One of the most fundamental things to a man is know what to tell his wife and what not to tell his wife. I know we are told that we should share everything with our partners as this will create honesty and an open environment in the home. We are told that secrets are harmful and can destroy relationships. It is very true that they can but that’s only if the secret comes out. Every man therefore has a secret or secrets. How else do you think it is possible that only after his death do you discover other kids he had on the side. To be honest, had he come home one evening and said, “My wife I made a terrible mistake and I got a woman pregnant!” How do you think that would have went down in the house? One of two things would have happened! One, there would have been hell to pay. The wife would be so angry she would either leave him or call all his relatives to report him like they can do anything to make the child go away. Second thing to happen would be, divorce him or stay. The ones who stay it will take her six months just to invite you back to the bedroom again of which you will have to grovel for everything in your home even just to eat. She will constantly remind you of your indiscretion and women are really good at that. You can have an argument about soccer with her and the moment she is losing she will say, “oh you only like that team because that bitch likes it!” She will milk that guilt card for life! Tell a middle aged married man that secrets in a relationship are harmful and he will remind you that he is still married aint he! For better or worse often does not look at the “worse” part especially nowadays.
I think women really underestimate the ability of men to lie. They tell each other in their little forums how they tell the big lies and that’s fine because what you don’t know won’t kill you. Its like petty resistance. That’s like spitting in my tea when you are making it because you are angry at me! How will it hurt me if I don’t know that you did that? Usually we never even get to know that big lie but with us, we can tell you a lie on something that is in your face. You will even know that something is amiss but try looking for evidence to back it up and see how spectacularly you will fail. We are survivors and its what makes most men survive in relationships. We have an uncanny ability to take out all emotion when we are guilty and deliver a plain denial. I looked her in the eye and I asked her,
“I don’t understand. What do you mean they were under the bed? Whose bed?”
She looked at me a bit confused and said she found them in the guest room. I laughed and I said to her,
“The only one whom they would probably fit is you so why are you asking me?”
She was getting annoyed and fast. She said they were not hers and since we were the two of us in the house I had explaining to do. I gave a serious look and told her that she forgot her friends on their drunken night had slept here with her. Told her to ask whomever had taken the guest room. She looked stupid and immediately started to apologize. She actually confessed to having forgotten but I didn’t mind. Was going to kill Khanyi.
I could see she was not settled because I know her very well. My wife was not done. I could see she was not fully believing me. She called Khanyi. I don’t know why she didn’t choose Bulelwa. I think women always have an instinct on their friends of whom to watch out for. Pride is what does not allow them to openly say it. I as a guy have friends I would not leave my wife with either. Asthandile even put her on speaker so I could hear. I thought she would see that I had just called Khanyi or rather had a missed call from Khanyi since I had broken her phone. Fortunately in her anger she didn’t. She asked Khanyi if she was missing her stockings. Khanyi I am certain knew this would happen for she owned up immediately. She was natural about it and said that she was embarrassed to ask if she had seen them. She put it down to the alcohol of which my wife immediately changed conversation and they started catching up. Khanyi was either very good at this or evil. Nothing else. They spoke for a good thirty minutes about nonsense. My wife had chosen to believe her over me. After she got off the phone she came over to me and apologized. I pretended to be a bit angry because if you don’t then you will look relieved hence guilty. All was well.
In my mind during all this was Khanyi. I was very angry at her. How could she do that? I could not call her now obviously but this was wrong. When my wife got me to talk to her again she started telling me that Khanyi was hosting a braai with some of her friends. She asked me if she could go and obviously I said yes. She asked if she could go alone because she already felt a bit awkward after the stockings incident because it had insinuated that I was doing something with the owner of the stockings. I was never going to go though even if I could. That weekend we had a prep to for a case so I was going to be with Daluxolo.
First thing in the morning when I got free time I called Khanyi. I was pissed as hell. She had almost cost me my marriage with stupid stunt. She said even she too had forgotten. She said it was the night when we went out together and she had passed out on me. She did not do it on purpose because “I should get over myself” she was not here to destroy my marriage. It was a genuine drunken mistake!
Ok then! I told her that was not cool. She said that I was being a big baby and in fact,
“I don’t date children because clearly you can keep your pretty little wife in check! So I suggest we end this now and I will get myself a real man!”
She snapped and hung up the phone. What had just happened? Had she just dumped me! What was wrong with this woman?
I redialled immediately!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I am a 40 year old woman with two children, both boys aged 16 and 12. My husband has cheated a few times in our marriage and I have either caught him or he confessed. We have always worked through it somehow. He is a stupid man but I love him still and am old and comfortable for divorce. My problem is something new happened recently. At work (govt) there is a new guy. I am ashamed to say he is 29. He flirts excessively with me and I actually enjoy it. I have actually realized that I have started to dress better now hoping he would compliment me and I am happy again. I hate weekends because I won’t see him even. On Monday this Ben 10 kissed me in my office. It was the first and only time! I am falling apart emotional I don’t know what to do. Should I try get a transfer before it destroys my marriage because I already know I won’t stop it? Should I confess to my husband? Mike, in all my years of marriage its my first time of cheating and this young man really makes my body feel alive again.