Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Six

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I asked her if we had used a condom and she asked me if had any. I said no. She then asked how then I could conclude we had used a condom if I was not even carrying any? OK I felt a bit stupid on two fronts, one for asking knowing I did not have ant and secondly for not traveling with any. Condoms are like getting called in for questioning by the police and you bring a lawyer. You look guilty immediately but guilty or not you are safer this way. If I had brought condoms on a business trip both my wife and Lindiwe had they seen them would have asked why I needed then and I would look suspicious. As a man however, no matter how much your wife or girlfriend does not want to hear this, you must always carry condoms on a trip because should you do the ‘unthinkable’ you at least do not bring it home to your unsuspecting partner. Yes you have cheated you moron but don’t punish your partner back home by bring home disease! She said that she did not like sex with a condom in any case which I think was meant to be comforting but it was not. In fact it made her more scary than before! How many people had she slept with without using one and given that excuse? I am sure she could see this on my face. She laughed and said not to worry she had no disease of any kind. She send being bi and more girl friendly meant that she didn’t get to experience a lot of dick. She was so casual and candid about it. I was not. I was not donating my sperm to someone trying to have a baby. She said she was on the pill and has been for a while now so that means I would be safe. She was not about to have a baby any time soon! At least that was reassuring! Most career women think babies are an inconvenience and tell themselves they can have them at a latter stage.

She said she had to pack and she left me to my thoughts. I also had to do the same so fortunately time flew by. It was time to go home. I just wanted to get out of here. I don’t know when she had gotten the time to call the office but our flights were already booked. If you are flying business class its rare for the flight to ever be sold out for you. Waiting lists in a flight are usually for those wanting cheap seats and to be fair Cape Town has so many flights. Why? Its usually the furthest distance from most points in South Africa that even have airports. When we got to the airport she was making small talk like she had no worry in the world. I had so many things to worry about. On the flight she slept like a baby even whilst I was so worried. At Cape Town International she put on her professional face and we shook hands as goodbye and that was it. Stunned!

The guy who drove me in the cab was quite a friendly chap so I decided that the best thing to do was pass by my GP. I told the driver I would give him a little extra for that. The good thing about staying in a student area is the fact that there doctors and dentists everywhere. Rondebosch is filled with them meaning that I could stop by before I got home. My wife would never know I am certain of it. Lindiwe can get to her own vices I did not care much but I was not exposing Asthandile any more than was necessary. There was something seriously wrong with her. She had told me to ‘man up’ but man-ing up to me is the reason why most men who are abusive are like that because they are led to believe that being a man must be shown by physical strength and an I don’t give a fuck attitude. Instead of us discussing what had happened last night she had chosen to ignore. I know am sounding emotional but life has consequences. Nothing is for free out there.
I went to the doctor. In one of the cases I did I had heard of a pill or pills that can minimize your risk of getting HIV by over 90% if you have unprotected sex. I used to think that they only give it to women who have been raped but fortunately that was not true. The doctor on duty was a white woman. I hate this part. Is it just me or do white doctors especially talk to you like you are a child and don’t know what you are doing. Maybe I have issues. I told her my problem and she gave me a long lecture first before she gave me the prescription. The drugs name, Combivir! She emphasized that it was not a cure but minimized the risk. At least I had taken precautions. I also could not have sex for a couple of days which was not a problem because my wife was a fridge in the bed!

When I got home I found my wife’s car in the driveway. She was home I thought. However after I let myself in I discovered she was not there. She was probably still at work. It was already after 8pm. I decided it would be nice if I made her supper and she arrive home to a cooked meal. Nothing fancy because it would take too long. Grill some fish maybe, make fries, a salad.

45 minutes into me cooking the electricity went. Eskom eskom eskom! We keep paying and they keep telling us they need more money to build more things we don’t even know about. I was so irritated by them. I knew where we kept candles but on my way there I heard a car at the gate. The lights of the car went off and the people inside switched on the car lights. It was now dark so I could not tell the colour of the car but am certain it was a Range Rover! With it dark outside and the lights on in the car I had a perfect view. It was my wife and a man I assumed was her boss I am not quite sure though.

They came out together and he took her things out of the back seat. At the gate they hugged. They did not kiss I am certain of that. What the hell was he hugging her for? As she was walking down the driveway she shouted to him,

“See you tomorrow!”

Of which I whispered harshly to myself,

“Like hell you will!”

And the electricity came back!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Hi Mike

I am a y22 year old lady dating a 27 year old. We’ve been dating for the past two years & in that two years we’ve had no infidelity issues, just minor & petty arguments. This past weekend I told my boyfriend that I’d be going to see my mother but changed my mind & didn’t inform him. I pitched at his place unannounced, when I knocked on the door he didn’t want to open but I could hear voices.I banged on the door, eventually he opened. I opened all doors only to find some girl hidden in the bathroom. Was so shocked & hurt I did not know what to do.. I just got my stuff & left without saying or doing nothing. Got to my place & cried my eyeballs out. Now my bf is denying that there is something with this girl & it’s making me even more angry cause I saw it myself. What should I do cause I still love him but this feels like the ultimate betrayal. Could he have been doing this behind my back all this time??

Thank You


54 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Six

  1. Omg… Plz don’t tell me asthandile is cheating ai!

    And as for the hurt chick, babe u lucky u don’t have a baby on the way to find your partnerr with another women. Love is something else when u seee the true being of another person, take your time to heal and have a clear mind! That will be easier for u to make a very wise decision! I’ve been there

  2. Thanx Mikey πŸ™‚

    Q&A: Baleka sisi, run like you’ve never ran before. This clearly shows that in your absence he always has girls at his place. Your still young and beautiful, you will meet someone who will not devalue you like he is doing right now

  3. OMG I made it to the top 5. thanks for the morning glory Mike. im suspecting asthandile is having an affair with the boss …………

    Q&A free advice girl: the guy is up too no good so you better leave him asap or u r in for more heartaches

  4. Oh wow Lindiwe is hard core geez- no wonder she’s a superb lawyer, she can hide her emotions very well. I dnt buy it for 1 second that she’s nt feeling anything even slight remorse ke nyana hayi.
    Q2A- men men men they neva learn- this guy thought he cn pull one over you. Eish personally I’ll walk away bt then again asifani. For me a man who cheats is nt worthy of my love lol that explains y i’m single I guess. Bt either way the decision is yours- if you do take him bck, don’t make things easy 4 him, make him beg until he’s blue in the face. That way he’ll see that should he cheat again chances r uyomshiya

    1. I like you kikiki *that explains why I’m single*
      Good advice futhi.

      Only leave him when you’re sure that you don’t want him no more nor to be with him no more, if you still want to be with the guy I guess you’ll have to forgive him and work it out somehow.

      Sisi make sure he regrets the day he ever thought of crossing you. These niggas aint loyal, dzaaaamn!

  5. Asathandile is cheating too with de big boss tjo. As for de gal tt is hurting gal atleast u dd c wht a pig he is, am definetly sure tt its nt de first tym he doing tt

  6. Mike thank u for being one of a kind, I follow many blogs and I must say u the only one who nver come with excuses and u always deliver. U knew wht u wre getting urslf into whn u started this blog. U accept critisism and compliments big ups!

  7. Q&A Sweetie don’t even try to interpret what you saw!! it is what it is…..keep away from him and mend your heart and soul, good luck.

  8. Thank u Mike and Thozama! U guys r the best. Cud it be that the wife is also getting some? Hhayi asazi, keep them coming! I’m enjoying every read! A great morning to all.

    @ Hurt, cc once a cheater always a cheater, run for your life, time is the greatest healer, this will pass just give yourself enough time to deal with it and u will c yourself being a better person, staying in that relationship is only going to make u bitter, paranoid and miserable, u might even lose trust in other ppl. Just love yourself enough to quit while u r still ahead! All the best!

  9. Suspense,huge suspense yohh I cannot wait!!!is the wife cheating?I’m sure she didn’t know that hubby was home!!! Hmmmmm

  10. Women though, and i wish i could see the wife’s reaction when she sees the man in the house, lol.

    Q&A: Dearest, its painful when that happens but at some point we have to accept guys will always cheat. i’m preg and in the same situation and i advice u to leave that man before its late cause he surely doesnt appreciate u and cant wait to lay another girl when your out of sight. think of how many gals have been there when you were on trips. My advice to most gals: neva tell ur man u will be gone because that’s the mistake we always make.

  11. Tables are turning, ayeye!!

    A2Q, @ 22 I too thought I can never b with a man who cheats on me…well with time I’ve come to learn tht there’s no escaping cheating….but its up 2 u wether u stay or not…o tla fetxa banna ba lefase o nyakana le monna wa go se cheate…good luck!

  12. Wow!…Morning ya’ll & Thank you Mr Maphoto…u really r gud hey!
    Tjo..wifey…re tla ke re utlwe gore o tswa kae le boss ka 8 bosigo!

    2u Hurt..go look 4 a sjambok & o ba gase ba le 2 goed..Sies maaaan…men, men men!
    Askies nana…with time U will heal BUT U wud have taught him a gud 1…ka sjambok!!

  13. Lol the wife is also cheating with her “gay” boss as Khanyi put it…

    Hurt, Darling if there is nothing going on btwn him & the gal, why take 4ever to open the door & hide her? Personally I think u better off without him

  14. Your blog is so addictive…. Mike…. fix…

    @Keke, that is so true and it’s not that we justifying nonsense but that’s just how it is.

    Most men cheat and if/when u find thaaaat one who doesn’t cheat, consider yourself blessed/lucky.

    @Hurt, it really is up to you as to whether u take him back or not. How much do you love him and how much do you love and value yourself? Let him know where you stand and ask him hore how would he feel if the tables were turned…

    Most men can be hypocrites am telling you and once they find hore they are being cheated on, all hell breaks loose… Mxxm

  15. Dear Hurt,

    i was also with ba manfor 5 years who had paid lobols for me. I found him in bed naked with another girl and his reasoning was the same excuse as your man gave you.

    Turned out that throughout our relationship he had been cheating and he was so good at lying.

    We woman love so hard that we tend to not see the signs.

    The best decision i made was walking out that toxic relationship. There is more dangers in relationships than pregnancy. If he could do it now, he can always do it again.

    Its hard at times but im happier now and found a GOD fearing man who cherishes me.

  16. Thanks Mike! Aweeeh Asthandile, now you are in trouble, and I’m sure will drag this ling enough for the pills to work. The hubby will get the lucky sex break from his ‘fridge’ wife – whatever fridge wife may mean! I’m sure Mike will explain that soon.
    A to Q: feeling sorry for you hurt lady, but this sort of nonsense happens. It’s how you react to it that will determine how the r/ship will be going forward if you still want for it to continue. Had a boyfriend that was nagging 24/7, wanting to know my whereabouts, what time I got or left the office, why I took longer at gym then necessary, what I was doing over the weekend,…Initially I thought it was love, but soon realised that it was his way of keeping tabs on me. The day I scrolled his phone, was the last day of our r/ship, what I discovered in that phone of his was enough to make a nun swear, and it spelled the end of us. I miss him I won’t lie, but I made a conscious decision that I was worth so much more than that, I deserve more, and I shouldn’t put up with his controlling, emotional abuse that had been going on for almost 2 years. Staying with him was just like waiting for bad news and some diseases. Uzobastrong sisi.

  17. Thanks Mikey for daily dose, twas was superb shem. since when do we give our bosses hugs? iyho this is getting too close for comfort!

    AtoQ Hurt, run my dear and never look back. He clearly doesn’t deserve you. A man who cheat should never be any woman’s reality shem, we all deserve way better. Know your worth and never lower your standard for some idiot who can’t keep his dick in his pants!

  18. Mike and Thoz – niyazi mos πŸ˜‰

    Hurt, men r like kids. If he does something wrong and bears no consequences he thinks its ok. Instead of getting better he will get worse. I will not tell u what to do, I think u already know what to do. Just take ur time and look @ the situation from a calm place then make a decision. All the best

  19. QnA- let him give u a reason to stay if you still wanna continue with him. Its sad that when women cheat they think their reasons are acceptable. relationships require a lot of discipline and being disciplined is a choice. Only keep him if you are sure he has learnt a lesson

  20. Thanks Mike πŸ™‚
    Q&A I’ve been going through all the answers and come to realize that we think it’s okay for men to cheat, IT’S NOT OKAY please ladies we’re worthy of non-cheating men.
    I have 2kids with a man who cheated countless times and I kept forgiving him bcoz I thought it’s love and my babydaddy. I finally got the courage to leave him and after some time of healing from that broken relationship. I’m the happiest, fulfilled person ever. I strongly believe there are GOOD MEN out there let us just be patient and wait unto the Lord

  21. Q&A: I can’t tell u wat to do, but were r u going to find a man who doesn’t cheat. I hear all the people who r telling u to run, r u going to run from every relationship cause its going to happen whether he does it in secret or not….man r like that. Its up2 u dear, just know that u’ll face the same thing over and over again in different forms it’s just the way u handle the situation that will determine your outcome

  22. thanx mike, this is getting more interesting…

    Q&A my luv i know u’r hurt but 2be honest, if ur man luvs u then he will apologise, change and try to make it up to you(by dumping de ada gil)… almost all men cheat and some other women are in denial.. so wena do urself a favour dont depend on him, work hard and have a bride future… no 1 mst judge u if u decide to go bck coz we all make mistakes

  23. Woow interesting, bt hubby shud know wat goes around comes around jst saying….QnA @Hurt my dear askies, meer fact he is denying wat u saw shud tell u something n am afraid he wil cont cheating,,, If he really loves n respect must come clean b honest wit u, wish all d best. ……

  24. Hao bathong Asthandile hope u not cheating cc

    A-yeah we cannot really tell u what to do,@de end of de day its ua decision to take I mean we cn all tell u to leave him buh if u love him n 4gave him n blv he can change den carry on coz vele we all make mistakes buh as for maself I believe they r men out there who aint cheating n I won’t stay with someone who cheats on me countless times wena it was only once u can 4gv him n c where it gets u #team-single πŸ™‚

  25. Dear @ Hurt… You deserve a man who will rather leave you than be with you and mess you over. No matter how much advise we may give, chances are yore gonna go back…but the moment you have to play detective in a r/ship is when you know its over. Save youreslf from STI’s and heart break angel…but its all on you.

  26. Q&A… Amadoda ayaphoxa kodwa.. Bt its entirely up 2 u how u handle dis situation u r in… Bt wat I know is wat u experianced will change u 4ever cos u didn’t expect dis from him. Bt nala uzoya khona uzofica cheat

  27. A2Q!!! Agona Monna oo esego febelina fact is kamoka bafeba but I reckon it is better when he respects you enough for you not to find out that he is cheating. We can give you different advices on whether to leave him or not it is ultimately your choice! I think deep down you know what to do. Goodluck with what ever decision you make!

  28. thnx mike been followin all ur books.dis s ma 1st comment….great books.I LIKE DEM ALL.I miss Zulu girl goes 2 Jhb

  29. Thanks Mike.
    @ Hurt, the decision to leave him or stay really is up to you.
    At 22, I wudnt want to be saddled with a man I know for sure is cheating.
    At 22, I would take my chances, and search for someone who will treat me with more respect. Because honestly, after dating for 2 years, I would expect that if you do cheat on me respect me enough not to bring the girls around. Keep your crap away from me/us. Even if we are not leaving together, respect me enough to keep the girls away from the area I frequent.
    Secondly, if I catch you do not treat me like a fool and tell me that what I saw is not it. That just tells me that you actually believe that I am an idiot. But ke that’s just me, thats how I would see things if I was in your shoes.

    If you choose to stay with him, please use condoms, because one thing is for certain, you are no longer safe with him.

  30. Thanx Ta Mike and team πŸ™‚

    You knw the Q&As really saddens me bcos on all your books 98% of the people who are seeking advice is women (different age groups), and they always have a similar problem Β»CHEATING MEN. Don’t knw if its bcos u have many female readers,bt nje this is sad shem….

  31. Lol Asthandile,,,,
    Q&A: Girl what you should know is that guys threat us the way we let them, if you go back to him now he will do it agian angithi he will see that you can forgive him. RUN RUN RUN

  32. Hi Mike

    Wow, I have always acknowledged that you are a good writer but there is something outstanding about this chapter, especially the part of the electricity dying on Mxo and then just as he was about to get candles he hears a car, then he peeps through the window and the car lights are off but the inside light is on which makes for a great view for someone sitting in the dark to see people under a light!

    My imagination was activated 102% just by picturing that scene. Anyway I really enjoy your books… ALL OF THEM!!!

    Got so much love and respect for you!!!

  33. so that you will learn ukuthi awuvele uthwale inhloko uye endodeni. uthole yonakanye lento obuyifuna ntombi. manje suxakwa yini ngoba bufuna ukubona ukuthi is he loyal or not. just deal with it. u asked for it.

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