Above all else family by definition should love you and you love them back unconditionally. No matter how beautiful, successful, ugly or a screw up you might be, family should be your one sanctuary. They should always have your back. With that said, black families for all the myths we hear about ubuntu do not operate on that doctrine. What? Never! In every family there is drama. No matter what there is drama! It is never the kids either, it is the parents! I don’t know where its written that when parents reach their forties they should start accusing all the bad luck in their houses on relatives especially. All of a sudden all the good Christian folk start believing someone is bewitching them and it is almost always a relative. You have to ask yourself though, if they are so hundred percent Christian, which many profess to be and wear uniforms for at that, who told them that their cousin is a witch because I doubt their Methodist pastor freelances as a sangoma too Monday to Saturday for extra money. Being a pastor doesn’t pay much nowadays neh! Look at your parents when they go a close relatives funeral, if someone as much as looks at them funny, they will come home and discuss about it forgetting that you the kids are old enough to understand everything. You reach a stage where there are some cousins you are not allowed to accept food from because they will bewitch you. That’s a black family. For my aunts sister however to have done this she had crossed the line! This was her sister’s secret she had just exposed and it could ruin her in so many ways. This was bad. I felt sorry for my aunt. With all that had been happening at times it really is hard to figure out who the victim is!
I wanted to shift my focus though to the task at hand. Today I was cooking. I am not a bad cook in African terms but as I had never done Home Economics at school my range was quite limited. On the traditional black people food stuffs I could hold my own. My dad though not overly rural loved to keep up with his traditional food. We used to go to the villages once a month to suffer the indignity of long drops and weird waking up hours until my mother started bringing books to mark at home. Personally I think that was her way of protesting for it is a bit hectic when you are the makoti for in the villages your in-laws make you work. My father had even built his own house there, nothing fancy but clearly we went there often enough if he had to have his own house there. People who think Shaka is dead must come to my house to meet him in the flesh! We kneel to give him his food, my mom does not eat before my father arrives and at seven o clock the gate is locked! At least they don’t share one plate like at Nomaxhosa’s house. I think being Zulu is an acquired taste to be honest, there are so many traditions to navigate and they almost all clash with the modern way of life!
I went to buy my ingredients. My parents had a funeral to attend. A teacher from another school had passed on. We hardly ever have weddings here, funeral are the order of the day. It got me a chance to think through what my aunt had said. I don’t think renewing vows in a bad marriage can fix a marriage just like having a baby to fix a bad relationship. I know they loved each other regardless of each other’s faults but in all honesty too much damage had already been dead. If my own mother would come to my father and say I was not his child he would break her neck. Its not because he is Zulu but imagine raising a child all these years on a lie. How does one recover from that? Why would Malume even agree to such an atrocious ultimatum from a possibly illegitimate child? I felt for him though! With the little family law I know though, to rub it in, even if malume divorced my aunt now knowing the truth, he will still have to pay maintenance! Yeah, I know you people think Thandeka is not learning anything from Wits… Bam!!!
This meat takes hours to cook. My parents arrived as I finished cooking though which is no mean feat for it was almost 6hours later. You could see the glee in my father’s eyes when he discovered what I had made. He was now calling me Thandie, or mntwanami. I was winning. Small things make the biggest difference in how people treat each other. When I dished for him my mother just shook her head but didn’t say anything. She knew I was playing her husband and found it hilarious. She threatened to make me cook all the time because clearly I could! Chance! When he finished eating I went and sat next to him and pretended to watch TV. He asked me if staying in Johannesburg really meant so much to me I had even cooked. At least he found it amusing. I told him yes it did but I had cooked because I had not forgotten who I was and that I was his daughter first. Men love hearing that shit! The fact that they own you and you are totally dependent on them, worship them and stroke their diva egos just make them feel like demigods. If you are opinionated you are considered unruly and ill mannered. In their eyes we can hardly think for ourselves without their input. He told me that he had changed his mind but I was still under probation. Any funny business he heard of in Johannesburg and I would skip UKZN and come home to join UNISA.
Victory was mine, I was triumphant! I had just extended my stay in Johannesburg be it with hectic promises made!
As I was celebrating in my room, doing my happy dance N called me! I had even forgotten about her hey with all that was happening. She sounded a bit panicked. She asked me if it was true that Rodney (that’s what she called him) was renewing his vows. I replied by telling her that yes my Malume (emphasized that bit) was renewing his vows with Aunt Lynda. I wanted her to hear all the words so as to not mistake me for a parrot like she had said I was. Its true, girls love each other until you make that one mistake that will make people believe we have always been mortal enemies!
She then said something so calmly and yet so vile that I changed my mind about N forever!
“Well if he does I am going to go to the police and say he raped me! I want to see if your precious aunt can forgive him from that!”
I was genuinely scared of this bitch!
(My facebook is full now. I don’t know how to make a fan\friend page so bear with me whilst I learn yet another new thing lol)
Question: On metrofm they discussed the outrageous costs that women expect men to pay for a ring and weddings? do you think its fair that she must get everything she wants for “her big day” and the fiance must make it happen? Whats the craziest expense you have ever seen at a wedding that you considered unnecessary?
hey friends. I received a large quantity of furniture to take to the orphanage from Polokwane to Soshanguve. I realized that this furniture can only be delivered by a truck. To hire a truck from Value Logistics we are looking at a deposit of around R6000. I know its my responsibility as I started this charity thing but please I need your help to raise it. The Event is on the 13th of July and this furniture came Tuesday. Please email me firstname.lastname@example.org if you have a bit to spare. I will get the official quotation for you or you can do it yourself to confirm this transportation costs. Its imperative we get the furniture to Soshanguve next week.
For the Durban July if you reference DOAZG you will get a 5% discount as from today. There are five days left people. http://www.durbaneventagency.co.za