Do not be fooled men are just as insecure as women if not way more. We hide it well I think and this because no man wants to go around looking vulnerable. If your man is cheating just make him see you talking to another man and laughing the right way. You will see how his insecurities manifest. This is why when a man cheats he tends to overreact when he suspects that you too can be cheating. We are so insecure. Marriage for most women means one man and one woman till death do us part but men like to tweak their vows to secretly mean one man and one woman for life plus a few mistakes here and there. This is why when the tables turn men do not react well as this is not what they perceive the order of nature or things to be. I was at this stage seeing red.
This time I told her straight up I was not comfortable. This thing of drinking with the boss does not work for me whether you are male or female. As a husband I must say it worse if you are not just a female but a wife! We were not students anymore and there had to be boundaries somewhere! This is where I drew the line! I had seen her work environment was quite open and fun and so on but that did not make it right. She had not even been there for a week and already she was sharing cocktails with the boss. What kind of nonsense is that? A lot of white colleagues do it, that is go out and have drinks with other colleagues. I know from my friends who do engineering especially chemically drinking with your colleagues is like a rite of passage but not if you are a married black woman! We have standards and culture to consider and no matter how modern you are as a woman you have to consider that. That does not only apply to the woman but to the man as well. My family came first. I did not shout thought. I tried to be as soft spoken as possible as I “advised” her even though inside I was raging inside. I had to handle this delicately otherwise it could lead to bigger things. Women love this line, “it was our actions that pushed me to him!” and I was not going to fall into that trap!
She went quiet for a moment and asked me how was it fair that I got to go away for two weeks with another woman doing God knows what! I knew this was coming again and this time I was not going to hold back because I was alone. I told her that it was not by choice. I did not choose this assignment and I was mature enough and more importantly experienced enough to keep my relationship professional with her. She immediately asked me if I was accusing her of cheating? I told her no but I told her that as a man I know how man are. Wrong answer! She blew up! She accused me of wanting to keep her isolated and at home like a kept wife. She told me that she was independent and staying at home had been her decision not mine. When she said that i asked how then had I kept her isolated if the decision was hers? Again that was wrong thing to say. When you argue with your wife or girlfriend for that matter, there comes a point in the argument no matter how idiotic she might sound that you keep quiet and say, “you know what, baby you are right and I am wrong!” Every man knows this just that our timing of delivering the line is often wrong. We wait too long when the fight is already at a point of no return. Arguing over the phone I feel personally demeans what you share with a person especially because you have no impulse control. Over the phone you tend to say the wrong thing and there will be no reprieve! As soon as I said that she hung up. I tried to call her back and she had switched off her phone! Very mature indeed of both of us!
My head was spinning. There are some things as a man you are not supposed to say to a woman but in all honesty, when something you agreed with your partner goes south the words “abuse” and “independent” start getting thrown around. So many times my wife and I had discussed her not working of which I had always emphasized that whether she does that or not I did not mind. Now she was throwing it back into my phase as though I had used it as a tool to keep her down. I was indeed very hurt but now was not the time for it. Lindiwe and I had work to do.
When I walked into the room we were working in she had changed. The fierce work person was gone and in her place was this beautiful lady. You know it is funny, when you were in high school and you bumped into your teacher at the mall it was the weirdest thing ever. They looked different if not small. At school they had all that power and fierce authority but outside it was just another person. Now looking at her I don’t know, that intimidating musk was gone. She was wearing winter pyjamas that resemble leggings with a polo neck as it was a bit chilly. She was also drinking hot chocolate am not sure where from. The leggings\pyjamas were tight on the ass part and shaped her so nicely one would forget she was that shark I know from work. She did not even seem to notice that I was staring at her and said it was about time we got to work. She sounded a bit annoyed. She told me that if my wife was going to be a problem these two weeks I must say now so she can do the work alone. I told her that my wife was my business and she said clearly not if she could tell me off in front of the firm like that. Low blow. I did not respond. This woman was feisty!
We started to work in earnest even though you could cut through the tension with a knife. I don’t think it recorded to her that she was rude earlier. I tried to put it at the back of my mind.
“Hey love, I can call you love since you are away. I miss you already. Maybe I will surprise you there and give you a visit. Asthandile says you are staying at the Sheraton in Pretoria? I know where it is so mmmmmmmmm … I bought new lingerie!”
The message was from Khanyi! I tried to call my wife for some reason and again her phone was off.
Why do women do this? I had a woman in my hotel who looked sexy at hell, a crazy one back in Cape Town buying sexy lingerie both of which knew I was married hence for me it was inappropriate and a wife who did not even want to talk to me for telling her my concerns!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I’d like to remain anonymous. I’m a 17 year old student in matric, I have a 14 year old sister and we live with both our parents. My problem is my mom has been cheating on my dad for over a year now well I only found out about this a year ago. My dad is a business man so his always leaving the country so when his not there my mom will always leave @ night and arrive in the early hours of the morning. I. never really took this serious until my sister and I found her kissing another man while parked outside our gate at home on our way back from a friends house. Instead of being embarrassed about it, things got worse we receive over R2000 as our monthly allowance in our bank accounts from her which we don’t even know what to do with that money, she’s more nicer and allows us to do what ever we want and she now brings these men at home and some sleep over. We are afraid to let my dad know about this because we don’t want our parents to divorce or fight about this, I’m aware that this could ruin our family if I open my mouth I still love my mom and I don’t know what to do, I don’t even know who to talk to about this. This is really affecting my grades I use to get distinctions and now since last my marks are slowly dropping I’m afraid I might fail matric this year, I find it so hard to concentrate coz this is all I think about. I’m 17 and shouldn’t be going through this please HELP!!!
PLEASE KEEP ON SENDING YOU QUESTIONS FOR Q&A TO firstname.lastname@example.org so that we must never skip a day of trying to help someone! Thank You