Memoirs – Chapter Thirteen

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

The moment you start doing things you are not supposed to be doing in a relationship problems start. They might not be as a direct consequence but they start. That’s fact. Fear of getting caught is actually what drives you to getting caught because instead of acting normal you over compensate. Twice now I had done that. That sms had not been necessary when I sent it because we were so chilled at that moment. My wife had made up her mind about all that we had discussed! When she says she is tired and we will talk about it later normally it means the conversation is over! I knew that fight was lost so what could I do now?

Panic gives you strength! I dashed so fast for that phone and knocked it out of her hand in the process! It shattered into so many parts. People love their phones never underestimate that bond. At first my wife just froze mid sentence as she was not quite sure if what had happened really had happened! I am not a violent person but at that moment I pushed her unwittingly with my momentum and she fell back into her beloved couch. I had completely taken her by surprise she fell over backward but it was not into a hard surface at least. She screamed at me first what had gotten over me and secondly asked me what it is I had to hide so badly! I had just tipped her off! I had to come up with something quick! I turned it around on her? One thing that men are really good at is turning the story on its head! I accused her of wanting to check her phone when I was telling her that I am having problems with our nonexistent sex life! I screamed and shouted at her saying that she was not concerned about our marriage anymore just her couches and curtains! The best kind of lie is one with a bit of truth in it right? I guessed I had bottled up feelings about all this so I just exploded. I wanted to stop myself but the words kept on coming out. At some point I just walked outside into the yard to breathe. I had not seen that one coming nor had she for she just stood there now crying.

The first thirty minutes after that the anger in me was genuine but as the time went on I started feeling bad. Loving someone does that to you I should not have done that nor said all these things. She had not come outside after me meaning I had really hurt her. Yes we had issues to resolve but the way I had behaved was certainly not the way to handle it. When I walked into the house she had moved from the sitting room to the kitchen. She was cooking! Remember I said my wife does not cook yet there she was! I am sure even the stove was surprised to be switched on at this time. I was not sure whether it was because of me or what. I am a Xhosa man and I know our women, what if she was boiling water for me! Again I panicked! I had heard so many stories of men whom were given the ultimate revenge by their women through boiled water or worse, hot cooking oil! If your wife doesn’t cook what would you think! African women don’t really do poison, that’s for white people! Poison demands that she has to read what’s outside the box so eh not for us!

I went to the kitchen but made sure I did not stand too close! I made sure I did not stand at any place that would trap me should I need to escape. She was crying silently as she chopped onions and the rest. I did feel bad. I had overreacted. I could always have said it was Daluxolo who slept over! I had made a situation worse! Silly me indeed! I apologized to her for snapping and told her it was the work stress getting to me. She said absolutely nothing to me in return. My wife was like that. When she was angry she chose not to speak. She often argued that things said in anger often take the longest to heal so rather keep quiet. She had not picked up her phone and I could see all the parts still scattered where I left them. I went to pick them up but made sure I did not give her my back! Why did I not trust my wife all of a sudden when I was the one in the wrong? I had just become that man who beats up his wife by accusing her of things that he is doing himself! If a man comes home and accuses you of cheating out of the blues then he is probably the one cheating!

I did not what to do. She was not saying anything. Again I apologized but the woman simply ignored me. What to do now? Eish! I had not hit her. I believe men who hit a woman have to be the lowest form of scum. Women can make you angry that’s so true but to reach the point of hitting her…nope that’s not correct at all! However, my actions now were similar to that.

After a full hour and a half she took my dinner and put it on the table. She even made up the table. It reminded me of when I was young on New Years Eve on TV they always played this most boring of shows called “Dinner For One”. She looked at me and said,

“Come eat!”
I looked at her with so much fear in my eyes that much I won’t lie and I asked why she was not eating? She responded,

“I lost my appetite!”

Heh banna! Now what? I don’t think it crossed her mind for one moment that I was absolutely terrified of her at that moment! If I had a dog I would have given it the food. That’s what they do in the movies!
She then said,
“Why are you not eating? I am here to slave for you and just open my legs right? You hate the curtains I spent so much time looking for and the couches you helped me choose so am useless in your eyes!”
She started sobbing again! Those bloody couches again!

What was I supposed to do now! Regret!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)


Dear Mike,

My name is Alexandre am 31 years and my boyfriend is 30 years of age I meet him via a mutual friend but we didn’t start dating immediately it took us 12 weeks before we started to date! We use to chat on a daily basis and during that time he never even once said he likes me or anything like that. I however enjoyed our conversations till july last year and it is then we met and went for the first date which was great and things started from there. My problem with him is he doesn’t answer my questions whenever we talk especially when we have an argument. He will just keep quiet or go to bed or tell me he will call later or he is not in court to be answering questions but when he ask me questions he wants me to answer him and if am not he will ask me if I don’t trust him? I hate that I have spoken to him numerous time about this how it makes me feel but he doesn’t want to change is now 8 months together and he has proposed to me on valentine which it was beautiful.
He have introduced me to his parents and I have met all his friends and I even went to the Uk and Switzerland to meet two of his cousins. But this issue of him not answering my questions bothers me so much he does that all the time but he doesn’t want it when I do it to him. So please am I asking too much because I don’t want to live my life with regrets.

Alexandre B

56 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Thirteen

    1. Mr maphoto, you are writting shit now, you lost your spark, i used to enjoy this but now its just things my 11 year old sister can write. PULL UR SOCKS UP!!!

  1. Thanx 4 the read Mike, this marrige is something else.
    Alex communication is 1 of the keys in a relationship. Tell him ur concerns bt tell when u guys r happy, so dt he be able to take u seriously. I know when I have an issue with my partner,I always bring them up when we r happy coz if I do when we arguing, he jst blow them over n say i’m always lookin 4 a fight. You must make him listen to u n answer ur questions but do that in a culm manner and tone. Congrats on the engagement n gudluck

  2. Thnx Mike A2Q: He is taking control of u, nd u c’nt take control of him. Its not gud sounds like a cotrolling type/ or some1 who like 2b a boss. Bt its sumthing along those lines.

  3. Thanks Mikeesto, daily dose…
    Alex dear, u are in a situation. I think based on what you said, there is somewhat a trust issue there. I don’t think it would be wise to get married to this closed book as it appears. My advice: use the ring to make him open up, tell him that you are not about to say I do, when you don’t even know the person u saying I do too. Its not right and he needs to open up a little. But I’m curious to know what type of questions you asking the guy though,but goodluck anyway

  4. Hi Alex B,
    Congrats with the engagement lady.
    When you need answers you need answers girl and like you saying, you dont want to end up with regrets. As they said above, try talking to him when he is at his happiest, but at the same time put your foot down, cos if he doesnt want to give you the answers, then it might mean he is hiding something from you. You need to be very clear of what you are throwing yourself into instead of always wondering and making up your own conclusions.

  5. Thanx Mike,

    @ Alex, no u are not asking for too much. Communication is the corner stone in all relationships. You have to talk to him, try and get thru to him. Maybe involve an elderly person that he respects – hopefully before you marry him.
    Also when you ask the question explain why you are asking that particular question – so that he doesn’t think he is in court.

    Is it just questions that are an issue? Does he listen to you normally? Does he heed your advice when needed?
    All the best, dear!!!

  6. Mxo had no choice bt to aggressively though it ws wrong brada.But as for Asithandile wa hao,she s a lazy tortoise,she can’t cook,do doggy nor oral sex nxa ai maan I’m sho le nna kene kesa tlo Ja dijo tseo tsa hae n I wonder wat she cooked……boiled onions,is so dislike them.

    Dear it means ur going to get married to a rock cos rocks don’t talk?Its unfair of him n its a torture too cos u will be bottling things and fo sho le wena u gonna change n end up being moody.But hey love is something else cos we accept ppl with different characters.But wena are sure u wanna live with dat character?Talk to your man n maybe le wena ur soft n he’s taking an advantage of that.I’m not saying u shud shout him or quarell with him but there are tyms n situations dat needs us to be tough on our men.Or ur afraid of him?Then if so he’s going to control u untill u develop grey hair n tjhubabas…..take control of certain things love whether engaged or not or UK n Switzerland or not stand on ur ground n tell him ur concerns,remember eye contact.U both adults n no one deserves to b treated with silence no matter da circumstances ,dat hurts so much.

  7. Wow Mike thanks for great read!!!! Pity its soooo short…..Wishin u nd the readers a safe nd blessed weeknd! Awe welcome back Jackzorro!!!!! How’s things down under lol????

  8. Reverse Psychology at its best, your wife knows how to pull your strings and play you like a guitar Mxo!

    Q&A: If he won’t anwer your questions now, he definitely won’t answer them after you marry him. He sounds a bit controlling in that he has the right to ask questions and demand answers from you but not vice versa. I think you both need to seek pre-marital counselling, maybe then you will get some anwers. Good luck dear.

  9. This chapter was just hilarious! Super funny! Men can be such cowards yo! Thanks Mike

    Alexandre, maybe its the way u aks the questions. Men r egotistical for decades. If u ask one question after another like a parent questioning a child he will not answer. Find a different way to ask then questions if u really have to, just remember one thing – not every issue can be resolved immediately. Sometimes letting things cool down a bit helps. All the best

  10. Iyoo, Asithandile is now making her husband feel bad. I now see where this story is going….this guy will eventually be bored in his marriage and go for a sidedish. She has now started to misinterprete his concerns…she is not open to new things…agh man! I know its wrong of this guy to smash her phone like that, but at least it saved them from all sorts of explanations which might even shake trust in their marriage. I think, it will be interesting to see who Asithandile is going to cheat with and what her reasons would be. Im more interested in reading how she will do the dance, cause sidedishes are more adventurous….*just saying*

    Out of curiosity…..Mike, why are all your books (most parts of your books) about cheating?

  11. Q&A
    Alex, most guys ignore questions because they have something to hide. In most cases they think the truth may either hurt you or make them weak, cheap, stupid,etc. If you’ve got concerns, I dont think you should be entertaining the engagement before you have the answers. Proposing is done in a form of a question, at this stage I would like to think that you have the bargaining power. Get someone that he respects, to intervene. These days a few guys propose…you are very lucky. Good luck!

  12. Mike ur books seem to Have stereotypes about xhosa people and am rather disappointed by the promotion of these narrow minded type of thinking! In all three of ur blogs i read its like that!!! But all in all you are a good writer and story teller!!!

  13. Hey Lee lol its cold under here but thanks for the welcome… Really missed u guys, what happened to Silent blogger?

  14. Hey ya’ll. Yeah ne’…hectic day! Oh, Thanx Mike.

    Eish…banna, magwala…but really even if Mxo wud have said Daluxolo slept over …wifey was gonna want to know y he didn’t want her 2 know…So this is a miserable marriage coz the man is not getting what he wants from his wife…he is definitely about to cheat…he is bored & tired of his wife behaviour.

    Q&A…u know Alex…it depends what ? U ask your boyfriend. eg. If u ask a man how many women he has slept with b4 u..damn he is not gonna answer u. Also,,,stop asking personal questions…some things R better left unsaid. My advise…b4 u get married to this man…go for pre-marital councilling…and stop nagging.

    Enjoy your w/end everyone & Stay Blessed.

  15. Lol @Q&A Ag just let the man be. He’ll probably say things he’ll regret and would rather keep quiet. What more do you want?? And yes, you’re asking for too much.

  16. @Olwe2…no need 2 be rude. Really if U not enjoying this blog….just stop reading & come up with yours. Clearly U R miserable…so sit…some of us R really enjoying Mike’s talent.

    My advice…get sumthing better to do with your life! Stop swearing @ Mike..he has never ask U 2 read.

  17. Thanks abuti reli enjoying dis book I hav even recruited my 2 married frnds 2 read and their reli obsessed!God bless ur wonderful work u reli amazing!! As 4 dat olwe2 guy ungazosinyanyisa if awazi ukuthi uthini shut up asinamsebenzi nawe waze wayisicefe nxaaa!!

  18. @olwe2 ska tlo phapha mona wena nxa if u not enjoyin it then keep it to yourself and if your lil sis can do better then mike then ask her ta write stories for you…who the hell do u think you are??? Tellin mike that he’s writting shit nxn…start your own blog if u think u smart nxn yerr!!!
    Mike brother thanx you doin a great job!!!#huggs…kodwa mike confession ibuya nini???

  19. Thanks Mike, hoping you are spoiling us again this weekend!
    @ olwe2 mamela la wena miserable being, pls stop with your shitty comments. piece of shit, did Mike ask you to read his blog? No so if you don’t like it rather uyebhoshi uyokaka instead of reading, sure thing u will find shit there, jou rubbish!

  20. QnA Miss B usually when someone doesn’t answer questions it means thy view u as beneath them to b subjected to answering your questions. Thy tend to hv no remorse wen thy hurt you an almost never admit or apologize wen wrong. Bare in mind every relationship has dynamics, u jst need to find a way to deal with them. Go for premarital counseling (doesn’t hv to be church or frm a pastor) a professional marriage counselor. Such issues need to be address prior to marriage u can’t just assume he will hear u out eventually. Congratulations on ur union

  21. @Olwe2……U kinda like those ppl who adopt English words never even knw da meaning of it.Do u knw da meaning of shit or maybe u thot ohhh wat a cool thing to say to Mike.U knw wat,jus go to hell stingy pants nxa.Frustrated one heses

  22. Hi Abuti,

    I’ve been reading your work and find it entertaining. However, I found the following phrase offensive ‘African women don’t really do poison, that’s for white people! Poison demands that she has to read what’s outside the box so eh not for us!’ I understand that you might not have meant it in that way, but it perpetuates the stereotype that black people, women in particular, aren’t very intelligent/educated. I’m not trying to ‘lecture’ you. I thought it was important that I let you know

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