MOAYW – Chapter Eighteen

Posted on Posted in Missteps of a Young Wife

with Thozama Mqikela

My life was falling apart, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I went back to work, Cindy was not there so I went through some work that she had emailed me, I could not focus, I was anxious about tomorrow. My phone rang it was Mthobisi, I had saved the new number that I got with the phone, he asked if I was okay? I shouted and asked was he seriously asking me if I was okay after the hell that he is putting me through? My intention was not to fall apart at the first sign of trouble. I was just not handling it well. He apologized and said that he would make it up to me. I told him the only way he could make it up to me was by coming home. He said tomorrow he would be going to court and he will come out, I will see! Men often try and make it seem like women are impossible in impossible situations but I say do not put us in those impossible situations in the first place. I am a suburban wife and I was not meant to be in such filthy places unless I really had no choice. Going to Home Affairs for me was bad enough now I must be at Hillbrow Police station let alone court? The thought just drained me. I was even dreading to go take the new I.D. because of my hatred of crowds and sweaty armpit smelling places.

I told him that his lawyer called and he was not so sure about his case, he said Mark worries too much. Mthobisi was obviously taking all this very lightly. I was here pulling out my hair and this man was cracking jokes! I told him I was scared and even as I said this, tears were rolling out my eyes. There are men who think women’s tears are a sign of weakness but that is not true, every tear a woman drops means something and stands for something. We do not shed them because it is fun and we have plenty to spare! He told me not to be scared and everything would be alright. I asked him what was going on? What was he doing with all those passports’s and why were cops looking for gold in our house and what syndicate was he part of? Mthobisi said he was keeping the passports for a friend of his,. I asked which friend was this and he said he would tell me when the time was right. I asked and the gold, Cindy walked in and saw that I was crying which became a bit awkward for both of us. I told Mthobisi that I had to go and hung up. Cindy asked if I was okay, I said no I was just tired of people asking me about Mthobisi, she told me that I should go home and be with my husband if only she knew that my husband was behind bars but that was just one thing that I was not going to be sharing, I agreed with her though and packed my bags and left.

I called Andiswa and asked if I could stop by her house, she said that would be great. I got there and she was cooking the table was set with candles all around, it suddenly hit me that my friend had a date, and I would probably be on the way, so I said I was not going stay for long. She could see that I had been crying, she asked if everything was alright, I said yeah, it’s just being back at work and all the questions and opinions from people were getting to me. She asked how Mthobisi was and this is the one woman I cannot lie to I broke down and cried and I told her everything, from the Passports to him getting arrested to me visiting him in the holding cells in Hillbrow, everything, she asked why didn’t I take her with me, I told her I didn’t want to involve her in case she got forced to testify against Mthobisi. She laughed at this which also made me laugh, she opened a bottle of wine and poured us both a glass, the wine calmed me down a bit I told Andiswa that tomorrow Mthobisi would be in court. She said she was coming with me and I should not even try to talk her out of this, I had no choice but to agree.

She being the sweet and wonderful friend that she is wanted to cancel her date and spend time with me. I told her she would do no such, she had done so much for me already I was not going to let her sacrifice her relationship for me. We went to her bedroom to choose outfits for her date. I wanted to hear all about the new man in her life she said he is a doctor, how creative! I could feel my eyes roll in the back of my sockets. She likes him and with his hectic work schedule they hardly ever have time to see each other and she had suggested that they do an intimate dinner tonight hence why she had cooked for him dinner and was going to spoil him. She even had massage oils and was going give him a massage after dinner. I had no idea my friend could be this romantic. I was jealous, I couldn’t do that for my man because he was stuck behind bars. The wine was going down real well, it was making me feel a little lighter I had been carrying this heavy weight and getting drunk was actually the best idea even though I still had to drive. I know, bad decisions often come when you under pressure. I helped Andiswa choose and outfit, I actually just chose the shoes, she choose a little black dress, you know how they say every woman should have a black dress, my friend had them in all shapes and sizes. I choose cute blue heels for her to wear that an ex who was really crazy about her bought for her in New York, but things didn’t work out between them. Yeah you know how your exes are the ones who filled your wardrobes for your new man to enjoy. Tough.
He left but the shoes stayed, you don’t give back a gift like that, there are certain gifts that a woman will never give back and diamonds and expensive shoes are top of the list of stuff that you will never get back. It will never matter even if you cheated on her with her best friend and she hates your guts you will still not get that shit back. Say what? If she cannot afford it on her own then she will not get rid of it. Girl power has nothing to do with shoes and jewellery! She will hate you but the diamond and the shoes committed no crime against her so why must they suffer, this was Andiswa’s justification for not returning the shoes to her ex. I finished my glass of wine and wished her luck for the date and left.
I went to Woolworths and picked up a few wines, they sell the best wines ever. I drove home, as I entered the gate, security from last night who had come to our place about the noise was just starting his shift he asked if everything went well last night I told him that everything was under control and that there was a bit of misunderstanding I then drove off before he could utter his next question, bloody gossiping security wanted to have something to laugh at us about, well I was not going to give him anything. I got inside, opened a bottle of wine and drank, they say drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism at this present moment I didn’t care. I didn’t want to think about anything, I wanted to forget. In a space of a week my life had been turned upside down by one person I trusted, loved and believed in the most in this world, it’s true when they say that the ones you love will hurt you the most. Mthobisi called, this man was calling a lot now that he was behind bars, when he was on the outside free doing whatever the hell he was doing he never called this much, he could hear from my voice that I was drunk as my speech was a bit slurry, he asked why had I been drinking? “Why have I been drinking? Are you asking me why have I been drinking?” I was screaming at him, this asshole was acting like me drinking was such a bad thing after the shit he did, I could not answer that question I just started sobbing and told him that I was tired of being strong, I had to be strong when he was stuck underground I almost lost my mind thinking he was dead and now I again have to be strong while he could rot in prison for shit that I don’t even know about. I told him how I didn’t know who he was anymore, how hurt and disappointed I was at him. Alcohol will make you reveal your true self, if you want to know how a person feels about you, get them drunk and if you don’t like them now when they are drunk walk away because that is their true self. I felt I had being nice to this man for too long and he bloody well deserved to know how I was feeling. He apologised, nothing pisses me off like hearing “I’m sorry” when I’m angry, you sorry for what, I told him to take his sorry and shove it where the sun didn’t shine, I was so mad, all I was doing was screaming at him, I didn’t even give him a chance to respond, after I was done venting I hung up the phone. He probably decided to let me cool down coz he never called back, I went to bed and passed out.
I had set my alarm for 7, I got up when it went off, my head was spinning out of control, I felt like death, I got up went to brush my teeth, I suddenly felt so stupid for drinking so much last night. Took a quick shower got out got dressed in a black skirt, white shirt and blue blazer, I couldn’t wear heels today so I settled for Levis pumps, they still made my outfit look good, babalaaz was killing me. I called Sindi at work told her I would be in a bit late coz Mthobisi was not feeling too well and I needed to drive him to the doctor and she must cover for me, she said not to worry, she would tell whoever asked that I was in a meeting, where I worked we had fake meetings all the time including the bosses but as long as your work was done at the end no one really cared. At 8 Andiswa was at my door, thank goodness she was driving us, all I wanted was to crawl back to bed and sleep but I couldn’t, I had to go and support my husband but more than anything I wanted to hear what the hell had this man gotten himself into. Andiswa drove us, the sun was shining so bright this morning, which made my eyes hurt, I told Andiswa that I quit alcohol she laughed and told me that I said that whenever I had babalaaz. I called Mthobisi’s lawyer and asked him what time Mthobisi’s court case would be starting and which court he said I should be in court at Hillbrow court at 09:00 in Court 4 I asked where Hillbrow court was because I only know of the police station he told me it was next to the police station, I didn’t even know Hillbrow police station had a court but with all the craziness that went down in that place it needed a police station, a court, and lots of Priest just walking around throwing people with Holy water. Andiswa said she knew where it was, we drove straight there, the court is literally next to Hillbrow police station at the corner. We went in and found Court 4 . Its the most humbling experience to be in such a room because your loved one is in the docks. Even the police officers there look at you like you are also a criminal. They called out a few people before Mthobisi, the first case was 3 guys who were charged for robbing an Indian shop. Imagine, my husband was standing next to such lowlifes this took like 10 minutes and they were granted bail of a R1000 each which I doubt they had by the sound of the loud gasp from their parents who were sitting in court. Poverty is a sin I tell you and I know we go to church every Sunday, of all of Gods trials poverty is the worst. The older women there were crying saying that they cannot afford it. I could not help but remember Andiswa’s shoes which cost twice that if not more.

Mthobisi’s name was called by the state prosecutor read out his charges, my husband was charged with illegal mining, making fraudulent passports, getting people in South Africa illegally, forcing illegal immigrants to go underground for him and his partners. I was gasping for air I couldn’t breathe, what was this man saying? Mark who is Mthobisi’s lawyer said these were unfounded accusation and that the state had no evidence this was all just a word of 1 person who had a grudge against his client. I held Andiswa’s hand tight as I was trying to hold myself from screaming. The State Prosecutor asked that Mthobisi not be granted bail as he had access to making fake passport and would make one and flee the country. Who was this man they were talking about I kept asking myself, that can’t be my husband. Mark was not giving up, he told the judge that Mthobisi had a wife and a kid and his family was here in Johannesburg and would not flee the country under any circumstances. The State wanted more time to get all the evidence they needed and told the Magistrate that if Mthobisi gets out he will interfere with their investigation and might threaten witnesses. They went on and on for over 30 minutes about how he should not be out, eventually the judge made his decision and said they will postpone this case to next week Wednesday and Mthobisi would remain in custody and his bail was denied.

My world stopped.

******THE END*****


Dear Mike

Brother you are blessed indeed with words. I know we have often complained about spelling mistakes, grammar, late posts and so on but my brother it was all worth it. I am in awe of your talent.

My problem is a bit unique or at least I certainly hope it is. My sister is married to an abusive man and she will not live him. A month does not go by without us hearing something bad has happened in that house. She has bruises and stitches at every family gathering. Its no laughing matter. The family has all tried to intervened. We even got him arrested after once he broke her arm. She bailed him out. I beat him up to the point of hospitalization and guess what, she got me arrested. I know people say that we must let her be and she will learn eventually but the truth is, I do not want to bury my sister! How will that be her learning her lesson. I cannot give up on her.

Please friends, please advise me on how to get this monster out of her life. I fear every phone call from her will one day be the police saying come identify her body.

Thank You


54 thoughts on “MOAYW – Chapter Eighteen

  1. Q nA ur sista is under his spell n for now she blivs tht guy luvs him more thn all of u do n wil stick by his side,kip tryin 2 tok 2 her,give her articles of domestic violence turnin 2 murder,or get her 2go 4 counsellin cos that is not an environment 2 raise a family in.2moro their kids wil b hammerin each otha,th daughter wl stay in an abusive relationship and the son wud b beating up gulfrend bcos thts his kind of reality,mum n dad showed them tht its ok n normal 2b in a violent relationship

  2. Great read @QnA i dnt fink ders anyfin u cn d 2 help ur sista, bcoz even if u go 2 da police dey gna need her 2 agree 2 gettin her husband arrested nd althou it hurys to see her in such a situation ur influence is really limited bcoz u cn tell da guy holds all da power. Hopefully ur sisa will see what a monster she’s married to nd jst get out of dat relationship.

  3. Sister i think ur cc think de is no lyf without hr hsbnd myb de reason its bcs she is not wrkin n she is dependin on de hubby.Mst of de tym hsbnd abuse us bcs we cnt leave dem n we r nt wrkin.De ada reason she is used 2 being abused so she nolonger c even if de man is wrong,jst wish she’l wakeup frm ds dream 1 day.

  4. Dankie Mike, talk about talent.

    Keep fighting for ur sister, dnt give up on her nd dnt judge.Tell her u love her n that ur going to fight until she gets out of that relationship.

    Best thing u can do for her is love her, my sister was in an abusive relationship for 6yrs. Nd I think she was scared to admit it nd move on”sum ppl r scared of being single”.

    I used to spend my days nd nights in hospals cause the guy beat her up or she was depreSsed. After a week she starts making excuses for him, before u know it their back together.

    But won’t forget the day I got a call from the guys mother, telling me they were in hospital. I almost had a heart attack think she was going to die. Only to find out later that she was fine n the husband was the one in hospital. My sister put him there. She beat him pink n blue, cause she says she wanted him to know how it felt like.

    Sad story cause had he died it would have been sumthing else.

    I am glad to say that she’s now out of the relationship. And building a new life for her n her kids, nd she knows I got her back.

  5. Great one Mike. A2Q UNFORTUNATELY there is nothing u can do 4 her except love her & show her u are all there 4 her. Stop intervening, SHE will decide herself when it’s time 2 leave. My mom was in exactly the same situation. She took the abuse 4 ova 16 yrs, it went 2 a point where she fought back, escalated 2 getting him arrested bt she’ll be the 1 bailing him. At some stage she was gatvol & left him, we didn’t know till 2 mnths later. He harassed her until he stabbed her 2 death 6 mnths later & hung himself. so yo fam must be prepared 4 that. Abused women ngathi banamadimoni, they LET so much happen 2 them #sobbing

  6. Mike ur a talented man thank u again for this one a,A2Q its so Sad wat other Women goes through but as much as its so sad,@ this point thers really nothing u can do to Help her,n I hope the police don’t ever call u to identify ur sister is sad

  7. Mike I really really enjoyed reading this chapter it was spectacular. Mike can’t you please spoil us with another chapter later in the day……just for control.

    Nkosinathi my brother I hope you will find the answers and solutions to your problem but please don’t give up on your sister.

  8. DEAR NKOSINATHI I feel bad on what u going thru, its seems that yo sister doesn’t care abt her life anymore, this men WL end up killing her….

    right now will like 2 toke 2 u not abt yo sister, u have yo life ND family 2 take care (including yo sis) Bt it seems like u despite on helping her no meter what, I’m afraid that on day u will do something more stupid as u beaten the husband before…

    plz my brother il advice u, 2 go for de concealing for yoself and deal with yo anger toward the abusive husband before you kill him….

    as yo sister maybe she WL c that her marriage its mo healthy ND move out, SHES BLESSED 2 HAVE A BROTHER LIKE U…. ALL THE BEST MFETHU…..

  9. Nkosinathi, your sister’s story reminds me of a movie ‘diary of a mad black women’. She will get there but need little push, now and then.

  10. Nkosinathi it’s really beautiful that you feel this way about your sister. There are channels you could use to get them both help. He should go to anger management. POWA also has programs that help women get out of abusive situations, empower them and allow them to believe they can survive without the abuser. They have a help line you can call, we also do not want you to bury your sister, i suspect your parents would loose two children coz you’d try kill the guy.

  11. Thanks team, enjoying Missteps big time.
    A to Q: eish Nkosinathi, I feel your pain, just sitting and waiting for a miracle to happen and save your sister, is hell. I’m currently in something similar with my brother where I’ve watched him throw everything and everybody away and just self destruct. You cringe each time a number you can’t recognise calls you, coz you’re always expecting bad news. I just pray that she stays safe and eventually see the light and move out of this situation.

  12. Thanx @mightyzama.ANS.wel its not her alone .there is a lot of us out there learned sisters,povertstricken sisters ,sisters in high commanding jobs etc the truth is we are just afraid of the unknown,coz the moment i decide to leave that means change and we are scared of change coz it presents us with a lot of uncertainities and mina one day hubby hit me when he came home morning after disappearing whole weekend even as i called police i knew i wasnt going to get him arrested so much was at stake who was going to pay for kids fees? provide food?be afather to them?i cant with my meagre salary try as much as i we soldier on hoping someday wil win a lotto and show him who is the boss or pray,hope or fantasize that oneday he wil be may wheelchair bound and see how much he needs me and repent all that nonsense.we just dont know how to stand on our own we need someone always we are afraid of being alone or starting to date again

  13. stha April 13, 2014 at 10:15 am
    I wonder why people keep thanking mike, he’s not the one writing this story for goodness sake.
    Jealousy makes you nasty Stha.

  14. great story line, just wondering thou if this is not straying from the original theme of missteps…..u know the reason women cheat, how she’s got it good but is still tempteded to have the forbiden fruit. coz all i see right now is agood wife sticking by her man, or is all this gonna lead her to cheating? it would be interesting to see how you merge the two. re-study how Mike initially potrayed Mthobisi and the young wife herself and you’ll see what i mean. otherwise i like the new story line action packed and very different from what mike usually writes. good one mah….
    @Q: a successfull abuser isolates the victim from family and friends which is what this guy has done, it may prove had and slow but showing her statistics and reality of violence should atleast show her something, show her her old pictures before she was battered and abused and show her pictures with her all bruised up. most importatly create a safe platform for her to be able to talk to you without fear of being judged or attacked. remember her alies is with her man, show her that she can come to you no matter what

  15. Damn ppl love throwing neg critics! If you’re an expect in writting why dnt you write your own and then get your storyline right on the tip of your subject tail?

    STHA: here’s your response….Find a hobbie, ppl like u nolonger get us offended, we see our success through you, broken MIRROR!

    1. i honestly don`t understand why people are being mean to STHA….. its only fair to extend our gratitude to Thozama Mqikela as well, as she is the main writer…….. anyways Tho and Mike, thank you for your joint efforts to keep us entertained 🙂 🙂

  16. @Mike, I love your work..

    @Nkosinathi – I can only recommend that you show your sister what could happen if she stays.
    Make her visit hospitals of cases for abused women – even the mortuary.
    Take her to POWA as jellybean as suggested. Call them and ask them how they can support you in helping her get out. The number for POWA is Telephone: 011 642 4345.
    Stop Women abuse helpline Telephone: 0800 150 150

    The reality is that there are many resons for her staying, biggest being fear – driven by many factors. She WILL die… Look at Reeva and thousands of other women who stayed for love? They are nowhere close of being alive.

    Good luck

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *