Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Five

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I was racking my brain! I sat down and tried to think hard to last night. We had stayed up late, yes drunk and probably still hot and bothered from all that kissing. We had gone to share my bed but I don’t even remember how we ended up in my room. Most scary thought was the fact that this morning when I woke her up she was stark naked. I had not been naked myself but I know why. Even at home with my wife I cannot sleep naked. I have this silly fear that I can’t leave my dick lying around unguarded otherwise it would choke me in my sleep. Waking up with a morning glory and trying to go pee is every mans nightmare! That thing is ratchet and will piss all over the place. Stupid I know but this mean that even at home if I have sex, after cuddling I get up and wear my pjs because I would never sleep. Its instinct. With this said there is no way I would have been naked so that was not a vindication. I remember distinctly she had said no to sex because of her sexual orientation. What did this therefore mean? Did I take advantage of her and convince her in her drunken state that sex was the best way forward or did I force myself on her? I am a lawyer and we are designed to think worst case scenario and think back from that! What’s worse she was a lawyer too and much as I love my job, we are self righteous, ready to sue pricks who look for every opportunity that presents itself to throw the law at people. How many times have your heard a lawyer say, “Be careful who you talking to, I am a lawyer!” Its a badge we carry to scare people and we might not wear a uniform but most people know not to mess with us! Lindiwe there could say whatever she wants and would win hands down!

I went into the shower to bath. I called room service to clean the room, take out the sheets and bring fresh towels. I had to call them because they were still four rooms away from mine. I explained I had clients coming through so it had to be now. When I said clients they must have thought I was a male prostitute or something because one of the women laughed. Say what you want but as a black person myself I know that we are not the best at holding our emotions in customer service. In some fields her laughing like that would have been grounds for being fired but that was not the point. They came, they cleaned the room thoroughly and it was done! In all that time I was still trying to play the events of last night but nothing. If anything it was giving me a headache.

I placed a few calls mostly back to Cape Town. I spoke to Dalu and he asked me how things were going considering I had gone to Pretoria with the dragon lady of the office. Wow, I had even forgotten how much I had feared Lindiwe before we came. It was so ironic in fact that Dalu had called her that because truth be told, once you a person naked they are no longer that scary. It does not matter how beautiful, rich, poor or ugly you are, nudity makes you look small and ordinary. Clothes are what give you the power and dignity befitting. I told him what he wanted to hear, how she was so rigid and stiff and how she had not smiled once the whole trip. He laughed at me saying all the guys were laughing at me. He said that she was lesbian that’s why she was rigid! Its funny how when it comes to lesbians, most men think they are these anomalies of nature who don’t laugh, smile or even talk to men and clearly they or rather we are dead wrong. Lindiwe yes had a tough exterior but from the little that I could remember yesterday we had laughed our heads off and I guess our clothes too! The thought was haunting me! Dalu said that my wife had been at the office the previous day to speak to him. He said she had been concerned about this trip so he told her what he could. He said he had told her Lindiwe was a lesbian and it was only then that she had smiled. Very sneaky indeed. When I spoke to her, I was forgiven because of what she had been told. It was not because she trusted me, yah neh, and they say you must trust your spouse!

As soon as I put down the phone Lindiwe walked in. She had good and bad news. I don’t know why people like saying that annoying statement. She said the bad news was that in the meeting we had done already we had done so well the rest of the meetings we had done had been cancelled but the model we had arrived to in the first had been implemented in all the others! The good news was were going home! I have never been so relieved in my life! It meant I did not have to stay in our awkward situation longer than was necessary but better still, my wife’s little sister will surprise herself if she came through again to try extort money from me! I was not going to tell her I had left!

Now was the moment! I had to ask her. I asked her what happened last night. She looked at me a bit strange as though she was confused by the question. This was a good sign. It meant that nothing had happened. I let out a breath of relief wow I had dodged a bullet. The problem with us men is that we cannot seem to control our lust. We want everything even the forbidden fruit. Its therefore a good thing and a personal achievement for me every time I reject free honey. I would rather regret it in future not getting some than live with the guilt of my transgressions. I told her to never mind the question until she cut me short and said,

“Dude don’t get weird on me now. It was just sex. Man up!”

What? Immediately I replied,

“How can we have sex you are lesbian remember!”

She was actually genuinely surprised I was reacting like this!

“I said I am Bi Sexual not lesbian! I have a child remember!”

I was so screwed!

****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Thank you for posting my letter. I have a problem with my mother she drinks a lot and also sleeps with different men. She brings them home and some of them I know their daughters and sons as I attend school with them. These are married men. She works with the in Dept of Education in Eastern Cape. I have told my aunts but they are all scared of my mother. I am 15 in grade 10. What should I do? It is so humiliating when you see these drop their kids off at school with their wives in the care and they look at me with that recognition. I am so stuck right now! If I could get her arrested I would but she is a single mom so what would become of my little brother and I.

Thank you for your time

Mary (not real name)

53 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Thirty Five

  1. Hawu mara ndoda what did you expect?…. in bed with a woman.. ucabangani?
    Thanks Bra Mike for the chapter this guy is so stupid what do you think?

  2. i would hate to find myself in that kind of a situation. the fact that you can’t remember getting your freak on the previous night must be agonizing. poor guy he probably sucked and doesn’t know it…

  3. thank you mike for your daily dose…. dear Mary, eish your situation is really tough but dear i really feel you should really do something cause either way you will be affected, since your aunts cannot help, can i suggest maybe you write your mother a letter and express all your concerns and also suggest to her she goes for she also seeks help coz i bet she also going through alot. she wont change unless she knows that you guys are not happy. it mite not change the situation now but atleast she would know. goodluck dear and keep your head up, dont let this situation destroy u, they is always something to learn in every situation.

  4. I can’t leave my dick lying around unguarded otherwise it would choke me in my sleep. Hilarious!!!! thanks Mike.

    Mary, I feel for you but have you spoken to your mom about how you feel?? maybe get someone like a social worker to speak to her. this is so wrong in so many levels especially being a girl child to experience this. i hope things will get better

  5. @ jtakshoniwa, cumon-on grow up.
    @ Buttercup, she shudnt get pregnant shes so tightup shes boring she wont entertain us. What about sexual diseases? halele…

  6. Mary dear I thnk u nid to hv da gut in ths one sit ur mom down nd tell her exactly hw u feel abt wt da situation in hand nd hpefuly sh wl undrstnd aftr ol u ar mothr nd daughter by blood#gudlck
    Thnx Mike Learning Continuosly

  7. iyoooo, i smell HIV here. Damn bra, are you gonna condomise at home until you are certain you didnt catch any STI?

  8. Nah Mxolisi is fake, Remember he didnt have tooooo much to dink, after first attempt they were LIB and talking, eventually fell asleep. How come he forgets? Unless he was drugged. There’s something missing in this PLOt!…..Come on Mike where’s the TWIST!

  9. Morning ya’ll ‘ thanx Mike.
    @Mxo U R very irresponsible with your life boy! How can in this day & age U do such a stupid thing..Sies maaan! Learn 2 lock up yo dick or else’ll choke U my boy.
    @Mary baby I feel U gal…try approach the Social Workers 4 help & I applaud U 4 seeking help in yo situaton. They will be able 2 also address the issue with yo Mom…dont allow it 2 destroy yo future baby..& U know what…Keep Asking God 4 that Divine Intervention…Good luck & God Bless U cc

  10. Mikeee! Hahaha this dude really said, “I have this silly fear that I can’t leave my dick lying around unguarded otherwise it would choke me in my sleep.” Smh I can’t lmfao. So many questions because of this statement, but most are inappropriate so I’ll just leave now.

  11. Ave becika labo first to comment,like u are running a race. Just grow up, if u have nothing important to share just keep quiet. Q to A, Mary my dear, I would advice u to confront ur mother. Sit her down and explain to her how her behavior is affecting u. Tell her u would rather she doesn’t bring her male companions home but see them elsewhere.If she cares about ur wellbeing, she will stop.

  12. At Mary try speaking to your mom I know it is not easy when you are that young basically telling her what to do. But remember communication is key in any relationship. If she still does not stop after your conversation then speak to someone whom she respects and ask them to speak to her. Pray about this situation as well, Modimo oo remo rapelang wa phela and o a araba!

  13. Mary please do not go to the social workers… This will only destroy your relationship with your mother. I know social workers are there to assist but those people destroy families!

  14. Thanks for another great read Mikey, verry entertaining. This gotta be my favourite blog thus far. I love you tons.

  15. Lindiwe definately had al ths plannd. The first tym she was the one who told Mxo tht he was the only one who hdnt hit on her @ the office, nw she is e only one who recalls wat happend last nyt

  16. When they get back to the office Mxo shud act as if nothing happened m sure the lady is on a pill since she is a single mother she sure as hell don’t want another baby especialy from a married 1 night stand

  17. Nice nice

    @Mary talk to u mom dear ,it doesn’t have to be direct since we all have that fear in us so an sms could help “pour your heart out”

  18. I’m a bit confused, all these people that right u asking for advice, how come they all write the same thing? rotten english, spelling mistakes etc.. or is this also fictious?

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