A lot of women don’t realize that in marriage your mans greatest temptation is probably one of your friends. Why? Because that is probably the only woman he can speak to openly in front of you. Its got nothing to do with her amazing beauty, wit or charm but rather that she is an alternative to whatever you do. She is probably just as bad a cook as you, has very similar tastes to you even so its rarely ever because she is better than you. Admit it or not the element of forbidden fruit is always present with your wife’s friends because there are like right there in front of you and you know shouldn’t but … That said, most women are under the illusion that their friends are the safest women around their husband. I was not looking at her in a sexual manner but as an attractive woman. I don’t think women realize this. Men are designed to be attracted with what they see as opposed to what they feel. We don’t feel an emotional attraction at first but a physical attraction. That’s why no man will ever tell you that the first thing he fell for when he met you was your personality. You don’t see personality, your see the physical side first. Its not because we are shallow, its because we are wired differently from you. Again its not an excuse, its reality. Get any man, your little brother in fact, take him to a mall and ask him to pick ‘nice’ girls. All the girls he will be pick will be attractive and usually light skinned. That’s just how it is. Its not some evil demon against you that doesn’t want you to be happy its just the true reality of what a man is. Now imagine, you have just brought that temptation home. Deep stuff.
I tried to concentrate on the TV but as the hours trod on I got worried about my wife. I wanted her home. I am not a possessive husband neither am I controlling but I was not comfortable. Its not because I didn’t trust her but I know guys, its them I do not trust. Men are hunters and as long as its a group of females in a club including one wearing a ring they will try their luck. Men to be honest are starting to realize that actually the easiest place to get laid and not worry about having to call the next morning is with a girl in a relationship or a young married girl. Its funny actually because in the workplace especially they are the easiest targets. Nope, we don’t go looking for the girl that’s about to get married especially if she is already planning for her wedding because at that moment she is in that zone of wanting to make sure those papers get signed. We target the one that we know has been married three or four years. At work you can hear that her rhetoric starts to change about her marriage. The combination is quite deadly in fact because every woman has that close friend at work whom she tells her secrets. All we have to do as men is befriend that friend. She will tell us when you are stressed especially and the rest is easy. No husband will ever make his wife 100% of the time. Mandela had 2 ex wives for crying out loud and he was as close to perfect in our eyes as possible. Its tough. That’s why I was not comfortable with her being out for so long alone, not because she was a cheat but because I know what us guys target. Moreover when you are still married you want to see if you still have it out there and even as a woman you allow a stranger to flirt with you and touch you hear and there. Ah the more I thought about it the more I was convinced it was time to go pick her up! I went outside by the swimming pool to breathe a little so that I had fresh air. The swimming pool was my idea and I couldn’t even swim. Yeah I know, its like that big swimming pool in Inkandla and not one person in that household or village can even swim with authority. You should see the way my wife bragged about it to her minions back home yet like me she too could hardly swim. It was not deep though so at least we could get in.
I tried to call Khanyi but her phone just rang. Eventually even her phone stopped going through. It was only 2am in the morning and in university we used to come back at 6am even but I think a married woman, nope I mean my wife should know its time to come keep her husband warm. I got out of bed picked up my keys and as I walked downstairs towards the door I heard the ladies at the door speaking in loud whispers. I think the aim was to try and make me not hear them. Problem is and a lot of people don’t get this, when you whisper to a group especially, your voice carries. Not everyone can whisper in any case. I ran back upstairs so I would not be seen. They entered the house and I heard Asthandile say to the girls that I was going to be so mad because she was late. The girls apologized and I think it was to Bulelwa I heard my wife ask to maybe speak to me and explain what had happened because it was not her fault. She was actually in a state of panic. No no no I thought to myself. A married woman should never allow another woman to speak on her behalf to her husband for two reasons. One, her husband will see her as a liar and lacking faith in his ability to be fair with her and be understanding. Two, and this is the more important one of the two, she appears weak in front of her friends as she appears insecure against her man making him fair game to them. The girls said they would no problem. I was actually annoyed. Why couldn’t my wife just speak to me. Rather I be angry at her directly not through a friend.
Bulelwa asked her if the swimming and braai was now off as they had agreed. My wife said to them she first had to see what my mood was in the morning and she would call them. I heard Khanyi say she was looking forward to it because with the heat outside lately it would make for a really good Saturday. Eventually they left. Those woman talk too much. I heard my wife tiptoe as she came upstairs. She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Won’t lie she was smelling of alcohol but I pretended to be dead asleep. I did not want awkward moments and unnecessary conversations. I pick my fights well and this one was not it. She will tell me in the morning I reckoned.
“I came home before midnight and you were already dead asleep. I didn’t want to wake you up because wouldn’t have been fair?”
I didn’t call her out but instead I asked her if she had anything to drink,
“Nope not really. I had one cocktail and it wasn’t for me to be honest so I stopped. I am a married woman now so drinking is not for me!”
I looked at her for a long while contemplating what to do next. Women sometimes lie about even things that don’t matter and shouldn’t matter. Now she was making a situation worse and unnecessarily too! However I let her get away with it. I said I hope she had fun.
She laughed and looked down and said,
“Ok I lie, I had more than a few drinks and I am sorry. I hope you not angry at me.”
Its funny how at no point in our relationship had I asked to not drink, slow down or anything in that line. She chose to stop when we got married but it had nothing to do with me. It annoyed me to no end that she had this manual on what a wife was and that manual often killed everything I liked about her once upon a time! Imagine she didn’t even wear short dresses and skirts anymore because it not proper! I loved her legs. Thank God the manual left out “you must have sex in the dark” because I would have dumped her ass!
I think she saw I was in a good mood as I whistled about pretending to have wool over my eyes. She came up to me with breakfast in hand and said,
“The girls were wondering if they can come over later and we have a little braai perhaps swim later on?”
Why does it have to be “the girls” why can’t she just say,
“Honey am thinking of having people over, is that ok?”
Yet another problem there. In marriage you are equal partners and yes you consider each others feelings when you making decisions but and its a big BUT again, you don’t ask for permission to do something hiding behind other females. All that does is make your man focus on the females in front as you are pushing them to influence his decisions on your behalf.
I joked and said my pool only works with woman in bikinis not plaas japies and she said of course. In fact she asked if we can go to Cavendish quickly and but her a bikini!
Women love showing off to their friends and even irrelevant people. As men we know that and often exploit that to our advantage. Now I was going to have three bodies to compare, all brought home by my wife and all I had had to do was say yes.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Thank you for the very interesting read. I have a problem. My husband never wants us to have people over whether male or female. Even relatives are lucky to be allowed to come over. He is systematically isolating us from the rest of the families both his and mine. When we were dating we always had people over. Now that we are married we are starting to look proud and selective of who to hang out with. I have asked him why and he never has an answer. I am pregnant, 6months to be exact and I most certainly do not want my kids to grow up without knowing their extended families. I personally come from a big family as I have 3sisters and 2brothers. Am the last born.
What do I do?