Let’s talk about hugging. I have always felt that hugs tend to be so freely given between the sexes but are they necessary? As a guy I love hugging a woman that’s not mine. Why? Being in the arms of another is just so beautiful especially if you hug those girls that squeeze and there are quite a few.. It’s one thing to hug a colleague, its short and brief but there are times when you hug someone and it’s a little bit extra long. A lot of women have experienced this I am certain where in giving a hug the guys squeezes a bit too tight just so he can feel her breasts squish on him. It’s uncomfortable I am told, the BK hug my friends now call it and quite unnecessary! Most hugs to me wreak of being BKs so when another man hugs my wife I am not comfortable. We need to learn boundaries! A married woman should not go around hugging men and vice versa. It does not sit well with me. Its awkward and feels like sharing and well I don’t share too well. I know most small companies especially in the entertainment sector are run by young people but to hug your boss is seriously out of order! I was not going to stand for this. With the power now back on I could hear her talking to herself asking if she left the lights on again!
When she walked in I was not sure what to do. Firstly I startled her and she screamed and jumped where she stood. I had scared her because she had not expected to find someone in the house. Now here I was standing in front of her. She even dropped what she was doing. She asked me what I was doing here and I almost said I live here but I understood what she meant. She came over to hug me but I was a bit cold and she noticed it. She asked what was wrong and I pulled back and went to sit down. I did not want to startle her or shout at her either. At times I feel that lowering your voice and explain breaking down something to someone goes a long way than raising your voice. Much as I wanted to smile and be warm and fuzzy because I won’t lie those days away from her I had really missed her. It was so tense. I could feel my muscles tense up even just by looking at her. Its odd because considering my own indiscretions this made no sense. I should be more rational than this.
I asked her to sit down. She did so nervously because I never behave like this. I am a very hyper person always quick to crack a joke or at least I think so. I told her that I had seen her hugging her boss and is this what she was working for I asked? At first she was confused because I don’t think she felt that she had done anything wrong. She told me that everyone in the office hugs and that was normal. I put that on hold because if this were true then it was hard to argue it from this angle. I then asked how is it appropriate, even to the neighbours, that she a married woman get dropped off my another man in her driveway and hugs him like they were teenagers? This time I stumped her. She tried to think of a response but that failed dismissal. I had her where I wanted. She looked down and started crying! My wife had a tendency of bringing out the waterworks if I cornered her on something. I had a soft spot for her tears because no man should ever want to see his wife shed a tear. Its wrong and really kills my spirit but not this time. Her job was bring tension home. I told her also that tears in such a case were blackmail because crying does not solve anything at all.
I told her that this was the last time he brought her home no matter what the occasion was! I will drive at midnight if I had to just to pick her up. She had a car so why was it necessary to be dropped off? We lived five minutes away from Rosebank train station for crying out loud so there was no reason whatsoever she needed to be dropped off. I made this very clear to her that she was making me uncomfortable and this would soon be affecting us! She asked if she could go to the bathroom as she was pressed and I said she could go. I went to the kitchen to finish cooking now that power was back. When I got back I had been charging my phone. I had two smses. One was from Lindiwe and the other was from Khanyi. The one from Khanyi read,
“Hey hey, guess what? I just landed in Jhb when can I come see you! I brought you a whole cookie jar and more!”
That was not very subtle was it! The joke was on her though because I was back in Cape Town.
“Whatever happened in Pta stays there. At work we go back to normal where we don’t talk or share jokes! Bye”
I did say she was not normal. I could not help but laugh and shake my head!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Please share this with your readers as I am in desperate need of advice. I am 27 years #have a good job, educated, I can say I am very stable financially, don’t have kids and I am married, my husband is 45 year old-we have been married for 2 years now. We met when I was in varsity doing my 2nd year and we were so in love and the fact that he doesn’t look his age was a bonus. We were outgoing, taking road trips together, he was just so fun to be around and I knew he adored me.
Please don’t get me wrong- my husband loves me and I love him so much too-BUT he is so controlling and I feel like he is emotionally abusing me.
1) He doesn’t want me to have friends my age “cos he thinks they will be a bad influence to me”, I am not even allowed to see my best friend whom I grew up with “cos he doesn’t understand what we talk about since she is not married”.
2) The type of work that I do require me to travel and that drives him crazy!! He once went to my place of work and told my bosses that he wants a letter every time I leave for work stating how long I will be gone, the name and address of where I’ll be staying, etc. and most people in the office thinks I am in a abusive relationship—
3) We don’t go out anymore!! He will go out with his friends and came back 2 in the morning and I’ll sit at home-count the ceilings and walls, worried about him until he shows up!! I’ve learnt to shut my mouth and don’t ask him the whys, where’s, with whom, etc.
4) He has an ego of an elephant
5) He now chooses what I wear!!! He buys me clothes that even my older sister refuses to wear!! I am a jean and tees kind of girl and formal at work and it’s not like I show any skin or wear short things No!! but he said I dress “snaks”
6) He belittles me every chance he gets!! He looks for those stupid loopholes that he can use against me- like when its weekend and I’ll be so tied and only clean the house maybe and do this and that and maybe tell myself I’ll do the washing the following week or during the week-he will just wash his clothes himself!! Like REALLY!! But if I am doing it he doesn’t help me or anything!! #maybe I am just being paranoid on this one but I don’t like it!!
7) He has two kids, the older one is 3 years younger than me and the younger one is 9 years and believe me guys I don’t have a problem at all with his kids, in fact, I love them but HE IS TURNING ME TO A DEVIL!!! The younger one is the favourite!! And jhoooo ay I never do good when it comes to him!! I have to serve him in a tray, I have to wash his clothes with my hands and not the washing machine, he is just so spoiled-even the TV remote is controlled by him and I’ll just have to smile and watch popays
8) The sex is not good!!! At all!!! #i once cheated last year but I was so bad at it- ill even apologies for nothing-was just the guilt I guess and just decided to stop.
9) When we fight he always reminds me that that is his house, for him and his kids!! I don’t know how because we married in community of property but wouldn’t want to rub it in his face and bruise his ego that I own half of it!! But that would hurt me—I know when I found him he was stable with the big house, car and staff but I didn’t marry him for what he has, I loved him, and Daaah buy the time I am his age I’ll be having 10 times more than what he has now, my mom worked hard putting me through university and he never bought even a text book for me!!
I have tried talking to him in a nice way possibly about my unhappiness, I have shouted at him
I am thinking of getting my own place and move out cos really I am not happy!! And on what grounds do I say I am leaving my marriage on?? He does not cheat
Please help me and advise me- tell me the truth if you think I am paranoid, ungrateful, etc. or must I just swallow the stone and pretend like I am happy??
OR AM I JUST FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH THE MAN I VOW ILL LOVE FOR AS LONG AS I LEAVE???