Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Three

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

Is it cheating if you get so close but do not go through with it? I know some people say that even thinking about cheating is betraying the other person. Truth be told for a guy lust is something that comes standard even in our heads. Note I said in our heads. We cheat so many times in a day just by fantasizing but surely as long as we don’t do anything about it you cannot hold it against us! Another question I have is, is kissing cheating considering there is a whole lot more you can do? I had kissed her but not slept with her, can’t remember now but I think that is what happened so should my wife divorce me for that? My mind was going at a hundred miles per hour now because I was not sure what to think or do. First thing that came to mind was get rid of Lindiwe! I still had that morning disgusting smell of alcohol that comes after a night of drinking. I told the reception they could come up. There was no other way of stalling unfortunately. As soon as I put down my phone I put on my Caster Semenya running shoes and I dashed to my room. Lindiwe was still fast asleep. I shook her awake and out of breath I told her,
“Get up, get out, my wife is outside!”
At first she looked at me confused before her eyes widened and she said,
“You gotta be kidding me”
It was like a scene out of a movie I promise you. She jumped out of bed and she was as naked as the day she was born. What happened last night? I don’t remember her being naked that’s for sure! Had we eventually had sex? Imagine, I had a naked woman coming out of my bed and I couldn’t even gawk and stare at that body. I ran back to sitting area to get rid of the booze. I had mouth was in my mouth by the time Lindiwe made it to her room. Yes, that how fast I was. I knew the elevator was not the fastest hence by the time I put my t-shirt on she was knocking at the door. The room was not so clean but it was better.

I walked over to the door part of me telling myself that I was dead for sure. I had not double checked my room to see if she had left any evidence of her presence by mistake. I was on a slippery slope in my marriage all these things really needed to stop. When I got to the door and opened my heart almost stopped, it was not my wife nor was it Khanyi for that matter! It was Khayakazi my wife’s little sister! What on earth did she want at my hotel this early in the morning? I had forgotten that she attended school in Johannesburg like half of the country does. Typical of these university kids she said,
Yeah surprise indeed! After all that rushing this was rather underwhelming for me but the relief that swept through me was immense! I hugged the poor child in such a way that the surprise was actually on her. We had never been that close possibly because I often refused to give her money. The kid was like quicksand when it comes to money I tell you and no matter how much it was you gave her.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to Gauteng? And look at your hotel, tjoooo its fancy neh! I could see those fancy people downstairs and I knew it was heaven. That’s why I never left. I wanted to see the inside!”
I forgot to mention that she was ghetto as hell, she always had some funny colour in her hair, this time it was blue, had earring on her face too as if God had not made her ugly enough already! She was not my favourite that’s for sure. This was a Beyonce and Solange situation where the one sister got all the beauty and talent whilst the other got just enough to make her relevant. Ok I lie, sorry Solange! Khayakazi was just there! Once when we tried to bond I took her to the mall for some light shopping, you know as brother in law should! What a disaster! She caused a scene when I would not buy her a very unnecessary pair of cavella which not only were blue but look plastic to me and cost r1500 at Spitz! True story!

“What are you doing here?”
Was my question? The child irritated the crap out of me? She was intrusive and waphapha straight up. She said she was coming to visit her favourite uncle. To me those words were dripping with sarcasm but funny enough I know in a part of me I am ashamed to know exists I knew she was telling the truth. She actually liked me. She was not that close to her sister either but who could blame her, her sister was the golden child and she was the black sheep even in complexion so that was not a pun! Typical her as soon as she walked in she started going through the kitchen looking for food. My parents in law are strict and raised Asthandile well but you know in every family there is one that falls through the cracks, Khayakazi was it! What a stupid child! She said she was hungry because she had not eaten earlier as I was going to take her “out for room service!” Does that even make sense? I told her to stop going through things and sit down so I can take her downstairs for breakfast. I am not sure if she knew how to hashtag but with the way she was so excitable I am sure if she did she would have posted #eatinginahotel! I went to the kitchen to throw away a bottle that was on the chair. I had missed that. When I turned back she was gone! What was wrong with this child though? I ran to look after her.

I found her standing in my room in the door way. For a moment I could not understand then she asked me sweetly,

“Mxolisi who else slept with you?”

She asked so casually as though she was asking me to put peanut butter on her bread. Its not easiest thing to do you know especially when the bread is not fresh hence I knew it was a trick question! I told her no one but made sure I did not ask her why because that would prolong the conversation. I told her to get out of my room immediately and tried to close the door but she blocked me with her hand and said,

“I am not dumb. I know a bed that has been slept in by one person and by two people. Look at the pillows, both have been slept in and unless you have two heads then I know you are an alien! Even the sheets you can see by that indent there that there were two people in this bed.”

I was stunned but then again I was not. She was studying Forensic criminology which guess what, typical in Xhosa families, I was paying for! Getting married back home honestly is marrying the whole family. For example I was paying the water and electricity at my wife’s home as well. If the mother had a toothache I took her to the dentist and small things like that. Welcome to my marriage. Now the twit was throwing it back to my face.

I told her to search the room to look for a woman because I knew Lindiwe was already in her room. She said she did not have to because she was sure my female companion was not in there anymore. She was probably hiding somewhere! She held up something. It was a pair of thongs! Like seriously now! Seriously what kind of woman leaves her panties behind ah! Lindiwe is a moemish!

“So Mxolisi how much are you going to pay me to keep my mouth shut!”

She said again so casually but this time with a smile on her face!

****The End****

Mikeatdiary (instagram)
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Dear Mike
I am a 29 year old man and I have a job, a house and a car. I say that because I want to show that am stable. I don’t know why but every time I date someone I love them wholeheartedly for the first 6months then something happens. I lose interest. I don’t even cheat on them but I simply don’t want to be in a relationship with them after a certain point. I want to get married soon as am getting older but I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to commit. I have no kids anywhere which I think is a good thing but I want children. How do I get over this fear of commitment? All my friends are getting married or in steady long relationships at this point.

Please Advise


80 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Three

  1. Like seriously now! Seriously what kind of woman leaves her panties behind ah! Lindiwe is a moemish! Kwaaaaaaaaaaa Thanks Mike:)

  2. Kwaaaaaaak thanks Mike this was interesting and funny. Lol @ ‘she was the black sheep even in complexion…’ that killed me. ‘Like seriously now! Seriously what kind of woman leaves her panties behind ah!’ Hahahaha, what kind of a man asks such a question? Loved this chapter!!
    Is Khayakazi the pregnant little sister?

  3. Q n A,u r ‘damaged’ sum1 broke ur heart and u r afraid to commit cos u fear the worst.forgive them and urself

  4. OOH Mike ooh Mike the suspense and the climax of this chapter dayum brother can write. a perfect way to start my morning ooh what a well written chapter. yoh we abuti Mike bathong. I take my hat of to you. this chapter was a thrill damn Thankie ke a leboga

  5. Yepppy top 20 akufani, eish Mthobisi u gonna pay for the rest of ur life to dis maphapheni ay. Nice one Mike u never dissapoint.

  6. ‘As if God had not made her ugly enough…’ – hheyi uyeyisa weMichael!!! This chapter killed me, lol., can already picture lomathandizinto! So true about those Spitz shoes, kwaaaaaah. Anyways Mxolisi shouldn’t give in to her blackmail, once you start paying it never ends,…he should just tell her off and give her those thongs to keep for herself if she wants.
    A to Q: you are either too choosey or haven’t met the right one. Other than that, uzothola osisi abasheshayo, gooi you with gomondela and next thing you’ll be married with kids to a very ugly, cunning woman! (Think Sebo and Dumi in confessions), but on a serious note, maybe you need to lower your standards a bit and start looking at life in a realistic manner, no one is perfect.

  7. This was the best memoirs chapter thus far…
    thanq loads…

    u probably fear to commit because u feel u hv been through it and u dont want 2 get hurt.
    loving alone is taking a risk but you need 2 leave the past there and focus on the future..I know and understand what its like . The person hu broke ur heart is probably married with 5 kids by now. What iam saying is u goin in and out of relationships like that even when u want 2 settle is giving them the satisfaction that thyve won.

  8. hmmm I like this little sister, she is good, xoli must have hectic hangover as lindi had no underwear on just sexy pants pj’s.

    cheating makes u careless at times.

    a2q u want to commit because all friends are getting married so now u r putting urself under pressure how about being single for a year, to sort urself out?

  9. Thanks Mike, this was quit funny. This girl uyaphapha, Mxo needs to put her in her place.

    Dear Peter,
    Wow! A straight man, of age, single, without a child, no baby mamas?? That’s a rare commodity in these parts of the world. You are just every girl’s dream!!
    Anyway, loosing interest does not necessarily translate to a fear of commitment. You could loose interest because you realize you are not compatible. You could loose interest because you realize she is not the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with. You could loose interest because the parameters you have defined are actually failing you in the sense that maybe you are initially attracted by something that does not really matter to you in the long run. Maybe, you are just not ready for that kind of commitment yet but not necessarily that you fear it. Or maybe you just haven’t met ‘The One’, if such a thing exists then everything will fall into place when you meet her.

  10. He is too slow. Now he will be blackmailed for sleeping with a naked woman and not chowing. He surely deserves it

  11. Dear Peter,

    We sometimes take our upbringing for granted! Look back and see how you were brought up maybe that is why you have this fear to commit. What were your parents like? Did you learn anything from them about love and commitment? And then maybe you will understand why you find yourself in the situation that you are in.

  12. Thank you Mike.

    I’ve been sending you emails to order Zulu girl goes to jhb book but haven’t received any response.

    Please advise if books are still available.

  13. Mike….this is by far the best chapter. This girl has brought drama now, especially if Mxolisi buys into the blackmail. With the way she is wayward, Mxolisi can turn this against her (he is a lawyer afterall). But hey…..we will wait for the next chapter to see what you have in store for us!

    Stage is killing you. You are still enjoying having different girls every six months, as you put it. With time, it will change…..there is nothing wrong with you!

  14. Oh wow best chapter shem. How did the girl know he was around and also Lindiwe naked, how did that happen? hahahahaha Mxo will learn fast that like crime someone will always catch you. Hahahahaaaaa!

  15. Mike you rock straight, I enjoyed this chapter so much, it had me cracking in my office as if i’m not alone.

    Ngiyabonga mina!!!!

    You are a talented writer may the Lord enlarge your territory.

  16. She was not that close to her sister either but who could blame her, her sister was the golden child and she was the black sheep even in complexion so that was not a pun! you killin me mike, i love this chapter #laughingfordays

  17. Thanks mike….QnA,you just haven’tfound the woman whom your heart feels that it should commit to but once that happens then you will know…

  18. Another amazing chapter, job well done Mike and Team
    Peter: you sound like the perfect guy or rather my kind of guy, lol, anyhow like sme people have already stated you myt b bruised and therefore still need to heal or ur expectations r way too high, or u simply comparing the girls coz u r focused on finding the 1 & forgetting to have fun, best of luck.

  19. Geeez lindiwe not ayoba..QnA Peter @ 29 stl very young no need to rush and dnt compare urself to ur friends cs they might seem happy to u bt u never know wat they going tr, pray GOD wl bless u.

  20. Hi My Name is Connie I Read your story I think you and I we had a same situation. maybe we can help each other please send me your email address or were I can contact you ASAP

  21. Hahahahahaha, thanks Mike, this is a great chapter. My sides are splitting!!!!!!

    A2Q: Peter,
    You are working too hard at this commitment thing. You want & give too much too soon. You look for a wife/commitment too early in the relationship (leads to pressure and disappointment – not to mention that the girl is oblivious to that fact), instead of just enjoying the girlfriend and getting to know her. Buddy, take it easy, look for a friend and you will find a wife.

  22. Mike your sense of humour though, @Nomvula its Mxolisi, Mthobisi is currently in jail, this blog is really entertaining


    You cannot committ because u havent met me, lol just kidding, tell us more about urself and mayb we can advise, its unclear wat causes u to lose interest, wat kind of woman appeals to u and what kind of women uv been dating, Be true to urself, u know what the problem is, just dont get married anytime soon. Wait upon the Lord, there are some amazing women out there

  23. ”She asked so casually as though she was asking me to put peanut butter on her bread.” ay lol lol aybo ay this is the best chapter haaah lol so funny

  24. LoLll people be confusing memoirs and missteps. Mthobisi is da jailbird guys, ds cheater here is mxolisi. Hahhhaaahhaaaaa, loved da chapter Mike.

  25. Q/a bra man its kinda though,same here,a whenr nd read ma star sign it made sense,mind u if u are a gemini,u left out most misunderstood,the feeling neva goes away,if some1 just don’t cut it,u don’t waist time,u let it go,the worst is when u get to the point when u feel u just can’t breath,……..was just passing no advice sorry man,my self,a critical dilemma a still have 2 conquer

  26. Oh Mikey! Mikey! Mikey!! U killed me! Fantastic chapter!!!! I had to read it over and over again.

    Give me a call, and ‘loosing interest’ will be a thing of the past.

  27. Oh Mikey! Mikey! Mikey!! U killed me! Fantastic chapter!!!! I had to read it over and over again.

    Give me a call, and ‘loosing interest’ will be a thing of the past.
    Ok I’m joking, the way I see this, like most of us, you are just trying to find your mate. So what if you loose interest? U don’t have to cheat to know that it’s not working for you. Not everyone is lucky enough to find their mate on the 1st try. You are putting yourself under too much pressure trying to match ur friends. U know the saying, ‘u kiss a few frogs before ur prince charming’? Often said to gals but swap Prince for Princess and u have the male version of it. Now kiss the frogs and move on already. Not that the gals uve dated are frogs……, but u catch my drift.

  28. Some of u gals are ratchet…just because the dude has a job and a car he’s your type…#theseHosAintLoyal

  29. “Typical in Xhosa families” paying for evrything for your in-laws… Hell no Mike…this is rather an insult to us Xhosas….what are u trying to potray here….coz that’s just a stereotype! Get your facts ryt my brotha…just bcoz some do it…it doesn’t mean the whole Xhosa nation does it, I take offence….my family and a whole lot of others are not like that!!!!

    1. If you are reading from the characters point of view, as he is the one who is paying and note he has only ever been married once this is what he sees of his people. If the character says “this man was so skinny and feminine I am certain he was gay” he is not suggesting that all skinny people are gay. Another thing about stereotypes is that you expose them to debunk them. It was not meant to harm or offend your family but even in my own pedi culture people have the same assertion that once you get married you pay for everything.

  30. Great chapter Mike! But azanke wa gwara Khaya sona,making it sound like dark skinned people are not pretty(jst the way u went on describing her). None the less I enjoyed every part of it 🙂

    1. I think what was portrayed here was that she was the total opposite of her sister and this girl to be honest is not pretty at all. it has nothing to do with tone of skin. Another thing is people try and shy away from the fact that we all dont look alike and there are words like ugly and beautiful for a genuinely justifiable reason when it comes to looks. I am dark skinned, lol am black in fact and I accept that and i doubt very much I fall under the good looking brothers either lol

  31. Lol ah Mike atleast Mxo apologised for the Solo part,truth is she is not successful as her older sister but when it comes to looks Bey gets a beat down, and another thing Solo is a natural beauty she didn’t enhance her looks something tells me that Asthandile did the same thing. And Mxo is a loose canon he should stop moaning about his sister in law’s looks and focus on this one.

  32. Guys if u knw ur sensitive jst don’t read, am xhosa very proud, I’m not bothered, mike u great buti, if ngumntu ngamamela all the myth abt xhosa soze wonwabe sana…

  33. Nono sisi I think u r 2 sensitive,why don’t u chill nd if u cee dat dis doesn’t do 4 u stop reading nd let us Xhosas enjoy de chapter coz we know its a book. Ngazoba serious#singing

  34. Mike
    Uyangishaya shem. This has to be the best chapter of Memoirs yet…no pressure though. I love this blog, thank you for the entertainment. And can some of your readers stop being so sensitive? We all know you write to entertain and enlighten, not offend anyone.

  35. Kwaaaaa &the drama continues looking forward to next chapter. I say Mxo must just shag ugly, I’m sure she’s sumhow jealous of her big sis so they will b even& noone will spill the beans struuu. I enjoyed this chapter myself but it doesn’t help my fear of commitment bcoz of the man Mxo is, he makes me rethink everything abt marriage & settling down even tho I know time waits for no man…

    Mike u sure know yo stuff brother man….

  36. Ayeye Mxo now u have to pay & possible u didn’t even get into da cookie jar lol!Nice one Mike.
    QnA eish Peter bro me & u are going through the same thing & I don’t know if it makes things worse since I’m a woman. Gees I lose interest very quickly and the guys I date want to marry & isiZulu sakithi sithi” ushado awujikiswa” but I’ve rejected 3 guys already.I decided to take a break from dating its my 2nd year being single ,will see how it goes when I start dating again. Hoping for the best & good luck to u!

  37. Lol lol lol, u such typical man Mxo cheat or try to cheat for no reason mxm. I love n hate yo books ol at once.
    Love them bcoz they r so true comparing to reality
    Hate them again coz they reflect so much of my own life #sadface

    A2Q: Peter, I’m can almost relate to yo story, I’m a female, 29 hv 1 kid(1yr) hv 2 cars and a town house my boyfriend,30, makes +-R5000 less than me but he’s, a cheat a liar and has no desire to be more than what he is or move from his current post coz of comfort. I wish he was more focused than just having to settle for average. Anyway, enjoy being single women can drive crazy at times, I know; maybe dats y my bf doesn’t wanna commit, so take each day and relationship as it comes don’t over stress about things that don’t matter. Commitment will find u in time, the right tym when u’ll be absolutely ready coz clearly manje u think u want it bt yo heart says not yet.

  38. Yaaah Mxolisi pay up baba. u shud hv kick Lindi out afta she refused to giv u her cookie nw u gona pay for sumthin u neva ate…..hahahahaha….u killed me Mikey.

  39. KWAAAAAAA. Thata ngwanyana wa mo xhosa. But honestly do Xhosa women really love money that much? I have heard a couple og guys whom have dated xhosa women in a vat and sit situation saying bakreile ntlue ele holo cause ngwanyana wa mo xhosa o utswetse thoto ka moka aesha gae

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