Memoirs – Chapter Seven

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

Much as men almost always look bad when it comes to divorce most of us do not want to end up in a broken marriage. We make mistakes like even females and usually that mistake is cheating. Its no excuse but I think as men we are cursed. I will give you an example. I can have sex with my wife on a Saturday morning and I am the happiest men alive. I love her. My wife can suggest we take a walk or go shopping. A woman can walk in front of us and her skirt gets blown up by the wind and guess what? As long as I see what’s under that skirt my dick will go up. That ‘guy’ has a life of his own! It’s not because I want to be unfaithful or I am a bad person but my body literally responds to any form of stimulation. Even at work when a woman wears the tightest dress or fails to sit properly, more often than not my body gets aroused. I do not consciously go out and do it because I am a cheat but it happens naturally. When I therefore say men are visual when it comes to sex and physical when it comes to being aroused it is not because we go out there and look for trouble. No. On the contrary, trouble often finds us. Try explaining that to your woman and see how quickly she calls you a dog or how weak you are. Its not like I am the one who said that skirt must get blown up by the wind in any case! That said, the thought of the swimming women still haunted my body not me!

After my wife told me about Khanyi and her wanting to see her over me I decided to call her. I figured that it was best I counter whatever it is she had to say. By call her I mean call Khanyi. The night they went out it was her number I had been given when Bulelwa’s phone did not work. She did not pick up the first time around so I was stuck. I even used the office phone meaning that she did not know my number so I was certain it was not because I was being ignored. I decided to redial this time using my phone. She picked up immediately but said she would call me back she was still with some clients. She sounded cheerful at least so it was not a matter of a woman falling apart with guilt. This was good for me. It means that I had a chance of convincing her not to go confess to my wife. Like most men I was very good at getting out of a tight jam. When alone a man can panic at first but then calm down and come up with solutions that can shock even himself. That’s why when you find out your man might be cheating you should never call him or text him from afar. Wait for him to get home and look him in the eye when you confront him. If you text him for example all he needs in twenty minutes to gather his thoughts and whether he confirms or denies it be rest assured he will make a convincing argument that often makes you look bad and confused. There is a reason why most women come to their men to find solutions to problems. Its because we get very analytical about this and with these skills applying them to a relationship is like second nature.

When she eventually called back I had worked myself into quite a sweat. I was nervous. She said she was pleasantly surprised to hear from me and emphasis on the surprise. Already she was flirting. I was caught in two positions. On the one hand if I told her that I did not want to see her again or near my wife what if she snaps and reports me out of spite and anger. On the other hand if I didn’t then it will look like I am condoning what was happening. Decisions decisions! I had to roll the dice on this one and see how it plays out. She said she would be seeing my wife later over me actually. I pretended not to know and asked why. She said her company was looking for new representation and my firm had come up. She said she was in a position to specifically ask for me but had to make sure that my wife was cool with it otherwise it would look dodge. When you have an affair with someone who knows your girlfriend, she goes a long way to make sure that your wife is comfortable with her being around. This is to allay any suspicion and to genuinely have plausible deniability.

This was awkward. A lot of people who work in private companies will tell you this, black people hardly ever get given real responsibilities in white owned companies. My firm was no different. The important cases were handled by ‘them’ whilst the rest were handed to “us”. Our section was actually quite busy as petty crime to be fair is not usually committed by “them” but by “us”. “They” handled mostly the corporate and civil cases whilst we ran around prisons trying to rescue our own. To therefore run an account meant a hectic step up which I was not going to pass up on marriage or not. Me putting my career first meant that my family would benefit more in the long run and the experience that came with it was immense. She emphasized we would not be working together so I should not worry about that either. Its not unheard of for a company to request exactly whom it wants to handle their account in a firm. All in all it was a pleasant conversation that really made my day.

Now imagine if I had panicked and rushed to call my wife. I would have put myself and marriage in a bad spot. At least now we had established boundaries and we could all benefit. Looking back that is what made my wife and Khanyi get closer. It was more than just friendship for now she was more like a sister to her. That evening when I got home my wife told me that she had spoken to Khanyi. She told me how happy she was and that Khanyi should not have come to her because this was business so she trusted me. If there is one thing Xhosa women understand its money and my wife was no exception. She knew as well as I do that this account would change a lot of things as often I complained at the lack of responsibility I was getting at work. As she had brought Khanyi home I could feel the satisfaction in her voice. This was a good time to be Mr. and Mrs. Sibani.

I hardly saw Khanyi over the next two weeks but I know my wife had lunch with her girls during that period. They had really become fast friends. In fact in my head we had already established boundaries. My wife had to go home because her younger sister had gone missing…again! Zimasa was a problem child and she was only 17. My wife had to go for the weekend as the family yet again had to find her and come up with a new plan to keep the child in place. I didn’t like these trips though because every time she went it cost us money. When you come home from a big city in Mdantsane all the bills they look at you! You easily go off budget by three or four thousand at times! I often warned my wife about this but she always said if she did not do it her family would think ill of her! It’s what black families do. When you have money they expect some of it and if you don’t share they call you proud and so on. They talk about you behind your break and practically pray for you downfall. Jealousy is a huge factor in dealing with the extended family when you are married. Often it is your family that puts pressure on your marriage at the beginning as you fight to establish boundaries without either being disrespectful or stingy!

She left on a Thursday. Friday I went to work but I came back early for once. It was yet another hot day so I settled in and took off the net on the pool. I wanted to take a dip so I could cool off. Just as I got into there was a car at the gate. I heard the buzzer. I went and opened.

When I opened it was Khanyi. She said she was looking for Asthandile. Liar! There is no way she did not know that my wife was not around. I told her that she was not there but had gone to Eastern Cape. She sounded disappointed but I invited her in as I could not exactly chase her away of which she immediately accepted.

We sat and started talking. I was not as nervous as I think I should have been. There is a saying that when the cat is away the mice will play. Often its reserved for kids when parents go away. However, it is also very true for married men when the wife goes home! It is like finally I can breathe! It is heaven.

To play or not to play that became my question?

****The End*****
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Hi Mike

i’m 24 and i started dating this guy from work since October last year…at first thing were great, he called everyday, sent messages in the morning and we practically saw each other everyday, thing were
great and he was the guy every girl can dream of, i was a virgin and during the course of our relationship we then decided to engage in sex…but then thing started to changed when i got a new job, suddenly
he doesn’t call, doesn’t reply to my messages, and he is just always busy to see me or even chat with me, but he is always on line until late, when i confront him about it, he gets all angry and try to shift the blame to me and we haven’t spoken for three weeks…the thing is I love him but at the same time i feel like i’m not good enough for him. What should I do?



65 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter Seven

  1. Between the assignments and tests I always look forward to get my morning fix… Thanx for never disappointing Mike, can’t wait for the next chapter!!!
    **Top 15**

  2. Kwaaa pple start wt commenting bfor reading just to b sure if they no. 1s wah.. Ay mike y koda nqamula kabhlungu kanjena all the tym??

  3. Zee.. Truth b told.. Wayek thanda cuz buseduze ekbona all the tym so nw u far he is losin interest maybe he has found someone else nearby..

  4. thanks Mike
    A2Q: Zee that man wanted the cookie/honeypot and you gave it to him so he doesnt want you anymore, it has nothing to do with you getting a new job. sorry cc but let him go and move on with your life – easier said than done i know but what would be the point of you hanging on to something that has no future/is not going to work

    1. I totally agree Gogo… Calm down and move on Zee, he got the noeki its done for you. Sad part u had preserved yourself for soooooo long (which we dont see quite often today, so well done on that) but pitty u gave it to someone that didnt deserve it… wipe ur tears, head up, chest out ul find some one that will treasure you.

  5. Eish Khanyi mxm……Thanks Mike.
    Dear Zee,my lovey its painful to be ignored.Really how can dis guy be online till late n gets angry wen u talk to him?Nana if there is something I hate to advice ppl to do ,is to say dump da damn bustard or da damn b*tch.Cos we fight in relationships,yell,cry n shout then kiss n make up.Giving ur virginity doesn’t mean u shud c him only him in dis world.Who doesn’t want to be missed,called or told dat they are loved?We all do baby.Ask him dat really he has changed towards u,da things he used to do he no longer do them.I suggest u find yourself a man who s going to make u happy nana ,ur still young n there men out there who are looking for someone like u.Try n try each day nana to take dat guy out of ur mind.Have girls out,pj parties n tea parties n go out for movies n stop being stuck wen ur not @ Wrk.Keep itself bzy n someone will walk towards n tell u how much they love u.
    All da best baby girl

  6. zee let go coz really you guys have not spoken in three weeks and he is not in some no signal place so in my books three weeks of no talking means the relationship is over….LET HIM GO

  7. Waaao Mike..this is getting nice and nicer! Should the mice decides to play, please give all the details from the foreplay right until the dance! But I hope the cat isnt going to catch them in the act….Ill have to wait and see.

    Zee must leave the guy….especially now that he is playing the mind game. Usually when men are over you, they act all moody and angry. khaba lenja! and make it clear.

  8. Thanks Mike,

    @ Zee,
    This man is not into u. I am sorry to tell you this, but u need to let him go. He doesn’t want to be with you. U deserve to be with someone who appreciates you.

  9. To play or not to play……ohhh it’s getting hot already. Khanyi is a mission wake up Asthandile the enemy is close.

    Q&A Dear this guy is so not into you and when a man sense your “inferiority bug’ he’ll pounce on it. So you need to give him some space and learn to LOVE yourself, maybe he’ll come back maybe he won’t but at least you’ll understand that the world doesn’t revolve around him.

  10. Play, you know you want too. Abangani abanjengo Khanyi abafuneki, like straight up she is going for her Besties husband! Shameless

    Zee, I don’t know what this guy does for a living but I think he is not happy about your new job and independence. His ego might have taken a knock especially if you can provide for yourself. The moment you start believing you not “good enough” for someone, your self esteem is taking a knock and you need to release that negative energy which is your man. You deserve a man who will be happy about your growth not be threatened by it.

  11. Forget about Him Zee. His ego obviously took a knock and I am certain you have been asking yourself what you did wrong – I know because I have been in your position before!
    Take it from me, he will be back and when he does come back you have to be strong enough to reject him and his advances.

    PS – You did nothing wrong…

  12. A2Q, Zee, the guy is done with you sweety, sorry to be blunt but you need to let him go and move on with your life. You might meet a few more class A- morons like him, thats the world we live in. Letting him go is going to hurt but whats a girl to do? there is no point in you trying to make things work with some one who has already moved on. He is not threatened by your new job, he is done with you! Believe me, if a man wants to be with you, nothing can ever stop him, he dont want you no more sweety, but on the bright side you will eventually get over him and life will returrn to normal again, the sooner you let go the sooner you will start to heal!

  13. Hi Zee you are as good as SINGLE!!!! its clear he only wanted the cookie and now that he got it theres nothing keeping him with you. simply put: move on with your life you cant cling on a guy who doesnt have time for you and doesnt give you attention for your own sake and happiness move on with your life. he;ll miss you for sure but by the time he realizes you loved him it will all be too late coz by that time you’ll be with a guy who loves , appreciates and cherishes you
    all the best 🙂

  14. 24yr old lady..let him go..but knw u had ery ryt to chase aftr hm..aftr o..he took away ur virginity..u dnt feel love..thats giult and shame..misguidance…block th stupid guy..u deserv beta

  15. I thnk da mic is gonna play bcos @ da beggining of dis book he said it was the best shag he ever had cirius. angenile amanzi endlini!!! A 2 Q. Leave dat bustard cc,3 weeks surely he doesn’t mic u,u wil eventually get over him and find yoself a gud man forget about ur viginity it happns 2 da best of us!!

  16. Aah Mikey…iyoh can’t wait 4 friday

    Zee my sweety pie ur not his only girl,maybe this is a one way relationship were you gave it ur all and he is just not that in to u!move on if he really cares he will notice and give u attention again!

  17. Mogatssssssss!! Nnya go thata ya leje ruri…Khanyi is a whore!! She’s a man stealer!! Women are way too trusting, if ds won’t be an eye-opener then ga ke itsi!!

    The 24 year old lady…o ska lelela ntja maan, forward u go my sister, don’t cry over spilt milk, u r a bountiful rose, u r young, surely u do turn heads…he’s replaceable afterall. O ska itsenya stress nex!! Go iwa ko pele.

  18. And Mr Sindane scores!!!!!!!! Thanks Mike.
    A to Q: move on darling, he’s not into you anymore. As cruel as it may sound, some guys are just after the kuku and once they’ve poked it, they are gone. No amount of crying and praying will bring them back, they were never really into you. Have experienced that a couple of times myself, it leaves you feeling used and awful, it’s life. Some guys actually are dogs! Nnx!

  19. Yhuuuuu yaze yaqala inkathazo ,this Khanyi woman uza ngamawala . @Zee the guy is over u and he won’t tell u lala that its over.So do urself a favor and let go of him. Sorry lala but u will be fine as time goes!

  20. Eish Mike bra ndifunda nto kule diary yakho i so wish kuba abafazi banga undrstandr ba sidalwe njani bayeke ukusibiza ngama gama

  21. A2Q:let him go gal he jst wntd the cookie and i feel for you coz loosing ur virginity is a big deal for any 24 u still have a lot to learn about men.move on ull find some1 great who wil lov u and the fact that u fil he’s 2 gud for u its a prblm u shld neva fil gore ur partner is better than u he should be ur equal.

  22. Why is it as women we 1st start by accusing each other rather than saying the man himself is allowing temptation in his house. He is not held at gun point. Reading comments most people are mentioning Khanyi and not Mr Sindane inviting her in, for what really #smh

    1. Miss Khay Tee, the guy is in his house and this damn Khanyi came to his place. You don’t need a scientist to figure that out. The guy was not held at gun point, but the woman came to him. It’s even worse that she pretended to be friends with the wife, kanti uzifunela indoda. I think you are old enough to know that guys are weak when it comes to resist a temptation. So please don’t play dumb here and ask why women blame each other. The whore is a woman. Until women start to value themselves and stop going after men who are taken the better.

  23. @zee, obviously u got played girl. The best thing to do is to work on forgetting about this guy, and let go. Move on with ur life, you’ll meet someone who’s worth your love rather. Don’t let him get the satisfaction of u being desperate for him.

  24. Why do men keep on cheating with the same woman even if he knows you know. You have confronted him but he wont stop. What does one do in a case like this?

  25. Thanx for the read Mike XXX Zee woman u need to check ur price tag,its obviously marked half price! U have allowed it for too long and its time to say hell no!!! Who does he think he is!!!let go cc,a brave man dies once a coward dies a lotta times…..think about it

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