Memoirs – Chapter Twenty Seven

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

That was the longest plane ride I have ever taken. I was so worried about so many things all around my wife! I often hear people say that they trust their partners completely. These are the people that end up committing crime to exert their revenge because when they are genuine about trusting their partner, when things go south, they fall apart completely. I am not saying I do not trust my wife but I am not going to be corky and be pompous in the belief that I could trust her completely. To be honest I do not even trust myself completely so why would I trust another person to that extent. Most men are possessive and the irony is most women believe that it is when we are possessive of them that we show how much we love them. With my wife I had always given her leeway to do things, not that she ever did. When I first started dating her she had many male friends. Most beautiful females do. It is like they are hoarders as most of these friends are quite unnecessary and only add to the stress in your life.

I turned to look at Lindiwe. She had not said anything at all about what my wife had said. I had obviously apologized and all she did was look at me as though I was the guilty party. This woman was kind of scary. She actually had a man like persona as usually it is males that ignore such matters. This was going to be awkward. She seemed not bothered at all by all that was happening. They had set us next to each other as obviously we checked in together and considering how long we were going to be together I had to talk to this ice queen otherwise my skull would explode. As soon as we got to Johannesburg our driver was there to pick us up. At the hotel when we checked in there seemed to be some mistake with our booking. The hotel was fully booked, there was some sort of environmental conference taking place. I was kind of surprised because in this country no matter what it is, award ceremony, animal convention, politicians even as long it is international it will be taken to Durban. It is as though Durban is the only city that exists in South Africa that has a convention centre! In any case there was a problem. We had been given a three bedroom penthouse suite for the duration of our stay as in we were going to stay in the same apartment room. I thought Lindiwe would freak out but she said that this was for the better because it meant we can burn the midnight oil together! I on the other hand was not impressed at all. I asked them if there was anything that could be done and was told not for four days which was the duration of our stay! I really had cause to be uncomfortable.

When we got to the suite I did the gentlemanly thing and asked her to pick her room first. The suite even had a downstairs and upstairs. It reminded me very much of the Royal Palm Hotel in Gateway Durban where my wife and I had once stayed. It was a beautiful place but no matter how beautiful a place is, if you are there with the wrong person you might as well be in a shack at Joe Slovo informal settlement! For all my shenanigans I loved my wife. I went to my room as well and called my wife. She did not pick up the phone at first and I won’t lie, I had turned into an insecure person. I honestly wonder if when men start playing games and the woman suspects do they become this insecure. I left her three missed calls. Honestly I was pulling my hair out at this stage. Weak I tell you.

I did not even get a chance to settle down when Lindiwe came to my room and said we needed to discuss strategy for tomorrow. I told her that we had done that already back in Cape Town and she said no, we needed to do more! Really? I doubt I was ever going to focus! Something I noticed though, when we came Lindiwe was in high heels. It made her quite intimidating as they gave her the height factor and that confident posture. Now she was in flat shoes and well, she was flat. The power shift I must say was amazing and it was a very natural response. Maybe we will get along after all.

As soon as we set down my phone rang. It was my wife. I told Lindiwe it was my wife and asked her to excuse me. She rolled her eyes but whatever. I didn’t shout when I picked up as I was with company but with the way I felt if I were alone I would have. My wife apologized for missing my calls. She asked me how was my flight. I was so annoyed. She had not bothered to check whether I had arrived ok but I did not bring that up. She asked me where Lindiwe was and I told her that in her room downstairs I suppose giving the impression that we were different floors apart. She said she was relieved to hear that.

When I asked her where she had been she said Khanyi and her boss had taken her out when she came back upset after seeing me. They had gone to have early evening cocktails but now she was home. She then said,

“My boss is so sweet because I was so tipsy, we parked my car at the office and he drove me home. He dropped me off and tomorrow for work he will pick me up. He actually lives in Newlands and that’s like ten minutes away!”

…And then you call me paranoid!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

My name is Anastacia Monare. Three years ago I was raped on the way home from school. At that stage I lived with my aunt. She is a very religious woman and. When I got pregnant because of the rape she refused for me to abort. She said that God had a purpose for this ‘blessing’ and that even in the devils work there will always be a silver lining. I lived through the shame of my rape and bore my son. As a mother you are told to love your child because the child did nothing wrong an so on but what happens if this was an unwanted child. My life was ruined from that moment. I see that man in my head every day. I know people with money say go for therapy but what about some of us who live a hand to mouth existence and barely make ends meet. My son is 3 now and I am 19. I obviously don’t have a job yet. I try be affectionate to my son so as to shield him from the badness of the world but he is the open wound in my life. I am always told that I will survive this but if you have never been raped then I strongly doubt you will ever understand what rape does to a woman. Mike that very same aunt who told me it was Gods work moved my son and I into the backroom after I got pregnant. She barely looks at my son and whenever we in the main house she does not want him touching her things. I have so much hatred in me right now. I was a virgin and a studious girl and now all I have is self pity and nightmares. I don’t know why I wrote this letter but this is my story.


92 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Twenty Seven

  1. I read this blog everyday and while I still love reading it I find it needs a lot of editing.and I also wish it would get to the point in the beginning.

  2. Dear Ana, I am touched by ur story, no woman deserves to go through that. I know there’s nothin anyone can do or say to ease the pain but you still have God.
    He has seen ur suffering and will, yes He WILL save u from all of this.

    I will pray for u everyday. God loves you and because we have the same father above, I love u as well.

  3. Just hope the wife doesn’t cheat wit the boss….Lindiwe would have been a great opportunity for this man, thank god she’s a tough cookie …..Thanks for the chapter Mike…

  4. Ana…ya yours is a sad story. You do need counselling. There are free counselling organisations. Google some in your area or go to, they offer free counselling. First you need to deal with the pain and trauma. Don’t let the rapist win. Take the power he took from you back. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you.


  5. Hi Q&A,

    I am very sorry for what you went through… It must be tormenting to live through that everyday and also have to fend for your son. I can only pray that the Lord be with you n bless your should n heal you.

    A very close friend of mine was raped, twice first at the age of 13 and again at 17. I’m sharing this because she is one of the people that struggled to take their lives back from the ordeal. It wasn’t easy watching her struggle with self disgust n pity and such, but she made a division to look for MORE out of life and she did that through the church.

    I don’t know your financial situation, but please find a way to go back to school. If need be I can sponsor the fees and we can chat about the future. I am very touched by your story and would very much like to see you flourish from this ordeal.

    Hope to hear from you soon.


  6. Ana honestly your story is sad and doubt very much that i understand even alil of what you going through but i do believe in God and his healing power and right now i think you need to believe in something greater than what humans can do….pray with expectation that He will heal your wounds…ALLOW Him to be God

  7. Ana dear,your story is so sad,I cannot even begin to picture how you have been able to make it each day. But for the mere fact that you are still standing it means you are a fighter,bad things happen and we don’t know why God allows them to and at some point we find ourselves being angry at God. However,life has to go on,as hard as it is my sister,try and forgive the person who raped you and your aunt,free yourself of the anger,ask God for his peace so you can live your life and raise your son. It will not be easy but where there is a will there is a way,I pray that God will give you the means to get through the pain and anger. Stay strong my dear,this thing called life is not easy,not for the faint hearted.

  8. Thanks Mike

    Ohh Ana, your story just breaks my heart. I’m so sorry for all that you are going through. You need help. You need someone to talk to who can counsel you and help you through this. You don’t have to have money to get counseling. There are special places with fully qualified counselors who offer their services free of charge. Maybe the first thing you can do is go to your nearest SASSA and speak to a social worker and then you can take it from there. Hang in there baby girl, God will show you the way and please don’t stop praying. all the best honey.

  9. What a lovely read Mike, you never disappoint. Ana dear i`m really sorry and oh WHAT a predicament you`re going through, i can`t say i know or i can imagine what it feels like to be raped and be forced to bear a child you never intended to have. I don`t know much about being a mother im only 21 years but i can tell you this, the hurt you`re going through can only be healed by you forgiving your self. that man robed you off your virginity, now you allowing him to take away your happiness and your victorious future. you still have what it takes to make it big in life, with your child. what your aunt did to you should be a motivation factor for you to be better at being a mother and a better person with a better future. nobody said it was gong to be easy, it never is and especially when you think no one understands what you going through. you now have a responsibility toward a kid who has no one else but you! prayer is the ultimate therapy, talk to God and cry to him. In the end, only you have the power to change things around you.

  10. Ana there is no remedy for what happened to you and we might all say things that make no difference to you I don’t have a but in so way forward in my perspective don’t over analyze yourself look in the mirror try to find the positives about yourself and I believe if you find that it will build your confidence and in that loving and respecting yourself again shall grow to you naturally as for the boy once you have found yourself you will automatically find the same for him for honesty how you look at him might determine who he becomes as he grows up!!! just wish you had good support at home but seek no support from others try to find it within yourself!!!

  11. Thank Mike…

    @ Ana I have tears reading your letter what happened to you is a very painful thing and you are right, unless you have been there you can never understand, I wish you peace that surpasses all understanding, courage and strength for each day, you have come this far, take it one day and at a time and God will heal you…

  12. Oh Anna, my heart breaks for you, it was not your fault, its not the childs fault, it was an unfortunate incident that will affect your lives forever. May God give you strength. Your aunt however, still needs to find Jesus, her behaviour contradicts her belief.

  13. Thanx Mike. To think that we always say we’ve got problems; after reading Annas letter I feel my problems are just nothing. I hope and pray that this shall pass in Jesus name.

  14. Ohh sisi my heart goes out to you …you wrote this letter because you are in hell and you need rescue. I admit that I do not understand your situation I have a son that I love dearly because I conceived him Lovingly.
    You do not say where your natural parents are or any other relatives for that matter. Public institutions have social workers sisi so try to access those resources for your sanity and that innocent child’s sake. Your son deserves a happy whole mother and you can be that.

  15. Mmmm wat goes around comes around buti, diff is wife is nt hiding anything bcs there’s nothing to hide, unlik him……QnA Sad n painful story,am short of words, may God bless n heal u cc.

  16. Khanyi is de devil’s sister,wat game is she playing?as 4 u sir u made ur bed now lie in it.Ana words r not enough Modimo ke oo my sister hang in there.

  17. Rey 15 wow such good n inspiring words uve said all good healing words not sure what’s left 4 me 2 say 2 ana but I’ll try I was raped also as a child but I think my mind shut that down never went 2 therapy I know it did n get 2 see that person everyday coz we live in the same place I guess I never healed as well coz I’m bitter n angry @ the world non the less god will pray n god will see you through

  18. Eish Anna I really feel for u, I hope and pray that God gives u strength though this situation. U really deserve better. Get help somewhere, there’s organizations out there for people in your situation

  19. I feel for you Ann, but one thing I know for sure you’re not alone God is with you. Love your son and don’t give up on life it wasn’t your fault!

  20. Ana Ur story is very touching. For counseling u can go 2 Ur nearest clinic and tell them you need counseling they will draft a referral letter so that you can see a free counselor

  21. dear Ana. i understand your frustration. there are free counselling sessions offered by FAMSA (011 975 7106/7), child line (08000 55 555) AND LIFELINE (0800 150 150).

    Withe the case of your child, you can contact any child protection organisation near you ( department of social development or child welfare) and ask for the child to be placed in foster care until such time you will be able to care for him. Once the child is place din foster care, the social workers will contact with you until you are ready to take the child back or if youre not ready, the child can be placed in foster care permanently. good luck with everything.

  22. Ana dear,I can imagine what u going through,it must be hard 4u but God hasn’t 4gotten about u,love your son and pray unto God,he will never forsake u and he will provide 4u,he has a plan for your life,keep well

  23. Hi Ana!

    I know what you going through cos I have been there myself,accept that I didn’t get pregnant. I wish I could give you a remedy but I don’t have one. I know how tough it is to pray and ask God to give you strength and hope. At times I felt like God himself has failed me but I took a good look at my situation and realised that the are those who are worse that me, I’m talking about people who got killed and infected! No one can understand your praise better than God! Ask him to guide you and help you love your son like a mother should! Wish you all the best!

  24. Ana my dear…i cant say i understand but what i can tell you is be angry u have the right to be mad. Its easy for people to say “forgive him”…they dont know what you went thru. No one can even begin to understand how someone who has been raped feels. People tell u abt God….and all u wanna know is where was God when all this happened…honestly i dont know what to say to make u feel better…nothing makes me feel beter after 15years…just stay strong. Pray…cry…and cry a lot. I dont know what i would have done had i gotten pregnant myself….ur a remarkable young woman and for that may God heal ur wounds! Give u all the happiness in the world.

  25. Hello Mike,
    This chapter was rather short!! Too short!!!!! Can we have another one later today to make up for this shortcoming???Pretty please?!!

    Dearest Ana,
    I usually don’t comment but your life story touched me… I don’t have answers for you as I’ve never been in your shoes but all I have is support for you n will keep u in my prayers dat God heals you and find peace to connect with your son and love him unconditionally as HE loved us..As for your Aunt… What she’s doing is so wrong but will pray for her as well!!!

  26. Karma is a witch nehhh, nice 1 Mikey….

    @Ana… Awww sisi my heart breaks for you considering your aunt ain’t even supporting you after what you have gone thrue wat u did. God is there to heal that gaping wound dear, allow him to… Xola cc

  27. Ana baby girl I’m truly touched….Nana where u r today s no accident.God s using the situation u r in right now to shape u n prepare u 4 the place He wants to bring u unto tmrw.Trust Him with His plans even if u don understand it.
    Let’s say dis prayer today with u:Thank you for the fact that no matter where I am,You are with me.When I make decisions You are there to comfort me.God I pray that today you be with me each second.I’m struggling with everything right now and I pray that you give me hope to go on.Please give me hope and purpose so I hav a goal to achieve.
    Please help me as I uncover your will for my life and give me the strength to take steps in the right direction.I know you hav a purpose for me.Reveal it to me to have the strength required to overcome my shortfalls and insecurities.
    Please be with me and help me.
    In your Son s holy name and precious name I pray……Amen

  28. dear Ana Monare. dnt really know wher to start but ke my stori is such:
    Age 7 i was raped by my own brother (same dad not same mother), he did not do it once not twice well i lost count as he almost made me his dish, i couldnt cry it was useless no one was home when he did it. i was just too young to understand how am suposed to go about it whne i dod tel. he did this till i reached 9 yrs and by now i knew it was totally wrong and i wished he could just somehow stop, he didnt. i was rescued by the divorce (my mother divorced and we left them behind since he was not my mothers’ child). today when i look back its been a good 2o years since the deed, i hvnt told my mother abt is stil, did not get counselling either, i sometimes cry myself to sleep coz i can neva undestand how does the world posssess so cruel creatures in it.

    i do not knw wht u must do, i dnt no wht i shud do myself to let it go or somehow get past it. u see the mind does not have a DELETE button and i can assure u awhole lot of us need it. forgiving is normal. u can neva forget the mind does not work tht way.

    above all these God is the solution. talk to him alone and tel him all your burdens

    1. My heart goes out to you sisi, for rape is no child’s play. I pray that God heals you and you learn to accept the ordeal. Women like you inspire ignorant people like us; to say that there is more to life than complaining about petty things. God heals all wounds, and I am one of those who is listening when you speak out.

      Much love

  29. @Ana

    I know your pain all too well. What I’ve learned over the years is that holding on to what has happened always it to torment you. but how do you move on from such a past? With the constant reminder in your face? There’s no right answer but I know one thing that works and that has worked for me and still is till today (besides prayer) but talking. Talking with people who’ve gone through it too and those who are willing to listen. Not to get advice or help for the situation but letting this thing out of you bit by bit. Eventually hope will be restored. I promise.

    if you need a head start and someone to talk to email me

    women are to unite and work together to stop this disgusting and humiliating crime against us. Rape is the lowest form of cowardice

  30. QnA oh Ana my sista I’m really lost for words auc. All we can do is keep praying and having faith in God. May He give u strength to go on n I love ur n accept ur baby no matter what. U r a very strong woman. I’m just speechles but I shall keep u in my prayers. Stay strong madam. U r bigger that this

  31. Ana and Maabane wow I am short of words. May Almighty God give you his assurance that its all well. I will pray for you gals. I myself when I was very young, don’t even know the age probably 4, some man rape me at that time didn’t even know what was he doing and I live all my life not knowing exactly what he did to me. I even forgot about it until now that I am grown up it all came back and I remember it as if it was yesterday but fortunately for me it doesn’t no affect me at all. I have never shared it with anyone as well and I wonder how many other kids he has raped. He is dead now and he never had kids.

  32. Ana my dear

    You are still a beautiful child in God’s eyes, He loves you very much. Most of us cannot begin to imagine how you feel as we’ve never been through your ordeal however, feel the pain and resentment you might be going through. Put your trust in God, pray and ask God to help you. I will pray for you mu lovie, there is always a silver lining in every dark cloud.

    Eventually you will learn to love that boy unconditionally for this is God’s plan. much love to you dear

  33. Anna Baby, now I am glad we are dealing with real issues needing our attention not abantu abadlala ngathi. I will use isimo engisaziyo esenzeka around me and today I think God had a purpose for it later in life. I have acousin who fell pregnant at a very young age, parents were never accepting of the baby until the baby had grown into a very progressive someone. Parents had children of their own who they loved and supported throughout theri lives as expected of any parent. However it was not the same with the grandchild, the poor thing had to struggle all her life but God was there and made her the great person she is today.

    Unfrotunately the children never took care of their parents, they minded their own business but the grandchild took care of everyone including the mother who was also needy in some way. Most of the good things that happened in that family were because of this grandchild who was never accepted at a young age. God knew that the children were not going to be responsible and provided them with this child. Yes when it happened it was painful but God knew why. So sisi hang in there, right now nothing makes sense, vele life does not make sense ngoba vele our level of intelligence is limited. Only God will make your life meaningful.

    All the best pray everyday, ngiye ngithi when kunzima ngempela wait until the next day, I am pretty sure the pain you feel today can never be the same as the one you felt 2 weeks ago. Lastly please try to love that poor child, you are investing othandweni oyoluthola in future.

  34. I saw Mike on TV. Was very happy to see you. Big up 2 da gr8 work cz I’m actually inspired to also write my book that I’ve wanted to write since 2008, when I was in high school. Maybe I will write it after all. Love your work.

  35. Ana God is with u sister. As for ur aunt what kind of a christian is she? She is so heartless. Put all ur worries to God. He will make way. Stay blessed dear

  36. hey ana you really are a strong lady prove to that is through sharing your story with us. its difficult to be raped and live with da consequences trust me I have been in da same situation as you. I hated, blamed myself but da only revovery you can get from that trauma is accepting jesus as your saviour. god is good ana whatever that happens in that happens to us he has a valid reason, I know you dont wanna hear this now but its the truth. pray hard especially for forgiveness coz it will free you from yourself and da people that raped you. please always remember that you are a strong woman, a child of god and nothing in this world can ever bring you down because jesus already went down for us. as for your child take her to a relative that understand your pain so that you may be able to heal and during that separation with him I promise that you gonna long for him because his a a part of your everything. sorry lalas be well

  37. #Ana_Thandi_and_Maabane! u guys! hai! hai! hai! i dnt knw wat 2 say! shockd n very much emotional! praying 4 u guys n adas hu dnt hv a voice 2 say wil b my daily dos! m so pisd @ the world ryt nw! but i knw my Lord is lukin upon u! God bless!

    Mike i hope u cn see d wonders you make! special thnx!

  38. VOICE UP WOMEN VOICE UP! Less all stand together and protect ourselves,sisters ND daughters from this devils that rape, molester ND abuse us each ND everyday I’m not a victim but I’m affected by all of this, if we all stand 2geda we can win this race….. 2 all the victims out there, u not alone our father GOD knows ND c you everyday wen u cry alone, he may not ansa yo prayers or wiped yo tears at this moment bt I know one day yo story WL b a living testimony….

    to my sister who brought this topic to us, pls get some help ND love yo son, be a better mom, ND teach him to be a better men who will respect every women…. WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN LIFE!!!

  39. Ana really sad I pray that you find healing its not going to be easy. I was around 13-14 in grade9 when I was gang raped by four men I kept it to myself for a year when I was in grade10 it started affecting my school work which prompted my teachers to investigate wat was wrong with me, I finally told the big secret to a teacher who in turn told my parents, mother was very supportive my father on the other hand told me I was Lying and told my mother that she was wasting her time and money on taking me to concealing since that day I told myself that I no longer have a father ( he is still alive today and I live with him but to me he doesn’t exist) because of the Rape I told myself that I’m not going to let an animal control the way I lived my life, I then became a very sexual woman I had sex with men to make me feel good and powerful, I’m 26 don’t know how many men I’ve slept with I lost count. 2 years ago I met a Man who knew me for my loose ways and he looked beyond that and made me he’s wife a year ago while he was @ work night shift he’s best friend got into the house and attempted to rape Me. I told myself not again not me, why me ryt the and then God gave me the most power I have ever had that I fought my would be Rapist and managed to run out and ask for help. He’s in prison as I write this he got 3years . With the support of my man I am still healing but with God’s grace I am healed!!! Please love yourself and that child and God will do the rest.

  40. Oh Ana, my heart breaks for you. I am really sorry u had to go through that. I know there is nothing any of us can say to make things better for you, but do consider what the other readers have said about government institutions/services that offer free counselling.
    I don’t believe that it is God’s will for us to be hurt and/or to suffer. Though that open wound may not heal completely, but I pray that He tends to it and grants you the wisdom, courage and strength to face each day and take care of your son.

  41. I was also raped 7yrs ago fortunately I didn’t get pregnant…I prayed that God help me get over this whole thing after a few months later the man who raped me was caught trying to raped another girl and was beaten to dead…And for me that’s how I got closure,I was able to move on now I have a daughter and a very loving fiance…Please love your son,and make peace

  42. Thanks Mike.
    QnA:Ana,we can relate to your story,most women are going thru the samething but no1 can feel your pain. Its time like these when we have to fight for yourself. Refuse to become a victim but be a sivivor. Love your son cc even thou its hard. I’d suggest you seek professional help from your local social welfare or try the helplines. Pick yourself up,walk tall with your shoulders up and forget abt people. Your goal should be making a brighter future for u n your son. Look at all the rape savivors,Andile,Oprah,and look where they are now. Good luck with everything. I wish I could take the pain away but I can’t,only God can heal you.

  43. I knw hw u feel ANa !I was raped many time since whn I was 11 !I was raped by traffic officer ,my dad colleague,my Ex,my ex BF cousin !I knw all this ppl bt never told anyone!I could nt tell anyone cause my parents were havimg marital problems n I fear if I did my mum wil leave us again!I’m 42 never told anyone !thanks God I never fall pregnant.Ask for help n go for counselling !N if u cn get out of your aunt house.she wil make u feel guilty for the rest of your life n protect your son frm this cruel wmn who hide under christianity!seek counselling .if u dnt u wil b like me I dnt trust men,I have difficulty letting them in my life,not married,no child n single n still having nightmares n very very scared of traffic officer!plz seek help!

  44. QnA:Ana girl i hv had in life that where the is a bad history the is also a successeful ending. God has plans for you plans not to harm you but prosper you, you still have great things coming your way. And pls do this for your son love him and teach him respect and teach him wats wrong nd wats right for him not to turn into his father a RAPIST

  45. Anna? I feel for you sisi.I promise u a great reward will come to you someday from God our provider,your story is really touching and making us aware that our problems aren’t really problems at all.I can help you have faith in your email is,twitter @sesame3304 , facebook sesame nuetlove, whatsapp +26772704661.I hope my prayers together with those of others will reach to you.

    @Mike,u drag little issues for too long but ur chapters still remain brief…hao

  46. Wow wheels turning around for our main man ne!great chapter Mike,I didn’t see this one coming.

    Q&A: Ana ausi May God always be with you dear and May he Heal that wound. I don’t have words to describe how I feel *teary eyes*

  47. Is a sign dt u r reachin out u need help.U cn go 2 da nearest clinic thy wil organise sumthn 4 u.True a child is a blessing from God.Give hm al da Love u cn cus he is innocent.U didn’t say anythn abt ur parents. Anyway gud luck.May the Almighty guide n give u al the strength u need

  48. Ana i am very touched by your story, I pray that God heals you and gives you strength to forgive and look beyond what happened and love your son dearly. I pray he blesses both of your lives now and forever. much love dear.

  49. I’m filed with tears in my eyes as I read about this beautiful ladies who have been raped. Ana is right you never know what its like to be raped until you are raped and how to deal with it. All I can say is we are here for you ladies, Ana, Thandi and Maabane…You can start by finding out who are you and ask God to guide you. Reading Ps 21 from the bible is always incouraging for me when i go through tuff times.

    “I send my big hug as I have no words but tears in my yes”

  50. Dear Ana,

    I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. I am so so sorry.
    Sisi, u need help. Please do make use of the government / free resources Siya and other readers mentioned. They are not magicians, but they are a step towards a slightly-less-dim day.

  51. Reading d comments is like reading a poem beautiful yet deeply painful,it’s amazing to hear all u ladies standing 2gether,poetic,1 prayer different voices,as a man,my head bend in shame,the brutality that woman suffer at ower hands as men is inconceivable,we can even walk away stand tall,just a nother random deed,a’ve neva heard 1 voice so beautiful 4 real,woman 4 real u need 2 stand,u need 2 rise,all the way 4rm love to rape nd every thing in between,u are left with scares they don’t heal,they just don’t,I don’t have a beginning even if a wanted to say something,a really don’t,majita,nd their deeds,tied my tongue,locked it behind my teeth,a prayer not followed by a deed seems so useless sometimes as many suffer the same as many is still to suffer,some unborn,with a brutal destiny that awaits,where do a start praying who came first,who will b last,…………..a can truly say this world a don’t know this place,the humans that occupies it even worse……………….with all respect this is a table 4 woman,a pray u give each other the strength needed,salute sister’s of man cause your battle is a tough 1,a long 1,some 1 needs 2 has,raise their voice,the heavens need 2 tremble it’s bad mo tlasi he it’s ugly

  52. Wow,wow and wow… I felt way overwhelmed reading all the replies! I wish all women could stand up like this for every struggle we go through and not bring each other down like we usually do… And the most proudest moment is hearing or reading and seeing how Jehova rapha, our healer was put up on the pedastal by you ladies… Anna girl! Firstly welldone on keeping that baby! Now head up and pray hard… God is in it with you and you will get a great reward.. Jehova is also our provider, pray to him to guide and provide for you… He is Jirah, he promised and he will deliver… You just have to let him be in control. Forgive 77 times as God forgives us too. Don’t forget God does the punishing, he revenges accordingly and let us trust in him okay! I am so proud of you!!! Good luck! I will include you in my prayers. If you want to chat, I am available on email… Remember God loves you, so do I!!! Stay blessed and defeat the devil my girl!

  53. Hi Anna,your story is really a sad one n I am so sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age n had no one to talk to or counsel you…just your Aunt, whom I believe was not as supportive. Like most readers have said God is your only source of strength n He has been with u gal, continue to love that boy no matter what because he also did not ask for this.. Reach out to other people if u do attend church get a counselor, speak out n make sure each and every day you forgive yourself!it is not your fault this happened, you do not have to walk in shame! God does truly love you honey.

    At Mike thank you for the blog n just entertaining us but nami m with the other reader that feels your blog can do with editing before posting n that you tend to go on and on in the beginning of a new chapter that one forgets how the previous chapter ended… U do this with all your books…

  54. I have a problem with these “Early birds” because they obviously don’t read the page.I say this because I am so heartbroken right now to read about Ana and her son bt some people only care about commenting first,not that they even comment they just acknowledge that they were the first to read…..pathetic I tell u.

    Thank you Mike

  55. Ana im deeply sorry i cant say i know ur pain but iv been through it too now is excatly 10yrs later and i know how it feels to have ur innocense stolen away from you. With time it all comes to pass, trust in God, it never goes away u learn to live with it. I pray everything works out for you and your son, unlike me my daughter was given up for adoption now that iv grown up to be a strong a wiser woman i wished things were different. I miss n pray for her everyday, Qina sisi kuzodlula

  56. Eish. You broke my heart dear. Nothing can be said to better your feelings. I list pray that in time you will come around in a much better way.

  57. Was,and still am deeply touched by Ana s story,all is we dnt experience pain de same or deal with it de same,by I can relate to wht u r feeling,I can’t count how many times I ve been raped,but I managed to block everything in my mind,continues with my life,because it started wen I was jst six years old until I Ws thirteen,and today I m a mother of three kids married,even thou my husband doesn’t knw,but knowing that God above Is watching over me,He alone have a plan about my life,told myself I LL keep on going,today I m a strongest person ever nothing can tear me apart..Ana jst wanna say to u,be strong my dear for u and dat little boy,u r everything he s got,I LL pray for u and for dat boy,

  58. Hello Anna, askies!!! Talk about it,accept, forgive and move on. I have a friend with a similar story,unfutunately she was raped twice, her son is 7now n she loves him even if it hurts her, it happened n there’s nothing you can do about it but to accept and try to move on, felling sorry for yourself will just make you miserable,at list you weren’t raped and murdered, thank God. For your life.

  59. Anna i dont want to lie and say i know what u r going through but just reading your story made me realise that my problems are nothing all i can say is that take the offer that the readers are offering and just pray to god to give you strength to get pass all this..

  60. Anna I can imagine what you are going through. I was continuously raped by my cousin when I was around 8 and I a, 25 now and I still cry about the ordeal when I think about it. But I trust in the Lord. I believe somehow what happened to me happened for a reason. I am still healing and learning to forgive him. It is hard but I am trying because I dont want this man to have power over me. Eventually I will get over it. Pray and seek God and try to learn to love your son. Tsohle ditla loka eventually. Morena keyena otsebang tsohle sesi. Stay strong and refer to the Bible when you feel alone. Jehoba ona le rena ka dinako tsohle.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *