Innovation is one thing that most marriages do not accept. By innovation I mean doing new things to either spice up or simply change the way you have been doing things with your spouse. We are both guilty her and me. When she tries a new thing even a new spice in cooking usually I force the smile to show appreciation but in all honestly I don’t really like it. Marriage programs you into following a certain routine and diverting from that routine is normally the root cause of fighting. If it is not broken then the belief is often why fix it! Unfortunately this means when you really need to change things in the bedroom it is met with suspicion and treated with contempt! I told her that there was no cheating of any kind I just felt like trying new things. I doubt that she bought it because she just rolled her eyes. She did not believe me and maybe rightfully so. Usually your partner knows you through and through and getting away with something takes great skill. Could she see that I had kissed another woman? I won’t lie the thought crossed my mind. I did not panic though! I explained to her that those were some of the thoughts I had been having. She said we would talk about it later but for now she was tired from her trip. I was so irritated! I desperately needed to get some from the wife that I loved!
We all grew up being told that listening and compromise are two of the greatest strengths we should have especially going into marriage. This is especially reserved for the man because men are known to be stubborn and unyielding. I did not want to fight with her because she had just come back from a trip away and instead of being in each other’s arms here we were trying to strangle one another. You know that thing we see in the movies how when the man comes back from far away the wife just wants to ravage him? Well, I don’t think it is true for my marriage! I had never been away from a long trip or simply work for that matter and found my wife waiting for me naked lying on the dining room table! Dinner does not get served that way in her mind. Sex was starting to have a time and place because at times when I tried to initiate in the lounge for example she would be attentive and interested at first. After a moment she would wake from whatever dream she was having and she would say, “Not here baby, let’s go to the bedroom!” I would obviously ask why and she would reply, “Who is going to clean the couches?” I curse myself to this day, why on earth did I allow her to buy those damn white couches? It is not really white more like ivory but with the way we can’t even do anything on them they might as well be white! I hated them and I often wished we would be burgled and they took those damn things away! I sound like a whine a lot? Yes I do and most men in a pub\bar or any gathering of men with alcohol, if you get them to talk about their wives my story is hardly new! Women at times can appear as though they love their fine furniture more than they love you. Even pots, my wife had taken up after her mother and had some expensive unnecessary pots even for the guests they were intended for. I was not even allowed to use yet I bought them!
I had to change the subject. I did not want the entire afternoon to be spoiled by me. Let me just celebrate the fact that she was back in one piece. What with aeroplanes disappeared from the skies nowadays I surely had a lot to be grateful for! She told me that she too had been thinking. She said it was time to get a job. She said having friends who work made her a bit envious and feel useless! It is not like I discouraged her from working in the first place! I asked her what she had in mind and she said even an office job as a receptionist as long as it meant she got out of the house! At my office I knew they were looking for receptionists but there was no way in hell I was going to allow for a situation where I ended up working with my wife! Hell no! That’s the kind of love that sucks everything out of you. Imagine, you see her at home and at work! How do you breathe? I told her I would help her look. I made no mention of the fact that we are hiring! I think only women believe that we want to be in each other’s presence as much as possible! I know men don’t! That’s fact! I wanted her to get a job there for this meant new ideas in her domesticated head!
It hit me that I must back up my story about this weekend. What if Khanya made it accidentally slip that she had slept at my house? That would not work out for me. Because I had not told my wife she was here in the first place means that I would get in trouble. I decided to send Khanyi a message!
“Please don’t tell my wife that you slept here! Please! I don’t think she will appreciate that very much! Thank you”
I smsed. You know because I was in such a rush to do it I was just relieved it went through. She was telling about her trip now a bit more cheerful. My issues forgotten. I heard the message received tone come from her voice and immediately I jumped up! I looked at the number I had sent that message! My heart stopped! You know when you wish you can literally run after a message and stop it half way! That was me…
My wife looked at her phone which was on the table as got up.
I had to do something!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you so much for the beautiful stories and chance for us to ask for advice. I am a sixteen year old sexually active girl. I have slept with my boyfriend who is turning 19 this year. We have been dating for two years but only broke my virginity this year. I am not sure he is still in love with me anymore because ever since he went to university he neglects me. He no longer tells me when he goes clubbing etc with his friends. I get to see it on fb when his friends tag him meaning he does not even post up his pictures. I see him every weekend as he stays on campus (Wits) and I feel the only reason why it’s that his because parents force him home every week. I doubt he would come home without that pressure! Please do not tell me to concentrate on my books because I have never been out of top 5 in my class. I just need advice from my older sisters on how to handle the situation as you have more experience than me. Please advise me and do not shout at me.
This is a busy month for me! Happy Birthday Miss Vuyani Candice Mukhari. I was not going to forget you friend on this special day and I want my birthday party invitation Vuyani lol! Be blessed my friend