I took a moment to look back at this situation. Not only had my closest friend ditched me I had just been “dumped” by a man I was not even sure I was dating. Its annoying. When you sit down and think about it there are fewer things more stressful than being with a man who is uncertain about where you stand. I know we had never sat down and discussed our relationship but I would like to think I was worth more than being “dumped” via sms. Who does that really? It is rude and demeaning. I want to face my demons not to be left asking myself “Did that just happen!” I felt so heartbroken though. Last night we had made love I would love to believe. It was intense and passionate. If it was our first shag I would have thought that no, that’s all he wanted from me that’s why he had dumped me but it wasn’t. I had two options; I would either chase after him or just let him be. I had already had too much drama and the new me wanted normalcy. I missed home. I missed my dad and his Pirates obsession, I missed my mum and her church gossiping, I missed the quiet streets of Mooi River. Here everything happened in a rush and at times it was hard to even understand what it is that had just happened. Johannesburg life is fast and exciting but it does get to you at times.
As I was about to call Kay my gay knight in shining armor I got a call. It was Tebogo of all people. I had even forgotten that he existed. He asked me where I was because he wanted to introduce me to his girlfriend. This should be interesting I thought. Do guys really do that? Even back home I would never accept my boyfriend introducing me to a new female friend. Hell no! I told him I was at the police station of which he was shocked and asked why? He asked if it was those policemen again from the other day. I think by that he meant those officers who came to Milpark. I lied to him and said I was doing some affidavit thing for my law class which he readily agreed with. I told him I had to call a cab so I needed a number. He put me on hold for a second as he got one off his girlfriend’s phone. I could hear her talking in the back. He came back and said he would sms me the number and hung up. I felt a tap on my shoulder and guess who? Ayanda.
She said she couldn’t leave me here by myself and even though she was angry she couldn’t leave me here. Much as I was disappointed with the way she had left me, I tucked my tail in between my legs and went to the car. I needed my own car shem. Now that I had lost Python how was I going to get one? See why Gorilla was handy. I had to call him and inquire about the job he had offered me. I already had a learners license from back home but I knew it was going to expire within two or three months. I hope I had remembered to bring it with me. The trip back was awkward but Ayanda said that she had gotten scared by all this. She asked me what kind of people I was dealing with to even be able to be implicated in such a thing. She was forgetting that all this had happened because I was defending her. I just apologized. We all have those friends whom no matter how vein, self centered and so on you can’t throw away but always try to pull closer. I genuinely loved Yandi and she was that friend.
But Python! You cannot trust a man! It’s not rocket science its fact. The only person you can trust is yourself then you settle for whatever else comes your way. Every now and again you get a good man and you fight hard to make it work. Every other time however you meet a dog, a loser and a man who cannot keep it inside his pants. This is the man most of us have had the displeasure of dating. Pick an ex, any ex, and you will know what I talking about. Unless something is his idea you either trying to show him up, disrespecting him or my favorite, you don’t listen to him. That’s how most relationships go. They treat us like children and as though we cannot think for ourselves.
I had my reasons why I always called Gorilla and not Python. I didn’t want my man to get in trouble. This was my way of having his back. Plausible deniability. Another thing is that I don’t think any man wants a needy girl. Us Zulu girls and I hope other girls too are self sufficient and can stand up for ourselves. Yeah your man must take care of you but he doesn’t own you. I might be from Mooi River but I know that I am worth something. If Python wanted to act like a bitch then let him be. Most girls I have noticed are in relationships with guys who behave as though she the girls must be grateful that he is hers and that they owe him something. I didn’t want that for myself. I was not going to call him and that thought hurt so much but I will stand by it.
When I got to the flat there was N standing by the door with her parents. They were a bit annoyed I had taken so long to come back but I apologized and lied that I was doing a law project. They accepted and I gave my beautiful roommie a big hug. I was so relieved she was back. Ayanda greeted them and we all entered together. Her parents didn’t stay long and checked in at the Garden Court that shares its parking with Milpark. They said they would check on her tomorrow before they headed back to Bloemfontein. I couldn’t help but wonder why her parents had agreed to such a deal. Your daughter has been made pregnant, almost died in fact because of the circumstances around that pregnancy, and then you say no go stay with the married baby daddy and his wife who almost killed you? Was this a lack of pride or just giving up and saying at least she got someone? I just didn’t understand! Can someone please explain ah?
With N back my world was coming back to normal. Ayanda didn’t stay long either and asked if we could talk tomorrow. I apologized to her yet again and she left. Now I was left with N and we could catch up. The swelling from her beat down had gone down.
“I want to get rid of the pregnancy”
That was the first thing she said to me when we were alone!
“You are the only person I have told! I don’t want to be a mother at 21! I have so much growing to do”
She said. I think she wanted my support but in all honesty I was too stunned to give it. So why was she here? I judged her harshly at that moment!
“Tomorrow I will book at Marie Stopes”
I asked her who Marie Stopes was for whilst the name sounded familiar I was not sure.
“It’s the abortion clinic I have used once before!”
I walked out!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Question: I read recently that the biggest cause of divorce is not money but in fact sexual boredom that leads to promiscuity. If your partner (male or female) comes back and says let’s either swing (sleep with another couple) or have a 3some with someone of your choice just to jump start your now boring, predictable sex life, would you dump him or her and would you be offended by their attempts to revive your sex life? What alternative especially as a woman would you offer to save your physical relationship?
Hope you all had a safe weekend. Please check out the campaign I have been supporting below:
The women lifestyle and sexual health campaign @teamzazi (know yourself) launched with a free song, have a look and listen and/or download it here for free.