s sake DO NOT KEEP QUIET!!!!!!!!

  19. Q2A mayb ur mom shes cheatng bcoz shes feeling lonely coz ur fada his always away but wat shes dng is wrong even if shes cheatng hw cn she bring anothr man in ur fadas house,i think u mst tel her hw u feel dan if she doesnt listen jst threaten her by saying u gng to tell ur dad bt dnt tell hm coz dat thing might ruin ur family

  20. too short Mike 🙁
    A-all you need do is focus on your studies cause if you speak to your mom you’ll get your answers and I know you won’t like it. you tell your dad and still you’ll find what you are looking for.

  21. Im an 18year old teenager doing matric in Eastern Cape. My mother has just enough money to send me to a good school and pay for my for my hostel fees only. Its my matric dance on the 16th of May and everyone is getting custom made dresses and tailored suits for this day and I dont even have money to pay for a dress at a shop :'( … It makes me so jealous that other people will be able to enjoy this special day of their last school year and I won’t be going. Can anyone please help me out,I’d really like to go to my matric dance cause I have really worked hard to be in matric.

  22. Ur mom is only thinkin 4 hrslf u mst sit down wt hr n tel hr wateva she is doing wt ds men u dnt lyk it n if she dsnt stop ul tel ur dad.She mst rspt u n ur daddy’s house wat kind of a mother is she Y cnt she divorce if she is nt happy?

  23. Hey anonymous am gng 2 tell u dat u should get ur mom 2 stop, believe me I was in dat situation at the age of 16,now am twenty years old and my mother died cz of cheating,I knew about it nd choose 2 keep quite I was afraid of what ma dad would do,my family now is apart,I love ma dad even aftr he killed my mother when he found out..I didn’t perform like I used 2 at school I ended up failing ma matric,started 2 drink as a result I had a child nd I hate myself for not talking 2 her,my younger siblings are now struggling cz we loved her so much,she was our world,still love her now even though she is no longer with us,she died in 2010 so its not 2 late 4 u 2 help ur mother its better if thy separate than havng no parent at ol

  24. Is thr som1 in da family dt u cn talk 2,ur grandmother or Aunt.True wht sh is doin is wrng xpcialy bringin da guy in ur dad home

  25. Anonymous

    I can feel your pain cc and I think many people have advised you correctly that you must speak to your mother or family member if she does not take you seriously. God is using you to get your mother to do things right itherwise a lot is at stake.

    Nathi bazali asive sibheda, look at what we are putting this child through just because we do not understand what it means to be a parent. A lot of us do not realise that once you have a child you need to be exemplary and put them first before our needs. Also nalobaba ohlezi engekho is the cause of all this. Why chase the money if in the end you will loose your family. How do we instil values and infulence our childfren towards the right direction if we are forever absent? Lomama uzoyikhuza kanjani lezingane uma sezindala? Hhay bazali asikhuzekeni before izinto zonakale.

  26. Talk to your mom anonymous and threaten her that unless she stops you will tell your dad. but never tell him ne.

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