Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Two

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I want to debunk the myth right now that Venda men are the only blessed ones in this country. I want to debunk it because I am a Xhosa man and when I stand tall I know that I am counted. With that said the  more dancing she did the more things got worse. It was like my manhood was the Hulk and the angrier it got the harder it became! She was wearing very thin pyjamas and this was like rubbing on her skin. Much as I felt this dancing thing was a bad idea I was really enjoying all the rubbing. There was a tent in front of my pants which I doubt even with the marquee\tent they used at Qunu I could hide. Who says only Limpopians are blessed! Please! Must give Trevor Noah a call because that man has made our women start to disrespect us thinking that other man are more manly. As fate would have it, MtvBase as this was the channel we were on, played three slow songs in a row, all which were, ‘her song’ and by the time the third song played I decided to make my move. It had to happen at some point!

I was not as drunk or rather typsy as her I must acknowledge but I was in the buzz.  Ok ladies pay attention because this is how most guys read the signals. I started by rubbing her ass. Often when you are in a club or dancing, if you want to see how far a girl would take you we start by the ass. Why?  She can’t sue you for rubbing because you can always say your hand slipped with all the movement of the dance! I rubbed her ass gently and eventually allow my hand to rest there. That’s phase two because I knew I was in. If the hand does not get slapped away like a green housefly keep going. I gently pushed my upper body away to go in for the kill. The kill being the kiss. You can’t wait too long because you will lose the moment. I started by kissing her on the neck and rose to her ears. Slowly, patiently not hurried like a teenager about to lose his virginity. She was responding and even her breath was starting to become rapid. Forgotten was my wife at home and my almost mistress! Eventually I hit jackpot. I planted my lips on hers and I am certain my body vibrated because somehow my body had wanted this so long. This trip was a bad a idea.

I took off her top and underneath she was not wearing a bra. A lot of smaller boobed women do that when they get back from work. They say its for comfort when relaxing so I guess its not unusual. If you have big boobs its kind of hard to let them be flying all over the place I guess.  I am a boobs man, ass man etc you name it. Nothing more beautiful nor softer than that skin on the bottom of her boob and I also know how it reacts to touch! The moment I laid my lips there her body was have spasms. Every man has his secrets so I stop there. I am a gentleman after all. I pulling down he pj bottoms and it was so

“What are you doing? You and me cannot happen! I told you ever since that man broke my heart I don’t do men anymore! I am lesbian, no bi but more lesbian!”

She said! Wow this woman can hold a grudge! She was so angry at a man who came back for her after he made a mistake that she quit men all together.

“I don’t allow men to penetrate me but you can muff me if you want and I will give you a hand job?”

It was the way she looked at me pleadingly that I realized that this woman had just made her play. This is what she wanted all along! She never wanted sex. She just wanted fufilment. I could not help but laugh in my head that I had just been negotiated down in sex.

I was not about to do this. I told her that I was fine. I was too old for a handjob. So there was no way I would go down on her without her returning the favor. She sounded like the type that would make you go down on her first then change her mind when her turn comes. She could not believe I had turned her down but the terms on the table where not good enough for me. It was already awkward. She did not beg me per se but she tried to convince me but I was not interested. I told her I was going to bed. Yes I was pouting but don’t all men. Refuse your hubby sex and see how he will sulk like a child who has been denied his playtimes. She followed me to my room and apologized and said she could not do it. I don’t know how it happened but eventually we ended up in the same bed and talked till we slept. She was actually a very funny person and we were laughing till I don’t know when. There was no sex of any kind but we did cuddle!

In the morning the hotel phone rang for a long time. I tried everything I could do to ignore it but it was relentless. Eventually I got up and went to pick up. It was 930am already. Sleeping in feels good but I actually had a hangover. Drinking is bad.

The call was from reception. The receptionist,

“I am sorry to bother you sir but we have your wife here. She just flew in from Cape Town to surprise you and hotel policy is that we don’t allow anyone upstairs without the guest accepting. Can we send her up?”

I was still groggy but did she say, my wife?

O crap, Lindiwe was sleeping in my bed!!!


****The End****



Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)


Dear Mike

I am a Nigerian woman living in Jhb. I have full citizenship and have been staying here since I was 7. My father has been a doctor here at Bara since 2002. He also runs a free clinic in Spruitview for all nationalities. I don’t even speak Nigerian languages fluently. I can speak Zulu. I am more South African than Nigerian as I have actually not been to Nigeria since 2006 for a visit. With that said I started dating a Tsonga guy in 2011. I am an accountant by the way. We decided to get married and when he took me to his home they chased me out like I was a rat! The father was so angry that he had brought a kwerekwere home and he did not even hide his resentment. My fiance now has been banned from coming home as a result of this until he gets rid of me. Now we are pregnant and I can see its killing him. I don’t know what to do.

Please advise



64 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Two

  1. Ayeye Mxolisi she is here!!!! Bowenzani wena?!!!
    I knew they were not going to shagg..that hit below the belt ouch!!! no pun intended

    Thanks Mike

  2. Nice one Mike…..just as I thought. He must thank the hotel policy for saving his ass. Lets hope he will “clear the cost” before she gets to his room, otherwise there will be war. Now I see why the wife will cheat on him….eish it will be tough on him cause he didnt even spank Lindiwe. Maybe the best thing to do would be to tell them that he will go to the reception, that way he will have all the time to clear off.

  3. Q and A! Olu my dear so sorry batho baya thusa @ in this day and age kusane kwerekwere… He choose u and loving U.

  4. Dear Olu

    There’s nothing you can do, I’m very sorry that you are in that situation, and u are in it only cz u from nigeria, people can be so prejudist without any explanations, nd now a beautiful miracle is coming in2 this world and u can’t even be excited about it. Just continue to Love your man and try be happy u starting a family, those ppl don’t like u not cz u bad for him but cz u nigerian and sadly u can’t change ur nationality, just pray to God to soften their hearts so they can accept u and ur baby, they will come around some day, but till then be happy, they hv a problem not you.

  5. I saw it coming, sum girls are stingy with their cookies…

    As for the wife part, I have a feeling its the mistress.

    Q; Eish girl I feel sorry for you, but he has made his decision to be with you. So stop feeling guity about it. His famil

  6. I saw it coming, sum girls are stingy with their cookies…

    As for the wife part, I have a feeling its the mistress.

    Q; Eish girl I feel sorry for you, but he has made his decision to be with you. So stop feeling guity about it. His family will come around eventually. Even if they don’t there is nothing you can do but pray to good that they come around.

    They lack knowledge, thats why they act the way they do.

  7. dear Olu eish gal i just dnt hav the words to Comfort u but i really am feeling ur pain and concern. no woman and by that i mean No Female person wants to date a man whereas His family loath u like u murdered someone, i hav experienced something almost similar but not anything near wht u r in. if u r a beleiver the best Thing to do ryt now is to
    let the man above know u feel.

    unfortunately theres no law/rule that says our parents are expected to love our patners.

    All the Best

  8. Kwaaaaaaks Khanyi is downstairs Wifey can’t afford to be flying to pta when she just started at work. I knew Lindiwe won’t give it up but to be lesbian! who would have thought!
    Thanks Mike.

    A to Q its sad that most south africans have still not accepted that whether or not you are from africa we are still all human.
    Pray about your situation that they except you or at least get to know you before they judge you.

  9. Thankx Guys,A2Q cc ur inlaws r so selfish and they need Education about other Nationalyty n ur Hubby can do that n educate them

  10. nice one Mike ..Lindiwe being a lesbian wow

    Ans: I feel really bad for you Olu South African’s still have a long way to go when it comes to accepting our African brothers and sisters..I bet if you were American or British they would accept you although those people are of different nationalities as well..
    All i can say is keep loving your man and forgive his family because you are preg and the extra strain is not good for the little one, eventually the will accept you once they see how much you are taking care of their son and grandchild

  11. This is the best blog ever. Since I started reading chapter 1 of diary of a zulu girl I have never looked back. Thank you so much Mike for this it is really appreciated.. I have been catching up since I got to work. Its been a mission to log onto the blog as I work very closely with my boss and you know makgowa always wants you gore ophela osebetsa and well his away today and when the cat is away the mouse can play around. I love this Blog ka pelo yaka kamoka.

  12. I agree with Buttercup, Wifey have just started work and it is during the week, there is no way that she can be here and besides, Khanyi would do anything to prevent wifey to fly to Joburg and have given her assignements too to keep her busy.

  13. Wifey can’t be gallivanting to jhb, she just started a new job so she has no leave yet. It must be that psycho almost-mistress downstairs.

    A2Q: Olu dear, I’m so sorry you are going through that. I know how it feels. I dated a Zimbabwean guy for some time. When it looked like things were getting serious between us, he told me that his family will have a problem with a South African. I knew what he meant but I thought we can make it work. One time he went home for a few days, upon return he broke things off with me saying since they will never accept a South African he will be forced to choose, but he can’t choose me over them.
    In your case he has chosen you ova them. It must be hard on him for now but the only thing you can personally do is pray.
    Does he have extended family? Maybe he can talk to his aunt/uncle/grandma/etc… people who are open-minded that you can afford a chance to get to know you, and later on, your fiancé can ask them to intervene and talk to his parents on his behalf.
    Most people are frightened of what they don’t understand and that fear often leads us to swift judgement.

  14. Dear Olu
    O agree with everyone. Jst pray for strength and for God to clear their minds and hearts and fill them wth understanding. Keep on loving your man and support him through this tough time. Pray for him too to have patience and strength to get through this.
    Congratulations with ur pregnancy. May God protect ur baby and bless him/her wth good health.

  15. dear Mike, next time u write such posts please state that its arousing n we musnt read in the office…LOL. good read

    Dear Olu, if you believe in prayer, PRAY. God can soften a heart of stone and can make ur inlaws accept u and ur baby. u love the man, clearly, stick with him and try and go limpopo nt for a visit but for a while, a week or so and let them get to know you. a lot of people claim they have a reason to hate nigerians so maybe they also heard someone stating why they hate nigerians and they are also running with the same reason, maybe once they get to know you they will like u. my brother is dating a nigerian too, they even stay together and we had the same problem with family members too but some ended up knowing and understanding her and its not that bad, she is actually a nice person n they realised that as time went on.

  16. Why women like surprising their husbands/Boyfriends like that, this was not at all a good idea for a woman 2 surprise a husband in dat way. Some surprise can end a marriage. Nothing is as bad as trying 2 surprise someone and get a huge surprise back at you. Mara Y basadi *women*

  17. Mmmmh! ds chapter…so arousing ivusa eziny izinto, Nyc 1 Mike maar uKhanyi tjooo uye nje lowo ereception! Yaphapha yeses

  18. @least u hv tym 2 wake Lindiwe frm ur bed while ur wyf is still down.ANSA: Y r ds parents lyk dat dey mst understand ur story b4 dey decide.Its de reason dey say take tym 2 no hr dat wat dey mst do gv u chance 2 c wat kind of prsn u r.U r nigerian bcs ur parents r nigerians nt bcs u grow up de u r fully south african dear.

  19. Nice Mike, Olu its not only his parents Who act like fools even my grandparents dont like other tribes in SA n m Tswana.So u guy’s will just have to live without his looser parents, he must go back With the grand child again n c

  20. After reading all of mikes 4 books (especialy memoirs)honestly I js wana b singl as 4 khanyi xe is contesting 4 da wife role n u makhwapheni

  21. Eish, le wena joe o rata dilo. Y…y cudnt u jst kick Lindiwe out of yo room. Mosadi wa hao le yena o rata ho actor.
    Mara Lindiwe being a lesbian takes da cup wa phapha serves u ryt hahahahahaha….keep yo thing for yo wife u married mos.

  22. Oh Olu I am so saddened by what you and your partner are going through, it really is a shame that in this latter time we still have people act like his family is towards you. Yes pray my dear, prayer is our ultimate strenght, keep pushing and God will make a plan for you guys. He chose you over his family and I commend him for the bravery, sweety its not everyone who will get on board but ya maybe try some of his side reletives to see if nothing can be done. Bear with him as he is going through all of this, his family was and is part of him forever and to have them act so is painful to him. He loves you very much clearly and he also loves and respects his family so it cannot be easy for him. Your baby is a blessing no matter what and God has entrusted the both of you with this incredible gift so love him/her regarless. You guys are a family on your own now and take each day as it comes and slowly they will come on board. They’ll wanna see their grandchild and once they discover how happy you guys are it”ll only be a matter of time. Take strnght in that we do not support actionos such as these but we pray for those people to one day see the light. All the best my dear

  23. Nyc read thnx Mike.Olu dear I’m so disappointed that there’re still ppl who call other ppl by that name. I’m married to a Zimbabwen & we have a new house and a 1yr old boy. My family like him so much & his family they’re the darlings. Your inlaws need education. If u come from USA the treatment will still be the same?? I doubt. Pray for them my love u don’t need this.

  24. Hi Olu
    atleast you got each other,Dnt blame your inlaws the futher they have been ix from thei bedrooms to the toilet.

  25. Sorry to hear tha Olu, most South African old ppl r still living in the stone ages but that’s no excuse to treat anyone like that, I sometimes especially on occasions like yours feel ashamed to call myself proudly South African.

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